Respites, Retreats and Relaxation

The next several days will find this column in suspension. It comes because of a wedding of a nephew which is long overdue. The swine flu scare notwithstanding, people from Europe and the US will gather in Central Park to share in the nuptials. We will be among them.

The other reason is that my bucket is dry. I wrote two full weeks of articles just before a trip to San Francisco last week and that group of articles is now depleted.

I now need to observe the human race awhile to come up with some new ideas and maybe insights into the foibles of our kind. I will be doing that during this time away and will return here with those observations within a week. Hope you find other ways to occupy your valuable time!

Plant More Turnips

Well, we are on the downside to 2009! Tax deadline is past and most have made some arrangements to take care of that bill. Easter is behind us and spring is struggling to make its way through soil and limb. Maybe most of the Christmas bills have been met. The first quarter of a new administration is beginning to show us signs of what may be ahead. Both on the domestic and international fronts, some good news, like the tiny buds rearing their heads above the earth, begin to be evident.

The year is certainly not half over. There are graduations and weddings galore in the next few months. Considerations are being made for vacation time, if any, this year. The economic news still seems and feels mostly bad. As for our share in boosting the economy, the turnip has just been about squeezed for its all. If there is any more to come from the turnip, it might just have to be from next year's crop.

Glimmers of optimism break through here and there. The retreat of pessimism on the part of some is welcomed. The movement of the darker clouds further away from us gives some hope. The traditional nay sayers are still saying nay and the world still revolves on its axis.

So maybe it is still early enough where you live to plant more turnips. Maybe the season can be stretched, the crop multiplied. Maybe the turnip is our spring time "ground hog." Maybe the turnip will grant us green thumb satisfaction. What was barren may bear fruit, or turnips! What was
being mowed down may now flourish with growth. What was a plot of unproductive soil is now a neighborhood garden that will yield a plenty.

So, tomorrow, or even yet today, get out and Plant More Turnips.

Achieving Lovability

Looking for a new hobby? How about working on your Lovability? Know anyone who could well invest time, thought and worthwhile enterprise to do just that? How about that person staring back from the mirror every morning?

Lovability, like most qualities, requires cultivation. There are cases, however, and those are to be desired, when lovability seems to be second nature for some. My mother is one of those. She exudes lovability. It is returned to her in kind. She doesn't spend any extra time developing it, it just comes out of an ordinary joy in relating kindly, generously, lovingly to people.

In contrast, there are those for whom smiles come with great struggle, kind words with enormous infrequency and inordinate difficulty. Taking the initiative to speak or acknowledge another person seems to be beyond their care or ability. Likely such behavior produces little to no kind exchanges. Or, if it does, it is never met with reciprosity.

The garden of our souls requires tending. It is from our souls that the sunshine of joy bathes all who encounter us. It is from goodness shared that goodness is gained. It is from affection invested that the great dividends of returned love come.

Achieving lovability is an open doorway to full and fruitful living. It is the means by which one's life is made rich and abundant and graceful. Achieving lovability expels the sour and negative and bitter and mean spirits which try to invade and overwhelm us. It is our own choice to shut the door tight against such creeping and insidiously tenacious vines that would choke our hearts.

Achieving lovability makes for the blessings of a good life.

Why is Today not Like Yesterday?

Predictability and routine are favorite haunts of seniors. Settling in to the familiar seems to offer a sense of security and serenity. Some predictability and routine is quite alright. Too much can be enormously boring. How does one achieve balance between being driven into hyperactivity and do nothingness?

A friend of mine literally drives her husband, and any others who allow her, into a constant flurry of daily, weekly, nightly social involvement. The efforts range from meetings to parties, to lectures, to musical events, to clubs, to private affairs, to one shot occasions, to museums, to shows, to committees and boards, and on and on.

Encounters frequently are introduced with "oh, by the way did you see or have you done x, y or z?" And, ends with "you really should, you know!"

Suffering from the need to be extraordinarily busy suggests need for companionship and activity, and may imply a greater loneliness.

It is good that everyday is not a duplicate of the other, but it is also good to mix some continuity with variety. Today and yesterday offer their own
unique gifts. One day does not need to be like another. But neither should everyday be expected to be a duplicate of the one just past. Balance it out, so that boredom is held off and variety is given permission.

