Toward year’s end, one of the annual rituals is to share in the recall of celebrities and prominent persons who died. Not unlike any year, this one has seen the passing of some very remarkable and salient individuals who affected our times significantly.
As I go through those lists, I am reminded of one or another of the contributions, creative, artistic, profound, that these human beings shared with us. I am reminded that because of their gifts, we will share in their voices, faces, work from now on. What an additional gift we receive through the technology that offers us such reminders.
My favorites were in practically every field. And those, about whom I knew little, I am sorry now I didn’t know more. That is always the way it is with death, it leaves us wanting more of the person, of their pungent excitement of life, of their special gifts that made our lives full and touched by a spirit, impossible to define.
We were met with two losses this year whose lives had intersected ours in daily ways. They were our best friends. One had been with us for 17 years, our male dachshund. The other was an abandoned cat who came to live with us and teach us the nature of being mastered by the “Silent Miaow.” Both losses were profound, deep and painfully agonizing.
They slept with us every night. They were near us every day. We knew their needs and they met ours. They offered humor and vibrant moments to unpredictable moments. They were there first thing in the morning, sometimes in the middle of the night, and when it was time to lie together in the harmony of family.
Pia and Zach were very close friends. They mastered the dog/cat thing early on and were siblings in their own right. They kept their distance at meal time. They were there to defend one another against any unwelcome intruder. Their loyalty, shared as it was between them, expanded to include us. We knew we were safe with them, and they with us.
They are buried in our pet plot on the grounds of our country home. They lie where they had roamed. I can see their plot from the window of my library. A misty tear often nudges its way down my cheek when I look in their direction. It is happening now.
We have two pets who came along near the time of Pia’s passing and a few months before Zach’s. They were “rescue” animals, who were facing their own deaths. We were fortunate to retrieve them just in time and they have brought renewed joy and pleasure to our daily lives. I promise to tell you more about them another time.
Whoever you may have lost this year, I leave you with full sympathy. Whenever it was, however they fit into your life, it always brings a shaking to the soul and a vacancy in the heart.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
Follow Your Bliss: A Conversation with Family and Friends
A conversation with family and friends the other evening, between Christmas and New Year’s Eve, prompted me to hear myself for the first time in a long time.
What I heard was a man, almost 70, who had begun slipping into attitudes of cynicism, sardonicism, doubt, pessimism and just plain skepticism. All these words generally define the same attitude. Their roots are found in doubt. They flourish when one allows the “popular” and often misguided forms of religious faith to overwhelm one’s own life long struggle with a workable concept of faith.
With the heavy press of what’s wrong with our world weighing upon us, it has become easy to be susceptible to the epidemic of feeling disenfranchised, empty, and hopeless.
Joseph Campbell’s studies of myths helped many see both the value of myth and the need to sort out those myths into patterns which provide and allow a better understanding of our search for meaning, in other words to identify a hope to which to cling.
His favorite counsel, as one seeks meaning, is to “follow your bliss.” Discover what it is that gives your life the spark, the energy, the electricity, as my son calls it, to be real and to live a life with honest meaning and sense of purpose.
Along the journey, we are met with occasions when we need to be inoculated from fear and negative spirits and small minded intoxications. Particularly, seniors in retirement have to struggle with replacing discontented grumbling with more optimistic, hopeful, buoyant behaviors, ideas and attitudes.
For the senior, particularly retired seniors, this may produce the need for striking out for totally alien territory. The prison of inactivity contributes more to ill health, incapacity, uselessness, indolence, passiveness, slothfulness and inertia than anything else. Suddenly, recognizing how close to the edge I was coming, my family and friends urged me away from that precarious edge.
It isn’t just coming to a resolution; it is being ready for an all out revolution in your own life. It is agreeing to wage war on the very enemies that steal the you from yourself. It is finding some identifiable infatuation with ideas and activities that come from both inside and outside yourself resulting in your inner self having a healthier disposition.
You don’t have to wait until January 1; start now, this minute, while you are reading this column. Think about how you can escape the prison of self incarceration. Breathe new life into your soul and spirit; introduce your body to healthy habits. Change the bad behaviors to which you have been beholden. Follow your bliss!
What I heard was a man, almost 70, who had begun slipping into attitudes of cynicism, sardonicism, doubt, pessimism and just plain skepticism. All these words generally define the same attitude. Their roots are found in doubt. They flourish when one allows the “popular” and often misguided forms of religious faith to overwhelm one’s own life long struggle with a workable concept of faith.
With the heavy press of what’s wrong with our world weighing upon us, it has become easy to be susceptible to the epidemic of feeling disenfranchised, empty, and hopeless.
Joseph Campbell’s studies of myths helped many see both the value of myth and the need to sort out those myths into patterns which provide and allow a better understanding of our search for meaning, in other words to identify a hope to which to cling.
