Senior Moments

Senior Moments Has Moved

2009-05-29T14:44:00.000-07:00

Jerry's blog, Senior Moments, has moved to the new Senior Citizen Journal site. His daily posts can be found at http://seniorcitizenjournal.com/. The new site is now complete, so be sure to check daily for helpful information directed toward Seniors and Baby Boomers everywhere!

New Senior Moments Blog address

2009-05-25T01:00:00.000-07:00

The new address for Senior Moments Blog can be found at http://www.seniorcitizenjournal.com. Be sure to read Jerry's latest post there, and check out the rest of the site! We're still working on converting the entire site, so please ignore what we haven't yet changed! (The title and logo haven't been uploaded yet, so it will look a little strange!) It should be done in a day or two.

The After Effects of Cancer

2009-05-22T01:00:00.000-07:00

For those who have been through the threat of cancer, there are some very disturbing after effects. If surgery were required, there are scars other than that created by the surgeon's knife. If therapies of one kind or another were required, there are recollections of lost hair and other debilitating experiences.

But more than that, and deeper, is the psychic phenomenon experienced from the dramatic and traumatic facing of the possibility of death.

Vulnerabity is a consequence of looking in the mirror and accomodating the real fact of your mortality. It may not come in that dramatic way. But it comes. It hits you when suddenly you discover your fears. You discover that you literally are no longer the person you once were. Behaviors strange to you emerge. Personality shifts such as self confidence to uncertainty become apparent. Discomfort replaces comfort in social settings. Strange dispositions affect your interactions or lack of them with others. Self confidence is shaken. What once was natural and normal is no longer. Acquaintance with new feelings challenges you. The body you once took for granted has been assaulted and insulted.

These are just some of the dynamics that accompany adjusting to life after cancer. Once a happy go lucky person, you may now be less witty, less spontaneous, more withdrawn.

Now, be quick to understand that these phenomena do not last forever. However, these and other emotional adjustments are real and normal.
Allowing yourself to accept that, will assist getting to the other side. You may never return 100% to the person you were. A major paradigm shift has occurred. Such shifts occur often, as we age, with or without a major physical assault. But, with cancer (and often strokes and heart attacks) you can depend that there may be seismic shifts in who you are and how you behave. For some, they may be more subtle. For others, they may be significantly different enough that others will notice the change.

Anixety over your own altered behavior, attitudes, mindset, etc. is neither helpful or healthy. The flow of your life will continue. Adjusting to some of the changes will be easy. Accepting others will be a challenge. Allowing yourself to forge ahead and to be who you are, not worrying over who you were, will free you to escape the prison of worry, anxiety and depression.

Some counseling, conversation with those you trust and love, readings, meditation, and other such disciplines may give you strength and forebearance. Do not ignore your condition. While I was surprised to realize the seismic shifts that had occurred with my personality, following cancer, it was an enormously helpful insight to see what others had already surmised. Beyond the discovery, there was the process of dealing with some of those changes.

Now, I can adjust and accomodate some behaviors that are blatantly obvious and dismiss others that were obnoxiously taking over.

I commend to you your own working through the dynamics of dealing with the after effects of cancer. Curing cancer is possible in some situations. Curing yourself from frightening fears and after effects is also within your capability. I commend your focusing not only on the curative process for cancer, but on the behaviors that often accompany it.

Monday's Post: The Fear of Forgetfulness

Anxiety, Anger and Apathy

2009-05-21T01:00:00.000-07:00

Three of the big time injuries often self inflicted, particularly among the aging, are anxiety, anger and apathy. To be sure there are contrasts in these states of mind, but also clearly they are loaded with such inordinately negative ammunition to be killers.

Each of these emotions work negatively on the heart, body, soul and spirit. They go further for they alienate perfectly good and well meaning friends from the stable of those who are best equipped to offer you solace when you need it.

Anxiety is probably the most critically dangerous of the three, particularly when/if it is harbored quietly and daily. Anxiety may or may not be detectable by others. Sometimes, the victim knows when it is taking over and needs to be checked. Often, little or no strategic response is introduced. Anxiety is like termites in a house. It eats at you, the inside of you, until the damage may be beyond repair.

Anger is more blatant and less subtle. It is visible and dramatic. It is fed by guilt and fear and vulnerability and anxiety. As a matter of fact, anxiety enjoys anger, for it allows the full blown expression of anxiety and anger to make themselves known to all in their way.

Anger is also troubling physically. Its influence on the health of body and spirit can be frightfully damaging. Anger is, for some, often difficult to control. Some persons suffer from something called "intermittent rage disorder" which is chemically prompted and cannot be self disciplined. Therapy and medication are both useful methods for governing this behavior.

Apathy, at last would seem almost a cure for the two previously discussed conditions. However, apathy has the reverse effect of anxiety and anger. Apathy can be a serious depression which contributes to loss of energy, interest and involvement in everything beyond yourself. Such loss steals your vitality and uniqueness. It creates a sense of non-worth. It is uncomfortable to be in such a state and to be around someone going through it. Needless to say, it affects the body and spirit of the one going through it. It is a way of putting walls up between yourself and healthy interactions, just as anxiety and anger may.

These three states of mind require passports that you create and stamp when you decide to travel across their boundaries. Use your perseverance to be on the alert when any of these behaviors begin to threaten your well being. If you drink alcohol, resist it, for most of these behaviors are exacerbated by drinking.

Decide that these three A's, fed by a fourth, alcohol, may introduce you to more rapid and unhealthy aging.

Tomorrow's Post: The After Effects of Cancer

Why Didn't Somebody Tell Me?

2009-05-20T01:00:00.000-07:00

There are so many adjustments in aging that, as it happens, we seem always to be surprised with the next one. Our despair is we wonder why someone didn't warn us. Why didn't someone, anyone, give us a hint of what was ahead?

Of course, they did. Of course, we didn't listen or assumed it just didn't apply to us. The adolescent tendency to assume that rules just don't make any difference to us seems to tarry longer as we grow older.

To be fair, some do listen and with that begin to equip themselves with the armor necessary to meet aging. Some continue regimens of exercise and activity to keep the body in shape; others work on mental acuity; still others do yoga and other disciplines which seem to head off the invasion of
growing older.

Perhaps, since we are at the age we are and, it may be a bit late to listen to others and their counsel, it would be well to start listening to ourselves.
Surely our bodies are sending us signals. Certainly our minds are trying to communicate. Of course, if our hearing (internal) is shot we may be immune to input even from ourselves.

Here are some of the qustions that may be trying to get through:

*How are you coming on your attention to healthy foods?

*Are you keeping your weight in check?

*How is your blood pressure?

*When did you have your last Breast or PSA exam?

*Is it time to schedule a colonoscopy?

*When is your annual physical due?

*Have you checked for strange bumps and growths and mysterious spots?

*Incidentally, how is your hearing?

These are just a few of the haunting questions which may be trying to make connections with you. Maybe, if reading these prompts others, you need to make a plan for responding, and soon!

Looking for a Piece of Heaven?

2009-05-19T01:00:00.000-07:00

The time has come to make a major life change. After deliberate and extensive conversation, much grooming and primping, our Texas estate is on the market. It may be seen in full splendor at http://www.texas-country-estate-for-sale.com/. I invite you to take a virtual tour.

This wonderful dream haven requires more of me than I can any longer give, even with yard and pool help. Couple that with our having identified a second home, with family nearby, and you have the reasons for our selling this magnificent house of memories. It has been the palette on which we have created a masterpiece. As with all houses, it may have a few features that others would not find so much to their liking, but overall it rates superior compliments. It offers tranquility, privacy, an ecological paradise, a wild life refuge, a luxurious pool with waterfall, a place where deserved relaxation is a daily gift. With assistance, as we have had, both with the pool and grounds, it is not too much to manage.

Thus, we invite you to take a look and, if interested, make the necessary inquiries as outlined in our website. Our caretakers are busily keeping it manicured with all the summer growth and occasional rains helping as well.

Perhaps you will know someone who would find such a location intriguing for retirement, second home, a family residence with lots of play room and nearby lakes and streams and recreational options.

Choosing life's options as they are presented to us is just another part of our maturation. This is one of our steps, which we hope we are taking with adequate care and appropriate insight. It isn't easy, but life closes one door only to open another.

The Best Part of the Day

2009-05-18T06:28:00.000-07:00

Just returned from walking our two "princes of the family," a daschund and a papillion, Zeb and Patton. .The cool part of the day, in Arizona, is the most desirable time for such exercise, our little daschund, less than ten pounds is the leader or the pack. He is into power walks.

Since surgery, it has been a long time coming to the discipline and decision for me to walk briskly and have the satisfaction of seeing results. They seem to have a sense that Dad needs the encouragement and they help provide the initiative and the company.

So, my wonderful spouse and I take off on a journey, led by them, enjoying our morning conversation, and the cool desert air. It really is the best part of the day.

Our endorphins are popping, our emotions on a high, our choices for the day in the process of being made. As a retiree there are many choices, the best part, however, is having the option of choosing from among them.

What I know is that our two pets don't allow ignoring choosing them. They are literally in our face until the leashes go on and the front door is opened to another beckoning adventure. For them and us, that is the best part of the day!

Check on Your Vocabulary Habits

2009-05-15T01:00:00.000-07:00

How many words have you removed from your vocabulary in the past four decades? How many insulting, racist, bigoted, ignorant, inappropriate words have you chosen to delete from your conversation, thought, and interaction with others?

How many words can you consciously bring forward right now that you would be ashamed to use in the presence of your family, your children, polite company, friends, even casual acquaintances?

If you can come up with very many, what does that say about you? If you come up with any at all, that would be shared with such an audience, what does that say about them?

I have been in the company of some who seem to have no hesitation at all to come forth with racial slurs, ethnic put downs, insulting and hurtful comments, obscene characterizations, ugly references. There seems to be no sensitivity to the feelings of others, no regard.

Why does such behavior seem to inflate the importance of the one responsible for it? Can he or she not see that it is demeaning even to him/herself?

Why do hearers give permission to such language invading the circle, drowning the otherwise pleasant decorum of a group?

Why is it that some people think they are superior by belittling others? Where does their self image gain its birth and reinforcement? Wouldn't it be just as well that their thoughts be aborted?

Review your inventory of removed words. Congratulate yourself that you no longer draw upon them. Find healthy ways to call attention to others how pleasant it is to refuse to engage in deriding and disrespectful commentary.

This is just one more way to share in making the world greener by removing the pollution of profane and hurtful language.

Looking for Guest Columnists

2009-05-14T01:00:00.000-07:00

Looking for a topic is sometimes like trying to find a quote in just one of the several hundred books in my library. It takes more than sudden inspiration. An idea doesn't automatically materialize into a well conceived series of intelligible and coherent sentences. It would be nice if it worked that way. For some, perhaps it does. Finding a meaningful way to weave several sentences into some kind of logical thought is often up to the reader more than the writer.

Sometimes I am bereft of any idea at all which suggests a topic that might offer appeal to even one reader. Sometimes I have more ideas than space or time to write them, not that they are all worthy of being committed to the printed page.

At other times, perhaps like this one, I feel in an isolated setting wondering how I can find a germ of a concept that might infect this page with words that are contagious.

So, lacking a bottomless well of ideas, I might turn to others with an invitation of writing a column for this special audience. I am happy to do that, if you will provide me with a usuable response and soon. I am happy to honor the burgeoning of ideas that come from some well other than my own. I invite you be a guest author. Send as you will and I will likely post and publish, after some possible editing, your contribution. If you see your article here, I hope you will find the thrill I find in knowing that literally people from all over the world come to read what finds its literary home here.

Tomorrow's Post: Check on Your Vocabulary Habits

Alzheimer's: A Documentary Worth Your Time

2009-05-13T01:00:00.000-07:00

HBO is showing a public service documentary dealing with the intricacies and dynamics of Alzheimer's. Like most information, it is both enlightening and encouraging to find out more about this scary disease.

Along with Cancer, Alzheimer's is at the top of the list of most feared diseases. This documentary does much to quell the fear by providing insights and explanations that involve this disease. If you have not seen it, it runs all day on HBO (I find it on Channel 300). It will be well worth your time to see the complete production. It will also be useful for your children, grandchildren and others whom you know to be aware of this extremely well done and professional piece.

A segment in the series deals with grandchildren and their coping with
grandparents who have the disease.

Trust me, you will be glad you spend the time required to increase your knowledge of this dread disease and likely find encouragement in the information it offers.

Tomorrow's Post: An Invitation to Guest Columnists

What Gift Do You Bring?

2009-05-12T01:00:00.000-07:00

Of the several million now who have been overcome by the amazing talent of Susan Boyle, I find myself wondering, with daily frequency, what gifts are out there yet to be uncovered?

This column gave advice sometime ago about all the treasures and unknown valuables that are hiding in our attics and garages and basements and who knows where. Those might be easy to discover and identify.

But what about the gifts that are hidden in our hearts and voices and minds and stuffed behind our shyness and our reluctance and our lack of belief in ourselves.

Not all of us will experience the wonder of Susan's remarkable moment of discovery. That is okay. But any of us who muster the courage to try deserve the chance to do so. Not all of us will catch the golden ring, but coming to that moment when we believe in ourselves, take a risk and push the boundaries will also open a new depth of appreciation of who we are and what we can offer.

Playing an instrument, writing a poem, painting an original, designing a sculpture, opening new windows to new ideas and new stimulations never before known may give you the very treasure toward which your life has been moving.

Perhaps you have always wanted to compose the lyrics to a moving melody, or write short stories, or offer inspiration in unexpected ways. Why not? Who said you can't? Whoever stands or has stood in the way, allow them to be excused. Offer your gift. We who await you will know that your gift is special and your reward will come in ways we cannot now imagine.

Wherever You Are, Good Health is Available

2009-05-11T01:00:00.000-07:00

The column dealing with "New York,Therapy for Seniors" was exceptionally well received. New York is a favorite key word and therapy is something most of search for a great deal of the time.

Ironically, where you are good health, whether mental or physical, is available. Two weeks prior to New York, we were in San Francisco, what a dynamite city, what endorphins we found to keep us going!

The truth is that travel is wondrous therapy. It distracts us from the day to day anxieties which we could just as well find ways to avoid at home. We don't, so going somewhere seems to be one of the top ten ways to allow your sub conscious to take over and kick out the more troubling aspects of day to day living.

What about travel seems to contribute to good health? Even with the scares of international excursions today, swine flu and all the other dire
warnings, preparing for the trip itself is a huge contributor for dwelling on tomorrow and its adventures.

Here are some suggestions:

*At least twice a year, your own resources allowing, plan a trip to some desirable destination. It may be for a brief holiday or up to a week or more. While you will want to see significant places and dine in well known gourmet restaurants, allow time for serendipity. Do something off the cuff. Don't plan every minute.

*Scale down on packing. Do not be a slave to your baggage. Be a minimalist for a change. Try to check only one bag and a couple of carry ons.

*Try to reserve a seat or a pair which will give you the most comfort and least hassle on the trip.

*Research the hotel(s) or other lodging where you will be staying. Assure yourself of the maximum comfort within your price range.

*Check on transportation which will reduce your discomfort getting from airport to hotel and other destinations.

*Don't be afraid to sleep in one morning.

*Find out of the way spots for meals and cocktails. Make friends whenever you have a chance. Strike up conversations, explore the world around you. Leave your reserve and shyness at home.

*Practice allowing yourself to poke around in shops, antique stores, novelty places (not traps) just for the fun of it.

*Laugh a lot. Crane your neck. Make every minute an adventure.

Are you beginning to feel better yet? If not, then you may need to rethink your whole plan and decide on an itinerary that better satisfies you. Just do it. The adventure and the therapy will make it all worth your while.

Day 5: Keeping Young After 70

2009-05-08T01:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, because of circumstances beyond our control, it is difficult to
maintain the stamina to keep and feel young at and beyond 70. Some, whose personal disciplines have been positive, usually keep the frame in shape, the appearance relatively attractive, the heart pumping nicely and the trips to a physician few. Those are the ones we would like to emulate. They have a secret or discovered a formula early on that has worked great for them. My father in law at 93 is one of those.

While it isn't too late to start at 70, those who started and sustained from earlier on are obviously at an advantage. Now, what do the rest of us do?

These are a few possible ideas:

*Cultivate and keep a sense of humor. Don't take life and its issues so damn seriously. If the word "damn" bothers you, stop reading now.

*Cultivate and keep ways to be active, mentally, physically and productively. Some productivity, because of extenuating circumstances, just simply goes past 70. All of it doesn't have to.

*Stay in touch with the world. Decide you need to know. Choose to be in the middle of things. Allow yourself to stay ahead on some and forget about the unnecessary.

*Keep your mental attitude in good condition. This one may be tough. It requires staying away from grumps. Tell them you are out, when they call.

*Stay sentimental. That is one of the choices which makes us feel good about ourselves, others and the rest of the world. If you can cry, you still have a heart.

*Reread the Wizard of Oz...remember the lion and tin man and scarecrow
all discovered how to keep young and they are way past 70.

Day 4: Change Works, Even at 70

2009-05-07T01:00:00.000-07:00

The other day this column began a series on changing. In just four days results are becoming obvious. In four days, some bad habits have been surrendered. In four days, some good habits have been adopted. In four days, my body, mind, and attitude are experiencing a huge difference. How many days to go? A lifetime.

Slipping back is always a possibility. Temptation is always lurking. The lure of bad habits is always ominously present.

What are the steps that help to keep one on track?

*Commit to making specific changes. Write them down or memorize them.

*Stay with a chosen regimen of exercise, meditation, and forgiveness.

*Listen to your body. Allow your body to communicate in ways that will enable your discipline to remain strong.

*Watch your diet carefully, avoid offending foods which harm your system.

*Remain calm in all things. Don't allow interferences which get you off track.

* Enjoy solitude. The more you can invite into your life the better.

*Until you are ready, limit interaction with others. Interaction will test your progress.

*Maintain a daily healthy affirmation of your primary relationship(s).

*Care for your own needs with sensitivity.

*Be gentle in all things.

These are just a few steps for moving into a climate of change. There may still be overcast days, however carry an umbrella and be prepared to ward off anything raining on your day.

Reshaping Self Image at 70

2009-05-06T01:00:00.000-07:00

How aging slips up on you and surprises you with its illusions and tricks and blind curves. When did you get the idea that you had reached your level of comfortable maturity? Was it in your 30's, or 40's or 60's or not yet? The question might be better asked: "when did you reach your first level of comfortable maturity?" Follow that with, and how long did it last?

Maturing is a continuum. You don't ever reach it, you just keep climbing, attempting to scale its heights, hoping not to slide back, hanging on to the strength the climb requires, learning from the dangers along the way. Self image assists your strength, enables your willingness to risk, provides awareness of the need to look at life and yourself differently. What has been doesn't need to always be. The mirror may serve as an external motivation. Your heart and soul and mind will tell you when its time to reshape the internal person you are.

Man, am I ever still climbing, but much more slowly, less deliberately, without so much awareness of the stamina it takes to keep going, and lacking in remembering what I am gaining along the way.

There are so many dreaded dangers that are a part of the climb Looking down or back is probably unwise. If you are inclined to vertigo, look straight up. If you are clumsy of foot, choose your footholds carefully. If you are weak of hand, hang on for dear life. Reshaping that image will take the willingness to take chances, to risk, to breathe deeply and to decide the climb is worth it.

Self Image is much like some of the apparel we have kept in our closets too long. Those old jackets may be outmoded, moth holes may be obvious, frayed sleeves or collars may compromise its attractiveness. Sometime its just time for a make over. Some say that can't be done. Others will argue that it must be done. Most don't choose to wear the same wardrobe everyday. Choosing a different outfit is an attempt at image change. Changing hairstyle, getting a new pair of glasses may help you be seen and see differently.

My goal is to work on the change. I know lots of people who will be gratified. Others won't care. But I will be the one rewarded, because who I was and who I wish to be change as I mature.