Communal Living Part Two

The other day this column proposed the concept of communal living, at least part time, as a second home option for retirees. In discussing the subject further, in our arrangement, further considerations were raised. I share them here.

Communal living requires tolerance. Any two persons, let alone four or more, must begin with a tolerant spirit. Lacking that, it will be a hard go.

Recognizing givens is an important reality. For example, if one couple enjoys late night television, while the other doesn't, how the household manages that is important. Obviously there are very practical possibilities allowing for both to be allowed their preference.

Having and keeping a sense of humor adds to the pleasure of the experience.

Compatibility is a quality that will have been detected early on. Surprises may require an adjustment or so, but will not likely create major issues . If you have ever traveled together, you will know whether a living arrangement could be a possibility.

There should be caution about expectations. A realistic appraisal of "living together" should be just that: "realistic."

Finally, as in other contractual arrangements, the parties involved are actually making a commitment, for a set period of time, to be together.
Separation is possible, but because of the implications of all the working parts of such an arrangement, that can create major upheaval for both parties. Do not go into a communal living agreeement unless you are fully committed to see it through.

When Should I Downsize?

Choosing to downsize is no small undertaking. Trying to sort out why you should, how to go about it, what will be at stake all play into the equation. Clearly, it is a time consuming, emotionally wrenching, labor intensive process. Somehow, someday it has to be done. But, when?



There are a series of introspective and practical questions which need to be included in any argument with yourself regarding downsizing.



These are some:



*Am I ready? Are you really ready to let go of stuff accumulated over a life time? It gets no easier whatever your age. I literally have toys from my childhood. What am I to do with those? Who will want them? What do I do with papers and documents which have meaning for me/us but no one else?



*Can I do it? This may apply both to physical acumen and emotioanl choice. It is, as mentioned, labor intensive. Who can, will help? Do I want some one around while I go through the struggle of letting go?



*Do I have other agendas that I would enjoy if I had less to anchor me in one place? This is probably the most realistic question of all. Particularly if health is good and there are unsung songs, undone deeds, then this one may play high on the list.



*How can I rid myself of heirlooms and genuinely valuable items that have great family significance? Depending on the family, this will be one of the hardest considerations to wrestle with.

What Cancer Taught Me!

Good health was always assumed. In childhood, aside from the normal illnessess that accompany growing up, my health was generally quite good.
Until my third decade there were no surgeries, no significant set backs. In my early 30's I had my first of three corneal transplants. Beyond that no other major health issues came along,other than a couple of sinus surgeries.

The real shocker came when I was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer, with a Gleason Sale of 9. My PSA, checked with annual and semi annual regularity, shot up from a low of 1.5 to a suspicious high of 4. One well known clinic, in which I was undergoing a thorough annual examination, did not choose to flag this change. It took my general practioner to discover and act on the information. A biopsy followed with a local oncologist and the truth was out.

One of the foremost Oncologists in the Scottsdale area took charge of my case, a radical prostectomy followed and a year and a half later, I am cancer free. The quick action of my primary physician, the biopsy, and determination on the part of the operating oncologist comprised the team which made my case turn out well. My oncologist said, "had we not addressed the situation as we did, I would have been dead in my early 70's with a horrible death." I am now 70.

Cancer taught me not to monkey around with any suspicious health indicators. Have a regular check up for all kinds of life threatening possibilites, particularly colon, prostate and others to which you may be susceptible.

Cancer taught me that it is perfectly normal to feel vulnerable following surgery. A life threatening situation, produced out of experiences like cancer, a stroke, heart issues, etc. offer any of us an essential wake up call.

Cancer taught me that it is okay to ask for and rely on help, counsel, support from others.

Cancer taught me how profoundly special and essential it is to have a spouse on which to rely.

Cancer taught me how to be more loving, and to be open to receiving the affection and gifts of caring which come from family and friends. One of the strongest curing balms is love.

Cancer taught me not to be embarrassed. I was and remain mildly incontinent. My stamina level is not what it was and still has not resumed. My sex life has undergone major change. The good news, according to my wife, is that I am alive.

