Okay, it’s time to get off the sofa and begin the day to rid yourself of some of the 12000 or so calories you enjoyed yesterday. Of course, some of it has already turned to fat and will take a great part of next year to remove, not including how much more is added during the coming holidays.
Consider the options: You can shop on Black Friday and fight the crowds. Great exercise, but futile in its outcome. You may lose a few calories, but will replace those with frustration and anxiety. Besides, it may also be disappointing that 88% of us will not do the Black Friday thing this year. With few people to contend with, fewer calories will be burned.
You may already have been up for your daily walk. If not, make it considerably longer.
You may take a hike, a more strenuous form of walking. This is for those with the lung capacity and determination to put one foot in front of the other on a trail that gives satisfaction visually, but more exercise as well.
Ride your bike or roller blades. For those without either, try that exercise machine that usually serves as an additional closet.
Of course, this is assuming your normal routine of stretching and in house exercises have already been accomplished.
Perhaps, there is a museum you have wanted to see, a sight, a botanical garden or such. Good way to at least be on your feet.
Now, let’s move to the next consideration. Because a repetition of on and off weight is a maddening cycle, perhaps its time to impose appropriate discipline in pushing away from the table, weighing carefully just what is helpful to you in intake and what is not.
Holidays are typically high consumption moments. Maybe it’s time to look at more low consumption options. Maybe it’s time to impose disciplines that reduce the waist line ahead of the meal. Spreading out a meal over a longer period might also be better for your digestion.
Holidays really need to be festive. It is a part of our cultural and traditional survival
to share in occasions of frivolity, joy, sharing a holiday without the stress of high demands. It is your body and state of mind that reaps the benefit of such a good occasion. Now, make this day one which reaps the benefits of a healthy discipline, a good spirit and a joyful outlook.
Go for the good!
Friday, November 28, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Prostate Cancer: One Year Later
One year later. For those familiar with the story, a radical prostatectomy headed off cancer for me one year ago. Some bio background: Age 68 at time of surgery; Biopsy: Positive; Gleason Scale 9; prescribed action: immediate and total removal of the prostate.
Outcome: One year later there is limited incontinence. No erections. In fact, little to no sexual desire. Some energy issues. Some limits on strength and stamina. Overall, the best news is that there is no sign of cancer. PSA consistently comes in non-detectable.
Changes in routine: Some, but returning to normalcy with passing of each month.
Medications: megestrol which is for reducing hot flashes. No other medications prescribed.
Attitude: Good and positive.
Suggestions to those facing prostate cancer: deal with it. Choose an experienced physician, oncologist, urologist, with whom you are comfortable working. Proceed with dispatch. Don’t assume anything. Be ready for life style changes. Be ready to live longer.
Thanksgiving ’08: Enormous gratitude for having come this far. Accolades to my urologist and those who supported, assisted him in bringing me this far.
I am thankful to be looking at the earth standing up instead of lying down.
Outcome: One year later there is limited incontinence. No erections. In fact, little to no sexual desire. Some energy issues. Some limits on strength and stamina. Overall, the best news is that there is no sign of cancer. PSA consistently comes in non-detectable.
Changes in routine: Some, but returning to normalcy with passing of each month.
Medications: megestrol which is for reducing hot flashes. No other medications prescribed.
Attitude: Good and positive.
Suggestions to those facing prostate cancer: deal with it. Choose an experienced physician, oncologist, urologist, with whom you are comfortable working. Proceed with dispatch. Don’t assume anything. Be ready for life style changes. Be ready to live longer.
Thanksgiving ’08: Enormous gratitude for having come this far. Accolades to my urologist and those who supported, assisted him in bringing me this far.
I am thankful to be looking at the earth standing up instead of lying down.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Genealogy: A Favorite Pastime for Many
Genealogy is a favorite pastime for many, particularly those who now have the time to seek, sort out and link together the discovered treasures of one’s ancestral background.
The very first consideration is to be prepared for lots of work, be scholastically patient, and take your time. This story has been a long time coming. It has paths and detours that lead to the most unlikely places.
Pursuing your story will open doors to travel, to research cemeteries, libraries, meet persons, connected by the long strand of DNA, whose family name is no where similar to your own.
Of course, the second most important consideration is in knowing where to start. The obvious trove of information available is the Internet. Eventually you will get to the Salt Lake City site, where you will begin to plumb the catacombs of American genealogical data.
Second, hook up with other members of your family who may also be on the search, so that you may share research. Along the way you will quickly identify individuals who are on the trail you are exploring. Walk together, share questions and insights and finds.
Third, keep in mind your own goals. Are you in this strictly for entertainment and the exercise? Are you planning to do some kind of treatise on your family? Will you put together a document to share with members of your immediate family, thus giving them an appreciation of their own heritage?
Fourth, are you prepared to stick with it? Or is there someone in your mix to whom you can pass along the task, if/when it becomes too much for you to continue? The value of this exercise can be not alone in the information found, but in the joy of including others in the search.
Fifth, keep your materials in a safe place. Use a fire proof safe. Let others know where to find the collected materials.
Sixth, when you have laid out your plan, determined your boundaries, and initiated your research be sure to use a legible means for preserving your finds. There is nothing worse than trying to sort out short hand notes, scribbled in haste. Remember what you are doing is creating a super highway for those who come after you to travel. Smooth out the bumps, reduce the curves, erect signposts. You are on your way, but others may complete the journey.
The very first consideration is to be prepared for lots of work, be scholastically patient, and take your time. This story has been a long time coming. It has paths and detours that lead to the most unlikely places.
Pursuing your story will open doors to travel, to research cemeteries, libraries, meet persons, connected by the long strand of DNA, whose family name is no where similar to your own.
Of course, the second most important consideration is in knowing where to start. The obvious trove of information available is the Internet. Eventually you will get to the Salt Lake City site, where you will begin to plumb the catacombs of American genealogical data.
Second, hook up with other members of your family who may also be on the search, so that you may share research. Along the way you will quickly identify individuals who are on the trail you are exploring. Walk together, share questions and insights and finds.
Third, keep in mind your own goals. Are you in this strictly for entertainment and the exercise? Are you planning to do some kind of treatise on your family? Will you put together a document to share with members of your immediate family, thus giving them an appreciation of their own heritage?
Fourth, are you prepared to stick with it? Or is there someone in your mix to whom you can pass along the task, if/when it becomes too much for you to continue? The value of this exercise can be not alone in the information found, but in the joy of including others in the search.
Fifth, keep your materials in a safe place. Use a fire proof safe. Let others know where to find the collected materials.
Sixth, when you have laid out your plan, determined your boundaries, and initiated your research be sure to use a legible means for preserving your finds. There is nothing worse than trying to sort out short hand notes, scribbled in haste. Remember what you are doing is creating a super highway for those who come after you to travel. Smooth out the bumps, reduce the curves, erect signposts. You are on your way, but others may complete the journey.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Motivating Myself: Sterling Days at 70
One afternoon, while living in Tucson back in the 80’s, a friend invited me to join him for a matinee at a local movie. We had lunch and then headed for the nearby mall. As I stood at the ticket counter, I was met for the first time with the very unsettling question: “Are you a Senior Citizen?”
Confounded by the question, I was additionally conflicted with whether I would say yes and get the discount or whether pride would prevail and indicate that no, I hadn’t reached that milestone. Pride won.
No longer do I find myself insulted and assaulted with that question. I enjoy the luxury and special set apart treatment that being a Senior brings.
The very last day of this year brings with it a new wakeup call. That long awaited, and somewhat dreaded, three score and 10 arrives. Admittedly much of the implications of arriving at that age have been long challenged and overcome. Much of the fear of having reached another peak has been resolved. It is, after all, only another mountain, offering yet several others out there beyond it.
Met with another passage, the challenge is to determine how to manage it. What will be the driving influences that encourage one to keep contributing, to devise new strategies for offering something instead of taking from the world. Birthdays, anniversaries are nothing more than milestones, runners’ flags, which tell us the race has been run this far, but the goal is still out there.
So, pick up the baton and continue the race, wherever you are in it or on it. These are a few suggestions for those thinking about how best to run it:
*Wake up and give yourself permission to exercise zeal. Start with stretching exercises, a healthy breakfast, some moments for meditation; make any necessary decisions that need attention so you are not plagued with those distractions the balance of the day.
*Have some idea how you will spend the day. Allow yourself to plan ahead, but refuse to be boxed in, thus permitting the unexpected to interrupt your day. In other words, wait for the best offer, but don’t wait too long.