What Changes Would You Make?

2009-05-05T01:10:00.000-07:00

Over the years, as opportunity has permitted, a compelling question has generated some very probing insights into the character and persona of a number of older acquaintances, not to mention myself.

The question is: "if you had your life to live over, what changes would you make?"

Replies range from "my life has been complete, I would change nothing at all;" "where do I start and how much time do I have;" "I couldn't improve on perfection;" "mostly everything;" "does that include appearance?"

Somewhere in the range of these exclamations and hundreds of others lies the practical and on target reply. My reply, over the years, to those who say "nothing" is to suggest "you must not have learned very much." Life, after all, is a classroom.

Seventy years, that proverbial three score and ten, allows for attending a lot of life classes. Almost everyday is, or may be, chock full of educational possibilities for the growing mind and the declining body.

Some days lessons are discovered through regret, inappropriate choices and behaviors, spurts of anger, motivations created by emotional maladies, stupidity, ugly dispositions, and so the list grows and goes.

But many days are days that come with the tutoring of experience and wisdom and sorting out what is a better course to take. Even slips of tongue teach us well. Learning boundaries in relationships, honoring the sensitivity required in encountering others, enlarging your own sharp insights, finding ways to escape falling into traps, listening to yourself before you speak, hearing others as they speak, smiling generously, embracing the schoolroom of the world.

The lessons are there. The book is an enormous volume, forever being written, the tools are eyes and ears and less frequently lips and tongue.
What changes would you make? What grade would you give yourself for each day? What willingness is there to engage in the discipline of changing? What bad habits are you willing to forego? What enriching wonders would you be willing to greet?

Start tomorrow or immediately after reading this. Ask, "what change am I willing to make?" Start with one, add others. Keep a list. Check on your own insight and progress. You may be pleased that the clay of your being is still pliable.

New York is Therapy for Seniors

2009-05-04T06:37:00.000-07:00

Well, it was a hurry up, crowd all you can into a little moe than 60 hours weekend. New York is like that. Excepting Sunday morning, its pace, at least in Manhattan, is a race to the finish. Like the Kentucky Derby, it surprises you who makes it around the track.

Despite Sunday morning detours, created by a major bicycle marathon, we were able in a little under 2 hours to make it to the airport and finally be on our way back to the terra firma of Arizona. Its crazy here, but nothing quite like the big Apple.

Filled with as many opportunites for gourmet dining, a huge, Hollywood style wedding in Central Park, a ride to the "top of the Rock" at Rockefeller Center, complete with fog and mist, but charming nonetheless, with the joke of the weekend being when one of our number sent out a spectacular photo, of one of the classic buildings of New York, identifying it as The Empire State Building, only to discover it was the Chrysler Building. It was a pack it in, save time for rest until you are back home kind of trip. It is what New York always is, enchanting, mesmerizing, intriguing and just plain exciting.

Hope your weekend was quite so good and our reunion here one in which we can share more anecdotes about surrendering oneself to the ecstatic and esoteric once in a while.

Respites, Retreats and Relaxation

2009-04-29T07:28:00.000-07:00

The next several days will find this column in suspension. It comes because of a wedding of a nephew which is long overdue. The swine flu scare notwithstanding, people from Europe and the US will gather in Central Park to share in the nuptials. We will be among them.

The other reason is that my bucket is dry. I wrote two full weeks of articles just before a trip to San Francisco last week and that group of articles is now depleted.

I now need to observe the human race awhile to come up with some new ideas and maybe insights into the foibles of our kind. I will be doing that during this time away and will return here with those observations within a week. Hope you find other ways to occupy your valuable time!

Plant More Turnips

2009-04-27T01:00:00.000-07:00

Well, we are on the downside to 2009! Tax deadline is past and most have made some arrangements to take care of that bill. Easter is behind us and spring is struggling to make its way through soil and limb. Maybe most of the Christmas bills have been met. The first quarter of a new administration is beginning to show us signs of what may be ahead. Both on the domestic and international fronts, some good news, like the tiny buds rearing their heads above the earth, begin to be evident.

The year is certainly not half over. There are graduations and weddings galore in the next few months. Considerations are being made for vacation time, if any, this year. The economic news still seems and feels mostly bad. As for our share in boosting the economy, the turnip has just been about squeezed for its all. If there is any more to come from the turnip, it might just have to be from next year's crop.

Glimmers of optimism break through here and there. The retreat of pessimism on the part of some is welcomed. The movement of the darker clouds further away from us gives some hope. The traditional nay sayers are still saying nay and the world still revolves on its axis.

So maybe it is still early enough where you live to plant more turnips. Maybe the season can be stretched, the crop multiplied. Maybe the turnip is our spring time "ground hog." Maybe the turnip will grant us green thumb satisfaction. What was barren may bear fruit, or turnips! What was
being mowed down may now flourish with growth. What was a plot of unproductive soil is now a neighborhood garden that will yield a plenty.

So, tomorrow, or even yet today, get out and Plant More Turnips.

Achieving Lovability

2009-04-24T01:00:00.000-07:00

Looking for a new hobby? How about working on your Lovability? Know anyone who could well invest time, thought and worthwhile enterprise to do just that? How about that person staring back from the mirror every morning?

Lovability, like most qualities, requires cultivation. There are cases, however, and those are to be desired, when lovability seems to be second nature for some. My mother is one of those. She exudes lovability. It is returned to her in kind. She doesn't spend any extra time developing it, it just comes out of an ordinary joy in relating kindly, generously, lovingly to people.

In contrast, there are those for whom smiles come with great struggle, kind words with enormous infrequency and inordinate difficulty. Taking the initiative to speak or acknowledge another person seems to be beyond their care or ability. Likely such behavior produces little to no kind exchanges. Or, if it does, it is never met with reciprosity.

The garden of our souls requires tending. It is from our souls that the sunshine of joy bathes all who encounter us. It is from goodness shared that goodness is gained. It is from affection invested that the great dividends of returned love come.

Achieving lovability is an open doorway to full and fruitful living. It is the means by which one's life is made rich and abundant and graceful. Achieving lovability expels the sour and negative and bitter and mean spirits which try to invade and overwhelm us. It is our own choice to shut the door tight against such creeping and insidiously tenacious vines that would choke our hearts.

Achieving lovability makes for the blessings of a good life.

Why is Today not Like Yesterday?

2009-04-23T01:00:00.000-07:00

Predictability and routine are favorite haunts of seniors. Settling in to the familiar seems to offer a sense of security and serenity. Some predictability and routine is quite alright. Too much can be enormously boring. How does one achieve balance between being driven into hyperactivity and do nothingness?

A friend of mine literally drives her husband, and any others who allow her, into a constant flurry of daily, weekly, nightly social involvement. The efforts range from meetings to parties, to lectures, to musical events, to clubs, to private affairs, to one shot occasions, to museums, to shows, to committees and boards, and on and on.

Encounters frequently are introduced with "oh, by the way did you see or have you done x, y or z?" And, ends with "you really should, you know!"

Suffering from the need to be extraordinarily busy suggests need for companionship and activity, and may imply a greater loneliness.

It is good that everyday is not a duplicate of the other, but it is also good to mix some continuity with variety. Today and yesterday offer their own
unique gifts. One day does not need to be like another. But neither should everyday be expected to be a duplicate of the one just past. Balance it out, so that boredom is held off and variety is given permission.

Communal Living Part Two

2009-04-22T01:00:00.000-07:00

The other day this column proposed the concept of communal living, at least part time, as a second home option for retirees. In discussing the subject further, in our arrangement, further considerations were raised. I share them here.

Communal living requires tolerance. Any two persons, let alone four or more, must begin with a tolerant spirit. Lacking that, it will be a hard go.

Recognizing givens is an important reality. For example, if one couple enjoys late night television, while the other doesn't, how the household manages that is important. Obviously there are very practical possibilities allowing for both to be allowed their preference.

Having and keeping a sense of humor adds to the pleasure of the experience.

Compatibility is a quality that will have been detected early on. Surprises may require an adjustment or so, but will not likely create major issues . If you have ever traveled together, you will know whether a living arrangement could be a possibility.

There should be caution about expectations. A realistic appraisal of "living together" should be just that: "realistic."

Finally, as in other contractual arrangements, the parties involved are actually making a commitment, for a set period of time, to be together.
Separation is possible, but because of the implications of all the working parts of such an arrangement, that can create major upheaval for both parties. Do not go into a communal living agreeement unless you are fully committed to see it through.

When Should I Downsize?

2009-04-21T01:00:00.000-07:00

Choosing to downsize is no small undertaking. Trying to sort out why you should, how to go about it, what will be at stake all play into the equation. Clearly, it is a time consuming, emotionally wrenching, labor intensive process. Somehow, someday it has to be done. But, when?

There are a series of introspective and practical questions which need to be included in any argument with yourself regarding downsizing.

These are some:

*Am I ready? Are you really ready to let go of stuff accumulated over a life time? It gets no easier whatever your age. I literally have toys from my childhood. What am I to do with those? Who will want them? What do I do with papers and documents which have meaning for me/us but no one else?

*Can I do it? This may apply both to physical acumen and emotioanl choice. It is, as mentioned, labor intensive. Who can, will help? Do I want some one around while I go through the struggle of letting go?

*Do I have other agendas that I would enjoy if I had less to anchor me in one place? This is probably the most realistic question of all. Particularly if health is good and there are unsung songs, undone deeds, then this one may play high on the list.

*How can I rid myself of heirlooms and genuinely valuable items that have great family significance? Depending on the family, this will be one of the hardest considerations to wrestle with.

What Cancer Taught Me!

2009-04-20T01:00:00.000-07:00

Good health was always assumed. In childhood, aside from the normal illnessess that accompany growing up, my health was generally quite good.
Until my third decade there were no surgeries, no significant set backs. In my early 30's I had my first of three corneal transplants. Beyond that no other major health issues came along,other than a couple of sinus surgeries.

The real shocker came when I was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer, with a Gleason Sale of 9. My PSA, checked with annual and semi annual regularity, shot up from a low of 1.5 to a suspicious high of 4. One well known clinic, in which I was undergoing a thorough annual examination, did not choose to flag this change. It took my general practioner to discover and act on the information. A biopsy followed with a local oncologist and the truth was out.

One of the foremost Oncologists in the Scottsdale area took charge of my case, a radical prostectomy followed and a year and a half later, I am cancer free. The quick action of my primary physician, the biopsy, and determination on the part of the operating oncologist comprised the team which made my case turn out well. My oncologist said, "had we not addressed the situation as we did, I would have been dead in my early 70's with a horrible death." I am now 70.

Cancer taught me not to monkey around with any suspicious health indicators. Have a regular check up for all kinds of life threatening possibilites, particularly colon, prostate and others to which you may be susceptible.

Cancer taught me that it is perfectly normal to feel vulnerable following surgery. A life threatening situation, produced out of experiences like cancer, a stroke, heart issues, etc. offer any of us an essential wake up call.

Cancer taught me that it is okay to ask for and rely on help, counsel, support from others.

Cancer taught me how profoundly special and essential it is to have a spouse on which to rely.

Cancer taught me how to be more loving, and to be open to receiving the affection and gifts of caring which come from family and friends. One of the strongest curing balms is love.

Cancer taught me not to be embarrassed. I was and remain mildly incontinent. My stamina level is not what it was and still has not resumed. My sex life has undergone major change. The good news, according to my wife, is that I am alive.

Cancer can be a rigorously fought battle. Fortunately, I did not have to be subjected to chemo or radiation. For those who do, the battle is even more intense. Whatever course of treatment a person pursues, following the counsel of health care professionals, sticking it out with rigorous self discipline and finding means to pump your endorphins with all variety of energizing influences are all essential to vitality. My example isn't the only one that I know in which friends and family have fought the good fight and prevailed. If you are a candiate or already a recruit in the battle, may your victory over cancer come with haste..

Thank You, Susan Boyle

2009-04-17T01:00:00.001-07:00

To our great fortune, Susan Boyle has been introduced to the world. Her gentle spirit, deft ability, fantastic range, subtle manner has hit us with some new lessons about greatness. Beauty is everywhere. There is still pure, true talent available in our world. Humility is a gift. Grace always surprises us. The impossible may be the dream you are having right now.

With profound and utter amazement, you captured an audience of millions. You deserve to shower us with the incredible sound of your voice. You are a person with stunning ability, and the ability comes in a most lovable package.

Grace us with your presence, your magnificence, your birdsong quality. We love being amazed, particularly when the source of that amazement is so genuine.

Sing on, dear Susan, sing on.

Good Times with Great Kids

2009-04-16T01:00:00.000-07:00

Making sure good times don't stop just because you are retired or older or inconviently located requires planning, motivation, willingness to get out of your routine and genuine desire to be with others.

The worst habit is the habit of "rut routines." That's the one in which everyday is a carbon copy of the last. That's the one in which nothing varies, the same ideas and experiences are replayed day in, day out.

One of the ways to break such a grossly unproductive habit is to plan a trip to be with your children or grandchildren or other persons who give you permission to get outside the box for a time.

Our children are great kids and they most always offer good times. Good times is defined by "just being together," enjoying the rich company of one another, discovering what is going on in one another's lives, mining the memories which have helped make our lives rich and meaningful.

Great kids, no matter their ages, are the core of what we seek in finding renewed meaning in our own life journey. Great kids are persons who give us gifts, sometimes through a wonderful bear hug, a gentle touch, a quiet smile, a generous conversation, a pat on the back. Great kids are those who remind us that our lives have counted for something.

In a couple of days, we get to see two of our Great Kids. They are fully adult, they are productive, they are, like all of us, still defining their lives, they are just "great." It has truly been too long. That is a flaw in our schedule and priorities that must be altered. We miss them so when we have not had time with them. Life is too busy when it is not frequently enough invested in those who are most important to us.

Discovering the priority of love and kinship and nurturing it is one of those experiences that excel all the tasks and busyness to which we are prone.

We will forget what we did in our busyness...we will hold dear and treasure greatly our time spent and the good times enjoyed with our great kids.

Is Communal Living for You?

2009-04-15T01:00:00.000-07:00

Last fall, two couples began an experiment. One couple is from near Chicago, the other from near Dallas. They converged in the Scottsdale area, and began sharing a domicile which met their mutual needs. They are part time residents in their respective locations, thus enabling a two home convenience in various seasons.

One might wonder why in the world would anyone want to consider such an arrangement. What are the considerations?

* If a couple desires enjoying a second home, without the full burden of a year's lease, shared expenses becomes the first and most notable advantage. Working out a clear budget and sharing of same will be the first requirement. Including all expenses: lease payments, grocery and other essentials, utilities and monitoring those frequently will add to the workability of such a plan.

* There are some obvious wrinkles that have to be ironed out and agreed to.
Those wrinkles include reaching practical and objective agreements regarding shared living arrangements. Having intermittent conversations about what is working and what is not will also be necessary. Addressing the comforts of all will necessitate the compromise of each.

*Determining a location means doing research and having a clear picture of what each couple's needs are. For example: a house with two master suites works perfectly; shared duties on a predictable schedule, will help keep tranquility high and chores addressed.

*Talking through any disagreements, misunderstandings or adjustments will be a necessary and somewhat frequent requirement. Never assume all is well. Four people comprise a small committee, a mini-community which must agree to and review the rules and principles that binds them together.

*In such an environment, there should be no primary or alpha person. Consensus will be the rule of governing. Thoughtfulness and consideration will be the standard for living.

*Agreements regarding use of the house in the absence of one or another of the parties will need to be reached, especially, if/when children or pets are involved.

*A lease arrangement allows for an exit date or negotiating extending the arrangement. If situations collide which create the need for one or the other couple to vacate the agreement, such particulars need to be provided for within the initial agreement.

*Respect for one another's privacy and living style will be honored, within the agreed space boundaries available. This will require some compromise and mutual respect.

*An understanding of shared furnishings and equipment will, of course, need to be reached. If bought independently or cooperatively, an agreement will be required to enable a fair and balanced situation.

*When disagreements occur, as they will, identify a time and a comfortable environment, for discussing and working through such. These will likely take place less often than expected.

*Avoid being picky or always needing matters to come out "your way." That will not work. It will create stress and fissure within the communal arrangement and will eventuate in its failure. Make clear your needs, but always be prepared to negotiate to reach a workable solution.

*Finally, decide if you can live communally and remain friends. If not, forego the idea. If so, go for it and discover a rich new way to live.

Bad Driving Habits are Unnecessary

2009-04-14T07:06:00.000-07:00

So this is the middle of April, one day before the Tax Deadline, spring is in bloom, (well at least in some places) and today is offered as another 24 hour gift. Guess what I have on my plate today!

One of the things I have to do is work off a traffic violation by signing up for a Defensive Driving School. It was my fault. Stupid. Went through a left turn lane just as it was turning red. Had plenty of time. Just didn't pay enough attention. Now, for the first time in years, I have an infraction. Stupid.

Bad habits have a way of catching up with you. While I don't make a regular practice of slipping through lights, I did it that day. And that was the day I was caught in the act, doing something I could very well have avoided. Now I have to pay the piper.

My conclusion to all this is bad driving habits, even if occasional, are unnecessary. They mess with your ego, your common sense, your better judgment, your routine, your image of yourself as a good driver.

Take it easy. There is absolutely nothing, short of someone in your car about to deliver a baby, requiring zipping too fast through traffic. There is absolutely no reason to jeopardize yourself and others. So, if you are delivering someone to the hospital, call 911. Stay out of the way of the professionals who typically know how to handle harrowing situations.

When approaching an intersection gauge your distance, speed, traffic conditions to determine your actions. Do not push it. It ain't necessary.
The intimidation of a flashing traffic photo light or a cruiser with flashing red and blue lights will just ruin your day.

While taking the course is probably good for me, I really ought to have enough common sense to avoid such oversights. Of course, although only 70, this may be a wake up call to check my general driving habits overall.
Driving is not an ego trip for me, but if I am going to do it, then I need to be sure I am doing it well.

Today may be a good day for a Driving Check Up. Learn from my mistake, avoid an unnecessary interruption. Hone your skills at driving. Commit to safe driving. I hope my blunder will assist your sensitivity to your own driving habits.

Is It Worth the Time

2009-04-13T06:44:00.000-07:00

Of the multiplicity of activites to choose from, do you find yourself ever asking, is it worth the time? Time is so constant, meeting us, passing right before our eyes that we take for granted its presence, never realizing its absence, as it flies so swiftly on.

Is it worth the time to find something that truly gives life meaning? Is it worth the time to continue to validate your very existence? Is it worth the time to get outside yourself and into others in order to experience merit? Is it worth the time to discover how to be authentic to yourself? Is it worth the time to recognize the swiftness of a day's passing? Is it worth the time to use creative energy to make this day count?

Idle thought, indifference, sloth, studying ones navel may all seem like comfortable and relaxing pursuits, but is it worth the time? Is it worth the time to watch your account of life's lightning fast passage to invest in petty and wasteful expenditure?

Today is full of time, but the sands sink fleetingly and ere long we wonder where it went, how it passed, why this day has already faded into yesterday.

Consider the lilies of the field...the subtle passing of the seasons, the inevitable passing from day to night, the swift disapperance of night, even as we sleep. What was worthy of the day that its phasing from today to tomorrow was filled with noble effort? What was learned from this day that will be applied to the next? Is it worth the time?

Moving at 70

2009-04-10T01:00:00.000-07:00

On the road again, but this time only a bare few miles from one domicile to another. Good Idea, bad idea? Whatever, it is necessary. The house we currently occupy has been sold. Not much choice there. But, the sage asks, why not find a way to avoid moving at 70? Good question. Life circumstances and choices, which are too complex to detail here, often put us in situations we would like to be different.

The good news is that the relocation is to a deliciously wonderful house with numerous amenities and a “to die for” location. Scenic, isolated, classic, older, the home is exactly the sort of place we find suitable.