His favorite counsel, as one seeks meaning, is to “follow your bliss.” Discover what it is that gives your life the spark, the energy, the electricity, as my son calls it, to be real and to live a life with honest meaning and sense of purpose.
Along the journey, we are met with occasions when we need to be inoculated from fear and negative spirits and small minded intoxications. Particularly, seniors in retirement have to struggle with replacing discontented grumbling with more optimistic, hopeful, buoyant behaviors, ideas and attitudes.
For the senior, particularly retired seniors, this may produce the need for striking out for totally alien territory. The prison of inactivity contributes more to ill health, incapacity, uselessness, indolence, passiveness, slothfulness and inertia than anything else. Suddenly, recognizing how close to the edge I was coming, my family and friends urged me away from that precarious edge.
It isn’t just coming to a resolution; it is being ready for an all out revolution in your own life. It is agreeing to wage war on the very enemies that steal the you from yourself. It is finding some identifiable infatuation with ideas and activities that come from both inside and outside yourself resulting in your inner self having a healthier disposition.
You don’t have to wait until January 1; start now, this minute, while you are reading this column. Think about how you can escape the prison of self incarceration. Breathe new life into your soul and spirit; introduce your body to healthy habits. Change the bad behaviors to which you have been beholden. Follow your bliss!
Monday, December 22, 2008
Things I Wish I Had Said
There are many things I wish I had said as the year closes. Here are a few.
I wish I had said “I APPRECIATE YOU” more often. You have done much that goes unthanked. Much of what you have done was not done for me at all. But much of what you have done is never sufficiently recognized by others, often the very recipients of your caring. Someone, why shouldn’t it be me, should let you know that those unsung, unrecognized acts are appreciated. I wish I had told you then that I appreciate you.
I wish I had said “HAPPY BIRTHDAY.” I didn’t. But now, though it is likely past, I want you to know that I wish I had said it. Your birthday is important to you and it is important to others because it symbolizes your being. And without you, this world would be less.
I wish I had said “I CARE.” There were time when you, like all of us, need especially to hear that. Those “down days” when, on the percentage scale, more seems to go wrong than right. Had I said it probably wouldn’t have changed things a lot. But you would have known that someone does genuinely care.
I wish I had said “FORGIVE ME.” Although forgotten by me now, I expect that there were times when my own impetuousness and insensitivity contributed to your hurt. I may be guilty of that again. For now, anyway, know that I am sorry.
I wish I had said “HOW ARE YOU” and meant it, and deeply cared about your response.
I wish I had said “TELL ME ABOUT IT” when it was obvious you had some genuine desire to share a part of you, that special part, when something unique was happening in your life.
I wish I had said “THANK YOU” for the many kindnesses, thoughtful acts and generous considerations you have so often tendered. If I didn’t say it, I thought it. Now I am letting you know that.
I wish I had said “I MISS YOU.” Because there are many times when your absence hurts and your presence would make life brighter.
I wish I had said “I LOVE YOU.” Because, you know, I really do. And, though our paths cross at crazy times and our agendas are often different, and our lives mixed up with many, many details and the possibility of disagreement looms large between us, I remain interested in what contributes to your days.
I cannot promise I will say those things to you every time I would like next year. But I can promise that somehow I will know that I should have. It is that that motivates one more thing I wish I had said a year ago: “HAVE A CHRISTMAS OF JOY AND NEW YEAR OF PEACE.”
I wish I had said “I APPRECIATE YOU” more often. You have done much that goes unthanked. Much of what you have done was not done for me at all. But much of what you have done is never sufficiently recognized by others, often the very recipients of your caring. Someone, why shouldn’t it be me, should let you know that those unsung, unrecognized acts are appreciated. I wish I had told you then that I appreciate you.
I wish I had said “HAPPY BIRTHDAY.” I didn’t. But now, though it is likely past, I want you to know that I wish I had said it. Your birthday is important to you and it is important to others because it symbolizes your being. And without you, this world would be less.
I wish I had said “I CARE.” There were time when you, like all of us, need especially to hear that. Those “down days” when, on the percentage scale, more seems to go wrong than right. Had I said it probably wouldn’t have changed things a lot. But you would have known that someone does genuinely care.
I wish I had said “FORGIVE ME.” Although forgotten by me now, I expect that there were times when my own impetuousness and insensitivity contributed to your hurt. I may be guilty of that again. For now, anyway, know that I am sorry.
I wish I had said “HOW ARE YOU” and meant it, and deeply cared about your response.
I wish I had said “TELL ME ABOUT IT” when it was obvious you had some genuine desire to share a part of you, that special part, when something unique was happening in your life.
I wish I had said “THANK YOU” for the many kindnesses, thoughtful acts and generous considerations you have so often tendered. If I didn’t say it, I thought it. Now I am letting you know that.
I wish I had said “I MISS YOU.” Because there are many times when your absence hurts and your presence would make life brighter.