*Did I mention vitamins? Be sure you are on a regimen of vitamins which supplement your needs appropriately. Question your physician regarding redundancy in your intake. Inquire about your prescribed meds frequently. Continue to stay in charge and alert to your real medicinal needs.
*Now that you are on your way into your day, whether staying in or going out, remember you are about to confront others. If driving, practice being conscientiously safety aware while in the driver’s seat. Too many days can be ruined by an accident, minor or otherwise.
*Prepare yourself to enjoy the day, whatever it involves: routine errands, an appointment, having the car serviced, making your way to be with friends, volunteering for some activity that helps others. Just have a good time at it. Open doors, say a greeting to persons you encounter, smile, decide you will bloom all day long!
*By the way, if married, be sure you let your spouse know how much better off life is with your mate, than it would be without her/him.
The ring of the words “Have a good day” often seems hollow. Change it so it is your sincerest form of flattery: “Have a sterling day!”
Confounded by the question, I was additionally conflicted with whether I would say yes and get the discount or whether pride would prevail and indicate that no, I hadn’t reached that milestone. Pride won.
No longer do I find myself insulted and assaulted with that question. I enjoy the luxury and special set apart treatment that being a Senior brings.
The very last day of this year brings with it a new wakeup call. That long awaited, and somewhat dreaded, three score and 10 arrives. Admittedly much of the implications of arriving at that age have been long challenged and overcome. Much of the fear of having reached another peak has been resolved. It is, after all, only another mountain, offering yet several others out there beyond it.
Met with another passage, the challenge is to determine how to manage it. What will be the driving influences that encourage one to keep contributing, to devise new strategies for offering something instead of taking from the world. Birthdays, anniversaries are nothing more than milestones, runners’ flags, which tell us the race has been run this far, but the goal is still out there.
So, pick up the baton and continue the race, wherever you are in it or on it. These are a few suggestions for those thinking about how best to run it:
*Wake up and give yourself permission to exercise zeal. Start with stretching exercises, a healthy breakfast, some moments for meditation; make any necessary decisions that need attention so you are not plagued with those distractions the balance of the day.
*Have some idea how you will spend the day. Allow yourself to plan ahead, but refuse to be boxed in, thus permitting the unexpected to interrupt your day. In other words, wait for the best offer, but don’t wait too long.
*Did I mention vitamins? Be sure you are on a regimen of vitamins which supplement your needs appropriately. Question your physician regarding redundancy in your intake. Inquire about your prescribed meds frequently. Continue to stay in charge and alert to your real medicinal needs.
*Now that you are on your way into your day, whether staying in or going out, remember you are about to confront others. If driving, practice being conscientiously safety aware while in the driver’s seat. Too many days can be ruined by an accident, minor or otherwise.
*Prepare yourself to enjoy the day, whatever it involves: routine errands, an appointment, having the car serviced, making your way to be with friends, volunteering for some activity that helps others. Just have a good time at it. Open doors, say a greeting to persons you encounter, smile, decide you will bloom all day long!
*By the way, if married, be sure you let your spouse know how much better off life is with your mate, than it would be without her/him.
The ring of the words “Have a good day” often seems hollow. Change it so it is your sincerest form of flattery: “Have a sterling day!”
Monday, November 24, 2008
The Economy: Finding Light in the Darkness
One of my favorite critics shared with me that she thought perhaps my columns were “too pessimistic of late.” I think she may be right. However, my lack of optimism is predicated on good sources. My thoughts today are along the lines of an explanation, not an excuse.
I read voraciously from a variety of well qualified sources who reinforce what has become my perception of world and economic affairs. I watch intently the more balanced of the pundits. I try to evaluate this information based upon philosophical and economic indicators which give foundation to theories and historical perspectives.
This is not a defense for being pessimistic; it is an explanation that guides my lack of optimism. Will we “get through this?” Will circumstances improve? Will persons, now in the millions, return to gainful employment? Will major companies who are experiencing major reversals recover? In an interconnected financial world, will the recovery come more easily or be less likely? With all the complexity attendant on the dynamics that pushed us to this point, will this new administration assist our overcoming the dark and down sides of a world wide event?
These are not questions grounded in pessimism, but inspired by the goings on of a daily grind of down signs. This is not reason for pessimism, but does provoke a profound test on the realities facing large segments of our society and world.
Beyond that, I am also aware of those who carry the possibilities of world collapse to an even scarier outcome. Trying to balance between the extremes and to keep a point of view which avoids “sky is falling” syndrome and a happy go lucky view that “all is well,” is the real challenge.
Those who read this column are encouraged to share your own feedback, assisting myself and others to try to reach that balance. How are you coping? What is your world view and how do you keep it informed? How do you try to shed light on the darkness? Indeed, how do you hold the darkness back?
Please offer your comments at the end of my blog posts. You needn’t identify yourself, unless you choose. Let’s get a dialog going about these questions!
I read voraciously from a variety of well qualified sources who reinforce what has become my perception of world and economic affairs. I watch intently the more balanced of the pundits. I try to evaluate this information based upon philosophical and economic indicators which give foundation to theories and historical perspectives.
This is not a defense for being pessimistic; it is an explanation that guides my lack of optimism. Will we “get through this?” Will circumstances improve? Will persons, now in the millions, return to gainful employment? Will major companies who are experiencing major reversals recover? In an interconnected financial world, will the recovery come more easily or be less likely? With all the complexity attendant on the dynamics that pushed us to this point, will this new administration assist our overcoming the dark and down sides of a world wide event?
These are not questions grounded in pessimism, but inspired by the goings on of a daily grind of down signs. This is not reason for pessimism, but does provoke a profound test on the realities facing large segments of our society and world.
Beyond that, I am also aware of those who carry the possibilities of world collapse to an even scarier outcome. Trying to balance between the extremes and to keep a point of view which avoids “sky is falling” syndrome and a happy go lucky view that “all is well,” is the real challenge.
Those who read this column are encouraged to share your own feedback, assisting myself and others to try to reach that balance. How are you coping? What is your world view and how do you keep it informed? How do you try to shed light on the darkness? Indeed, how do you hold the darkness back?
Please offer your comments at the end of my blog posts. You needn’t identify yourself, unless you choose. Let’s get a dialog going about these questions!
Friday, November 21, 2008
Bad Times and Good Choices
Are you getting your daily vitamins, the ones that address the likelihood of depression and dark moods? Are you ready to deal with the anticipated continuing slide in the economy, in joblessness, in consumer confidence and spending, in reduced possibilities for any near term solutions to this economic morass we find ourselves collectively experiencing?
Heading off this misery will take more than Pollyanna perspectives. Looking at the bottom line trying to ascertain if there is enough to make it through whatever years remain in retirement is a profile in courage.
Giving in to the bad news and getting hyped up about all the bad news aren’t solutions. They are options, but not solutions.
Here are some possibilities we are trying in our home and family. Maybe they will offer some insight and encouragement.
*Put yourself on a diet of information intake. Do not watch or read about every downturn daily. Keep up with enough, but don’t deluge yourself with more than necessary.
*While it may be too late to salvage certain of your nest egg investments, evaluate whether, how, if you have options to protect what remains.
*Eliminate absolutely every unnecessary expense from bottled water or coffee at the Quik Stop to nonessentials in the grocery store. Shop for bargains. Engage in the new discipline of non impulse buying. Stay away from the store, if you can’t handle the need to be more prudent.
*Eliminate all together any trips that do not have a purpose or a plan to keep expenses at a bare minimum. This includes going to the mall, just strolling by the stores, reading the ads in the paper, taking seriously the come on commercials on tv, ad nauseum.
*If you want to get together with friends, host a pot luck, with everyone participating in preparing and providing the meal.
*Adjust the thermostat. No suggestions needed, you know the drill.
*Adjust your oscillating fans, for winter circulation, but turn them off when not in the room.
*Live in less space in the house.
*Take walks, with your pets, for exercise. Look at the cost of membership in a Health Club.
*Keep Giving to others. If you can’t do cash or check, then donate time, stuff, and ideas.
Getting through this may not be easy, but it may also test our will to adopt a life style that may just be very healthy, emotionally, economically and physically for us.
Heading off this misery will take more than Pollyanna perspectives. Looking at the bottom line trying to ascertain if there is enough to make it through whatever years remain in retirement is a profile in courage.