Another phenomenon, not for everybody, but working for us is we are sharing our find with in laws, a couple from the cold north, near Chicago. They are near our age and have children and mutual relatives nearby. We have worked out a communal arrangement, which the house suits very well, and the cost is equally shared. What a deal!

The labor of moving is, of course, the least desirable part, but within a day, the furniture will be in place and the simple job of placing the “stuff” can be extended over several days. So, on the whole it isn’t too bad. Later in life, I will be less likely to be so encouraging about such an undertaking.

By the way, the location is in Fountain Hills, Arizona, an idyllic area for retirement. We have shared the wonder of this location over the last 20 years. Our primary home, in Texas, is still home and will remain so for a time. Caretakers keep it safe and pristine. The best of both worlds, but of course those worlds will, of necessity, combine in time. So moving at 70, at least in our situation, is a workable and pleasant proposition. Perhaps, if your own circumstances allow, such a change could introduce a new adventure for you. Could be worth considering!

Never Grow Tired of Trying

2009-04-09T01:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when it seems you haven’t heard from someone you love and hold dear, it is a right and worthy thing to never grow tired of trying to reach out to them. None of us can second guess what is going on in another person’s life. None of us can fathom the whys that may not be available to you, when you wish they were. None can know what agendas and pressures and hurdles they may be experiencing. None of us can supply for them the answers they may be seeking right then. But, any of us can try to be in touch, to reach out, to offer a kind and loving hand.

Today’s enormous and difficult demands are such that those of us who have reached the other side of the chronological hill cannot see the struggle someone dear is enduring to climb their side. Particularly if we are not keeping in regular touch with another, it becomes all the harder to know just where they are on their climb, what treacheries they are experiencing on their ascent.

About all we can do at that point is try to be there for them, even at a far distance. Often absence and alienation are misinterpreted. They do not have to carry negative connotations. Circumstances create all kinds of static for keeping in touch. Keeping up the climb frequently interrupts the best intentions. Weariness and exhaustion block ability for sufficient energy to deal with anything but climbing onward and upward.

Initiative taking, through any variety of methods, is a noteworthy way to send a message of loving thoughtfulness. Showing consideration is always an appropriately significant way for letting others know you are still there, you still love them, you still are available to whatever their needs may be. Emotional signals sent with genuine and timely thoughtfulness are never out of season. Never Grow Tired of Trying!

There May Be More Hope to Come

2009-04-08T01:00:00.001-07:00

Increasingly the hope versus hate monger machine seems to be on the grow. More and more there seem to be those whose insights are catching on to the manipulative put down machines of right wing ignorance and idiocy. What a wonderful fresh breeze is blowing, now that younger voters and wiser heads are teaming up to challenge the callous blame games and irresponsible finger pointing of an immature and unschooled group whom Vice President Agnew called ‘negative nabobs'.

Years ago, the governor of Tennessee, Frank Clement, asked a very stirring question in his keynote address at the Democratic convention, “How long, O America,” he asked and then pressed his question with specifics such as we need now. If asked today, the questions might look and sound this:

*How long, O America,” shall we be swayed by those who use adolescent strategies to influence our points of view?

“How long, O America,” will we give permission to manipulators and naysayers to bend our minds to their prejudices?

”How long, O America,” before we reclaim thinking and deciding for ourselves?

“How long, O America,” shall we bend to the agendas of the might, serving their goals and ends, while compromising our own?

“How long, O America,” shall we allow others to prescribe our values, determine our loyalties, shape our convictions?

“How long, O America,” before we use our own minds and commit our own hearts and invest our own energies in the good and true and honest?

There may be more hope to come, if we enable ourselves to raise the questions, examine the motives, insinuate our own perspectives into the grave and earth moving issues of our time. There will be more hope to come when we have risen to the heights of exercising common sense, using good judgment, disallowing others to play us like an instrument in their hands.

Welcome to the world of hope, where thinking for yourself is the rule, not the exception.

Imagination's Boundless Wonders, Therapy for Aging

2009-04-07T01:00:00.001-07:00

Remember when you were growing up and your imagination seemed boundless. Remember creating all sorts of fantasies that led to adventures and landscapes full of wonder. Remember discovering, sometimes alone, sometimes with friends, new games, dramas, worlds that led you on trails of amazing and unusual adventure.

Your imagination was the source. That part of your brain which had to be called upon to remember world geography, biological identifications, mathematical equation, linguistic rules at school every week took frequent vacations to wonderlands of marvelous creativity and wonder. Inspiration came by way of a cowboy western, a fictional space exploration, an idea that emerged from on screen or a book you were reading or a play you had seen.

Now, all these years later, where has that imagination fled? How did imagination find replacement with boredom? Why is distraction not given permission to take over? When do we allow ourselves the magic of walking down pathways knowing not where they lead?

Obviously, not all of us are left with an imagination deficit. Older persons still write amazingly incredible novels. Some persons tinker in their basements or garages or workshops or garden houses to come up with all kinds of remarkable innovations, discoveries, alterations of things and nature.

Look at wherever you go to allow your imagination to run free. Instead of workshop, why not call it a “workship,” which will carry you on voyages of unpredictable discovery. Equip your ship with all you will need for the trip. Climb aboard and head any direction you wish. Perhaps you will, like many another explorer, take us all to new lands and wonders.

Imagination is not alone for the young, it is Therapy for the Aging. It is within easy reach, even if disabled and limited. The limits are, after all, only in your imagination. Expel the excuses for delay, insist with yourself that you “go out and play” today at whatever your imagination finds tempting. Bring home your discoveries, your stories, your curious adventures. Share them with others, whose imagination is awaiting just the spark to get them going. You will find that whatever may have held you down and back has now become forgotten and your imagination has cured your reluctance. Sharpen it, use it, exercise it until it becomes as strong as your physical muscles, as able as you wish to be.

Keep your “workship” in trim, ready for the next voyage. Upon your return share your magical excursion with the rest of us. Blend your stories with testimonies of how much livelier daily existence really can be.

When a Heartache Won't Cure

2009-04-06T01:00:00.000-07:00

Adolescence seems to be the period in life when heartaches and heartbreaks take forever to cure. The intensity of emotion is so paramount that feelings seem to soar and then plunge with equal rapidity. Often, it seems the cause is never clear. Just as uncertain is the cure. In those days, it feels as if the pain will never subside. Dark clouds loom. Day to day life is met with depression and hurt and unanswered questions.

Eventually, it all passes away. Sometimes it gets tucked in a memory bag and remembered now and again on particular and special occasions. Something seems to prompt recall. That passes too.

For elders, heartaches happen too. Disappointment in another, hurt over insensitive actions or behavior or words, a partner, however defined, undergoes some very serious malady and the pain, experienced by one, is real to the other.

From wherever the pain originates, it is just as real in later life as it is in adolescence. Pain is pain. Blithely disregarding it does not offer a balm. Cliches do not offer any consolation. Our emotions need sensitivity and care, affection and thoughtfulness. It isn’t immature, at any age, to admit and to openly go through pain. On the contrary, those who refuse to be open about their pain, most often will bury it and deal with it in other unhealthy ways for a longer period of time.

Healthy human beings examine and demonstrate ways to be and remain healthy. Emotional, just as well as physical pain, must be given attention, sometimes even going so far as seeking professional help, in order to overcome and get back on track with the good life.

Another important dimension of healing a heartache is to avoid doing it in isolation. Maintain contact with others. Find persons with whom you can share life and laughter and even your story, refusing, however, to dwell on it interminably. That will chase your best friends away and you will be miserable.

Take initiative to be out and about. Discover new friends. If you are going through a separation or divorce or loss of a spouse, partner or friend in death, find and attend support groups. Create a comfort level that allows you to move outside a confined space. Look for ways to have fun, be in groups which offer healthy distractions.

Finally, invite yourself to enjoy some manner of meditative stillness. Discover that being outside yourself means more than going out…it means allowing a spiritual force to come in. Open up to the sharing of the calm and peace of contemplation, away from your immediate crises, look and be receptive to hearing a still, small voice offering you healing, promise, love, hope and quiet fulfillment.

Inspiration Isn't Difficult to Find

2009-04-03T01:00:00.000-07:00

Now, especially, it seems more and more of us are engaged in the search for inspiration. How impressive it is, in otherwise depressing times, to see so many forms of inspiration taking shape. How, profoundly gracious of persons to create it and pass it along. How utterly remarkable that with all the downers available via so many sources, there are those out there, looking under huge boulders to find hidden sprouts shooting up from the earth, at the very edges of what weighs us down, only to find one single, isolated bloom, searching for the sky.

Often this inspiration is set to music, soft, smooth, calming tunes, instrumental, sometimes sung which quietly proclaim serenity and sanity and peace. Photographs often accompany the words, sentiments expressive of the calming of soul and spirit share with us how we can reach out to claim inspiration.

The growlers and grumblers have pounded their tables long enough. The demeaning and discrediting of the hopeful and the positive has gone on quite past its time. You know who they are. If you are like them, maybe it is time you sought inspiration and shelved desperation.

Maybe it is time more of us whistled “a happy tune.” Perhaps we need to have a “Zippity Do Dah” day…”my oh my what a wonderful day!” Likely, those who choose to use incredulous ways to arouse the worst in us, may want to consider that their time could be better invested. Maybe they and we could discover that happiness is a far better dividend to draw from the investment of time.

Warning: this article may prompt you to examine your loyalties and allegiances, your values and commitments. You may decide not to run after the transitory and angrily motivated. You may determine that the likes of those who try to influence your being sour and dour merits investigation and elimination.

Louis Armstrong’s favorite melody needs to become ours: “Oh, What a Beautiful World.”

Mellowing and Growing Older with Grace

2009-04-02T01:00:00.000-07:00

A very old poem I have found to be among my favorites, probably because I can still quote it, is this one:

Isn’t it strange that princes and kings
And clowns that caper in sawdust rings
And common folk, like you and me
Are builders of eternity?

To each is given a bag of tools
And a book of rules.
And each must build,
Ere life is flown,
A stumbling block or a stepping stone.

I have no idea the author, couldn’t tell you where I first came across it. It has, however, served me well. It is a gentle reminder of the flow of life. It reveals well the goal of life and our acting out of it.

Mellowing and growing older with grace requires discovering the secret of this rhyme. Passing days give opportunity for us to get in touch how much more pleasant life can be if we unearth secrets like these. Complications, confusions, challenges to peace of mind often serve as major impediments to our smoothing out the rough edges of our personality.

If today, you discover a dour and sour disposition dominating your encounters with others, remember this poem. If you find your behavior is pushing people away, stop it. Remember the poem. If you are impossible to be with even for an hour, isolate yourself and memorize this poem.

I expect stumbling blocks are heavier than stepping stones. So lift and put in place the one that makes it less difficult to take the stairway to the top.

Who Are You Trying to Fool?

2009-04-01T01:00:00.000-07:00

This may be a good day for the prankster who enjoys pulling fast ones on friends, neighbors and compatriots. Humor is one of the best forms of social engagement. However, it needs to be humor that is not insulting, down putting, embarrassing to another. Enjoying poking fun is usually okay, so long as it carries with it some sensitivity.

Trying to come on as funny, at the expense of someone else is in poor taste. Checking ones humor quotient is a good idea before launching into what is more of an insult than a rib tickler.

Having fun, joking, using plays on words, pulling a fast one, jesting all are most often suitable forms of humorous behavior. Allowing others to share their own stories, wit and cleverness is always expected.

Humor is a blend of keeping your mind active, allowing your body the release of laughter, and creating a social interaction that is normally healthy all around.

Out of bounds are ethnic stories that offer affront, off color stories that just don’t fit, stories that do not respect the age group and jokes that come out being only funny to the teller.

If you need to prove anything about yourself and your sense of humor, you might want to do it in a bar or lounge with people whom you have never met. That way you will save embarrassment for everybody, but perhaps yourself. But then, who will know? And you will have learned a valuable lesson.

There is nothing wrong with humor, otherwise why are so many humorous stories circulating on the Internet, so many comedians making a prosperous living on comedy shows and so on. Just keep your stories, particularly around those with whom you associate regularly, respectful and considerate. Laughter and good humor most always are appropriate behaviors.

Just Forget It!

2009-03-31T01:00:00.000-07:00

So you have misplaced your nail trimmer. Just forget it! Some things are just not worth the time, fret or energy to try to find. Now, if you have lost your wallet or car keys or eye glasses or cell phone, these come under the head of a different horse.

Separating the sufficiently important from the inefficiently unimportant is one of life’s best lessons. We often choose to major in minors, thus derailing ourselves from the main track whose destination is our primary goal to begin with. Going off on tangents serves nothing more than a brief fantasy excursion which is likely not a tourist route anyway.

Some things just need to come under the rubric of JUST FORGET IT! Spend no time searching, fretting, stewing over things you can’t do a lot about. Particularly, don’t sweat the small stuff. Once we have accomplished the goal of finding what it is we think we have to recover, we have taken the time to do many productive things with our time. Which is more important, the question is, the lost item or the lost time. Item or Time, which will it be?

If over the years one were able somehow to account for all the lost time looking for lost items, I’ll bet we would love to recover the time. And the lost items? Likely, we don’t even remember what they were.

Next time you misplace something you think you just must find, weigh the item against the likely time spent trying to find it. If the item weighs less than 2 ounces, unless it is a diamond ring or some other extremely valuable bauble, just forget it.

Next time you are asked by someone in the household to help find something they have misplaced, give them this list before proceeding:

*How critical is the item to your immediate health and welfare?

*If you find it, will life be any better off, than waiting to just pick up another one or give it a rest for a few days until it shows up?

*If it is found, will it be in a place that will embarrass once it is discovered? If so, do you really want it found?

*Once it is found, will you promise never, ever to misplace it again?

*Is it likely better off you just forget it?

Maybe this advice will save you a lot of time and embarrassment. Remember, Time or Item!

Accommodating Pain

2009-03-30T01:00:00.000-07:00

One of the givens of aging, one of the profit sources many pharmacy companies pursue, one of the huge OTC products in any pharmacy or grocery store is the presence of pain and sundry medications to address it.

Today’s market is filled with options. Some promise amazing results. There are so many potions, pills, ointments, rubs, salves, potencys, supplements, balms, devices, lotions, pain relievers, gels on today’s market, one would think relief would be just one purchase away.

But sometimes they just don’t work. Sometimes they don’t seem to address the particular, localized, aggravating discomfort and the pain goes on. Now, what? Then where does one go in search of some easing of the discomfort, overcoming of the pain?

Today there are numerous ways pain may be addressed. We haven’t even chosen to go nuclear yet by listing or discussing here prescribed big time meds which can offer relief, but may carry significant side effects. Depending upon the nature of the pain, the counsel of a respected physician, your own experience and background be aware of possible side effects that may create more serious problems.

Accommodating pain sometimes means throwing the dice. Obviously, accommodating is the operative word. This means that one may need to resort to other than conventional medical care or prescriptions or other medications. Natural means are now available which give credence for exploring other options that do not include putting chemicals into your body to treat a given pain. There are naturopathic physicians who can guide you into an arena of previously unexplored treatment options. These may include acupuncture, chiropractic treatments, exercise regimens, yoga, any of a number of Oriental disciplines as well as meditation. Depending upon the pain, willingness to be open to untried methodologies may give satisfaction and release from pain never before imagined.

There are other options, not here mentioned. Among them, without going into full detail, are hypnosis, relaxation techniques, meditation disciplines that can alter the psyche sufficiently to decrease, minimize or perhaps even eliminate pain. No promises or guarantees are given here. However, measuring the pain against progress will be your/our way of knowing if/what/when any of these methods may be working. Good luck, pain is a deterrent to the full and rich life all of us seek to achieve.

When You Have Something You Need To Say

2009-03-27T01:00:00.000-07:00

Interpersonal relationships often create the need for straight from the heart, eye to eye conversations. Often, without even knowing why, these conversations rise to the surface. Perhaps it is intuition, a look, a misplaced word, a series of frosty encounters, being ignored that presses the need to look for and find ways for conciliation.

Assuming both parties are ready, or ready or not, the initiator who has something needing to be said, will find that sensitive care and absence of a blaming or judgmental disposition will be required. Rehearsing what “needs to be said,” might even be useful.

Body language and choice of words will carry the message of sincere desire or desire for further provocation. The latter, while perhaps creating momentary satisfaction, will likely do little to rectify any differences that may exist. Sending a “I really told him or her” message will do nothing to provide for improvement in a relationship.

Looking for openings in which sincerity, willingness to offer apology, questions of “how did we get here,” if not known or acknowledged, will enable conversation to flow more readily.

Blaming messages will only aggravate and antagonize the climate. Using and repeating the “you” word will also offer ammunition for coming to at least a peaceful co-existence.

Keeping in mind the goal of wanting to clarify whatever may be contributing to the rub between you will better keep you and the other party on track. Derailment will put you back where you started, without having been able to say something you needed to say.

Another consideration may be inviting the presence of a third or fourth party. That will be up to the two principals, of course. Depending on the seriousness of the alienation, disagreement, disruption in relationship, any strategy is worthy of consideration to bring closure to the chasm which exists.

Strained relationships offer tension, anxiety, gnawing concern, even worry. Removing the cause of any of these will provide a more comfortable and day to day serenity. Get the impediments out of the way, remove the road blocks, take a ride together, perhaps in a convertible with the top down, and let the wind blow the past away.

Gadgets and Their Advantages for Seniors

2009-03-26T01:00:00.000-07:00

Just a few years back, a friend, who was past 100 years old, decided she needed to learn to use the computer. She undertook the project and before she died had conquered it sufficiently to find it helpful and practical in its usefulness.

Getting older does not deter the possibility for continued learning. Sloth, giving up, caving in, making excuses all hold us back, as we age, from new and wondrous experiences.

The proliferation of modern gadgets from the now familiar computer and cell phone to the Ipod, Blackberry, phones that take photographs and send text messages, etc. allow for a huge world of interconnections and, on the negative side, interruptions. But, the plus side of that is no one need be lonely or isolated anymore.

While all of the gadgets may not have practical usage in your case, some can be very helpful and even life saving to the senior. A cell phone has certainly entered our world as a near, if not absolute, necessity. Maintaining contact in a busy, hurry up, rush around world is frequently a life line. Having a means for self protection is a form of insurance.

Allowing others to have your number, also gives permission for them to check up on you and be comfortable in the assurance that all is well.

Unexpected interruptions or delays are easily addressed by just a phone call, no matter where you are.

Another advantage is keeping phone numbers at the ready. They can be stored for easy retrieval. No more hustling through purse or pocketbook to find a needed number. needs?

The only disadvantage I find is in laying the phone down and failing to recall where. That still needs some work for those of us with shorter memories. For those with vision issues, who use the computer, there are ways to enlarge the print so that our shorter arms don’t have to be overused or overtaxed. Almost everything has been thought of to allow for convenience and usefulness, especially for the senior citizen.

So it goes, the world of innovation has been made available to those of us who live in a world of needed renovation. There are conveniences and gadgets out there designed just for us. They not only can expand our world, but enable our access to it.

Looking at the World Through Prescription Lenses

2009-03-25T01:00:00.000-07:00

Frequent visits to the optometrist or ophthalmologist frequently reveal the need for corrective lenses. I have been going for so many years and have had to have so many corrections, it has become somewhat routine and predictable. No visit, in these years, has occurred without some tweaking of the lens to provide sharper vision. My case is aggravated by having had a genetically influenced condition called Cariticonus. It is a condition which simply understood means cone shaped cornea. It resulted in three cornea transplants. More, to the point, it contributes to distorted and progressively impaired vision.

There is another perspective on all of this, a parable or analogy at least. Our points of view often require correction. It takes examination to determine how skewed our vision is on persons, issues, attitudes, events, opinions, and so on. Often, just because we see something one way our expectation is that everyone will or does see it our way. While this may not be described as blindness on any given topic, it might at least be myopic.