Cancer can be a rigorously fought battle. Fortunately, I did not have to be subjected to chemo or radiation. For those who do, the battle is even more intense. Whatever course of treatment a person pursues, following the counsel of health care professionals, sticking it out with rigorous self discipline and finding means to pump your endorphins with all variety of energizing influences are all essential to vitality. My example isn't the only one that I know in which friends and family have fought the good fight and prevailed. If you are a candiate or already a recruit in the battle, may your victory over cancer come with haste..

Thank You, Susan Boyle

To our great fortune, Susan Boyle has been introduced to the world. Her gentle spirit, deft ability, fantastic range, subtle manner has hit us with some new lessons about greatness. Beauty is everywhere. There is still pure, true talent available in our world. Humility is a gift. Grace always surprises us. The impossible may be the dream you are having right now.

With profound and utter amazement, you captured an audience of millions. You deserve to shower us with the incredible sound of your voice. You are a person with stunning ability, and the ability comes in a most lovable package.

Grace us with your presence, your magnificence, your birdsong quality. We love being amazed, particularly when the source of that amazement is so genuine.

Sing on, dear Susan, sing on.

Good Times with Great Kids

Making sure good times don't stop just because you are retired or older or inconviently located requires planning, motivation, willingness to get out of your routine and genuine desire to be with others.



The worst habit is the habit of "rut routines." That's the one in which everyday is a carbon copy of the last. That's the one in which nothing varies, the same ideas and experiences are replayed day in, day out.



One of the ways to break such a grossly unproductive habit is to plan a trip to be with your children or grandchildren or other persons who give you permission to get outside the box for a time.



Our children are great kids and they most always offer good times. Good times is defined by "just being together," enjoying the rich company of one another, discovering what is going on in one another's lives, mining the memories which have helped make our lives rich and meaningful.



Great kids, no matter their ages, are the core of what we seek in finding renewed meaning in our own life journey. Great kids are persons who give us gifts, sometimes through a wonderful bear hug, a gentle touch, a quiet smile, a generous conversation, a pat on the back. Great kids are those who remind us that our lives have counted for something.



In a couple of days, we get to see two of our Great Kids. They are fully adult, they are productive, they are, like all of us, still defining their lives, they are just "great." It has truly been too long. That is a flaw in our schedule and priorities that must be altered. We miss them so when we have not had time with them. Life is too busy when it is not frequently enough invested in those who are most important to us.



Discovering the priority of love and kinship and nurturing it is one of those experiences that excel all the tasks and busyness to which we are prone.



We will forget what we did in our busyness...we will hold dear and treasure greatly our time spent and the good times enjoyed with our great kids.

Is Communal Living for You?

Last fall, two couples began an experiment. One couple is from near Chicago, the other from near Dallas. They converged in the Scottsdale area, and began sharing a domicile which met their mutual needs. They are part time residents in their respective locations, thus enabling a two home convenience in various seasons.

One might wonder why in the world would anyone want to consider such an arrangement. What are the considerations?

* If a couple desires enjoying a second home, without the full burden of a year's lease, shared expenses becomes the first and most notable advantage. Working out a clear budget and sharing of same will be the first requirement. Including all expenses: lease payments, grocery and other essentials, utilities and monitoring those frequently will add to the workability of such a plan.

* There are some obvious wrinkles that have to be ironed out and agreed to.
Those wrinkles include reaching practical and objective agreements regarding shared living arrangements. Having intermittent conversations about what is working and what is not will also be necessary. Addressing the comforts of all will necessitate the compromise of each.

*Determining a location means doing research and having a clear picture of what each couple's needs are. For example: a house with two master suites works perfectly; shared duties on a predictable schedule, will help keep tranquility high and chores addressed.

*Talking through any disagreements, misunderstandings or adjustments will be a necessary and somewhat frequent requirement. Never assume all is well. Four people comprise a small committee, a mini-community which must agree to and review the rules and principles that binds them together.

*In such an environment, there should be no primary or alpha person. Consensus will be the rule of governing. Thoughtfulness and consideration will be the standard for living.