Giving in to the bad news and getting hyped up about all the bad news aren’t solutions. They are options, but not solutions.
Here are some possibilities we are trying in our home and family. Maybe they will offer some insight and encouragement.
*Put yourself on a diet of information intake. Do not watch or read about every downturn daily. Keep up with enough, but don’t deluge yourself with more than necessary.
*While it may be too late to salvage certain of your nest egg investments, evaluate whether, how, if you have options to protect what remains.
*Eliminate absolutely every unnecessary expense from bottled water or coffee at the Quik Stop to nonessentials in the grocery store. Shop for bargains. Engage in the new discipline of non impulse buying. Stay away from the store, if you can’t handle the need to be more prudent.
*Eliminate all together any trips that do not have a purpose or a plan to keep expenses at a bare minimum. This includes going to the mall, just strolling by the stores, reading the ads in the paper, taking seriously the come on commercials on tv, ad nauseum.
*If you want to get together with friends, host a pot luck, with everyone participating in preparing and providing the meal.
*Adjust the thermostat. No suggestions needed, you know the drill.
*Adjust your oscillating fans, for winter circulation, but turn them off when not in the room.
*Live in less space in the house.
*Take walks, with your pets, for exercise. Look at the cost of membership in a Health Club.
*Keep Giving to others. If you can’t do cash or check, then donate time, stuff, and ideas.
Getting through this may not be easy, but it may also test our will to adopt a life style that may just be very healthy, emotionally, economically and physically for us.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Memories of Growing Up: Success for the Sports Impaired
What I remember most of all is that I was never an early draft choice for any sports activity. Coach Bob Knight, a 40’s type Charles Atlas, may have been good at athletics, but he wasn’t much on human sensitivity.
Those of us who were always, and I mean always, at the bottom of team choices, never got any consideration. We weren’t good at it and so we weren’t an important consideration. Competition, winning, getting the prize or trophy was more important than including everyone in the group. And so, early on, I was convinced that I would never be a sportsman. I would never be chosen. I would never play in an important position. I would never be admired by “all the beautiful girls.”
Persons faced with such as this aren’t alone and lonely. They just think they are at the time. My best friends growing up weren’t jocks. They were “nerds” by a later definition. I have had and will always have a very poignant connection with them. They like me went in other directions: dramatics, law, social services, languages, teaching, some in medicine, even the ministry.
Over the years, I have found it more helpful to be able to converse on issues of universal depth and intellect than I have in identifying the number, team and position of a particular football player. But, here again, life caught up with me. When I returned to East Texas, one of the holy shrines of football, I was invited by one of my favorite all time friends to watch the Super Bowl at their home every January. Humbling and educational! I am not a front row seat, 50 yard line man, but I won the pot last year.
As for those of us who found our life work and meaning elsewhere, I have no regrets at not having achieved in sports. I am only glad there were outlets for those whose inclinations looked elsewhere for satisfaction and fulfillment. Today, living in that same east Texas town, I am often called upon to preside at memorial or funeral services of dear friends or long time acquaintances. I have learned that everyone can’t do that, just as I couldn’t hit a ball or catch a fly.
More than that, I have now the privilege and joy of a former NFL football star in my circle. He is an enormously engaging human being and he has taught me that it is okay if I am not football literate. He loves me just the way I am.
Memories and growing up never stop. I will never be a huge sports fan, but I so enjoy being included and treated as a friend and a person of worth no matter how little I know about the sport or how limited my skills.
Those of us who were always, and I mean always, at the bottom of team choices, never got any consideration. We weren’t good at it and so we weren’t an important consideration. Competition, winning, getting the prize or trophy was more important than including everyone in the group. And so, early on, I was convinced that I would never be a sportsman. I would never be chosen. I would never play in an important position. I would never be admired by “all the beautiful girls.”
Persons faced with such as this aren’t alone and lonely. They just think they are at the time. My best friends growing up weren’t jocks. They were “nerds” by a later definition. I have had and will always have a very poignant connection with them. They like me went in other directions: dramatics, law, social services, languages, teaching, some in medicine, even the ministry.
Over the years, I have found it more helpful to be able to converse on issues of universal depth and intellect than I have in identifying the number, team and position of a particular football player. But, here again, life caught up with me. When I returned to East Texas, one of the holy shrines of football, I was invited by one of my favorite all time friends to watch the Super Bowl at their home every January. Humbling and educational! I am not a front row seat, 50 yard line man, but I won the pot last year.
As for those of us who found our life work and meaning elsewhere, I have no regrets at not having achieved in sports. I am only glad there were outlets for those whose inclinations looked elsewhere for satisfaction and fulfillment. Today, living in that same east Texas town, I am often called upon to preside at memorial or funeral services of dear friends or long time acquaintances. I have learned that everyone can’t do that, just as I couldn’t hit a ball or catch a fly.
More than that, I have now the privilege and joy of a former NFL football star in my circle. He is an enormously engaging human being and he has taught me that it is okay if I am not football literate. He loves me just the way I am.
Memories and growing up never stop. I will never be a huge sports fan, but I so enjoy being included and treated as a friend and a person of worth no matter how little I know about the sport or how limited my skills.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Saying Goodbye: Stooped Shoulders, Eyes to the Ground
Today was one of those days most of would just as soon skip. Our dachshund of 17 years, Zachariah, breathed his last. His diminished eyesight, impaired hearing, arthritis, a kidney infection, and numerous other difficulties indicated that he would be making more and more frequent forays to the vet.
We had told ourselves about a month ago that if/as his health diminished more and more we would likely have to make the dreaded choice. And so today, the choice was made.
After burying him in our pet plot, which has received four of our pets who predeceased Zach, it is beginning to be a little crowded. I put away the pickup and the tools and made my way back from the barn to the house. It is equivalent to about a three block walk. I found myself with stooped shoulders, eyes to the ground, as if every step was a walk of a hundred miles.
Years before I recall how, when walking Zach, it was always with zest, looking far beyond the next few steps, anticipating the discoveries he would make and we would enjoy… a squirrel, a fawn, an armadillo. Zach wasn’t with me today and my own walk had no energy or zip or even satisfaction.
Like Zach, my own aging was quite evident: the stooped shoulders, the downcast eyes. Oh, this will pass, grief will find acceptance, pain will ebb, loneliness will search for memories, but that emptiness that Zach filled will continue to ache. The grief and pain are fresh today. As if grief or pain at loss could ever be “fresh.” I think I need another word today. There is no easy way to say goodbye to a pet or a friend or a family member. Zach, of course, was all three.
Tomorrow we will start over. We still have two wonderful pets, Zebediah and Patton that we rescued from the ‘kill list’ last December who occupy their special places in our home and hearts. We will walk them and our steps will likely be lighter, our sight aimed beyond just the next upcoming step. Of course, we will talk about Zach and shed more tears for yet awhile. The pain and grief will begin to heal over. The loss will never be quite filled.
Special moments, such as those we discover and cherish with our pets, are treasures beyond imagination. At Christmas, it will be a little less cheerful, because that is also just four days after Zach’s birthday. Christmas will fade into the new year. Demands will begin staking their claims on our energy and attention. So for now, let us enjoy the brief sadness that comes with overwhelming affection for one who meant so much!
We had told ourselves about a month ago that if/as his health diminished more and more we would likely have to make the dreaded choice. And so today, the choice was made.
After burying him in our pet plot, which has received four of our pets who predeceased Zach, it is beginning to be a little crowded. I put away the pickup and the tools and made my way back from the barn to the house. It is equivalent to about a three block walk. I found myself with stooped shoulders, eyes to the ground, as if every step was a walk of a hundred miles.
Years before I recall how, when walking Zach, it was always with zest, looking far beyond the next few steps, anticipating the discoveries he would make and we would enjoy… a squirrel, a fawn, an armadillo. Zach wasn’t with me today and my own walk had no energy or zip or even satisfaction.
Like Zach, my own aging was quite evident: the stooped shoulders, the downcast eyes. Oh, this will pass, grief will find acceptance, pain will ebb, loneliness will search for memories, but that emptiness that Zach filled will continue to ache. The grief and pain are fresh today. As if grief or pain at loss could ever be “fresh.” I think I need another word today. There is no easy way to say goodbye to a pet or a friend or a family member. Zach, of course, was all three.