Examining our viewpoints is a worthy practice. Often our perspectives are influenced by distortions, cloudiness, double vision, blurred sight. These common conditions affect how we see everything external and how we internalize much of what we take in. Further, we often are subject to getting only part of the picture. A few years back I suffered a stroke in my left eye, resulting in my having very limited and non correctable vision in that eye. All the work for my taking in what I see is now dependent on my right eye.

Corrections are futile, thus if my impaired vision tries to do the translating of what is in front of me, it may need rechecking or verifying with a closer look or the aid of someone else. Signs are particularly hard to see at certain distances when only having half vision.

One’s viewpoint is influenced by how well we can see, by how our internal makeup translates what we see, by the sharpness or dullness of our ability to see. Periodic checkups are necessary to sharpen our perceptions, to examine our viewpoint, to digest what we take in and how we explain what we see to others. Imagine being blind and having to depend on the rest of your senses for your perception of the world, how would you likely “see” what you “see?” Even sighted people depend on others to help us make out what we absorb with our eyes. All of us require the benefit of other viewpoints to help us take in the world.

Retirement is a Revolving Door

2009-03-24T01:00:00.000-07:00

Retirement is a revolving door. No sooner does one have "everything in place," than something comes along to interrupt the flow. Frankly that isn't new nor surprising. That is a definition of life. Expecting total tranquility, hoping to avoid crises and change, harboring illusions about the golden years leaves one ill equipped to be ready for that door to slap you in the face.

So how does one get ready for the revolving door? Here are some clues:

>Serendipity is magical and it is what makes children so fascinating and curious. Adopt the credo of serendipity. Be ready for nothing....be ready for everything.

>Closing doors doesn't mean you must lock them. Keep your options open with friends and adventures, accept invitations, explore trails never travelled. Look under rocks.

>If spending too much time in an easy chair, put it in a room you don't frequent. Permit yourself to be up and about, talke a walk, stop to look around you, stay in touch with the outer world, which is good exercise for your inner soul.

>Hold hands with your spouse or a friend. Feel the warmth and pulse of another. It will remind you how precious every minute is.

>Look for friends in unusual places.

>Continue your membership in the human race, one of the greatest clubs in the world.

>Don't forget to groom your spirit every morning, as you groom your body for the day.

>Be comfortable deciding to take a nap.

>Say a greeting to everyone you meet. It may be the only one some people hear that day.

>Smile and Laugh every chance you get. Some people may think you odd, but let them worry about that.

When the time came for my dear aunt to live in a Care Facility, I asked her what she planned to do every day. Her reply, "Well I think I will probably sleep a lot and love everybody."

Let's choose Winston Churchill's counsel: "Never Give Up!" "Never Give Up!"

What To Do When You Don't Know What To Do!

2009-03-23T01:00:00.001-07:00

Begin with making a list. Make a long list. That will take considerable thought and time. Once completed, review the list, determine a priority ranking; eliminate the ones that hold little to no interest. Keep refining the list or not. If not, then begin to assign time lines for the items you will undertake. Now that you have done the basic homework, you will also need to determine what each item on your list will take to accomplish its outcome.

Depending on the nature of the one making the list, this first task can take an inordinate amount of time. For those more impatient, it will move along quickly or be abandoned altogether, and the searcher will have to return to some other method for finding something to do when you don’t know what to do.

One of the things to do when you don’t know what to do is to clean out closets, drawers and other places of careless accumulation. This can take all day or longer, depending on the number of drawers, closets, and storage niches in your home. Be sure to have a waste basket near by.

Discriminate in your sorting. Don’t ever throw away something you might need. Otherwise you will have broken the basic rule of why you kept it in the first place. While this may become an exercise in rearranging instead of disposal, it surely will consume time.

Another enterprise, particularly for men, is to take on the garage. For this a much larger wastebasket will likely be necessary. It will also take longer and likely eventuate in having to remove tons of stuff to another location, a landfill or other suitable spot for such long-time kept treasures that “you were going to need someday.”

A cooperative undertaking could be attacking the attic or basement with similar intent. This will take courage, an agreement on how to avoid conflict over what will be kept and tossed, and a means for getting the stuff up or down the stairs.

If you have an outdoor garden shed, now that it is spring, get it ready for use during the growing season. Or, if its usefulness is well past, tear it down. Wait until an appropriately suitable day, one in which either or both parties is frustrated, angry or out of sorts with the other. The exercise and destruction will enable overcoming those feelings.

Now that you have found ways to create activity usefully, it should be easy to proceed down your list to the other things you so creatively thought up in the initial exercise.

If you give up on your list as you proceed, don’t blame me, I just offer suggestions.

Adjusting to Loss of a Spouse

2009-03-20T01:00:00.000-07:00

Among the most difficult of experiences for anyone, particularly senior citizens, is dealing with the death of a spouse.

Relationships created by longevity, mellowed by love, deepened by experience, affirmed through familiarity are virtually irreplaceable. Of course we all know of persons who in their second marriage or so are blissfully happy. Such experiences are to be applauded and appreciated.

But, dealing with the loss of a lifetime spouse, in the neighborhood of 40 or more years, is an enormously difficult life experience. While there are preparations that can be considered, emotionally getting through the pain and heartbreak, grief and sudden loss are experiences requiring enormous resiliency.

A clergy colleague, Bob Deits, authored a very helpful guide a number of years ago titled, “Life After Loss.” While he deals with a variety of life losses, the application of his counsel if very useful for spouses who lose spouses. I commend its reading.

Of course, if a partner is going through an extended illness, that puts a different twist on the whole matter. Sudden loss and loss after a long illness are of two different stripes. This in no way reduces the grief or the separation that death brings. It may enable a different means for adjusting.

Adjusting to loss requires patience with oneself. Occasions of sadness and morose downers will come with frequency. Permission needs to be given for dealing with and getting through such times.

Well meaning friends will want to extend themselves to be helpful. Let them, but don’t allow them to go beyond boundaries which you need for yourself. Some well meaning folk will want to “check up on you” but won’t know what to say. Help them keep their conversations brief. What you need at such a time is understanding, some sympathy, but not interference.

Adjusting to loss is an incredibly earth shaking moment. It is unlike many of the heartbreaks in life, but it is one that eventually, for those who are married, breaks in upon our serene existence. When it does, the need for our own strength of faith, affection from others, and patience with ourselves will need to be called upon.

Effective Strategies for Dealing With Prostate Cancer

2009-03-19T01:00:00.000-07:00

The fraternity of men who have or will have prostate cancer can be encouraged to know that there are options available for dealing with it.

Early detection is extremely important to treatment and cure. There is no substitute for getting your PSA checked annually, or more often if you are at risk. Once diagnosed, wise choices about the oncologist you choose, the method for addressing the cancer, and following medical advice meticulously are all essential.

For those who have gone through a severe diagnosis (vs 'it's okay to watch and wait), quick action will be imperative. Delays or waiting to see if it gets better or goes away, are likely life-threatening.

The Don Imus situation is like many and can be viewed with an encouraging eye. There are some IFs which contribute to that, however.

They are:

If you let go of ego and move boldly forward with the goal of preserving your life, your chances improve.

If you act quickly, which means with your doctor’s advice and counsel, you will likely have a more satisfying outcome.

If you are a laggard, then you may need the physician to be very frank with you. Lost days may mean a shortened life. My doctor told me delay would have meant I would have died in my early 70’s of a miserable, painful death.

If members of your family will support, encourage and assist you, you will be in a healthy position going in to whatever treatments will be called for.

If you feel you need more information, counsel, or advice, get it, but hurry.

If you have friends, colleagues who have already gone through it, compare notes, find out their treatment of choice, but be sure when you decide you are comfortable with your own decision.

If you are wise you will try to get a good assessment of what awaits following surgery or your chosen course of treatment.

For those with any hesitance at all, I must warn you this could be literally a question of life and death. I welcome any questions. I am in recovery from radical prostatectomy surgery for now over a year and have no indicators of any recurrence. My PSA is zip! BE aware, there are side affects. Life won’t be perfect, but the marvel of continued living will be.

A Potpourri of Stimulations and Syncopations

2009-03-18T01:00:00.000-07:00

Most of what has been written here deals with stimulations and syncopations. An attempt to get us moving, to a new beat, rhythm or step in our daily living. Stepping out of the ruts of our routines can represent a major struggle. Seeing things differently, perceiving life events apart from our usual myopia requires urging and coercing. No matter our self perceived brilliance, we are human beings subject to habit, many of them negative and counter productive to our welfare.

Learning a new beat, a smoother step, listening to and getting the rhythm allows for excursions into wonderlands of fresh adventures. Enter a never before opened door, taken an unexplored path, venture into worlds and places and ideas never previously seen or considered. Stimulation and syncopation comes from the courage to go where you have never been. Ideas are our allies. Learning new words, probing wondrous and never before seen vistas opens up horizons of discovery.

The last several months of Senior Moments have been aimed at looking at a different shape of the box. Ordinary, trite, repetitious conceptualizing is no way to allow one’s mind to reach beyond confined borders. Break down the barricades. Imagine a new way of seeing and hearing and experiencing and embracing a world never before welcomed into your own universe.

Today is variety. Today is serendipity. Today is discovery. Today is pushing the envelope. Today is an eye opener. Today is seeing others for the first time. Today is believing that life can be different and fresh and new. Today is understanding frames of reference in a new context. Today is a new paradigm.

Lacking challenge and motivation, desire and willingness, life can become “same ol, same ol.” Choosing that as the operative means for managing existence works, but it can become awfully boring. Greeting others with the question: “what’s new” may be more challenging than asking “how are you?”

The choices we make every day become the moments of our creativity. The gift of 24 hours allows us to be in a divine position to shape our world for the day ahead.

Read back through some of what we have emphasized in the last 182 columns. Find those that may contribute to your conceiving new shapes and forms of your own being. You are not a marionette destined to repeat the same movements over and over. You are a fresh being, with the ability to breed new concepts and inventions. Choose to plunge into every day ready for new stimulations and syncopations.

Congratulating the Charitable!

2009-03-17T01:00:00.000-07:00

For those who emerged out of the 50s, a sure sign that things are going south is that Playboy will not sponsor an All America Weekend, tied to sports, certainly including football. Simultaneously, Mr. Hefner has a mansion on the market, listed for around $26 million.

Sure signs of change are definitely penetrating even the world of glitz, glamour and, the previously worshipped celebrity clientele. Is this good or bad? I suggest it is both. Celebrities in their most shining moments offer enormous support for many serious causes. They grant the use of their names, homes, presence to stimulate interest in and support for children, terminal illnesses, global issues and causes. So, for the hypocritical who take pleasure in the fall of the “great,” perhaps we might consider at what cost to others this comes.

Many well known charities and foundations and causes have been, like all else, struck by what has been called “Father Greed.” Some of the well heeled have continued their mal adventures at the cost and sacrifice and pain of others. Surely, somehow, their payday, or lack of it, will come. While I am not a “vengeance is mine, thus saith the Lord,” I do believe love is the greatest force in the spinning universe and will have its day.

This is a time for goodness and for me and my house we will support and applaud all and any who are trying to rectify evil and root out harm. How persons choose to express their stewardship is up to them. How God chooses to meet those on the plains of heaven is up to God! So before we curse the darkness, let us give thanks for the few who still light candles, who still believe in the goodness of fellow humans, who still find that charity is like faith and hope, but it's still the greatest of all.

A Good Reminder for Growing Old

2009-03-16T01:00:00.000-07:00

A book recently published by a friend, “Wake Up, Its Gap Time” provides some good advice for those of us in retirement.

Chapter One caught my attention right away. It is “Aging is not optional, but growing old is.” Martha Madden, author, quotes one of my favorite prayers, which she says she found in the diary of her mother. When I was a pastor, I often distributed it to members of my congregations. It goes like this:

“Lord, you know better than I know myself that I am growing older.

Keep me from getting talkative, and particularly from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every occasion.

Release me from craving to try to straighten out everybody’s affairs.

Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details—give me wings to get to the point.

I ask for grace enough to listen to the tales of others’ pains. Help me to endure them with patience, but seal my lips on my aches and pains—they are increasing and my love of rehearsing them is there.

Keep me reasonably sweet; I do not want to be a saint—some of them are so hard to live with—but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil.

Make me thoughtful, but not moody; helpful, but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all—but thou knowest, Lord, that I want a few friends at the end.”

Thanks, Martha, for reminding us of this eloquent and poignant prayer.

Testing Optimism Again

2009-03-13T01:00:00.000-07:00

For a while now, it has been a challenge to be optimistic. Most of the tide has been against us. Alas, is it turning? There are some subtle signs. The signs are surely only ripples so far. But there seem to be some indicators that there may be promise ahead.

The Dow Jones alone won’t give us complete reassurance. The reversing of the fortunes of those guilty in engineering some of the schemes that created the financial disaster suggests that right may prevail. Like acts of random kindness, there are isolated positive indicators. There are still huge storm clouds and ill wind forecasts that don’t make it easy to have a happy go lucky, never mind tomorrow, devil may care attitude.

In any crisis, there is always the need for those who grasp the situation and help the rest of us find our way out of it. There is always that person who contrives methods, ideas, insights, courage and shares them with those who are lookers on. Begin looking around for those who, not out of self interest, but just because they are among us as wise and caring, can help us see the dawning light. They already have.

Guard healthy skepticism, for some, who would act as leaders, are traveling in the proverbial sheep’s clothing.

Remember, in an earthquake one must be vigilant for the aftershocks.

Reduce Risk: Take a Nap!

2009-03-12T07:02:00.001-07:00

For those who live in the 48 states affected by Daylight Savings Time, the recent counsel for coping seems to be “Reduce Risk, Take a Nap.” The risk of heart attacks seems to be greater during those periods when sleep habits are affected by “leaping forward” or “falling back.”

Cultural changes have influenced and reduced the average night’s sleep, by as much as an hour and a half. Surely, the interruption of habits in when one goes to bed and gets up has something to do with that. Staying up later to catch a favorite television series or late night news or comedy show affects our hours of rest. Wakefulness, even if sedentary, is not a substitute for a good night’s rest, which is still recommended to be a full 8 hours.

Adolescents who sleep in, principally because they have stayed up so late, are doing what their body demands, getting the sleep they refused it the night before. Adults who rotate work shifts are in a perpetual hamster cage trying to adjust weekly to changes in schedule. Persons with various struggles with insomnia find themselves experimenting with all kinds of sleep aids, often without medical advice.

Like many dietary and exercise issues, the importance of sleep requires careful attention to taking care of yourself. Trying to make up a night’s sleep, or more, is like trying to recover what has been lost in the stock market. Anxiety, worry, distraction are all impediments to sleep. Establishing routines and patterns for restful sleep depends upon the individual and household. Examining those habits which may detract from adequate restfulness and sleep is a very good idea.

But, the best practical solution to all of this seems to be “Reduce Risk, Take a Nap!”

Where Will I Live Next?

2009-03-11T01:00:00.000-07:00

Careful consideration goes into housing accommodations for seniors. There are several levels to be examined. As long as independent living is a realistic possibility, that is obviously the first choice. Even, with independent living, however, there are considerations having to do with care and keeping of property that may challenge physical ability.

So long as one can live in his/her/their own home and has ample assistance, as needed, can assure others of the ability to be safe to take on tasks judiciously that deserves to be the choice. Emotionally and psychologically being in one’s own home offers peace of mind and satisfaction. When the issue becomes one of safety and adequate day to day care, then examining other options becomes necessary. Reality checks may need to be frequent and they always need to be candid and honest.

There may be efforts on the part of the aging person to “hide” evidence of inability to live alone. Usually there will be hints that give away lack of care of the house, kitchen area, bath rooms, etc. If hygiene seems compromised, its time to talk; if there are throw rugs throughout the house which could contribute to falling, its time to move them; if there are appliances which could start fires, they need to be put away; if there are problems with vision, a serious visit to an ophthalmologist needs to be scheduled. If “fear of falling” is a consideration, a ‘call for help” button worn around the neck may be a good idea.

The matter of moving from one domicile to another is among the toughest of issues for the aging. It does not get any easier as each year passes. Even if decisions and agreements have been reached, dementia may interfere with acting out those previous understandings.

When the time comes, however that is determined, the following questions need to have been raised and honestly appraised.

*Are daily care needs such as to require assistance?

*Is there a facility, conveniently located, that will serve the family well?

*Have cost issues been resolved?

*Has a complete physical been done?

*Can regular visits be arranged for by family members?

*Depending on the care receiver’s ability to understand, has the new arrangement been explained?

*Is there comfort with the care givers in the new environment?

*If the facility offers independent living, is that an option?

*If assisted care is the only option, have family members reviewed the operations and licensing issues surrounding the facility?

These are among the larger issues requiring resolution. Hopefully, that resolution will be achieved in the best self interest of all involved.

Why Do You Care?

2009-03-10T06:54:00.000-07:00

Why do you care? Why do you invest energy and affection in so many people whose lives have become important to your own? Why do you care about their health or their family or their welfare? Why do you care?

Is there any payback? Does there need to be? Why do you care?

Caring offers an emotional response to another. It is even well known in the animal world, and certainly among pets. Caring stretches from the heart and soul to reach into that of another. Its expressions are as numerous as there are stars in the sky. Caring means you have found and tapped that magical emotion that allows you to be compatible with others. It feeds on the very joy and satisfaction of being present to another. Its reward is caring itself.

There is a site called CaringBridgeJournal.com which gives opportunity to be in touch by email with persons who are undergoing life threatening illnesses. It is a means to be in touch with regularity, with persons who need to know someone cares.

There are programs within local churches which give one on one occasion to “be” with others. Stephen’s Ministry is an outreach program, principally designed to connect care givers with care receivers.

There are other programs, some localized, others that have national connections. These give a structured means for showing care and exercising compassion. Connecting with one or another of these options provides the means to keep your caring heart and muscles strong. Likely, it also adds to the stamina of the person with whom you are making yourself available.

Beside helping your own life to be more fulfilling, caring will grow into a routine that opens up the chance for others to learn how to care. Even the ill, who feel beset by their own troubles and needs, can find ways to be care givers at the same time they are receiving care. Wholeness is experienced when life is given the gift of Caring!

A Retirement Quest: The Never-Ending Search for Peace

2009-03-09T01:00:00.000-07:00

Seeking peace will not bring the seeker to a final destination, unless you count death. Peace is often elusive, particularly if life seems beset with stresses, pain, brokenness and alienation.

A worthy pursuit, peace is often interrupted by unknown and unexpected interferences. It is then that the challenge to sustain the pursuit will be all the more crucial. Bombarded by forces beyond our control, the peace seeker shall forever be in the midst of challenges that test our mettle.

Peace is the subject of literally thousands of self help guides, the theme of many inspirational books, the essence of many pithy quotes, the core of spiritual searches.
Some are profound. Others are empty. The source of peace, while assisted by external
sources, will never be the means to sustain Peace. Peace finally comes from within. Its lifeblood is found in sharing and giving peace to others.

Peace is not something one can hoard for a rainy day. It cannot be deposited in an account to draw upon when needed. It is an active and perpetual exercise to generate it and to extend its life by distributing it to others. Think of it as something you do by rote or habit. Being peaceful creates peace. Maintaining a peaceful demeanor provides example to others. Showing peace in the face of crisis or internal warring emotions is a model of the power of peace.

Life is not always what we anticipated or expected. Perhaps there are days when life just isn’t giving us what we think we deserve. There’s the catch. Deserving a good life isn’t guaranteed. The bumper sticker that proclaims “There, but for the grace of God, go I,” is a flight of ego fantasy that suggests comparative worth. There will be no peace in that. There is no peace in praying that you are more worthy than the other person praying at the altar.