*Agreements regarding use of the house in the absence of one or another of the parties will need to be reached, especially, if/when children or pets are involved.

*A lease arrangement allows for an exit date or negotiating extending the arrangement. If situations collide which create the need for one or the other couple to vacate the agreement, such particulars need to be provided for within the initial agreement.

*Respect for one another's privacy and living style will be honored, within the agreed space boundaries available. This will require some compromise and mutual respect.

*An understanding of shared furnishings and equipment will, of course, need to be reached. If bought independently or cooperatively, an agreement will be required to enable a fair and balanced situation.

*When disagreements occur, as they will, identify a time and a comfortable environment, for discussing and working through such. These will likely take place less often than expected.

*Avoid being picky or always needing matters to come out "your way." That will not work. It will create stress and fissure within the communal arrangement and will eventuate in its failure. Make clear your needs, but always be prepared to negotiate to reach a workable solution.

*Finally, decide if you can live communally and remain friends. If not, forego the idea. If so, go for it and discover a rich new way to live.

Bad Driving Habits are Unnecessary

So this is the middle of April, one day before the Tax Deadline, spring is in bloom, (well at least in some places) and today is offered as another 24 hour gift. Guess what I have on my plate today!

One of the things I have to do is work off a traffic violation by signing up for a Defensive Driving School. It was my fault. Stupid. Went through a left turn lane just as it was turning red. Had plenty of time. Just didn't pay enough attention. Now, for the first time in years, I have an infraction. Stupid.

Bad habits have a way of catching up with you. While I don't make a regular practice of slipping through lights, I did it that day. And that was the day I was caught in the act, doing something I could very well have avoided. Now I have to pay the piper.

My conclusion to all this is bad driving habits, even if occasional, are unnecessary. They mess with your ego, your common sense, your better judgment, your routine, your image of yourself as a good driver.

Take it easy. There is absolutely nothing, short of someone in your car about to deliver a baby, requiring zipping too fast through traffic. There is absolutely no reason to jeopardize yourself and others. So, if you are delivering someone to the hospital, call 911. Stay out of the way of the professionals who typically know how to handle harrowing situations.

When approaching an intersection gauge your distance, speed, traffic conditions to determine your actions. Do not push it. It ain't necessary.
The intimidation of a flashing traffic photo light or a cruiser with flashing red and blue lights will just ruin your day.

While taking the course is probably good for me, I really ought to have enough common sense to avoid such oversights. Of course, although only 70, this may be a wake up call to check my general driving habits overall.
Driving is not an ego trip for me, but if I am going to do it, then I need to be sure I am doing it well.

Today may be a good day for a Driving Check Up. Learn from my mistake, avoid an unnecessary interruption. Hone your skills at driving. Commit to safe driving. I hope my blunder will assist your sensitivity to your own driving habits.

Is It Worth the Time

Of the multiplicity of activites to choose from, do you find yourself ever asking, is it worth the time? Time is so constant, meeting us, passing right before our eyes that we take for granted its presence, never realizing its absence, as it flies so swiftly on.

Is it worth the time to find something that truly gives life meaning? Is it worth the time to continue to validate your very existence? Is it worth the time to get outside yourself and into others in order to experience merit? Is it worth the time to discover how to be authentic to yourself? Is it worth the time to recognize the swiftness of a day's passing? Is it worth the time to use creative energy to make this day count?

Idle thought, indifference, sloth, studying ones navel may all seem like comfortable and relaxing pursuits, but is it worth the time? Is it worth the time to watch your account of life's lightning fast passage to invest in petty and wasteful expenditure?

Today is full of time, but the sands sink fleetingly and ere long we wonder where it went, how it passed, why this day has already faded into yesterday.

Consider the lilies of the field...the subtle passing of the seasons, the inevitable passing from day to night, the swift disapperance of night, even as we sleep. What was worthy of the day that its phasing from today to tomorrow was filled with noble effort? What was learned from this day that will be applied to the next? Is it worth the time?

Moving at 70

On the road again, but this time only a bare few miles from one domicile to another. Good Idea, bad idea? Whatever, it is necessary. The house we currently occupy has been sold. Not much choice there. But, the sage asks, why not find a way to avoid moving at 70? Good question. Life circumstances and choices, which are too complex to detail here, often put us in situations we would like to be different.