Tomorrow we will start over. We still have two wonderful pets, Zebediah and Patton that we rescued from the ‘kill list’ last December who occupy their special places in our home and hearts. We will walk them and our steps will likely be lighter, our sight aimed beyond just the next upcoming step. Of course, we will talk about Zach and shed more tears for yet awhile. The pain and grief will begin to heal over. The loss will never be quite filled.
Special moments, such as those we discover and cherish with our pets, are treasures beyond imagination. At Christmas, it will be a little less cheerful, because that is also just four days after Zach’s birthday. Christmas will fade into the new year. Demands will begin staking their claims on our energy and attention. So for now, let us enjoy the brief sadness that comes with overwhelming affection for one who meant so much!
Keep Peace in the Family, as Well as on Earth
The carols are already reminding us of the season of “peace on earth and good will to all!” This year there seems to be a little more feel and promise in that eternal prayer. Just to have the feeling is progress. We have been buried in skepticism quite long enough.
Whatever we can do to contribute to a more peaceful world of good will, I am sure we will want to. But what about our own families? What about some of the traditional tensions that seem to accompany holiday get togethers? What about the taboo topics, that one or another just feels compelled to raise? What about the embarrassments one or another seems to find humorous, but really end up hurting?
What about deciding that if you or another in the family just won’t and can’t get along that one of you chooses to stay away? What if it is just not worth the risk to get everybody under the same roof, if somebody in that number chooses to be deviously cantankerous? What if, this year, for those who prefer peace and quiet and a tranquil holiday experience just choose to do so on their own, quite apart and free from guilt?
One can always hope, perhaps even pray, but don’t be disappointed if your efforts do not produce the desired results. One can always expect that some behavioral change might have occurred over the past year. What evidence is there that that might be so? One can always gamble that the stars will be aligned just right. And, if that is not the case, then what?
Bad holidays can be prepared for just like good ones. All the trouble one goes to make for a happy occasion with all the trimmings, abundance of food and gift giving and photo taking and story telling and maybe even caroling should result, it would seem, in an enjoyable outcome. So do some thinking about how to make it so. Maybe a direct conversation with the “troublemaker” in the family would help. Maybe, they just haven’t quite caught on how they can contribute to a joyous holiday for everyone in the family.
Maybe this will be the year when change, real change in the family may happen; maybe the decorum will match the décor this year. Maybe your Christmas gift can include the prayer: “Let’s keep peace in the family as well as on earth.”
Whatever we can do to contribute to a more peaceful world of good will, I am sure we will want to. But what about our own families? What about some of the traditional tensions that seem to accompany holiday get togethers? What about the taboo topics, that one or another just feels compelled to raise? What about the embarrassments one or another seems to find humorous, but really end up hurting?
What about deciding that if you or another in the family just won’t and can’t get along that one of you chooses to stay away? What if it is just not worth the risk to get everybody under the same roof, if somebody in that number chooses to be deviously cantankerous? What if, this year, for those who prefer peace and quiet and a tranquil holiday experience just choose to do so on their own, quite apart and free from guilt?
One can always hope, perhaps even pray, but don’t be disappointed if your efforts do not produce the desired results. One can always expect that some behavioral change might have occurred over the past year. What evidence is there that that might be so? One can always gamble that the stars will be aligned just right. And, if that is not the case, then what?
Bad holidays can be prepared for just like good ones. All the trouble one goes to make for a happy occasion with all the trimmings, abundance of food and gift giving and photo taking and story telling and maybe even caroling should result, it would seem, in an enjoyable outcome. So do some thinking about how to make it so. Maybe a direct conversation with the “troublemaker” in the family would help. Maybe, they just haven’t quite caught on how they can contribute to a joyous holiday for everyone in the family.
Maybe this will be the year when change, real change in the family may happen; maybe the decorum will match the décor this year. Maybe your Christmas gift can include the prayer: “Let’s keep peace in the family as well as on earth.”
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Christmas Giving With a Twist!
Hurricane Ike victims, the latest “Armageddon” fires in California, rising unemployment rates, lowered expectations for an economic recovery, more foreclosures suggest a new twist on Christmas giving.
Perhaps the most desirable attitude toward giving is to go beyond our own circles of family and close friends. The homeless, those still living in FEMA trailers, through no fault of their own, those who have lost everything to fire and wind and water and storm are those who deserve our consideration this year.
Food banks and thrift stores are hard pressed. The iconic Salvation Army volunteer ringing the bell is a harbinger for us all. Help is a universal cry.
We have started sorting out our Christmas decorations. We don’t really need three trees, sufficient decorative items to festoon them all. For that matter, much of what we still have in the way of clothes and toys and mystery boxes, long ago packed, might well serve someone else.
Now, the task is to decide how to sort through them and to deliver them to persons who may benefit from them. I know its better to go to the store and buy up new items, but that may not be realistic this year. Both giver and receiver are stretched. This is a time for mutual gratitude. Find a conduit by which giving may be possible. Check out local churches, consult with the local Goodwill, and other thrift stores who are famous for identifying and assisting. Don’t be bashful. Ask around. And don’t be ashamed. If someone turns you down, ask them if they know of someone else who might benefit.
Don’t make it a circus or a big show. Pride is an emotion we all have and want to protect. If possible, take a box of food at the same time. And, if affordable, take a frozen turkey. By all means check out the persons whom you choose to help. Don’t descend upon them like the good fairy; have an agreement about the best time to show up.
Or, perhaps they will want to meet you somewhere and participate directly in choosing the items they most need and can best use. If a friendship, based upon your both being a part of the human family comes out of this, all the better. Be sure to have the children, if any, participate. Don’t forget the elderly on fixed incomes and limited mobility. Remember persons alone in nursing homes and other care facilities who may not have family around them this holiday season.
Look forward to something more than stuffing yourself, watching a game, and taking a nap. While these may feel like the best ways to celebrate, only give yourself permission to do so after you have considered others. Give Christmas a new twist this year!
Perhaps the most desirable attitude toward giving is to go beyond our own circles of family and close friends. The homeless, those still living in FEMA trailers, through no fault of their own, those who have lost everything to fire and wind and water and storm are those who deserve our consideration this year.
Food banks and thrift stores are hard pressed. The iconic Salvation Army volunteer ringing the bell is a harbinger for us all. Help is a universal cry.
We have started sorting out our Christmas decorations. We don’t really need three trees, sufficient decorative items to festoon them all. For that matter, much of what we still have in the way of clothes and toys and mystery boxes, long ago packed, might well serve someone else.
Now, the task is to decide how to sort through them and to deliver them to persons who may benefit from them. I know its better to go to the store and buy up new items, but that may not be realistic this year. Both giver and receiver are stretched. This is a time for mutual gratitude. Find a conduit by which giving may be possible. Check out local churches, consult with the local Goodwill, and other thrift stores who are famous for identifying and assisting. Don’t be bashful. Ask around. And don’t be ashamed. If someone turns you down, ask them if they know of someone else who might benefit.
Don’t make it a circus or a big show. Pride is an emotion we all have and want to protect. If possible, take a box of food at the same time. And, if affordable, take a frozen turkey. By all means check out the persons whom you choose to help. Don’t descend upon them like the good fairy; have an agreement about the best time to show up.
Or, perhaps they will want to meet you somewhere and participate directly in choosing the items they most need and can best use. If a friendship, based upon your both being a part of the human family comes out of this, all the better. Be sure to have the children, if any, participate. Don’t forget the elderly on fixed incomes and limited mobility. Remember persons alone in nursing homes and other care facilities who may not have family around them this holiday season.
Look forward to something more than stuffing yourself, watching a game, and taking a nap. While these may feel like the best ways to celebrate, only give yourself permission to do so after you have considered others. Give Christmas a new twist this year!
Monday, November 17, 2008
Invite God to Create Again!
So, here we are….a new president-elect, a continuing and frightening economic down turn, probably a redefinition of who we are as a people united. Well, we can only hope “united.”
News out today suggests that gun and ammunition sales are at an all time high. Uh oh! The desperate and hopeless and negative are getting ready, and for what we aren’t yet sure. Someone in our circle recently said how “afraid she was” since Obama was elected. Oh my!
Where do human beings get off deciding that the sky is falling, when it is clear that the sky is still there, where it has always been?
I don’t know about you, but I choose to be on the side of human beings having the chutzpah to get through tough times. History is a favorite subject. We have had both worse and much better presidents than we currently enjoy. After January 20, I choose to be optimistic about what can and may happen to this democracy. Clearly there are those who choose to exploit the situation for their own benefit. They will do and say anything to stir up the people. And some people, it seems, choose to believe all the garbage that is put on the doorstep either in print, over the Internet, across the airwaves, etc.