The quest for peace requires a ready reminder that our attitudes toward others and ourselves requires daily inventory. When slippage occurs, seeking external inspiration may be helpful. Examining the perceptions we have of ourselves and others may require an overhaul of ourselves. “I have always been this way” does not justify unhealthy behaviors. Confessing that there are serious flaws needing correction or radical surgery in our soul is often a good starting place for achieving new found peace.

The ritual of persons from other cultures to both greet and bless each other with signs of peace is not unlike the practice of “benediction,” which means “good words.” Offer good words to those you meet and greet. In return, peace will be nourished in your own life and soul.

Mustering the Courage to Write

2009-03-06T06:09:00.000-08:00

The discipline of daily writing is not unlike any other routine. It must come first, it must contain some element of inspiration, , it needs to be somewhat timely, or, at least, humorous, informative, inspirational or contain something which pulls the readers’ eyes

Finding topic and title or headline which will grab attention is essentially creating the hook to catch readers. Once the reader has been attracted, the first paragraph needs to lure them further and the second hold them until they have finished the piece. If, while you are writing, the topic and content don’t hold you, it won’t hold others.

Content has to come from somewhere. Research is a good start on topics you find worth exploring. It may come from something you have casually read, a comment from a recent conversation, a flash of inspiration, an idea that has been incubating for a long time. Writing gives the occasion for germination, completion, maturation of the idea into a fruitful document that may stir the imagination of others.

Writing can be both therapeutic and healing. It allows for private venting of thoughts which might otherwise never enjoy expression. Lacking a therapist, the keyboard may serve as your outlet for divulging long held ideas, concerns, pains, joys and creative energies you never knew you had.

So, once you have found your topic, and you feel comfortable sharing that topic which others will choose to read and discover something about the author, it is time to put the idea to words, to add sentences and paragraphs in outline or prose or poetry, or whatever your chosen art. It is time to test how good you are at “talking to yourself” and allowing yourself to talk back.

Other than Laugh, What Would I Do?

2009-03-05T07:09:00.000-08:00

So far no responses to my plea for responses. That’s okay. You seem to keep coming anyway. It appears there must be something on the table that satisfies your taste. The world won’t come to an end if there is no feedback. This column may, for lack of stimulating ideas for topics, but the world will still be okay.

Frankly, most of us are overwhelmed with things to do, requests for time and attention, suggestions of how we may be helpful. Meanwhile we are heading off all the invitations we get from well meaning sources for well deserved tasks. It just can’t be done anymore. We have learned, at last, that NO! is a complete sentence. And that it is perfectly okay to refuse the multitude of requests, not out of discourtesy, just the need for time to do so many other things.

Now that you have this well defined excuse to turn me down, feel free to do so with others. And, if you decide to write me anyway, other than laugh, I will just be grateful.

Other Than Faint, What Would I Do?

2009-03-04T06:27:00.000-08:00

Because of an internet source called Sitemeter, I keep track of who visits this senior citizen blog. It is very helpful, down to letting me know on a world map what city you are in proximity to. (ooops another one of those prepositions.) Now, I would like to offer you a proposition.

For those who are regular visitors you are the reason I keep writing. Beyond that, my ego allows me to think that there may be something useful in these daily columns, excluding weekends.

It is certainly more than a hobby. It is a means of exercising my joy at putting something on the printed page. It is more than just venting, my wife accuses me of that often enough. It is not just because my opinion on anything is superior or excellent or even worth reading. But what a wonderful instrument it is to allow those as audacious as some of us to make our presence known, here on the Internet. Millions will never know about Senior Moments. Maybe not even thousands, but those who take the time and trouble to pick up a rock and find us here, may find something worthwhile.

If you do, and this is the point of the title: “Other than Faint, what would I do?” I would be extremely pleased if feedback came from your having dropped in. While I can almost pinpoint where you live, by city at least, knowing your opinion about some of what is said here would be additionally encouraging.

There is a wonderful story about a new minister who arrived at his new charge. He preached the first sermon, with zeal and great preparation.

At the end of the sermon, when greeting persons as they departed, he was finally met with an older, somewhat crochety, octogenarian. He approached the minister, shook his hand, and declared “that’s the worst sermon I ever heard.” “You should go back to seminary and learn how to preach.”

Crestfallen, the minister received the next person in line, a gracious lady, said, “Oh, reverend, don’t listen to him, he only repeats whatever other people say.”

This author would greet warmly whatever you have to say. Come my way, through whatever avenue you like and let me know what you think, what you like to hear about, from my point of view.

When I recover from fainting, I will send you a personal reply.

Footprints and Open Minds

2009-03-03T06:37:00.000-08:00

That discovery of a million and a half year old footprint has turned a lot of assumptions on their proverbial head, questioning for those whether there has ever been anything inside the head? For the creationists and others who still insist that mankind came along only 5000 years ago, this has to shake their resolve. Well, maybe at least a little?

The wonders of discovery and science and research and probing and uncovering and finding and suggesting there is more to be found shatters the belief that it was all put together by a creator who acted by pointing HIS finger and shouting out orders. Can God, by any definition, be supremely capable of a strategy for creation that super
cedes fairy tales and myths?

The unfolding of life, still and yet, suggests the ability is there, the likelihood is enormous and humanity is certainly the continuing beneficiary of it all. It becomes suspicious that those who want to hold to the fairy tales and myths, do so out of an incredibly large ego that says, somehow our interpretation of creation is superior to God’s role in manufacturing it, however it was done. Omnipotence means “all power or all powerful.” Get it? Human references to God or gods, in whatever religious context, by definition reduce God’s godness.

The spiritual quest for God is richer and more critical an undertaking to prove that God did things “my” or “our” way.” The footprint found by researchers who spend their existence trying to get a glimpse of humanity’s past is, by its own act, an act of a creating God, who continues to urge us further into the jungles of our past, the wildernesses of our wanderings.

The more we come to know the greater the universe becomes, the more likely the “big bang” is more than a theory, the more Darwin becomes an important niche in our human experience and the magic of new finds about us and about spiritual dimensions of our existence.

So with every footprint we leave behind, may we forge ahead with Open Minds, ready for whatever incredible, sensational unfolding of our total life experience awaits us.

What Next?

2009-03-02T01:00:00.000-08:00

Naïveté is one of our most wonderful satisfactions. It allows us to go blithely about our way without anticipating consequences. It gives us the chance to close our eyes, or at least wink at some of the barricades that create roadblocks along the way.

For senior citizens who typically flock to the southwest, encountering some serious roadblocks today is a widely reported and very threatening reality.

Persons who typically travel to the Arizona-Mexico, California-Mexico, New Mexico-Mexico or Texas-Mexico Borders need to apprise themselves of the significant warnings and dangers posted along these areas. Government agencies, including, Army bases, Church Mission groups and others are being given very strict information regarding the risks of crossing these borders.

Older persons who enjoy purchasing their medications at reduced prices in Mexico may want to consider foregoing that savings during this period of high alert. Excursions into Mexico for sight seeing should be reevaluated.

College or high school students especially should not plan a spring break holiday in these areas.

Such warnings are not intended to be alarmist, but offer common sense judgment at a volatile time. Drug cartels are exercising their tactics of intimidation and violence. Persons who are tourists should steer clear of literal cross fire.

In the face of such extreme danger, it seems prudent to avoid these areas.

How Much Do You Love Your Kids?

2009-02-27T06:42:00.000-08:00

Assuming you have kids, whatever their age, how much do you love them? How do you demonstrate care, affection, sensitivity to their needs? How do you let them know that they are unconditionally loved and for always in your favor? How do you go about reaching out to them with invitations which offer them your time, your support, your attentiveness?

This column has addressed how senior citizens may go about expressing affection to and for your spouse. Now comes the rest of the family. Clearly, alienation occurs in some families. Clearly, there are times and moments and situations in which division creates a sad chasm. But, adults can find ways to bridge those times. Forgiveness is a quality seniors can teach their juniors and elders can learn from their mistakes.

Special occasions need to be conducted often enough to bring the family together. More importantly, spontaneous occasions offer the occasion for spontaneous interaction. Living in the same community, as many unfortunately do not, provides for those opportunities of dropping in or having evening meal togethers with some frequency.

The good news for people who have the option and availability for visiting, then will be able to do so just to “enjoy” each other. No agendas, no troublesome problem solving occasions, just plain, ordinary good times.

For those living far apart, this means making the occasions for getting together to have all the icing on the cake that the cake will take. Be sure that when the visit is “home” for the kids, the time there meets their needs and desires.

Time lost is guilt gained. Making the time count with children and grandchildren is one of the ways to be productive in retirement. Seniors often complain of loneliness, but do little to find creative ways to overcome it. Retirees can make a project of having their children and grandchildren come to visit or meet in neutral places, none has experienced before. Because the senior has more time available the responsibility for travel time may best fall on them, health permitting. One warning: don’t overstay! Two warnings: don’t expect to be waited upon and don’t create tension around your habits and needs!

Loving your children is one of the greatest opportunities and past times available to parents and grandparents. Do so with a genuine expression and desire to be with each other. Everyone will blossom no matter when the visits occur.

Coping With the I Don't Wannas

2009-02-26T06:45:00.000-08:00

Retirees are subject to the “I don’t wannas” with some regularity. Retirement will do that to you. In fact, I have it today. I just don’t wanna do anything. This condition, if temporary, can be nothing to worry about. Taking a day or a few off from regular routines can be, like a vacation, without going anywhere.

I recommend it. Just don’t allow it to become chronic.

Change is Like a Four Letter Word

2009-02-25T01:00:00.000-08:00

Morning routines help set up the day for senior citizens. We start with either radical enthusiasm or slowly and deliberately as we examine the day and the body we bring to it. If you are a consumer of news via newspapers left on your front porch, the Internet, or television cable, your day may need more inspiration because of all the information.

Whatever else comprises the morning routine, eventually facing the changes the day brings will be necessary. Escaping the realities of the changes, occurring just over the past 24 hours, is an impossibility. There is, no longer, an escape route. Change is wherever you are and it seeps into your life and influences your routine, at least eventually.

Right now, the enormous changes occurring in the economic structures of our world are particularly intimidating to the senior citizen. One of the basic needs of the senior is stability. Change interferes with that, or seems to. Because of the nature of the economic tsunami, everything else seems to be affected.

Change, then, which we have always thought moved toward the progressive and the good, now creates whole blocks of ambiguity.

The truth is, like it or not, life has always been fraught with its unpredictability. Perhaps the difference is in volume and frequency, but it has always required our resiliency. It does no good to curse the darkness! Day will come, perhaps not as soon as we would like, perhaps not with all the satisfactions we seek. Meeting it with four letter words because it does not meet our standards will not open radical new dimensions to our level of living. Awakening to the new adventures and possibilities and creativities available at the dawn of every day will give promise to the use of the 1440 minutes set before you.

When it feels as if Change is a four letter, perhaps a brief contemplation of life without change would be in order.

Green Ideas for Gray Hairs

2009-02-24T01:00:00.000-08:00

The roar from the naysayers seems to have died down. More and more senior citizens across the world, notwithstanding the holdout by the U.S. over the last 8 years, are turning to an enhanced awareness of Going Green. It’s about time. A lifespan of 50 or more years should result in some cause and effect conclusions.

Having awakened to the scientific, environmental, sociological contributors to our world, both tiny and great, it is now our turn to demonstrate some of the information which is daily being pumped into the mainstream.

Yet, there are still those who continue in denial. There are those who are afraid some minor adjustment in life style will create such major adjustments that they blithely ignore the fundamental realities of our global condition.

Some suggestions:

*Start reading. Read anything you can get your hands on, eyes glued to, that will offer you insights into the state of being of the world today. National Geographic and Discovery Channels are among the best cable and satellite offerings. Beyond that, Google “environment,” “warming,” “extinction,” etc for a search that will lead you into helpful and incisive information.

*Engage in conversations with others. Identify persons who have already begun exploring outside the box.

*If you have children or grandchildren, discuss with them their insights. Get ready for a real wake up call.

*Find out what your Carbon footprint is and do something about it.

*Explore conscientious ways to help alert others in your circle, neighborhood, etc.

*Talk to local authorities about what is going on in your area to be more sensitive to going green. Start a movement within your realm of influence to awaken persons to doing what they can to contribute to solutions.

*Join Wilderness Society and other organizations which work diligently at addressing more serious and direct issues affecting wildlife. Also give the Conservation organization a look.

*If your only opinion is an uniformed opinion, limit sharing your opinion until you have brought yourself up to speed, but watch your speed, because that contributes to pollution as well!

Retirement: A Good Time to Discover What You Don't Need

2009-02-23T01:00:00.000-08:00

The economic downturn isn’t the only reason that the list of former necessities has been radically altered.

What once was a “must have” has no appeal any longer. The desire to stroll through a mall, just to browse and be tempted is a much less frequent exercise. Seeing things and wanting them with a passion has about dropped off the scale. Is this a post 70 phenomenon?

There were times shopping was a favorite past time. No more. Just having the stamina to walk thorough some of these Big Box stores is exercise that can be enjoyed in other ways.

Discovering what I don’t need is a refreshing new experience. Not having so much discretionary money to buy them prompts the situation to be sure. But, just discovering the stuff unnecessary to comfortable living really puts you in charge.

Part of the discovery comes when trying to determine usefulness, where will the item be placed, how long will it be “something I couldn’t live without,” if I find I don’t need it, what will I do with it?

This is a rather good check list for deciding whether to buy or not. This is an appropriate methodology for men who wander into hardware stores and women into shoe shops.

Ego remains important to most, no matter the age. But buying stuff to impress others is a weakness not a strength of ego.

Deciding what I don’t need means having a pretty good idea what I do need. Making trips of discovery, just to browse, is a substitute for better hobbies. Making trips to get a specific item, required for a specific reason, is a noteworthy exception.

Think carefully about the difference between needs and wants. Today offers a new opportunity to develop the discipline of prudence and overcome prodigal behavior.
Your life will be less cluttered, your time can be better spent, your resources more wisely invested.

An Ecclesiastical Tragedy

2009-02-20T01:00:00.000-08:00

Much of the time this column deals with the everyday and mundane. On some occasions, it becomes necessary to go beyond the ordinary stuff of daily life in order to examine some of the earthshaking events and moments that affect us. This is one of those times.

One week ago, a clergy colleague, whom I have known for 44 years, committed suicide. Little is known about the circumstances. Those who knew him are in mourning and shock over the sudden ending of his life. We are commonly in deep sympathy with his family. We are mystified and shaken.

The experience of suicide is always an emotional earthquake for those who remain. The “why” haunts us for a long time.

In the case of a minister, retired, it is all the more troubling. Of course, clergy are like the rest of the human species. They are beset by their own complexities and dark side. Those who expect more of clergy need to exercise expecting more of themselves.

Rushing to judgment is never a helpful participation in the process. Grieving comes and needs its reinforcement and allowance by those who are intimate to the experience.

Our colleague made his mark professionally, personally, profoundly on hundreds and more. His articulate wisdom was passed along over and again. His spiritual insights assisted many in their own struggles. His reputation was spread far and wide. He had, by all accounts, a stellar career. None of that can be taken away. To allow that to be so would be a travesty added to the tragedy.

Those whose lives intertwined with our friend were gifted to have known and worked with him. There were times of disagreement and opposition over one or another temporal issue. That is long past. What is present is our affection and indelible memory of a man we respected and admired.

Marital Harmony in Retirement

2009-02-19T01:00:00.000-08:00

A wonderful Sampler hangs on one of our walls. It is picture of senior citizens in their rocking chairs, he is smoking his pipe, she is knitting. The embroidered caption reads: “Retirement, Half as Much Money, Twice as Much Husband.”

Retirees often complain that the worst part of retirement is having so much time with your spouse. Previous experience had allowed for separation, time apart, independent experiences. Retirement, for some, seems to change all that. Although when we lived in a retirement community, I knew couples who didn’t see each other all day. They found individual distractions that offered them time apart.

The secret to Martial Harmony surrounds a variety of choices and intentional decisions. If one or another of the partnership becomes co-dependent on the other too soon, in retirement, the relationship will likely undergo some serious tension.

Look at these suggestions:

*Choose intentional times to be together. Perhaps, you enjoy breakfast and maybe a walk together each morning. During this time, share your plans for the day. Indicate when you will be back together.

*Make plans to be together to run errands, shop, go to appointments. This is a particularly supportive way to share time and to be helpful to the other.

*If you do enjoy doing some things together, identify what they are and do them.

*Make dates. Choose times to go out together, alone or with friends. Make such occasions special.

*Identify projects you can do together.

*Be sure to include time to keep up with what each other is doing. Show interest in each other’s activities.

*If one spouse is continuing to work, even part time, show support for that choice.

*Keep in touch during the day. Cell phones are helpful to be sure all is well with the other. Don’t be a pest. Just check in.

*Don’t forget to express affection frequently. Growing out of that practice will spoil a good thing.

*Identify things you like to do together. Do them, but don’t exclude your own times and needs to be with others.

Allow yourself some quiet time, together. Harmony for senior citizens does not mean being in each other’s face 24/7. It does mean identifying authentic ways to share life in retirement.

Finding Money in the Middle of a Recession

2009-02-18T01:00:00.000-08:00

Most everyone, especially the senior citizen, is in search of extra money these days. There seems to be a dearth of opportunities for finding it. In addition to the suggestions I made in my September 9 post, here are some more hidden pockets from which one can extract a few shekels.

*Just how many satellite boxes do you need? Each month you are charged for each of the cable or satellite boxes in your home. Are you using them with enough frequency to justify the expense?

*How many errands do you run in a week? How many can you eliminate? Even with gas at lower prices, a good discipline is to reduce those trips to the essential ones.

*Do you take clothes to the Cleaners? Are you being taken to the cleaners? Have you explored using your own dryer as your Cleaners?

*What have you done about reducing electricity use? Inventory how many lights, appliances, etc are being used in the course of a day and night. Practice turning them off, when you pass by them.

*How many subscriptions are you receiving? How many monthly obligations have you committed to? Can you eliminate any of them?

*How many vehicles do you own? Can you put one in storage (in your own garage) and reduce its use, licensing fees, insurance, and overhead?

*Are you paying for a storage facility? Why?

*Do you hire maintenance assistance for your lawn, home, pool, etc.? Can you do any of that yourself? Think of the exercise and the savings for motivation.

*Coupons are more popular today. Are you taking advantage of their availability?

*How much are you spending on out of home dining, recreation, etc.? What would it do to your situation to pare down eating out and so on?

*Are you spending money on books? Remember your local library provides books in all genres for free?

*How about your insurance policies? Have you examined your coverage, your deductibles, with an eye to reducing premiums?

*Are you donating everything you can (like the stuff in storage) which will give you a tax advantage for charitable deductions next year?

*Are you gifting family and friends less on holidays and other occasions to reduce the costs? They will love you anyway, if you just remember them on their day. By the way, some of the stuff you have in your own home, crystal, collected items, etc., can make wonderful gifts. Give it away now and reduce the clutter.

*Can you discipline yourself to eliminate impulse buying whether in the grocery or department store or by ordering things on line?

*These are some of the ideas which may spur others. Hidden money is there if you are willing to search!

Death is Not My Next Goal!

2009-02-17T01:00:00.000-08:00

Aging is a phenomenon which introduces all kinds of subjects and issues we would rather leave alone. As a retired pastor, I have found great and timid reluctance on the part of many senior citizens (and others) to broach the subject of death, being ready for it, making necessary practical plans and decisions and even admitting to its very likelihood.

Death, however, will happen to each of us, whether we admit, like it, deal with it or not. Thus, the question, why the hesitance? Discussing death does not speed its coming, nor prevent its happening.

Recent studies have shown that in the United States male longevity for a 70 year old male today will likely extend to 83.2 years. A female, aged 70, will likely live to 85.8. These statistics come from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention.

Depending on where you are on that scale, the news may be either good or not so good. There is a story making the rounds of a person who said, “I wouldn’t want to live to be 90,” to which his listening friend allowed: “You must not be 89.”