The good news is that the relocation is to a deliciously wonderful house with numerous amenities and a “to die for” location. Scenic, isolated, classic, older, the home is exactly the sort of place we find suitable.

Another phenomenon, not for everybody, but working for us is we are sharing our find with in laws, a couple from the cold north, near Chicago. They are near our age and have children and mutual relatives nearby. We have worked out a communal arrangement, which the house suits very well, and the cost is equally shared. What a deal!

The labor of moving is, of course, the least desirable part, but within a day, the furniture will be in place and the simple job of placing the “stuff” can be extended over several days. So, on the whole it isn’t too bad. Later in life, I will be less likely to be so encouraging about such an undertaking.

By the way, the location is in Fountain Hills, Arizona, an idyllic area for retirement. We have shared the wonder of this location over the last 20 years. Our primary home, in Texas, is still home and will remain so for a time. Caretakers keep it safe and pristine. The best of both worlds, but of course those worlds will, of necessity, combine in time. So moving at 70, at least in our situation, is a workable and pleasant proposition. Perhaps, if your own circumstances allow, such a change could introduce a new adventure for you. Could be worth considering!

Never Grow Tired of Trying

Sometimes when it seems you haven’t heard from someone you love and hold dear, it is a right and worthy thing to never grow tired of trying to reach out to them. None of us can second guess what is going on in another person’s life. None of us can fathom the whys that may not be available to you, when you wish they were. None can know what agendas and pressures and hurdles they may be experiencing. None of us can supply for them the answers they may be seeking right then. But, any of us can try to be in touch, to reach out, to offer a kind and loving hand.

Today’s enormous and difficult demands are such that those of us who have reached the other side of the chronological hill cannot see the struggle someone dear is enduring to climb their side. Particularly if we are not keeping in regular touch with another, it becomes all the harder to know just where they are on their climb, what treacheries they are experiencing on their ascent.

About all we can do at that point is try to be there for them, even at a far distance. Often absence and alienation are misinterpreted. They do not have to carry negative connotations. Circumstances create all kinds of static for keeping in touch. Keeping up the climb frequently interrupts the best intentions. Weariness and exhaustion block ability for sufficient energy to deal with anything but climbing onward and upward.

Initiative taking, through any variety of methods, is a noteworthy way to send a message of loving thoughtfulness. Showing consideration is always an appropriately significant way for letting others know you are still there, you still love them, you still are available to whatever their needs may be. Emotional signals sent with genuine and timely thoughtfulness are never out of season. Never Grow Tired of Trying!

There May Be More Hope to Come

Increasingly the hope versus hate monger machine seems to be on the grow. More and more there seem to be those whose insights are catching on to the manipulative put down machines of right wing ignorance and idiocy. What a wonderful fresh breeze is blowing, now that younger voters and wiser heads are teaming up to challenge the callous blame games and irresponsible finger pointing of an immature and unschooled group whom Vice President Agnew called ‘negative nabobs'.

Years ago, the governor of Tennessee, Frank Clement, asked a very stirring question in his keynote address at the Democratic convention, “How long, O America,” he asked and then pressed his question with specifics such as we need now. If asked today, the questions might look and sound this:

*How long, O America,” shall we be swayed by those who use adolescent strategies to influence our points of view?

“How long, O America,” will we give permission to manipulators and naysayers to bend our minds to their prejudices?

”How long, O America,” before we reclaim thinking and deciding for ourselves?

“How long, O America,” shall we bend to the agendas of the might, serving their goals and ends, while compromising our own?

“How long, O America,” shall we allow others to prescribe our values, determine our loyalties, shape our convictions?

“How long, O America,” before we use our own minds and commit our own hearts and invest our own energies in the good and true and honest?

There may be more hope to come, if we enable ourselves to raise the questions, examine the motives, insinuate our own perspectives into the grave and earth moving issues of our time. There will be more hope to come when we have risen to the heights of exercising common sense, using good judgment, disallowing others to play us like an instrument in their hands.

Welcome to the world of hope, where thinking for yourself is the rule, not the exception.