Have you ever really allowed yourself to be challenged? Have you ever really given yourself permission to get outside the box of stilted, conventional thinking. If not, try it, you’ll like it. The world wasn’t created in seven 24-hour days and ideas didn’t stop being generated at the end of those seven days.
Life is a continuum. It doesn’t quit at the end of your day or life. It keeps moving. Intelligence continues to be generated. New thoughts and ideas emerge daily, constantly, vividly. We can shut our eyes and minds to them, but they keep being pumped out and into our world. Read, explore, discover, dig... find something out there that you have never spent energy thinking about before. You will be amazed how active the “God of creation” is right now, right here, with us!
News out today suggests that gun and ammunition sales are at an all time high. Uh oh! The desperate and hopeless and negative are getting ready, and for what we aren’t yet sure. Someone in our circle recently said how “afraid she was” since Obama was elected. Oh my!
Where do human beings get off deciding that the sky is falling, when it is clear that the sky is still there, where it has always been?
I don’t know about you, but I choose to be on the side of human beings having the chutzpah to get through tough times. History is a favorite subject. We have had both worse and much better presidents than we currently enjoy. After January 20, I choose to be optimistic about what can and may happen to this democracy. Clearly there are those who choose to exploit the situation for their own benefit. They will do and say anything to stir up the people. And some people, it seems, choose to believe all the garbage that is put on the doorstep either in print, over the Internet, across the airwaves, etc.
Have you ever really allowed yourself to be challenged? Have you ever really given yourself permission to get outside the box of stilted, conventional thinking. If not, try it, you’ll like it. The world wasn’t created in seven 24-hour days and ideas didn’t stop being generated at the end of those seven days.
Life is a continuum. It doesn’t quit at the end of your day or life. It keeps moving. Intelligence continues to be generated. New thoughts and ideas emerge daily, constantly, vividly. We can shut our eyes and minds to them, but they keep being pumped out and into our world. Read, explore, discover, dig... find something out there that you have never spent energy thinking about before. You will be amazed how active the “God of creation” is right now, right here, with us!
Friday, November 14, 2008
No Excuses Needed!
No Excuses Needed! This is not only the best time of the year to let people know how special they are to you, but it may also be the best time of your life. Endorphins are those little thingies that wander around in your brain and, when activated, seem to offer great stimulus to your entire outlook and behavior, while assisting in keeping you healthier.
So, with such a benefit awaiting, why not prompt those endorphins every time you can? My 89 year old mother, almost without exception, tells everyone she encounters: “I love you.” She is not senile, nor is dementia getting the best of her. She has always been an outgoing and loving human being. There are no excuses in holding back for her. She genuinely enjoys expressing her affection for other people.
Some will find this a bit too intimate for their own self comfort or practice. Some just can’t let themselves go enough to express affection outwardly and verbally. You are not being judged, just offered and insight about what makes you feel better by exercising this part of your emotional make up. And, one needn’t use the word “love” in order to accomplish the goal. “I appreciate you,” “I hope you know how important you are to me,” “I miss you when we have been apart,” “Your friendship has given me so much,” and so on.
I have, picking up on my Mom’s habits, exercised the expression of “I love you” to others over the years. I even end conversations by phone with friends, even males, with “I love you.” Sometimes I get a reply in kind, sometimes not. That’s okay. Expecting a response is not the reason I offer the expression.
On days, when a bucket is half empty, it feels rather good to hear that someone appreciates you. Perhaps that is all it takes to switch from a half empty day to a half full kind of day.
With so many ominous things bearing down on us today, it seems to me that the intangible offering of a verbal affirmation, if not a touch, is one of the finest practices to be offered.
By the way, “You are one of my favorite readers of this column
So, with such a benefit awaiting, why not prompt those endorphins every time you can? My 89 year old mother, almost without exception, tells everyone she encounters: “I love you.” She is not senile, nor is dementia getting the best of her. She has always been an outgoing and loving human being. There are no excuses in holding back for her. She genuinely enjoys expressing her affection for other people.
Some will find this a bit too intimate for their own self comfort or practice. Some just can’t let themselves go enough to express affection outwardly and verbally. You are not being judged, just offered and insight about what makes you feel better by exercising this part of your emotional make up. And, one needn’t use the word “love” in order to accomplish the goal. “I appreciate you,” “I hope you know how important you are to me,” “I miss you when we have been apart,” “Your friendship has given me so much,” and so on.
I have, picking up on my Mom’s habits, exercised the expression of “I love you” to others over the years. I even end conversations by phone with friends, even males, with “I love you.” Sometimes I get a reply in kind, sometimes not. That’s okay. Expecting a response is not the reason I offer the expression.
On days, when a bucket is half empty, it feels rather good to hear that someone appreciates you. Perhaps that is all it takes to switch from a half empty day to a half full kind of day.
With so many ominous things bearing down on us today, it seems to me that the intangible offering of a verbal affirmation, if not a touch, is one of the finest practices to be offered.
By the way, “You are one of my favorite readers of this column
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Learn How to Communicate With the Younger Generation
Before I became a senior citizen, I thought I was keeping up fairly well. After retirement, I began reflecting on how few actors and singers and other popular icons I knew by name any longer. I also became aware that I had allowed technology to outrun me. When observing video games, I remembered how much fun PONG used to be. Magazines became suddenly overrun by teen driven products and jargon and styles.
The sad part of all of this was that I was failing to learn the language my son and my grandchildren were speaking. And, when you don’t know or can’t speak the language, communication becomes severely limited. The good news was, in my case, that the younger ones are and remain very tolerant of their dad and granddad. But, with my own inabilities I still suffer some inferiority in trying to stay current.
Perhaps, some of my own experiences will speak to yours:
*Whatever you do, don’t try to fake it. You will get caught every time. They can sort out sincerity and honesty very quickly. They had rather respect you than for you to think you are cool.
*Spend as much time with them as you can. That is a tall order. The “children” (and don’t ever call them that) in your life have overwhelming demands, but they will always find joy in having time with you. So, work at making it happen.
*Communicate by phone and email. Not easy, because of distractions, but give it a try and don’t give up.
*When together, give up your own need to dominate the conversation and the directions it takes. Ask questions, seek explanations out of their experience and from their world.
*Avoid being judgmental. This is probably the toughest task of all. It is also the one that will earn the most respect and camaraderie. I wish I had learned this one at age 25.
*Be sure to find out what their interests are, what turns them on, what dimensions of life and the universe they live in gives them the most satisfaction.
*Be sure to demonstrate interest. Don’t feign interest, be interested!
*When possible, and invited, include their friends, so that you can learn by observation and participation what their life is all about.
*Don’t be easily offended. You will only lose.
*Check your embarrassment quotient at the door.
Finally, be sure you let them know how special it is to be with them and to learn from them. They will want to be with you more! You both win!
The sad part of all of this was that I was failing to learn the language my son and my grandchildren were speaking. And, when you don’t know or can’t speak the language, communication becomes severely limited. The good news was, in my case, that the younger ones are and remain very tolerant of their dad and granddad. But, with my own inabilities I still suffer some inferiority in trying to stay current.
Perhaps, some of my own experiences will speak to yours:
*Whatever you do, don’t try to fake it. You will get caught every time. They can sort out sincerity and honesty very quickly. They had rather respect you than for you to think you are cool.
*Spend as much time with them as you can. That is a tall order. The “children” (and don’t ever call them that) in your life have overwhelming demands, but they will always find joy in having time with you. So, work at making it happen.
*Communicate by phone and email. Not easy, because of distractions, but give it a try and don’t give up.
*When together, give up your own need to dominate the conversation and the directions it takes. Ask questions, seek explanations out of their experience and from their world.
*Avoid being judgmental. This is probably the toughest task of all. It is also the one that will earn the most respect and camaraderie. I wish I had learned this one at age 25.
*Be sure to find out what their interests are, what turns them on, what dimensions of life and the universe they live in gives them the most satisfaction.
*Be sure to demonstrate interest. Don’t feign interest, be interested!
*When possible, and invited, include their friends, so that you can learn by observation and participation what their life is all about.
*Don’t be easily offended. You will only lose.
*Check your embarrassment quotient at the door.
Finally, be sure you let them know how special it is to be with them and to learn from them. They will want to be with you more! You both win!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
How Much Have You Changed?