Dear Seniors, do not make Death your next goal, but remember, Denial is not a river in Egypt. There is room for some in-between choices here, in-between denial and talking openly and comfortably about death. If you don’t talk about it, or if you try to ignore its reality, you just create more problems. You make it something like the huge elephant in the room. Something unknown that is to be feared. It’s not an elephant… it’s just death, something that will happen to each of us. And talking about it doesn’t make it happen sooner. Most of us simply are not in control of when or how we die.

In order for Death to be removed from your list of life goals, it is not necessary to pretend it isn’t going to happen to you.

In addition to the practical issues of seeing a doctor and participating in appropriate care disciplines, there are other dynamics surrounding the “D” issue that need our attention.

1. Spend time with your significant other and/or family looking at the issues surrounding death and how they will be managed as necessity and wise assessment of conditions indicate.

2. Lay it all out. Do not skirt issues. Be courageous in opening those matters about which some will find discomfort and even embarrassment. Dealing with it now is better than delaying. Delay will create considerably more discomfort and likely more disagreement within the family.

3. Go so far as to talk about what a memorial or funeral service would look like. Put it down in a record. Date it. Change it if necessary.

4. Open up issues like traditional burial or cremation and scattering of ashes. Deal with economic issues.

5. If more comfortable, invite a professional, a pastor or other who would not impose judgment, but allow for wide ranging issues to be exposed and addressed.

6. Maybe, make a group list of the issues that really would be helpful to discuss. Have Kleenex handy for those who will, naturally, have some emotional moments.

7. If/when some anecdotal stories are told, have someone write them down for recall when the time comes for a celebration of life.

8. While death is not our next goal, this exercise will begin to put it in its place.

Remember the maximum life expectancy in Sweden in the 1860’s was 101. It is now 108. And, by the way, 70% of the increase is attributed to death rates above 70. Given optimal genes and good medical care, no one, so far, has lived beyond 123. The good news is you and I have about a 1 in 2 billion chance to live to 120.

Death is not a goal, There is an old song which Virginia slaves used to sing at funerals: “Come down, death, right easy.” Let that be our song.

Incremental Retirement: Is it for You?

2009-02-16T01:00:00.000-08:00

This column is dedicated to those of my friends who just won’t retire. They are ambitiously alive. They stay busy. They love what they do. They are not putting off retirement because of economic issues. They either own their business or are in a situation in which their business gives them so much permission that the business can do quite well without them. That is, of course, a fortunate place to be.

They are in, what I would label, incremental retirement. They are doing it in stages. For the most part, they don’t keep rigid or strict hours. They are fully aware of what’s going on in their business, but they don’t obsess over it. One of my dearest friends is, at 70, building a new office and expanding his business. It is not to “make more money” for himself. He gives it all away to his family and causes he believes in.

Another of my friends travels a great deal, sometime in a humongous motor home. He is quite well off, but he chases around Texas doing what he does for his business.

Still another is a retired judge, but still a practicing lawyer. He and his spouse spend enormous time enjoying themselves with frequent travel forays and maintain an elegant antebellum home in East Texas. When home, he still keeps a busy roster of clients.

Incremental Retirement, whether continuing to pursue business or professional interests, is a healthy way to retire. It doesn’t have to happen all at once. One need not surrender the things of ones previous life all at once. Keeping up with events and excitement in ones “career” world is a healthy way to stimulate body, mind and soul.

Incremental Retirement means you may do it on your own terms. You can plan to have a 3 month hiatus, while the wheels keep turning. You can generate new excitement and energy for living. You can even expand your career interests in ways that will provide further for family, charity, a foundation, and a life of absolute satisfaction.

So, look at Incremental Retirement, if you are fortunate like these, which may round out your life in enormously gratifying ways.

The "I" in Internet

2009-02-13T01:00:00.000-08:00

Some over 70, more over 80 and likely even more over 90 are computer illiterate. This is not a callous judgment. It just is. However, on the surprising side there are some over 100 who have chosen to learn to use a computer and become familiar with the Internet.

The I in Internet has less to do with illiteracy than it does a whole lot of other I’s that show up around getting acquainted with this phenomenon of technological miracles. As in the case of television, it is fitted for both good and evil, productivity and wasting time, good and bad entertainment, information, and a never ending stream of news.

But, there are other I’s in Internet. These are some:

Internet I # 1: Interruption. You are in the middle of some important document or important piece you have discovered on the Internet when suddenly you are interrupted by a pop up which tells you someone wants to talk with you, has sent you an email, there is an urgent message in your inbox, etc. This is when, as with the phone or an intruder at your door, you need to exercise restraint. Internet does not relieve you of control. Maintain it. Whatever it is, it can wait!.

Internet I # 2: Idea. One of the absolute marvels of the Internet is the multitude of ideas contained within it, literally at our fingertips. To think all Charles Dickens had was a quill pen, a bottle of ink, and paper. We have anything we want 24/7, including phrases and jargon Charles Dickens never considered.

Internet I #3: Inspiration. While inspiration bubbles up from all kinds of sources, the Internet is a daily horn of plenty. While you were sleeping last night, someone came up with some utterly outlandish inspirations that today can make your life more exciting, revved up and ready to go. Whether its educational, spiritual philosophical, socio-political, mathematical, ad infinitum, it is out here in this wonderful universe of cyber space waiting to be uncovered, discovered, recovered, perhaps at last covered over with even another inspiration yet.

Internet I # 4: Intimate. If you are alone or lonely, it is even possible to strike up meaningful acquaintances around the world. Prudence and boundaries may be two disciplines that need to be called upon in this pursuit, but the exchange is really up to you.

Internet I # 5: Introduction. You may be invited to explore beyond your imagination all kinds of subjects, finding the introductions in almost hidden and subtly lurking in searches, sites and scenes your eyes pick up on.

Internet I # 6: Inundation. Some further discipline may be required lest the Internet begin to tempt you into addiction. To be overwhelmed is a lurking danger which may pull you away from other necessary healthy and real interactions.

Must I Like All My Relatives?

2009-02-12T01:00:00.000-08:00

Relatively speaking, there are just some relatives that don’t shake it for me. Frankly, I have enjoyed being an only child for that reason, fewer cousins and such to cope with, less gifts to buy for holidays and birthdays, infrequent phone calls and emails to answer.

There are just some relatives for whom I edit the Jewish prayer to say: “May the Lord bless and keep them far away from us!” Just because of blood lines, long ago forgotten Thanksgivings and Christmases spent together, occasional weddings or baptisms or graduations invited to or attended, does not mean that my need to be a part of all the ongoing things in their lives remains a high priority. Some will call this blasphemy! I welcome it. The artificial carryings on at reunions and such are usually boring in the extreme. Call me Scrooge if you like. I call it honesty.

When someone, particularly someone older, dies in the family, the oft repeated remark, “why we haven’t seen each other since the last funeral” says a lot.

If laden with guilt requiring a response to a relative’s epistle or invitation or chatty gossip report, there is something one can do: Ignore it!

For those whose advice is to just “suck it up,” I remind that the method I choose is “sucking it up!” Doesn’t someone have to be the prodigal in the family?

To those who require an analysis of these feelings, I say “it is really none of your business.” There are stories and experiences, all capable of forgiveness and forgetfulness, but better left unrehearsed. If there aren’t skeletons in your closet, I’d like to know how you have kept such a clean closet.

To others, who say “forgive and move on,” I say forgiveness has nothing to do with it. If you don’t care for your neighbors, how much time have you spent forgiving and apologizing (for who knows what) and then moving along. I move along quite well without such rituals.

And for those who can’t stand the guilt, then obviously you have to work out whatever needs working out. If it is a miraculous conception or a total deception, please let us know. There may be some hope for us yet!

Feeling Your Best Everyday

2009-02-11T01:00:00.000-08:00

From the commercials on television, it would appear that feeling well is instantly available. All it takes is this pain reliever, that shampoo or conditioner, this facial cream or that hair restorer, this exercise program or that diet, this insurance or that, this tax lawyer or that, this automobile or that sleek model, this exercise machine or that, and so it goes! Every actor who appears in any of these “true” ads is always shown with white teeth glistening, smile pasted, happy go lucky demeanor.

While some of the advertised products may contribute to happiness, none of these make for happiness alone. Independent of your attitude about the wholeness of life and the fullness of your life orientation, none of these products is anything more than a box or a bottle on the shelf.

Searches for magic cures, elixirs, gadgets and gimmicks may be tempting, but often lack any ingredient to contribute to overall improvement. That begins with our own choices, disciplines, understanding of our needs, and addressing those needs with more than a self help book or CD.

Take it from one who went through radical surgery for removal of the prostate. My perception was that within a few weeks I would be well recovered. What with all the means for recovery available, I just knew I would be back to my old self in no time.
It is now more than a year later and my body, not to mention my mind, is still adjusting.

The latest result came when my weight gain took a spectacular ride on the up elevator. I thought when I stepped on the scales it would top out at max. Now, I am having to diet, for the first time in my life. No gimmicks, just an understanding, proficient spouse who is planning good, healthy meals and insisting I exercise.

Feeling your best everyday takes work. Maybe there are some Zippity Do Dah days for some, but for most, days are intermixed with various emotions, dynamics, feelings and physical highs and lows.

Addressing those with aplomb, finding a daily rainbow, sharing happiness with whomever you encounter are among the ways one feels one’s best everyday. I find the more I whistle, the happier I am. I know that if I start with an up attitude, my down syndrome will be nudged out. So here we are, another new day in which you can feel your best. How about that? Isn’t that better than searching for something out there that is really in here, inside your heart and spirit and body and soul?

I can’t give you a money back guarantee, excluding shipping and handling, but I can tell you that if you try this for one day, you will get the offer doubled overnight!

Bad Habits of the Aging

2009-02-10T01:00:00.000-08:00

Some ask how I come up with the topics that appear here. Some of them come directly from personal experience, observation, interaction, dialogue, and a lifetime of making my own grand mistakes.

Today’s topic is a combination of all of the above. It is a recognition that aging doesn’t mean we stop making poor or bad choices, it just means we may be aware of them more quickly. Aging also requires attempting to overcome them with alacrity, because the longer we practice bad habits the more likely their effect will be seriously negative.

Here are some of the habits and related commentary:

Poor diet: Obesity is one of the most serious of today’s epidemics. Poor diet, not just eating too much, contributes heavily (excuse the pun) to that. Living alone is a frequent excuse for easy and unhealthy dietary practices.

Being Alone: If you are single, too much time spent alone can be a bad habit. Social interaction often leads to a healthier, more productive frame of mind. Endorphins need stimulation.

Watching TV: Keeping the television on for company does not count as social interaction, even if you talk back to the TV.

Too Little Exercise: Not having an exercise regimen of some kind and frequency is one of the easiest bad habits to develop. It is easy to put off, to claim an ache or pain that prevents exercise, blame it on the weather, ad nauseum.

Becoming a Grumbler: Having a negative remark to go with everything seen or read is another big turnoff. Once this habit is in place, it usually done in all settings. Grumblers, by definition, are not pleasant to spend time with.

Drinking Excessively: Like so many habits, drinking is often a crutch. One drink leads to another with the hope that some exhilaration will follow the elixir. Actually, what happens is that the exhilaration most often leads to a deadening of the nerve ends and a stupor (is that from stupid?) takes over.

These are a few of the bad habits of aging to be on the look out for and against. There may have been a way to end that sentence with a preposition, just as there is a way to change our bad habits by being alert to how they damage our lives and living.

My Big Day is Wednesday

2009-02-09T05:41:00.000-08:00

Before Branson became BRANSON, we were visiting nearby in Bella Vista, Arkansas. At that time we owned property which we had bought for retirement. (I will warn you about such purchases in a future article.) We had slipped over to Branson on one of those wonderful afternoon outings that was supposed to be perfect for golfing. There was ice and snow. We decided to hazard the trip to ward off boredom. It was a good choice.

Our friends had retired in Iowa. He had owned a Coast to Coast Store in a small Iowa town, had done well and chose to move to Branson, Missouri, on the lake. I remind you this was pre-Opryland style Branson.

The couple, our friends, enjoyed a panoramic view of the lake, lived in a modest, but very nice home, and felt that the weather there, for the most part, our day’s visit notwithstanding, was superior to Iowa winters.

Of course, while there, we fell to talking about their daily routine. I would tell you their name is “Settle.” I think that may tell us a lot.

When I inquired of Don (Mr. Settle), how he spent his days, his reply was classic. This is a man who had managed his own store for years, had been active in the community, was in good health and not ready to “call it a day.”

My question was: “could you give me a description of your week’s activities?” His reply was utterly classic.

“Jerry,” said he,” my week goes like this,” whereupon he launched into a day by day minute description of his time spent, energy used, anticipations expended of a one week period in his idyllic location on the lake in Branson, Missouri.

He said that on “Mondays, I have to rest up from having gone to church on Sunday. Tuesdays are busier because the grocery ads come out and we spend our mornings making up our shopping list. Wednesdays, now that’s the big one. We get up early, get into town, run errands, buy groceries and finish up at Jolly Café for a hamburger. Thursdays is another rest day from our big trip to town. Fridays, well that’s the day before the weekend, so we get all ready for the weekend. Saturdays are spent preparing to go to church on Sunday and Sunday, we go to our church. Then, all of a sudden, why its Monday again.”

I hope Don Settle knows how much fun I've had with his story over the years!

Finding What I Want When I Want It!

2009-02-06T01:00:00.000-08:00

From among all the topics available to assist Seniors, how does one go about finding the very thing that may be most useful and helpful in a given situation?

Search engines are the normal means for seeking out the treasure you seek. They are filled with one line hints, topics, links, ideas, and so on for your getting from your need to your desired result.

The best way I have found is to enter one or two words which pertain to my search. For example, Senior Moments is my column, a part of my blog which is related to Senior Citizen Journal. Hints for finding such a blog can begin with a simple “senior living,” or “senior issues” or “senior helps,” or “senior citizen topics,” or “helps for seniors,” or “retirement living” and the list can go on and out into any direction you may want to take it.

Patience, persistence and targeted topics are the keys to finding what may be helpful in your situation. Once found, place your result in “My Favorites,” for easy retrieval. Much of the traffic, that goes to any particular site and develops a loyalty to it, comes about just as the result of folk who look around. Some of it comes from referrals of someone who has found it and believes it may be stimulating to someone they know.
In any event, a site worth its salt will eventually generate traffic worthy of its presence.

It is verboten to do self promotion here. This article attempts to introduce curious seniors to “seek and find.” You may be surprised just how much there is of worth, inspiration, knowledge, free advice, humor, hints, great ideas, short cuts, virtual courses on various subjects, and so on. Seniors today are among a generation that can be free of boredom, can continue to learn, can open up new vistas of opportunity and activity. It is a literal Aladdin’s Lamp, perhaps, unless treated respectfully, a Pandora’s Box. In any event it is here and available now for our use and offers expansion of the mind, inspiration of the spirit, counsel for the body, and social interaction with people all over the world.

Start your engines, you will be surprised at the destinations you will reach!

Emergency Preparedness and Response Planning

2009-02-05T01:00:00.000-08:00

In an emergency are you prepared with a response plan?

Emergencies, like accidents, are unpredictable. They slip up on us when we have little awareness of their sneaky ways. Emergencies are the kind of thing that preparation seems almost an oxymoron. However, for seniors it is all the more critical to make ready for the possibility of something going wrong. This isn’t negative thinking, it is preparatory planning.

Let’s test that idea. When traveling by car, do you make preparations making sure your automobile is up for the trip? Do you have the tire pressure checked, make sure the fluids are all at appropriate levels, look at the tire wear to determine necessary replacement, check the trunk for an emergency kit, determine if the spare is usable, take the vehicle to the garage to check out all warning lights, if any are indicating a problem. Do you have a cell phone? Have you considered getting one?

Have you left information with someone about your trip plans and the routes you will be taking? Have you let someone know when your estimated times of arrival will be? What about your return date?

In your home, have you made preparations for its security and safety in your absence? Have you checked all the locks throughout the house; do you have an alarm system; is someone ready to receive emergency calls in your absence; do you have light timers set throughout the house; has someone been designated to keep papers picked up, mail box emptied; have you closed draperies or other window coverings; will someone take care of your lawn or sidewalks and driveways in your absence? Leaving home is more than just loading the car and locking the front door behind you. Have you left numbers so that you can be reached if necessary?

On the trip, do you have numbers on your person of significant persons to be notified in the event of an unexpected emergency? Are there medical instructions, easily located, if needed? Will your partner know what to do if an emergency occurs? Will you?

Have you packed sufficient medications for your use while away? Do you have refill prescriptions, if needed?

Of course, you are most likely more often at home than on the road. Home is, after all, where most accidents occur. Preparing your home and yourself to head off the possibility of a fall, a quick need for EMT services, a plan in the event of smoke or fire
occurrence, an unexpected kitchen surprise, a water break, a bathtub accident, a trip over an intrusive rug, an electric shock, a sudden burn, your list may carry even more possibilities.

Developing a plan for response is essential. If you are alone, what are your options? If you are living with a partner, how do you get their attention? If you live in a large house with a large exterior to care for, what would be your means for getting attention, if you needed it? We haven’t even covered outdoor yard maintenance and all the accidents that lurk in garages, in the use of machinery, etc.

The point is developing a plan. Your situation will have its own peculiar issues to address. The important thing is having a plan and having persons who know you and watch out for you, know your address, phone number, other critical and helpful information in an emergency!

Volunteer Your Way Out of Depression

2009-02-04T06:16:00.000-08:00

A recent John Hopkins study gives strong support to volunteering, particularly to those over 70. Such studies are worth considering and taking seriously.

Boredom and sedentary habits are the curse of seniors, particularly those who are retired. Activity requires a persistent willingness to search out meaningful ways to spend one’s days. Persons who live alone are particularly vulnerable. Losing one’s spouse is a sure way to fall into the pit of depression. Having alternative means for exercise, mental stimulation, involvement with other people, keeping up a good diet, getting out of the house, creating methods for interaction even with people you don’t know are all essential agendas for the aging.

Why? For starters, longevity is a very likely result. If you want to live longer find ways to volunteer. Find ways to engage, to develop regular social intercourse with others. It may be working in a volunteer agency, delivering meals on wheels, associating with a library, a botanical garden, a tourist site, a program like the Salvation Army or Goodwill, or Thrift Store, a local hospital or nursing home, a Food Bank or social service agency, a children’s project, a playground monitor, Habitat for Humanity, the Red Cross.

If these are not enough suggestions, search your own area for ways to invest your time, energy and personality in order to extend your life.

Take your time to give your time and more time may be the reward!

Hidden Family Treasures

2009-02-03T06:12:00.000-08:00

It is difficult to say from among the number of very special human beings who are a part of my life which is the most important! Aren’t we glad we don’t have to make that choice?

Spouses, children, parents, siblings, extended family, grandchildren, great grandchildren, significant others, etc and on and on, each and all play a special part in our lives. Their particular, special and peculiar contributions are immeasurable. They are treasures, hidden within our hearts, and gifts that unfold over and over in our living.

And the list is not even complete. We are blessed with in-laws and 2nd and 3rd cousins, uncles and nephews and nieces and favorite aunts, grannys only vaguely remembered and grampas who help us connect with the past. Beyond that are those we haven’t even discovered yet. And beyond that are those we haven’t seen in years.

As we age we discover that family has its marvelous hidden secrets and incredible treasures tucked away in the leaves of some favorite book or buried in an antique trunk, or written on the pages of a family Bible. There also may be antiques, paintings, photos, or other mementos with notes attached telling of some great family moment.

There are so many of such mementos scattered around our house that it could be a walking museum or offer chapters of the history of our family and dear ancestors. A wallet, carried in the Civil War, by my great grandfather, a shaving mug owned and well used by my grandfather, knives collected by my father, a charcoal painting of my maternal great grandfather, shotguns belonging to my grandfathers, toys from my maternal grandfather and my favorite great aunt on my spouse’s side, spectacles, change purses, the memorabilia is virtually endless. Valuable? Who knows? Special? Absolutely!