Imagination's Boundless Wonders, Therapy for Aging

Remember when you were growing up and your imagination seemed boundless. Remember creating all sorts of fantasies that led to adventures and landscapes full of wonder. Remember discovering, sometimes alone, sometimes with friends, new games, dramas, worlds that led you on trails of amazing and unusual adventure.

Your imagination was the source. That part of your brain which had to be called upon to remember world geography, biological identifications, mathematical equation, linguistic rules at school every week took frequent vacations to wonderlands of marvelous creativity and wonder. Inspiration came by way of a cowboy western, a fictional space exploration, an idea that emerged from on screen or a book you were reading or a play you had seen.

Now, all these years later, where has that imagination fled? How did imagination find replacement with boredom? Why is distraction not given permission to take over? When do we allow ourselves the magic of walking down pathways knowing not where they lead?

Obviously, not all of us are left with an imagination deficit. Older persons still write amazingly incredible novels. Some persons tinker in their basements or garages or workshops or garden houses to come up with all kinds of remarkable innovations, discoveries, alterations of things and nature.

Look at wherever you go to allow your imagination to run free. Instead of workshop, why not call it a “workship,” which will carry you on voyages of unpredictable discovery. Equip your ship with all you will need for the trip. Climb aboard and head any direction you wish. Perhaps you will, like many another explorer, take us all to new lands and wonders.

Imagination is not alone for the young, it is Therapy for the Aging. It is within easy reach, even if disabled and limited. The limits are, after all, only in your imagination. Expel the excuses for delay, insist with yourself that you “go out and play” today at whatever your imagination finds tempting. Bring home your discoveries, your stories, your curious adventures. Share them with others, whose imagination is awaiting just the spark to get them going. You will find that whatever may have held you down and back has now become forgotten and your imagination has cured your reluctance. Sharpen it, use it, exercise it until it becomes as strong as your physical muscles, as able as you wish to be.

Keep your “workship” in trim, ready for the next voyage. Upon your return share your magical excursion with the rest of us. Blend your stories with testimonies of how much livelier daily existence really can be.

When a Heartache Won't Cure

Adolescence seems to be the period in life when heartaches and heartbreaks take forever to cure. The intensity of emotion is so paramount that feelings seem to soar and then plunge with equal rapidity. Often, it seems the cause is never clear. Just as uncertain is the cure. In those days, it feels as if the pain will never subside. Dark clouds loom. Day to day life is met with depression and hurt and unanswered questions.

Eventually, it all passes away. Sometimes it gets tucked in a memory bag and remembered now and again on particular and special occasions. Something seems to prompt recall. That passes too.

For elders, heartaches happen too. Disappointment in another, hurt over insensitive actions or behavior or words, a partner, however defined, undergoes some very serious malady and the pain, experienced by one, is real to the other.

From wherever the pain originates, it is just as real in later life as it is in adolescence. Pain is pain. Blithely disregarding it does not offer a balm. Cliches do not offer any consolation. Our emotions need sensitivity and care, affection and thoughtfulness. It isn’t immature, at any age, to admit and to openly go through pain. On the contrary, those who refuse to be open about their pain, most often will bury it and deal with it in other unhealthy ways for a longer period of time.

Healthy human beings examine and demonstrate ways to be and remain healthy. Emotional, just as well as physical pain, must be given attention, sometimes even going so far as seeking professional help, in order to overcome and get back on track with the good life.

Another important dimension of healing a heartache is to avoid doing it in isolation. Maintain contact with others. Find persons with whom you can share life and laughter and even your story, refusing, however, to dwell on it interminably. That will chase your best friends away and you will be miserable.

Take initiative to be out and about. Discover new friends. If you are going through a separation or divorce or loss of a spouse, partner or friend in death, find and attend support groups. Create a comfort level that allows you to move outside a confined space. Look for ways to have fun, be in groups which offer healthy distractions.

Finally, invite yourself to enjoy some manner of meditative stillness. Discover that being outside yourself means more than going out…it means allowing a spiritual force to come in. Open up to the sharing of the calm and peace of contemplation, away from your immediate crises, look and be receptive to hearing a still, small voice offering you healing, promise, love, hope and quiet fulfillment.