How Much Have You Changed? Now that you are 50 or 60 or 70 or so, how much have you changed? Do you still see yourself as you were 10 or more years ago? What experiences, dramatic or subtle, have changed the mold you always saw yourself fitting?
Visiting with my cousin the other evening, an illustration of a common acquaintance gave proof that some people really don’t change their patterns. It was clear that this individual, whom we have both known all our lives, is still acting out and living as if it were 50 or more years ago. No change, no recognition of the need for it. Old prejudices, bitter cynicism are the hallmarks (I question the use of that word) of his life. Just as his outward expressions reveal his inward retardation, he is being eaten alive by a terminal illness. Is there anyway to get through to people who don’t even understand themselves? How can they exercise compassion and care and thoughtfulness for others, if they don’t even see the need for those emotions within themselves?
This is an alert. It is time for older persons, who have decided to live in the boxed-in, never gonna change kind of existence, to either decide to isolate themselves completely or change. Isolation is not desirable, at whatever age. Punishing others by absenting yourself from the world going on around you is only a punishment to yourself. It isn’t the rest of the world that has a problem. It is you!
Resisting change is no indication of brilliance. It is instead, a sign of insecurity, inability to cope, unwillingness to evolve. Do you really want to be the way you have always been? Sounds comfortable, but at last it is an indicator of disconnect. There are a lot of memories and joys from my past to which I cling. But, finally, I know they can’t remain forever a part of my life and being. Right now, I am working hard on eliminating some of the “things” which still hold me. There is a time for letting go.
It may be relatively easy, and certainly inevitable, to have to let go of those “things.” It is more of a struggle to deal with the chains, as in Dickens’ Marley, which enslave us. Maybe, a good read this Christmas would be “A Christmas Carol.” As you read it, reflect on how much like Marley or Ebenezer you have become.
Visiting with my cousin the other evening, an illustration of a common acquaintance gave proof that some people really don’t change their patterns. It was clear that this individual, whom we have both known all our lives, is still acting out and living as if it were 50 or more years ago. No change, no recognition of the need for it. Old prejudices, bitter cynicism are the hallmarks (I question the use of that word) of his life. Just as his outward expressions reveal his inward retardation, he is being eaten alive by a terminal illness. Is there anyway to get through to people who don’t even understand themselves? How can they exercise compassion and care and thoughtfulness for others, if they don’t even see the need for those emotions within themselves?
This is an alert. It is time for older persons, who have decided to live in the boxed-in, never gonna change kind of existence, to either decide to isolate themselves completely or change. Isolation is not desirable, at whatever age. Punishing others by absenting yourself from the world going on around you is only a punishment to yourself. It isn’t the rest of the world that has a problem. It is you!
Resisting change is no indication of brilliance. It is instead, a sign of insecurity, inability to cope, unwillingness to evolve. Do you really want to be the way you have always been? Sounds comfortable, but at last it is an indicator of disconnect. There are a lot of memories and joys from my past to which I cling. But, finally, I know they can’t remain forever a part of my life and being. Right now, I am working hard on eliminating some of the “things” which still hold me. There is a time for letting go.
It may be relatively easy, and certainly inevitable, to have to let go of those “things.” It is more of a struggle to deal with the chains, as in Dickens’ Marley, which enslave us. Maybe, a good read this Christmas would be “A Christmas Carol.” As you read it, reflect on how much like Marley or Ebenezer you have become.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
What About Christmas?
What About Christmas, this year? Will we send cards or letters? How about gifts, will we be pressed by our own guilt, need, tradition, not to mention customary exchanges to spend when it really isn’t prudent to do so?
How can we be honest with ourselves and everybody else on our list? How can we avoid creating any tension, unnecessary expectations, disappointments as the day approaches?
Seems to me these are this year’s issues as we struggle to determine what the wisest way to share the spirit that Christmas really is. Going overboard, just because it is expected, certainly is lacking in wisdom and common sense.
How do we earnestly and genuinely confront what is an honest situation? Reduced resources is an almost universal reality this time around.
One of my favorite Christmas stories is called “How Come Christmas?” It tells of ol’ Sandy Claus taking nothing more than a bright shiny apple to Jesus as a cradle gift. Nothing elaborate or simple, but something that came from the heart.
This is the year to make a list of gifts from the heart.
Assume you make a budget and end up with $100 to divide among your several gifts to be given. Let’s also assume there are 12 people on your list. Let’s also assume that half of those are persons who live nearby and the other half live far enough away, you won’t see them in person this year.
Now how do you go about dividing up that $100 in a satisfactory and fair way. Maybe you could spend about $5 on each gift, plus the cost of postage for those who live far away. Or you could buy the ingredients for fudge or brownies plus postage and wrapping and share equally among the 12. Or you could just divide 12 into $100 and send each an equal amount of money, coming out at about $8.33 minus postage per person.
Or you could get creative. What if you refused to reduce your gift giving to some equal portion of a given amount? What if you chose to write a personal story to each person, describing their value to your life? What if you sent them a duplicated photo of a special time you had shared with them? What if you found some long collected item for each person and sent that as a special token to help them remember how precious your relationship has been over the years? What if you just completely ignored the conventional rules for gift giving and just dug and dug into your treasures until at last something came up that was and will always be special to the two of you? Wrap it and send it or put it under the tree.
This year, ignore the cost, avoid the shops, forget about convention…think only of the person and the uniqueness of the gift that expresses the wonder of your love and deep appreciation of the person. That, dear soul, is the true spirit of giving and of Christmas.
How can we be honest with ourselves and everybody else on our list? How can we avoid creating any tension, unnecessary expectations, disappointments as the day approaches?
Seems to me these are this year’s issues as we struggle to determine what the wisest way to share the spirit that Christmas really is. Going overboard, just because it is expected, certainly is lacking in wisdom and common sense.
How do we earnestly and genuinely confront what is an honest situation? Reduced resources is an almost universal reality this time around.
One of my favorite Christmas stories is called “How Come Christmas?” It tells of ol’ Sandy Claus taking nothing more than a bright shiny apple to Jesus as a cradle gift. Nothing elaborate or simple, but something that came from the heart.
This is the year to make a list of gifts from the heart.
Assume you make a budget and end up with $100 to divide among your several gifts to be given. Let’s also assume there are 12 people on your list. Let’s also assume that half of those are persons who live nearby and the other half live far enough away, you won’t see them in person this year.
Now how do you go about dividing up that $100 in a satisfactory and fair way. Maybe you could spend about $5 on each gift, plus the cost of postage for those who live far away. Or you could buy the ingredients for fudge or brownies plus postage and wrapping and share equally among the 12. Or you could just divide 12 into $100 and send each an equal amount of money, coming out at about $8.33 minus postage per person.
Or you could get creative. What if you refused to reduce your gift giving to some equal portion of a given amount? What if you chose to write a personal story to each person, describing their value to your life? What if you sent them a duplicated photo of a special time you had shared with them? What if you found some long collected item for each person and sent that as a special token to help them remember how precious your relationship has been over the years? What if you just completely ignored the conventional rules for gift giving and just dug and dug into your treasures until at last something came up that was and will always be special to the two of you? Wrap it and send it or put it under the tree.
This year, ignore the cost, avoid the shops, forget about convention…think only of the person and the uniqueness of the gift that expresses the wonder of your love and deep appreciation of the person. That, dear soul, is the true spirit of giving and of Christmas.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Laying Out a Plan
Even with the euphoria of the election stirring us yet, we are met with a variety of foreboding signs requiring our laying out a plan.
Instant gratification, a long term problem in America, will not come as a result of the voters’ choice on Tuesday. Like unstringing tangled Christmas lights, it will take a while to sort out the multiple jumble of issues that meet us.
Some are more directly touched by the mess created by the economic melt down. Unemployment is at a twenty five year high, housing foreclosures threaten to increase, savings of a lifetime have been seriously reduced, shopping by many has been cut to the bone.
So have you laid out your plan for what may be next? The wonderful couplet reminding us of how well the squirrel prepares for winter certainly applies now.
Even as I write this on a very brisk fall morning, our two pets, a Papillion and a Dachshund, watch guardedly as a scheming squirrel traces back and forth in search of acorns.
What are you doing to prepare? Or, will you ignore the signs of approaching winter?
Here are some considerations which may be useful:
*Agree not to panic, but to face possible shifts in daily routines and availability of goods and services. An economic downturn may introduce unexpected adjustments.
*Have some cash on hand in the event of immediate need.