All of this serves as a connection which has brought and gives life meaning. Some of it may be only short term memories, others of it may serve to conjure up affection and tears and lasting treasures of experience that helped make you the person you are. All of it serves as ingredients of your life, its particularity, its uniqueness, its wonder. All of it helps to make up you!

Spend time in reflection now and then over those who have and continue to give you gifts of what helped make you you. They deserve your gratitude and refection. They weren’t wasting time when they offered you a part of them. They were showing you something about life and its wonders. Wonder now how they knew you would find so much in what they were willing to share!

Did You See That Game?

2009-02-02T07:26:00.000-08:00

Did you see that game? There were some excellent moments of genuinely professional coaching and play. Except for the commercials, the overall event was stimulating. With all the pre-game hype about the commercials, you would think the game is played for the commercials. And now we find some of the commercials were paid for with bail out money. When does the stench of greed and indifference to the average tax payer finally go away?

Today is Ground Hog day and the shadow has been seen. For those who have had enough winter, brace yourselves for more.

Struggles in the Senate suggest the Bail Out package may run into trouble today.

Forecasts indicate that more job losses are in the wings.

Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?

So with all of that, how do we prepare ourselves for the bad news that just keeps seeping out of the most ordinary events of our lives? How do we cope with the terrible news that floods so many? How do we wake ourselves from this bad dream that keeps repeating itself night after night?

It would be nice if watching a game would make all the other insults of living go away. It would be encouraging if some escapes, such as sports, would serve that purpose for longer than a few hours. Entertainment, no matter its genre, is like a medication for pain, it doesn’t last long.

Wouldn’t it be good if someone would find a permanent cure for bad news?

Some say religion or faith offers such an elixir. Others recommend meditation and exercise. Others look for it in all kinds of distractions.

Whatever the source or course you take, if it works for you, it works! The rest of us who still search may find our solution in the search itself.

Just When I Thought...

2009-01-30T06:19:00.000-08:00

Just when I thought

Things were going well, I was struck with ill health

Life had leveled out, there were bumps in the road

Misery could take no more company, another load was dumped on me

Things couldn’t get any worse, they did…

How often have you found yourself held captive by downers such as these? How frequently have you heard yourself drawing a picture of life that is nothing but gloom and doom? How often have you given in to the tricks of despair and defeat? And, if you have, what sort of plan did you have for overcoming such anguish, for delivering yourself from such pits?

I have a friend who deals with his depression by whistling. One of his favorite tunes is
“Whistle a Happy Tune.” I know someone else who flips through old New Yorker magazines, just for the cartoons. I know others whose favorite pastime is Laurel and Hardy movies.

Laughter is the cure. That’s why it is so desirable to associate with those who generate laughter, whose disposition is motivated by humor, whose ability to create distraction from the troublesome is to get others to laugh.

Despondency is a swamp into which it is easy to find one’s way, but awfully difficult to discover the exit. Don’t go there or don’t go any further in than you can avoid. Days of despair accumulate and rob you of your better self. They prevent you from giving your joy away and thus reducing the pain of dejection.

Most of the time, when I am with folk I know well, I usually attempt to create some frivolous verbal and deliciously ribald fun. I find it to be contagious. One witty remark births another and so on. Before one knows it, the whole room is caught up in hilarious exchanges. There is nothing wrong with that, so long as it is not done at the expense of anyone present.

When you think life has dumped on you, find some way to remove the load by replacing it with the lightness of laughter.

Spending Time Musing: a Time for Senior Citizen Contemplation

2009-01-29T01:00:00.000-08:00

One of the big time blessings of aging is having time to think. Senior citizens indulging in thought is one of the luxuries that has too many enemies. We are bidden by the distractions and temptations which discourage genuine, quiet, and worthwhile contemplation.

The patio at our home in Arizona offers the silence and serenity necessary for productive or just meandering thought. The front porch in Texas allows the mind to wander and flit and the eye to gaze and the heart to be at peace. What more healthy enterprise can one find for engaging oneself than these? What more useful way to allow for the discovery of an idea or a thought, for the development of a series of pure fantasies that give one peace of spirit. Or such may allow one to launch out into new adventures full of exciting inquiries and inventively creative designs.

What if your thinking encouraged you to take up art or sculpting or writing poetry or penning short stories or designing greeting cards? What if watching the clouds opened up vistas beyond inspiring you to see there strange and wonderful childlike adventures?

Maybe you play the piano enough that your thinking could result in a worthy composition. Maybe your meditations could dissolve some great ethical problem. Maybe your mind holds a secret the world has long awaited!

Somewhere out there in the wonderland of our thoughts is a new discovery, a new uncharted course to new unfound lands, a path from our front door to doors previously unopened.

Spend the time in thought that might otherwise go begging for activity. Spend moments meditating over some great and moving inspiration that may unlock puzzles and break down barriers and leap over the impossible.

Your world will become larger…your mind more fruitful…your time well spent. Muse awhile every day and you may meet with some new revelation.

What to do When: Etiquette Suggestions for Seniors

2009-01-28T06:45:00.000-08:00

Many senior citizens know that one of the contributors to Emily Post’s success came when more and more people wanted to know how to behave in social situations. Letters of inquiry launched a career, still a part of Americana. Her answers became legend and law and revisions have been made as necessary throughout the decades.

There are new questions today, necessitated by a changed and an ever changing social environment. These questions arise as legitimately as they did when persons wanted to know which fork to use.

But today’s questions have more to do with sensitivity to social crises than to table manners. They are questions that come from every generation. No age group is immune. Seniors, whose experience may be sharpened through years of experience, are nonetheless often caught in situations new to them and are frequently in need of advice.

Here are some of the surprises and dynamics that may confront us all:

Q: A friend sends an invitation to a wedding of one of their children. The bride is pregnant and marrying someone of another ethnic background; how do you handle it?

A: You handle it as you would any invitation. If you are available and wish to attend, you reply accordingly. You purchase a gift which you have sent or take to the occasion. You exercise 100% genuine courtesy, thoughtfulness and participate as a friend who cares and is delighted to have been invited.

Q: Someone special in your circle, friend or family, is going through an experience of terminal illness with someone in their family; how can you be present to them during their uncertainty and pain?

A: Exercising compassion and presence is an absolute top of the list must. Authentic presence, in body or not, is the best extension of caring there is. There is a web site called www.CaringBridge.org where many persons going through this experience are available to receive messages of caring. Direct contact, without overdoing it, is always welcomed. Telephone calls, timed appropriately, are very intimate and personal. Greeting cards, offers for assistance, dropping by with a platter of cookies are expressions of affection. Listening is the most precious gift of all. Offering a shoulder follows that.

Q. Someone in your acquaintance has lost a significant portion of their retirement nest egg. They aren’t sure what lies ahead, how can you be helpful?

A. While you may not be in a position to rescue them from their financial catastrophe, you can be in a position to assist strategizing with them a means for coping and moving forward. It will be painful. It may offer some dead ends, but their having someone to assist them to hold up the ceiling, when it feels as if it is crashing in upon them, will be
a gift beyond measure.

It is the age old story for senior citizens. Etiquette is another way of showing respect, offering generosity and grace, especially when it takes into account the deepest respect for and needs of others.

Seniors Who Hear Voices

2009-01-27T01:00:00.000-08:00

Seniors who hear voices, that is listen to their intuition, are not necessarily “off their rockers.” As a matter of fact intuition is often a well honed skill allowing one to rely on a sixth sense for decision making and problem solving. This, of course, does not in any way encourage making decisions or solving problems with only intuition at work. It is, however, one of the mechanisms for thinking through, listening to your own well developed good judgment and coming up with an outcome that you will be prepared to go with.

Practical, rational decision making is not devoid of its own deficiencies. Calculating a problem only mathematically, determining a direction only geographically, trying to reach an outcome only rationally, reaching a choice only emotionally means that a lot of other helpful insights will go missing.

Ironically, all of these and other considerations go into our decision making. Quick decisions made only intuitively can be disasters. Like love at first sight, you may need a vision check.

Decision making, particularly for older persons requires at least the following:

*Counsel with others for whom you have respect.

*Check out the details. If the decision involves money, be sure you are on solid footing and can afford any cost that may or may not be recovered.

*Look at the time involved for whatever it is you are deciding.

*Be aware of the energy required to accomplish the task.

*Have a Plan B.

*Try not to paint yourself into a corner.

*Look at all the options.

*Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to change your mind.

*Be prepared to admit that you could be wrong.

*When you decide in favor, don’t look back.

Celebrate your ability to work through decisions, share the success of your choices and decisions with your partner. Learn from your bad moves as well as the good. Use intuition and every other facility at your command to sort out and work through your eventual action.

It Has Been a While Since I Have Been Here!

2009-01-26T01:00:00.000-08:00

It has been a while since I have been here. I took a much needed respite over the holidays. Seniors need those too. It is just as critical for senior citizens to change their routines and invite variety as it is anybody else. So I vacated the scene for a while.

Now it’s time to return to the previous routine. This is more difficult than it might first appear. Resuming a habit, particularly good ones, is much more difficult than breaking one. I tried writing an article the other day, finished it, and promptly lost it. I took that to mean my vacation wasn’t quite over. Probably a rationalization, but it worked for me.

So now on Monday morning I am attempting my return. Some of you have likely broken the habit of visiting me. I invite your return. You are the reason I am here, after all. While you are at it, you might encourage some of your friends and acquaintances to join us.

Vacations and respites are rewarding and often fulfilling, but, like all good things, they must come to an end. My mother in law suggests retirement is that time when “everyday is a holiday.” Maybe so, but when doing the same thing over and over, eventually it becomes boring.

So, now that we are into the first month of 2009, it probably is time for me to give up the temptation of doing little. Productivity of some kind is the tonic that keeps life interesting and the body healthy and mind energized. Rocking chairs are for verandas at southern resorts. As a permanent fixture, they are a liability, unless used with prudence.

Winter is a tough time, particular in some areas, to keep occupied. Do it anyway. Reading is a good habit, but also a sedentary one. Find some way to get up and get out and get going.

Being on the computer is fun, but it too holds one, like television, too long in its grip and doesn’t allow for more than mental exercise.

Sewing and working on hobbies, in which sitting is required, are good activities, but we need to do something to stimulate our body and heart and blood flow.

So help me I plan to be busier this next six months. Then, I will review what I have been doing and discard those that aren’t useful and take on more that are. How about you? Even if every day is a holiday, we still have the option to be alive to possibilities.

Signs of a Stroke

2009-01-15T07:41:00.001-08:00

According to a popular email making the rounds, there are now four signs which indicate the possibility of a person having had a stroke.

If a person falls or experiences some other behavior that may suggest a stroke, persons near by can engage the individual in the following test.

First, Ask the person to smile.

Second, Ask them to speak, saying a simple six or seven word sentence.

Third, Have them raise their arms.

If they respond well to this exercise, they are probably okay. Add one additional test, have the individual stick out his/her tongue. If the tongue is crooked, that is goes to one side or the other, that may indicate a stroke.

A cardiologist suggests that quick action is very critical. If an individual is found to have had a stroke and action is taken to have the person seen by a physician, it is possible that a stroke can be prevented from being fatal.

Much like the Heimlich maneuver, knowing what to do, how to observe those signs that may suggest the need for immediate action (calling 911) may save the life of a friend, a loved one or a total stranger.

Compliments Come in Many Shapes

2009-01-14T06:31:00.000-08:00

Compliments come in so many shapes. For some reason they seem to come less and less frequently as one ages. My first major assignment out of seminary was in a county seat town in western Nebraska. It was 1964. I was 26 years old, married, but without children.

Time in western Nebraska was brief. The assignment lasted two years and from there I would go to Omaha for a tenure of nineteen years. My career ended after three additional assignments in Arizona. So it has been 44 years since our departure from that first assignment in Nebraska.

At Christmas in 2007 I had a Christmas card from one of the young women who had been in the youth group in that small town in Nebraska so long ago. She and a cadre of friends were preparing, in May of 2009, for a reunion of their class. Christmas, 2008, brought another greeting, this time with a nudge for my wife Sharon, and me to plan to participate in the event. However, of those whom we knew then and would be present, none would have any knowledge of our plans to be there.

Of course we are planning to be there. Of course it will test memory, but it will be a celebration of unequalled proportions.

That is the compliment. To be remembered, by persons who were adolescents, who helped shape me and, I presume, I them after all these years is a supreme compliment. Just imagine getting reminders from dear people who were a part of your life, in your own early development, who identified something useful and valuable about that acquaintance, that relationship so many years later.

There are few treasures we experience as senior citizens, which give us quite as much joy and satisfaction as to be remembered by someone from our past. It takes time to extend compliments. It takes energy to look up someone you just want to touch base with. And, who knows, that person may no longer remember you. Compliments are part of life’s enrichments. They help us appreciate that whatever small difference we may have made, it may have made a large difference in someone’s life. Compliments to those of us who are now older work the same way. It may seem small to the giver, to the recipient it looms large as an enormous moment to be cherished forever.

Scams, Spams, Flim Flams and Bunko Artists

2009-01-12T01:00:00.000-08:00

Senior Citizens, because of increased vulnerability, are in a position to be conned more easily than at any other time in their lives. And activities of con artists are on the increase. There are a lot of people in retirement jumping on band wagons these days in hopes of that wagon taking them somewhere better. It is amazing the number of entrepreneurs who are emerging to take advantage of the desperation of others. Of course, the classic example is Mr. Madoff, pronounced “made off.”

Look out there is a bumpy road ahead and con artists have the map. They know every detour, side road, unmarked lane, driveway, destination, cul de sac, dead end out there. They know how to help direct you to where you aren’t going, but if you just take their advice you will get there a lot more quickly.

Swindles and Scams and Spams and Flim Flams are as abundant as funny money, tricks up the sleeve and notorious hokum designed to catch you in its snare. How do you head off the bunko artists who know more about cheating you than you do about protecting yourself?

Start by honing your suspicious nature. The rule of “if it’s too good to be true, it probably is” always applies. Know how to generate your BS detector. Listen for the slang and jargon and pitch of an artist seeking to draw you into his trap. Phone call solicitations are a very good way to practice. The answer is NO. George Carlin offered a number of sagacious tips in helping people understand how best to deal with cheating callers. Finally, the best way is to hang up. Politeness with these guys does not apply. Remember you are in charge of the phone. Being rude to someone you have never met, will never meet and whose only interest is in catching you in a hoax does not violate the principles of Emily Post and etiquette.

On the street, watch out with a keen eye. Don’t get caught by some shark looking to get your attention, distract you and pull a fast one. Women laden with packages and a purse are always a good object lesson. While legitimate need is one thing, watch for persons just needing a few quarters to buy a meal. Park in conspicuous places in parking lots. Be sure it is well lighted, if at night. Use your key fob, get into the car quickly and lock it. Watch out for courteous strangers, who just want to help you with your packages. Isn’t this sad? But desperation is the mother of chicanery.

In your home, avoid answering the door to strangers. Solicitations are out of bounds. If necessary, post a sign indicating such. Do not allow tricksters to offer you a treat. If you have an alarm system and live in a highly populated area, keep it set during the day and night.

Finally, use your car alarm as a means to call attention to yourself in compromising situations. Keep it handy. If something unusual befalls you, hit the button, even if you are in your front yard. You paid for it, use it as a means for protection.

While not everyone is a crook, these times offer incentive for desperation, bred out of hopelessness. Remember some people are just looking for a way to get by, but the safety of senior citizens is foremost. Instead of grabbing the con, demonstrate your sympathy by contributing to worthy charitable causes which assist the unemployed, the homeless, and the hungry.

PASSION: A Guide For Seniors and Their Significant Others

2009-01-09T01:00:00.000-08:00

Question: When is Passion no longer possible for a senior citizen whose age seems to be a worrisome concern?

Answer: Never, so long as breathing is practiced with adequate regularity!

Do not expect here an in depth analysis of physical factors which discourage passion. I leave that to you and your physician to probe (forgive the pun!)

Do not anticipate a brief version of “The Joy of Sex,” which may not be a bad recommendation anyway.

Do not assume a review of Gail Sheehy’s various takes on “passages.”

What you may expect is an upbeat case for remaining in love, exercising that love through a variety of passionate attitudes, choices, frames of reference, practices, and continuing the good habits of caring and touching and staying in love.

Aging introduces all kinds of interferences with love and love making. To be sure, it is critical to understand that there is a difference. And, to be sure, love making requires energy, initiative, response, interest, and passion.

For some, in their later years, love making is not something easily engaged in, as once was the case. That’s okay. Love making does not have to include genitalia, nor does it mean creating the lust and passion of many years previous. Bodily functions change. Hormones that create physical passion dissipate. I am sure this is not new information. Emotions, however, are still possible to be expressed.

Some of the most endearing passions have to do with touching, kissing, whispering, sensing, expressing through other than traditional intercourse. This is not to discourage intercourse, if both parties are amenable. It is to create an ecstasy available to a couple who still experience passion and desire for each other.

Even holding hands, hugging, embracing, looking into one another’s eyes are ways to sustain passion, the emotional kind that is not dependent upon hormones. Some choose to read sonnets or poetry or paragraphs from selected books. Some sit before the fire or on floaters in the swimming pool, take walks, hike up mountains, lie down beside streams, looking for romance in unusual and provocative places.

Passion can and does disappear when pleasure and seduction disappear. Embracing first thing in the morning and last thing at night continues the energy and the spark. Passion is forever so long as love endures.

What is your GQ? --Grandparent Quotient

2009-01-08T01:00:00.000-08:00

No matter when we senior citizens finally achieve being a grandparent, there are some tests to help identify our capability and capacity for being a good one. My experience is certainly limited in the role and I have never taken courses in retirement to boost my GQ. Basic intuition and sensitivity contribute about as much to ability and smarts as most anything else.

First, a grandparent is not a replacement for the parent. Of course, this assumes all are available to fulfill their roles and to understand the limits of each. If circumstances have created a situation in which the roles are different, that has to be worked out accordingly.

Complexities introduced before and continuing in the 21st century contribute to keeping abreast of inter family dynamics. It ain’t what it used to be, if it ever were that way.

If there still is a “nuclear” family, the dynamics aren’t necessarily simplified. Families who have meals together at home, without interference by television, etc., is an increasingly unusual phenomenon. Perhaps one of the roles grandparents can fulfill is offering an occasional get together around the table for a meal. Assuming this won’t be a forced occasion, but one which can contribute to frivolity and good times, such an opportunity can create fond memories.

Finding something in common with grandchildren (no matter their age) remains a challenge. It is, however, a challenge worth pursuing. Genuine companionship between generations offers a wealth of recollections worthy of posterity.

Adolescence offers its own challenges. When grandparents find ways to contend with that hurdle, then a true, lifelong affection will surely be shared. I think we are there with our grandchildren, although times together are predictably less frequent.

Finding gifts that respect the grandchild and are age appropriate will also offer memories, for the item will likely be one that the grandchild chooses to keep.

Communicating with some frequency becomes more and more a challenge. However, with email, text messaging, cell phones, etc. available some contact can be established and maintained. It is an easy exercise to overlook, but one that needs nurture for the benefit of both parties.

Identifying and reserving some special alone times is also important and necessary. Before long, graduation and off to college, distance and demands will consume more and more of what had been time a grandparent could claim. Try to hang on to some of what soon will be absorbed by the claims of normal growing up and going away.

Check out your GQ once in a while with other senior citizens, learn from them, both what to do and what not to do. Thank your grandchildren for the wonderful contributions they make to your life. Let them know often, with genuine sincerity, how special they are.

Achieving Happiness, Fulfillment and Joy in Retirement

2009-01-07T08:47:00.000-08:00

The most desirable frame of mind in aging is happiness. To be sure happiness emerges in all kinds of shapes and dimensions. Being a senior citizen often means that one has accomplished maturity and control sufficient to experience happiness with regularity. It also means having arrived at pinpointing what contributes to unhappiness, thus choosing to avoid it at all costs.