Inspiration Isn't Difficult to Find

Now, especially, it seems more and more of us are engaged in the search for inspiration. How impressive it is, in otherwise depressing times, to see so many forms of inspiration taking shape. How, profoundly gracious of persons to create it and pass it along. How utterly remarkable that with all the downers available via so many sources, there are those out there, looking under huge boulders to find hidden sprouts shooting up from the earth, at the very edges of what weighs us down, only to find one single, isolated bloom, searching for the sky.

Often this inspiration is set to music, soft, smooth, calming tunes, instrumental, sometimes sung which quietly proclaim serenity and sanity and peace. Photographs often accompany the words, sentiments expressive of the calming of soul and spirit share with us how we can reach out to claim inspiration.

The growlers and grumblers have pounded their tables long enough. The demeaning and discrediting of the hopeful and the positive has gone on quite past its time. You know who they are. If you are like them, maybe it is time you sought inspiration and shelved desperation.

Maybe it is time more of us whistled “a happy tune.” Perhaps we need to have a “Zippity Do Dah” day…”my oh my what a wonderful day!” Likely, those who choose to use incredulous ways to arouse the worst in us, may want to consider that their time could be better invested. Maybe they and we could discover that happiness is a far better dividend to draw from the investment of time.

Warning: this article may prompt you to examine your loyalties and allegiances, your values and commitments. You may decide not to run after the transitory and angrily motivated. You may determine that the likes of those who try to influence your being sour and dour merits investigation and elimination.

Louis Armstrong’s favorite melody needs to become ours: “Oh, What a Beautiful World.”

Mellowing and Growing Older with Grace

A very old poem I have found to be among my favorites, probably because I can still quote it, is this one:

Isn’t it strange that princes and kings
And clowns that caper in sawdust rings
And common folk, like you and me
Are builders of eternity?

To each is given a bag of tools
And a book of rules.
And each must build,
Ere life is flown,
A stumbling block or a stepping stone.

I have no idea the author, couldn’t tell you where I first came across it. It has, however, served me well. It is a gentle reminder of the flow of life. It reveals well the goal of life and our acting out of it.

Mellowing and growing older with grace requires discovering the secret of this rhyme. Passing days give opportunity for us to get in touch how much more pleasant life can be if we unearth secrets like these. Complications, confusions, challenges to peace of mind often serve as major impediments to our smoothing out the rough edges of our personality.

If today, you discover a dour and sour disposition dominating your encounters with others, remember this poem. If you find your behavior is pushing people away, stop it. Remember the poem. If you are impossible to be with even for an hour, isolate yourself and memorize this poem.

I expect stumbling blocks are heavier than stepping stones. So lift and put in place the one that makes it less difficult to take the stairway to the top.

Who Are You Trying to Fool?

This may be a good day for the prankster who enjoys pulling fast ones on friends, neighbors and compatriots. Humor is one of the best forms of social engagement. However, it needs to be humor that is not insulting, down putting, embarrassing to another. Enjoying poking fun is usually okay, so long as it carries with it some sensitivity.

Trying to come on as funny, at the expense of someone else is in poor taste. Checking ones humor quotient is a good idea before launching into what is more of an insult than a rib tickler.

Having fun, joking, using plays on words, pulling a fast one, jesting all are most often suitable forms of humorous behavior. Allowing others to share their own stories, wit and cleverness is always expected.

Humor is a blend of keeping your mind active, allowing your body the release of laughter, and creating a social interaction that is normally healthy all around.

Out of bounds are ethnic stories that offer affront, off color stories that just don’t fit, stories that do not respect the age group and jokes that come out being only funny to the teller.

If you need to prove anything about yourself and your sense of humor, you might want to do it in a bar or lounge with people whom you have never met. That way you will save embarrassment for everybody, but perhaps yourself. But then, who will know? And you will have learned a valuable lesson.

There is nothing wrong with humor, otherwise why are so many humorous stories circulating on the Internet, so many comedians making a prosperous living on comedy shows and so on. Just keep your stories, particularly around those with whom you associate regularly, respectful and considerate. Laughter and good humor most always are appropriate behaviors.