*Store up essentials, as we have suggested before.
*Consider what you would do and how you would be prepared in the event of a power loss.
*Be sure you have ample supplies of prescription meds on hand.
*Have some gasoline on hand, full tank of gas for your vehicle(s) and generator, if any.
*Batteries and flash lights, candles or oil lamps.
*Sufficient food and water for all in household, including pets, to last 30 days. Estimate per person water at one gallon per day.
*Depending upon where you live, consider options for heating areas in your home, e.g. re-circulating heaters, propane (vented), fireplace and other available resources.
*Decide how to use your time, particularly at night, in the event of limited power availability. Boredom is a debilitating experience. Head it off with imagination.
Now, we can be optimistic that none of this will be necessary. But preparation, in times like these, is better than desperation.
Instant gratification, a long term problem in America, will not come as a result of the voters’ choice on Tuesday. Like unstringing tangled Christmas lights, it will take a while to sort out the multiple jumble of issues that meet us.
Some are more directly touched by the mess created by the economic melt down. Unemployment is at a twenty five year high, housing foreclosures threaten to increase, savings of a lifetime have been seriously reduced, shopping by many has been cut to the bone.
So have you laid out your plan for what may be next? The wonderful couplet reminding us of how well the squirrel prepares for winter certainly applies now.
Even as I write this on a very brisk fall morning, our two pets, a Papillion and a Dachshund, watch guardedly as a scheming squirrel traces back and forth in search of acorns.
What are you doing to prepare? Or, will you ignore the signs of approaching winter?
Here are some considerations which may be useful:
*Agree not to panic, but to face possible shifts in daily routines and availability of goods and services. An economic downturn may introduce unexpected adjustments.
*Have some cash on hand in the event of immediate need.
*Store up essentials, as we have suggested before.
*Consider what you would do and how you would be prepared in the event of a power loss.
*Be sure you have ample supplies of prescription meds on hand.
*Have some gasoline on hand, full tank of gas for your vehicle(s) and generator, if any.
*Batteries and flash lights, candles or oil lamps.
*Sufficient food and water for all in household, including pets, to last 30 days. Estimate per person water at one gallon per day.
*Depending upon where you live, consider options for heating areas in your home, e.g. re-circulating heaters, propane (vented), fireplace and other available resources.
*Decide how to use your time, particularly at night, in the event of limited power availability. Boredom is a debilitating experience. Head it off with imagination.
Now, we can be optimistic that none of this will be necessary. But preparation, in times like these, is better than desperation.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Blaming Others For Your Immaturity
Blaming someone else for how you feel is an indicator of personal immaturity.
You have heard the line, “You made me feel awful;” or “You make me mad”; or “It was your fault, you should have helped me through it”; or “You made me get upset”.
The list is obnoxiously long and overwhelmingly incorrect. It is based on the concept that someone else is in charge of your emotions, choices and behaviors. That may be your fantasy, but it does not have status in reality.
Behaviors develop out of our own world view and our daily interactive choices with events that intersect with our lives. Placing responsibility on someone else for having created your own foul humor is scape-goating, an effort that rarely solves anything. Most of us have done it. Sometimes we have made a habit of it. Truth be known, deep inside our own psyche, we really are ashamed of our own behavior and can’t bear to own it.
But, own it, we must.
The next time you are in a situation of conflicting emotions, check your thermostat by asking the following:
* Do you demonstrate anger too quickly toward the other person?
*Do you start off with accusatory statements, e.g.: “You always say or do this or that!”
*Are you defensive immediately or do you invite rational conversation about the matter?
*Can you hear it coming before it comes out of your mouth? “You made me mad!”
*Do you allow your emotions to rule your reactions?
*Have you ever evaluated how you manage anger, or if in fact you even try?
*If you are subject to frequent blow ups, have you ever discussed this tendency with a professional?
*Following on a major conflict, how do you deal with the need for reconciliation?
*When it is over, if it is over, are you able to move on having learned something for yourself from the experience?
*If bystanders are involved, do you make recompense with them by apologizing for your responsibility for creating discomfort for them?
If any of the questions suggest you have an anger problem, the wiser choice in all of this is to do some research on behavior… your own. Seek help, admit mistakes to yourself and others, repair damage, and overhaul your own emotional system in order to live a more serene life.
You have heard the line, “You made me feel awful;” or “You make me mad”; or “It was your fault, you should have helped me through it”; or “You made me get upset”.
The list is obnoxiously long and overwhelmingly incorrect. It is based on the concept that someone else is in charge of your emotions, choices and behaviors. That may be your fantasy, but it does not have status in reality.
Behaviors develop out of our own world view and our daily interactive choices with events that intersect with our lives. Placing responsibility on someone else for having created your own foul humor is scape-goating, an effort that rarely solves anything. Most of us have done it. Sometimes we have made a habit of it. Truth be known, deep inside our own psyche, we really are ashamed of our own behavior and can’t bear to own it.
But, own it, we must.
The next time you are in a situation of conflicting emotions, check your thermostat by asking the following:
* Do you demonstrate anger too quickly toward the other person?
*Do you start off with accusatory statements, e.g.: “You always say or do this or that!”
*Are you defensive immediately or do you invite rational conversation about the matter?
*Can you hear it coming before it comes out of your mouth? “You made me mad!”
*Do you allow your emotions to rule your reactions?
*Have you ever evaluated how you manage anger, or if in fact you even try?
*If you are subject to frequent blow ups, have you ever discussed this tendency with a professional?
*Following on a major conflict, how do you deal with the need for reconciliation?
*When it is over, if it is over, are you able to move on having learned something for yourself from the experience?
*If bystanders are involved, do you make recompense with them by apologizing for your responsibility for creating discomfort for them?
If any of the questions suggest you have an anger problem, the wiser choice in all of this is to do some research on behavior… your own. Seek help, admit mistakes to yourself and others, repair damage, and overhaul your own emotional system in order to live a more serene life.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Points to Ponder in the Aftermath
Dappled sunlight hits the ground through limbs almost naked of their leaves. A fat squirrel scurries across the leaf covered lawn, just outside my window. And the elections are over! This is the dawning of “what happens next” in a democracy faced with despair, but under girded now by hope.
Some ask, where is the hope? Some have already begun their protests and harsh criticisms of the outcome of Tuesday’s outcome. Some are prepared to be the “thorn in the side” of a nation and a system which is looking to recover from a long and frightening nightmare.
No one is misled into believing that one man in one four year term can or will repair all the damage done in the last eight years.
However, I believe there are some things expected of us over the next four years. Here they are:
#Decide to give the benefit of the doubt, without canceling your right to disagree, with the Party in power.
#Decide, for a change, to be optimistic and not knee jerk cynical.
#Decide to be better informed. Give up following the likes of the professional critics (i.e. Limbaugh, et al) who make their living skewering others. Evaluate the real meaning of “fair and balanced.”
# Prepare your answer for those who will be quick to point out the weaknesses and failures of an Obama administration, even before it begins.
# Replay the scenes, worldwide, which demonstrated the millions of people who drew hope from the new direction America has chosen to take.
#As some of us have had to do during the past eight years, decide to bite your tongue before putting down or discrediting the ideas and actions which will greet us after January 20.
#Read history. Look at the greats who have occupied the office of President. Draw from history, clarification of solid accomplishments that have taken place under the most unlikely of leaders.
#For those with children, remember your example and behavior will contribute to the attitude of those children.
#Encourage your elected representatives to be bipartisan in their negotiations.
Resolve to look at the new year differently. Leave the baggage of the past in the past. Travel light, preserve your credentials of credibility, play fair, but keep playing.
Some ask, where is the hope? Some have already begun their protests and harsh criticisms of the outcome of Tuesday’s outcome. Some are prepared to be the “thorn in the side” of a nation and a system which is looking to recover from a long and frightening nightmare.
No one is misled into believing that one man in one four year term can or will repair all the damage done in the last eight years.
However, I believe there are some things expected of us over the next four years. Here they are:
#Decide to give the benefit of the doubt, without canceling your right to disagree, with the Party in power.
#Decide, for a change, to be optimistic and not knee jerk cynical.
#Decide to be better informed. Give up following the likes of the professional critics (i.e. Limbaugh, et al) who make their living skewering others. Evaluate the real meaning of “fair and balanced.”
# Prepare your answer for those who will be quick to point out the weaknesses and failures of an Obama administration, even before it begins.