Happiness, fulfillment and joy are, of course, all the same thing. They may differ in measures of exhilaration, but offer ultimately the same thing. Among the dispositions necessary for a healthy and happy frame of mind when people gather are these:

1. Intentionally decide to create a conflict free environment. This takes mutual conversation, rule setting, boundary determinations and mutual disciplines which realize how to blow the whistle on anger.

2. Insert affection, warmth, compliments, reinforcements in every conversation or communication with family members and friends. Create an atmosphere of respect.

3. Check your attitude at the door. Be sure you aren’t carrying past grudges or anxieties which may contribute to instigating tension.

4. Look for subjects that invite objectivity and avoid controversy. If there are controversial issues which nudge themselves into the conversation, find an exit, change the subject, suggest dealing with it in another time and place.

5. When in a group, be alert to persons not being included in exchanges. Find appropriate ways to bring them in. Group dynamics, even in a family, require sensitive facilitation. Perhaps you are the one to serve that role. Or you may be the one who nudges someone to take the role.

6. If someone in a group is well known for intemperate remarks, find ways to redirect the conversation quickly. Escalation of conflict is certain and deadly, unless intentional side lining is attempted.

7. Find ways to bring closure to the visit or occasion. Overly extended conversations, monologues or dialogues often lead to frustration and boredom. “Hasn’t this been a wonderful occasion(?)’’ is a good way to point guests toward the door. A superior gathering is one in which everyone departs feeling good about having been together.

Find Treasures Everyday

2009-01-06T11:45:00.001-08:00

It may depend on your definition of “treasure,” but it is possible to discover treasure everyday. A recent archaeological find in Germany proves the premise. History will need to be rewritten. A contest between Germans and Romans around 250 to 300 suggests a longer lifespan for the Roman Empire than previously thought.

So pick up your metal detector and begin the search. Of course “metal detector” here is only figurative. Antique Road Show fans have long since discovered the value of some long since inherited object d’art. Ebay offers all sorts of finds, discovered in long since abandoned boxes and attics and under beds. Kovels is an excellent resource.

Process for Identifying Treasure: The trick in identifying treasure is found in the eye and in the ability to exercise patience to research its potential validity. Being able to “see” means “old” items may have value; because it has hung on the wall so long may mean it’s familiar, or it could hold hidden worth.

Search in places for items, e.g. glassware, vases, silver pieces, tucked away goodies that have been stored for years. A friend discovered a vase, about 3 inches in height, which was bought for $3. It was later valued at 4 figures.

Select several items which appear to be of sufficient vintage, unusual in design, show significant markings, perhaps dates and have them professionally appraised.

If there is someone in the family who may know some of the history of specific items, e.g. furniture, lamps, first edition books, and so on, recruit their assistance.

Read up on values. Do not embarrass yourself by taking in any old piece of junk and expect to be rewarded. Remember there are many unsearched closets and chests and boxes and attics.

Visit Antique stores and dealers. Ask questions, as if you are a buyer not a seller.

Go to Auctions and Estate Sales. Observe carefully, take notes.

Some items, e.g. jewelry, art pieces, and glass ware may require a specialist to determine worth, if any. You may also be wise to get a second opinion.

Finally, while you are at, this sorting process may be a good time to rid yourself of some items that have consumed space, but whose value is little worth hanging on to. Consider your own sale or donating these items to an organization who may find use for them.

Fill Your Life With Satisfaction: Eight Bonuses for Senior Citizens Activities

2009-01-05T08:58:00.000-08:00

2009 offers opportunities for creating a life satisfying series of days and moments. A year doesn’t happen all at once, even for senior citizens who decry how rapidly time flies. The Senior Citizen age is an everyday, minute at a time process. We surprise ourselves when we discover what we can do with time. The first goal of a senior citizen is to make every day productive.

So, here are some early New Year clues for filling life’s days with satisfaction.

1. Convince yourself that being of Senior Citizen age is a plus. Plan daily activities that under gird a positive attitude. Read books that enable your being a positive person, engage in exercise that assists your health and mobility. Look for one task to do that gives you a sense of accomplishment.

2. Identify one thing that you are exceptionally competent in doing. Do not limit yourself to the ordinary, but stretch yourself to find something you might have never considered undertaking: for men, how about knitting or cross stitching; for women, being able to work on your car.

3. Set a goal of the number of books you will read within a month’s time. Choose books you always told yourself you wanted to read.

4. Choose one volunteer activity per month that will give you a sense of community and interactive pride. Find something that allows you to be with persons whom you don’t normally identify as friends.

5. Work on your spirituality. Note, the word is spirituality, not religion. Identify with some group, spiritual discipline, devotional exercise which will enlarge sense of self worth.

6. Study your diet. Work with your spouse or significant other or a dietitian to be sure you are eating well and assisting your health with healthy meal planning.

7. If you need more to do, consider an unusual hobby. There are no limits on solid and available opportunities.

8. Get a good night’s sleep! Recommended sleep is 8 hours per night. Determine what schedule works best for you. Try not to vary it.

Finally, review your progress in meeting your goals to create a life satisfying pattern for yourself. Keep a Journal so that you may evaluate your progress or lack of it. In a few months, you will have created new, healthy habits which will contribute to your life’s satisfaction as a Senior Citizen.

Goodbye, Celebrities and Old Pals

2008-12-30T01:00:00.000-08:00

Toward year’s end, one of the annual rituals is to share in the recall of celebrities and prominent persons who died. Not unlike any year, this one has seen the passing of some very remarkable and salient individuals who affected our times significantly.

As I go through those lists, I am reminded of one or another of the contributions, creative, artistic, profound, that these human beings shared with us. I am reminded that because of their gifts, we will share in their voices, faces, work from now on. What an additional gift we receive through the technology that offers us such reminders.

My favorites were in practically every field. And those, about whom I knew little, I am sorry now I didn’t know more. That is always the way it is with death, it leaves us wanting more of the person, of their pungent excitement of life, of their special gifts that made our lives full and touched by a spirit, impossible to define.

We were met with two losses this year whose lives had intersected ours in daily ways. They were our best friends. One had been with us for 17 years, our male dachshund. The other was an abandoned cat who came to live with us and teach us the nature of being mastered by the “Silent Miaow.” Both losses were profound, deep and painfully agonizing.

They slept with us every night. They were near us every day. We knew their needs and they met ours. They offered humor and vibrant moments to unpredictable moments. They were there first thing in the morning, sometimes in the middle of the night, and when it was time to lie together in the harmony of family.

Pia and Zach were very close friends. They mastered the dog/cat thing early on and were siblings in their own right. They kept their distance at meal time. They were there to defend one another against any unwelcome intruder. Their loyalty, shared as it was between them, expanded to include us. We knew we were safe with them, and they with us.

They are buried in our pet plot on the grounds of our country home. They lie where they had roamed. I can see their plot from the window of my library. A misty tear often nudges its way down my cheek when I look in their direction. It is happening now.

We have two pets who came along near the time of Pia’s passing and a few months before Zach’s. They were “rescue” animals, who were facing their own deaths. We were fortunate to retrieve them just in time and they have brought renewed joy and pleasure to our daily lives. I promise to tell you more about them another time.

Whoever you may have lost this year, I leave you with full sympathy. Whenever it was, however they fit into your life, it always brings a shaking to the soul and a vacancy in the heart.

Follow Your Bliss: A Conversation with Family and Friends

2008-12-29T01:00:00.000-08:00

A conversation with family and friends the other evening, between Christmas and New Year’s Eve, prompted me to hear myself for the first time in a long time.

What I heard was a man, almost 70, who had begun slipping into attitudes of cynicism, sardonicism, doubt, pessimism and just plain skepticism. All these words generally define the same attitude. Their roots are found in doubt. They flourish when one allows the “popular” and often misguided forms of religious faith to overwhelm one’s own life long struggle with a workable concept of faith.

With the heavy press of what’s wrong with our world weighing upon us, it has become easy to be susceptible to the epidemic of feeling disenfranchised, empty, and hopeless.

Joseph Campbell’s studies of myths helped many see both the value of myth and the need to sort out those myths into patterns which provide and allow a better understanding of our search for meaning, in other words to identify a hope to which to cling.

His favorite counsel, as one seeks meaning, is to “follow your bliss.” Discover what it is that gives your life the spark, the energy, the electricity, as my son calls it, to be real and to live a life with honest meaning and sense of purpose.

Along the journey, we are met with occasions when we need to be inoculated from fear and negative spirits and small minded intoxications. Particularly, seniors in retirement have to struggle with replacing discontented grumbling with more optimistic, hopeful, buoyant behaviors, ideas and attitudes.

For the senior, particularly retired seniors, this may produce the need for striking out for totally alien territory. The prison of inactivity contributes more to ill health, incapacity, uselessness, indolence, passiveness, slothfulness and inertia than anything else. Suddenly, recognizing how close to the edge I was coming, my family and friends urged me away from that precarious edge.

It isn’t just coming to a resolution; it is being ready for an all out revolution in your own life. It is agreeing to wage war on the very enemies that steal the you from yourself. It is finding some identifiable infatuation with ideas and activities that come from both inside and outside yourself resulting in your inner self having a healthier disposition.

You don’t have to wait until January 1; start now, this minute, while you are reading this column. Think about how you can escape the prison of self incarceration. Breathe new life into your soul and spirit; introduce your body to healthy habits. Change the bad behaviors to which you have been beholden. Follow your bliss!

Things I Wish I Had Said

2008-12-22T07:43:00.000-08:00

There are many things I wish I had said as the year closes. Here are a few.

I wish I had said “I APPRECIATE YOU” more often. You have done much that goes unthanked. Much of what you have done was not done for me at all. But much of what you have done is never sufficiently recognized by others, often the very recipients of your caring. Someone, why shouldn’t it be me, should let you know that those unsung, unrecognized acts are appreciated. I wish I had told you then that I appreciate you.

I wish I had said “HAPPY BIRTHDAY.” I didn’t. But now, though it is likely past, I want you to know that I wish I had said it. Your birthday is important to you and it is important to others because it symbolizes your being. And without you, this world would be less.

I wish I had said “I CARE.” There were time when you, like all of us, need especially to hear that. Those “down days” when, on the percentage scale, more seems to go wrong than right. Had I said it probably wouldn’t have changed things a lot. But you would have known that someone does genuinely care.

I wish I had said “FORGIVE ME.” Although forgotten by me now, I expect that there were times when my own impetuousness and insensitivity contributed to your hurt. I may be guilty of that again. For now, anyway, know that I am sorry.

I wish I had said “HOW ARE YOU” and meant it, and deeply cared about your response.

I wish I had said “TELL ME ABOUT IT” when it was obvious you had some genuine desire to share a part of you, that special part, when something unique was happening in your life.

I wish I had said “THANK YOU” for the many kindnesses, thoughtful acts and generous considerations you have so often tendered. If I didn’t say it, I thought it. Now I am letting you know that.

I wish I had said “I MISS YOU.” Because there are many times when your absence hurts and your presence would make life brighter.

I wish I had said “I LOVE YOU.” Because, you know, I really do. And, though our paths cross at crazy times and our agendas are often different, and our lives mixed up with many, many details and the possibility of disagreement looms large between us, I remain interested in what contributes to your days.

I cannot promise I will say those things to you every time I would like next year. But I can promise that somehow I will know that I should have. It is that that motivates one more thing I wish I had said a year ago: “HAVE A CHRISTMAS OF JOY AND NEW YEAR OF PEACE.”

It's Time to Review Your Medications

2008-12-19T07:29:00.000-08:00

Most prescription suppliers keep very accurate and current records. At year end, in preparation for your next physical, this offers a good opportunity to do an inventory of what is in your record. It offers a chance to ask questions and to evaluate whether there are generic replacements which may also offer significant financial savings. You may also discover that there are some drugs that may be removed from your regimen.

This also presents a good opportunity to determine whether your vitamin regimen is working and is appropriate. Many of us flush too many vitamins through our system, thus canceling out their value and usefulness. By the way, speaking of “flushing,” do not flush your prescribed medication, either outdated or no longer being taken, down the toilet. There is considerable evidence that this may be negatively affecting our drinking water.

The easy solution for many physicians these days for all our aches, pains and complaints seems to be prescribing some kind of medication. There are useful questions to be asked, which may head off the need for a prescription.

The first question: What are the side affects?

The second question: How long will I be on this medication?

The third question: Is there an alternative treatment? How about over the counter substitutes? Is there a generic substitute that will cost less?

The fourth question: Will this drug interact with others I am taking?

The fifth question: If there is no sign of improvement in a certain period of time, what are my options?

Some physicians may be impatient with such interrogation. If so, it may be time to look for a second opinion or a different physician altogether. The institution of medicine has changed, like so much else. There is no reason to give authority of your body over completely to one human being. The rule is: Ask questions, do your own research, seek out information through other health professionals. You may be entirely pleased and satisfied with your physician, however stay in charge!

Most physicians have your self interest in mind. They are usually very personable and well informed. They deserve our respect. And, we deserve their being thorough, patient and possessed of a “good bedside manner.”

Christmas Shopping is a Habit

2008-12-18T08:02:00.001-08:00

If you are a Christmas Shopper who is in the throes of deciding how to manage this year’s gift giving challenges, perhaps it is a good time to alter your behavior.

Christmas shopping is a tradition to be sure, one that is skillfully encouraged through advertising. Sometime, shortly after the holidays, in year’s past, examining just how far one has taken the addiction adds up to quite a little sum.

It appears, this year, more circumspect judgment is being used in forays to shop and buy. Good news.

In order to contribute to a greener world, a fatter pocket book, a reduction in what ends up in landfills this may be a remarkable side effect to the current downturn.

How do I resist the temptation to shop anyway?

Examine your understanding of the holiday. Determine whether you are following the consumerist urge or the “peace on earth” message.

Inventory your gift list. Do persons on your list really want or need another something. Perhaps they would prefer a more personal symbol of your thoughtfulness?

Is this a good way and a good time to set an example for your family and friends in showing that the worship of stuff is really chasing after futile idols and ideas?

Assisting the GNP may be a worthy indicator of your concern for the national economy, but aren’t there more direct and personal issues deserving our attention?

If no one receives a gift from you this year will it really damage your relationships with those who normally do? If so, then it may be time to question why they expect a gift.

Can you really communicate your affection and appreciation of others through methods other than gift giving? And can you come to a new definition of “gift?”

Finally, are you willing to write a note card that expresses in 25 words or less your gratitude for that person in your life? Send it by snail mail, or deliver it in person, be present, if possible, when it is opened. Share a touching moment when both of you experience the joy and intimacy of Christmas giving!

A Sense of Proportion

2008-12-17T08:30:00.001-08:00

(This article appeared as a Letter to the Editor in a local paper on November 30, 2000. Somehow, it still seems relevant.)

It was an absolutely stellar afternoon. The fall leaves literally glistened as the sun reflected their rays against their brilliant hues. On television, the same drab commentary continued to evaluate the democratic process, although new and strange in its present form, nonetheless ever vibrant and strong as it seeks to sort our fairness and justice and right.

And so we took a ride. We wandered the country lanes of northern Anderson County, where we saw the real beauty of a world that cares nothing for elections or recounts, attorneys or judges. It is a world full of the luster of a surprise autumn, when the colors leave one breathless. New England has nothing on us this year. We are in the middle of a kaleidoscope of colors greater than any ever put together by Crayola.

Two deer, a fawn and her mother, crossed ahead of us, making their way safely to some refuge away from automobiles and hunters. It was a moment of quiet reverence for family, for peaceful respect, for admiring nature. No disputes here, just the need to survive.

A Hawk had found his meal for the day and busily doing what all must eventually do, give attention to sustenance.

The sun and shadows played with each other to make the afternoon ever more spectacular. It was a blissful escape into a world too little known, not enough appreciated by a world so caught up in itself and its moment. There is so much more beyond the presumed and affected importance of today’s headlines. This too will pass away. We will either choose to be lesser or greater for it. And we will emerge from it. Meanwhile, take an afternoon ride and enjoy the things of nature that have been around for much longer than even our democracy.

Saints Still Need Love

2008-12-16T07:25:00.000-08:00

Four beautiful women helped in my growing up. There were more than that. I choose now to dwell on only four of them.

They were each devoted to children. They were particularly skilled in the patient art of proper instruction. They were my first through fourth grade teachers.

Miss Annie Cutter, whose splendid 4’2” frame housed an indomitable spirit, led about 25 of us in that first grade class through our earliest lessons. When one of us was out of bounds, out came the paddle, a weapon translated from a toy, the kind with the rubber string and bouncing ball. The pain it produced affected the body little, but how it injured one’s pride.

Mrs. Lasater, who upon my graduation ten years later, gave me a set of cuff links I still cherish, led us through the second grade. Now, through the mist of memory, I can remember her kind eyes, wrinkled on each side, smiling over the antics of her charges.

In the third grade, almost all the boys developed an infatuation with Miss Riddlesperger, who still reminds me of June Allyson, that splendid movie star of that era who played so many “perfect” women. She helped the boys not only to make it past the infatuation, but to learn a few third grade principles as well.

After her well deserved retirement, Mrs. Horn, who taught fourth grade, must have enjoyed the satisfaction that so many of her charges had become very productive citizens of the world. It must have given her some sense of accomplishment to know that the tales of knowledge she shared had been, at least to some degree, absorbed.

There were others, but these four, probably because they were the earliest, count the most. Over the years I have enjoyed renewed flashes of just how important they were. Today, with mounting criticisms of schools, the chilling allegations about the ineptitude of teachers and administrators alike, it is a marvel at how inclined we are to forget those patient saints who helped us get through.

It is a marvel to observe the resiliency and courage of those teaches, who even in the face of so little community support and frequent disdain, still do their job very well.

It is true, saints still need love.

Finding Hope: Resist the Temptation of Despair

2008-12-15T07:09:00.000-08:00

Mornings like this once inspired the urge to pull the covers up and over one’s head and prepare to miss school for the day. Dark and bitter cold, it just isn’t fit for “man nor beast” as W.C. Fields would opine.

Of course, depending on where you live, it is really quite a bit more severe than here in East Texas. But fond memories of those days still linger and allow one to experience a taste of a little illegitimate absence.

Not much is like it was then, though. There is a flood of people having to stay home today. They are out of work, and running out of options. They worry over their prospects and their children and their next month’s payment for the house, the car, and other outstanding debts. What a luxury it would be to pull the covers up and just go back to sleep. Pulling them up these days is more like avoiding the day altogether. There is too much out there waiting to be met. There are too many indicators that unemployed David will meet the Goliath of despair.

David was able to slay his demons with a simple rock and a flimsy slingshot. This time it will take an army with more than rocks and slingshots to stand down the enemy of discouragement and despondency.

Where do we begin? Mine is not to flood you with worn clichés and feed you the pablum of platitudes. We need more than that. A lot more.

To tell you the truth, most everywhere you look there is more bad news. If there is good news, it is buried so far under the ice and snow and torrent of daily reports that even being up enough to read or watch takes enormous courage.

Surrendering to a morning like this won’t change one iota of the starkness of the day ahead.

A slight crevice of good news seems to break through the overcast skies. At least, these days many have the option to search the Internet for jobs, make follow up phone calls to see where your resume is at the moment, stay in touch with friends and others who may supply you with leads. Spend some time trying to bolster your own self confidence and optimism. Am I nearing the borders of platitudes and clichés? I am sorry, but about the best I can do is offer some common sense.

Rollo May, in his wonderful volume “Love and Will,” shared this insight, “Care is given power by nature’s sense of pain; if we do not care for ourselves we are hurt, burned, injured…our responsibility is to cease letting care be solely a matter of nerve endings…Life comes from physical survival; but the good life comes from what we care about.”