# Replay the scenes, worldwide, which demonstrated the millions of people who drew hope from the new direction America has chosen to take.
#As some of us have had to do during the past eight years, decide to bite your tongue before putting down or discrediting the ideas and actions which will greet us after January 20.
#Read history. Look at the greats who have occupied the office of President. Draw from history, clarification of solid accomplishments that have taken place under the most unlikely of leaders.
#For those with children, remember your example and behavior will contribute to the attitude of those children.
#Encourage your elected representatives to be bipartisan in their negotiations.
Resolve to look at the new year differently. Leave the baggage of the past in the past. Travel light, preserve your credentials of credibility, play fair, but keep playing.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Vindication and Affirmation
For some of us who lived through the 60’s and fought the battles, particularly those waged around civil rights issues, Tuesday was a day of vindication. A Lutheran colleague emailed me last night; his note read,
“A dream realized... I don't mean just the election of Obama... But the dream we worked for... The diversity of people at the celebration.. All colors, All ages, holding hands and crying for joy..... A glimpse of heaven on earth... Congratulations old friend.”
He reminded me of just how far we have come.
We were on the front lines of numerous issues in Omaha, Nebraska from the mid sixties forward. There was no issue of major import in which our footprints weren’t found marching to and for issues of justice and equality.
Before the City Council, we testified in behalf of enabling equity in locating housing for minorities all over the city. Once, it was necessary to be escorted out of the City Council’s chambers, because of those whose vehemence toward our stance bordered on volatile. The changes eventually came.
We stood with younger people, who wanted a place to assemble, peacefully, in Memorial Park and Elmwood Park. We met with the Police Chief, urging calm and compromise.
We organized to work in favor of integration in the public school system and busing. The School Board became our target.
We detected discrimination in the funding provided to agencies through United Way. We were able to bring that issue to the forefront and to accomplish fairer and more balanced
distribution of community funds.
We created interracial dialogs enabling whites and blacks to confront each other with their prejudices and fears. Hundreds of groups came to Omaha for exposure to urban life and racial issues. Many had never been in the same room, or even town, with a person of color.
In 1969, we were able to create major funding through church sources to address many of the inequities in minority communities. This program stretched beyond the city to address growing disparities in rural areas. Many of those programs continue to this day.
In the face of racial tensions in minority neighborhoods, sometimes leading to riots or near riots, there were few white faces to be found. Because trust had been established, our presence was granted safe passage.
Ours was an advocacy and arbiter role. In retrospect, we did not accomplish all we might, but we helped to open doors and windows that too often were not only locked, but nailed shut. For every major issue, we were able to pull together coalitions to help keep the issue focused and the outcome fair.
Omaha, still not without its own problems, has become a major cosmopolitan city. Douglas County, in its vote Tuesday, supported Barack Obama. In a way for a couple of ministers who found our calling in Omaha, Tuesday gave vindication and affirmation to much of what we sought to accomplish in those long ago years.
Indeed, “Congratulations, old friend!”
“A dream realized... I don't mean just the election of Obama... But the dream we worked for... The diversity of people at the celebration.. All colors, All ages, holding hands and crying for joy..... A glimpse of heaven on earth... Congratulations old friend.”
He reminded me of just how far we have come.
We were on the front lines of numerous issues in Omaha, Nebraska from the mid sixties forward. There was no issue of major import in which our footprints weren’t found marching to and for issues of justice and equality.
Before the City Council, we testified in behalf of enabling equity in locating housing for minorities all over the city. Once, it was necessary to be escorted out of the City Council’s chambers, because of those whose vehemence toward our stance bordered on volatile. The changes eventually came.
We stood with younger people, who wanted a place to assemble, peacefully, in Memorial Park and Elmwood Park. We met with the Police Chief, urging calm and compromise.
We organized to work in favor of integration in the public school system and busing. The School Board became our target.
We detected discrimination in the funding provided to agencies through United Way. We were able to bring that issue to the forefront and to accomplish fairer and more balanced
distribution of community funds.
We created interracial dialogs enabling whites and blacks to confront each other with their prejudices and fears. Hundreds of groups came to Omaha for exposure to urban life and racial issues. Many had never been in the same room, or even town, with a person of color.
In 1969, we were able to create major funding through church sources to address many of the inequities in minority communities. This program stretched beyond the city to address growing disparities in rural areas. Many of those programs continue to this day.
In the face of racial tensions in minority neighborhoods, sometimes leading to riots or near riots, there were few white faces to be found. Because trust had been established, our presence was granted safe passage.
Ours was an advocacy and arbiter role. In retrospect, we did not accomplish all we might, but we helped to open doors and windows that too often were not only locked, but nailed shut. For every major issue, we were able to pull together coalitions to help keep the issue focused and the outcome fair.
Omaha, still not without its own problems, has become a major cosmopolitan city. Douglas County, in its vote Tuesday, supported Barack Obama. In a way for a couple of ministers who found our calling in Omaha, Tuesday gave vindication and affirmation to much of what we sought to accomplish in those long ago years.
Indeed, “Congratulations, old friend!”
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Discover a Spiritual Vortex Wherever You Are
The last several days you have been patient in allowing this writer a much needed vacation. The chosen locale was Sedona, Arizona, one of the most marvelous of geographic and spectacular sights anywhere in the world.
What made it doubly enjoyable was we shared it with friends, who were our hosts. Last August, they were joined in marriage. I was honored to preside at the ceremony. Our gift was to join them in Sedona for a three day respite.
On one morning, while in search of an identified vortex, we observed an older couple walking along the road. We stopped, asked directions, but were quickly told by the man that he didn’t believe in such. We hadn’t asked for his beliefs, only a location. We hadn’t indicated any “belief” one way or the other. He proceeded with his walk and we proceeded to discover the several locations throughout the day. It was part of the pleasure of being there. Much like a scavenger hunt, we pinned down the locations, enjoyed the views from every one and came to agree with one couple who said she believed “a vortex may be found wherever you are.” We thought that was a sound observation.
Literally, a vortex is an eddy or maelstrom, a whirlpool. According to About.com, ”a vortex is created from spiraling motion of air or liquid around a center of rotation.” A good example is a dust devil ordinarily seen in the desert.
According to legend, vortexes are created, in Sedona, not by wind or water, but from spiraling spiritual energy. Thus, the separation of those who “believe” and those who do not. Vortex sites are spiritual locations where prayer, meditation and healing intersect with a person’s inner self.
We did not experience a particularly dramatic harmonic convergence, as it has been called. Like our friend we met on the trail, it was an experience in grandeur, a moment of peace and unforgettable beauty.
Like most spiritual experiences, it is left to the individual to interpret and translate its meaning, if any. Spiritual encounters of the best kind are in the moment and in the place when and where an individual is open to them. They do not need follow a prescribed formula, nor do they need to become a universal phenomenon.
Just be open to the tranquility available in such a moment wherever you are!
What made it doubly enjoyable was we shared it with friends, who were our hosts. Last August, they were joined in marriage. I was honored to preside at the ceremony. Our gift was to join them in Sedona for a three day respite.
On one morning, while in search of an identified vortex, we observed an older couple walking along the road. We stopped, asked directions, but were quickly told by the man that he didn’t believe in such. We hadn’t asked for his beliefs, only a location. We hadn’t indicated any “belief” one way or the other. He proceeded with his walk and we proceeded to discover the several locations throughout the day. It was part of the pleasure of being there. Much like a scavenger hunt, we pinned down the locations, enjoyed the views from every one and came to agree with one couple who said she believed “a vortex may be found wherever you are.” We thought that was a sound observation.
Literally, a vortex is an eddy or maelstrom, a whirlpool. According to About.com, ”a vortex is created from spiraling motion of air or liquid around a center of rotation.” A good example is a dust devil ordinarily seen in the desert.
According to legend, vortexes are created, in Sedona, not by wind or water, but from spiraling spiritual energy. Thus, the separation of those who “believe” and those who do not. Vortex sites are spiritual locations where prayer, meditation and healing intersect with a person’s inner self.
We did not experience a particularly dramatic harmonic convergence, as it has been called. Like our friend we met on the trail, it was an experience in grandeur, a moment of peace and unforgettable beauty.
Like most spiritual experiences, it is left to the individual to interpret and translate its meaning, if any. Spiritual encounters of the best kind are in the moment and in the place when and where an individual is open to them. They do not need follow a prescribed formula, nor do they need to become a universal phenomenon.
Just be open to the tranquility available in such a moment wherever you are!
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