I wish I had said “I LOVE YOU.” Because, you know, I really do. And, though our paths cross at crazy times and our agendas are often different, and our lives mixed up with many, many details and the possibility of disagreement looms large between us, I remain interested in what contributes to your days.
I cannot promise I will say those things to you every time I would like next year. But I can promise that somehow I will know that I should have. It is that that motivates one more thing I wish I had said a year ago: “HAVE A CHRISTMAS OF JOY AND NEW YEAR OF PEACE.”
Friday, December 19, 2008
It's Time to Review Your Medications
Most prescription suppliers keep very accurate and current records. At year end, in preparation for your next physical, this offers a good opportunity to do an inventory of what is in your record. It offers a chance to ask questions and to evaluate whether there are generic replacements which may also offer significant financial savings. You may also discover that there are some drugs that may be removed from your regimen.
This also presents a good opportunity to determine whether your vitamin regimen is working and is appropriate. Many of us flush too many vitamins through our system, thus canceling out their value and usefulness. By the way, speaking of “flushing,” do not flush your prescribed medication, either outdated or no longer being taken, down the toilet. There is considerable evidence that this may be negatively affecting our drinking water.
The easy solution for many physicians these days for all our aches, pains and complaints seems to be prescribing some kind of medication. There are useful questions to be asked, which may head off the need for a prescription.
The first question: What are the side affects?
The second question: How long will I be on this medication?
The third question: Is there an alternative treatment? How about over the counter substitutes? Is there a generic substitute that will cost less?
The fourth question: Will this drug interact with others I am taking?
The fifth question: If there is no sign of improvement in a certain period of time, what are my options?
Some physicians may be impatient with such interrogation. If so, it may be time to look for a second opinion or a different physician altogether. The institution of medicine has changed, like so much else. There is no reason to give authority of your body over completely to one human being. The rule is: Ask questions, do your own research, seek out information through other health professionals. You may be entirely pleased and satisfied with your physician, however stay in charge!
Most physicians have your self interest in mind. They are usually very personable and well informed. They deserve our respect. And, we deserve their being thorough, patient and possessed of a “good bedside manner.”
This also presents a good opportunity to determine whether your vitamin regimen is working and is appropriate. Many of us flush too many vitamins through our system, thus canceling out their value and usefulness. By the way, speaking of “flushing,” do not flush your prescribed medication, either outdated or no longer being taken, down the toilet. There is considerable evidence that this may be negatively affecting our drinking water.
The easy solution for many physicians these days for all our aches, pains and complaints seems to be prescribing some kind of medication. There are useful questions to be asked, which may head off the need for a prescription.
The first question: What are the side affects?
The second question: How long will I be on this medication?
The third question: Is there an alternative treatment? How about over the counter substitutes? Is there a generic substitute that will cost less?
The fourth question: Will this drug interact with others I am taking?
The fifth question: If there is no sign of improvement in a certain period of time, what are my options?
Some physicians may be impatient with such interrogation. If so, it may be time to look for a second opinion or a different physician altogether. The institution of medicine has changed, like so much else. There is no reason to give authority of your body over completely to one human being. The rule is: Ask questions, do your own research, seek out information through other health professionals. You may be entirely pleased and satisfied with your physician, however stay in charge!
Most physicians have your self interest in mind. They are usually very personable and well informed. They deserve our respect. And, we deserve their being thorough, patient and possessed of a “good bedside manner.”
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Christmas Shopping is a Habit
If you are a Christmas Shopper who is in the throes of deciding how to manage this year’s gift giving challenges, perhaps it is a good time to alter your behavior.
Christmas shopping is a tradition to be sure, one that is skillfully encouraged through advertising. Sometime, shortly after the holidays, in year’s past, examining just how far one has taken the addiction adds up to quite a little sum.
It appears, this year, more circumspect judgment is being used in forays to shop and buy. Good news.
In order to contribute to a greener world, a fatter pocket book, a reduction in what ends up in landfills this may be a remarkable side effect to the current downturn.
How do I resist the temptation to shop anyway?
Examine your understanding of the holiday. Determine whether you are following the consumerist urge or the “peace on earth” message.
Inventory your gift list. Do persons on your list really want or need another something. Perhaps they would prefer a more personal symbol of your thoughtfulness?
Is this a good way and a good time to set an example for your family and friends in showing that the worship of stuff is really chasing after futile idols and ideas?
Assisting the GNP may be a worthy indicator of your concern for the national economy, but aren’t there more direct and personal issues deserving our attention?
If no one receives a gift from you this year will it really damage your relationships with those who normally do? If so, then it may be time to question why they expect a gift.
Can you really communicate your affection and appreciation of others through methods other than gift giving? And can you come to a new definition of “gift?”
Finally, are you willing to write a note card that expresses in 25 words or less your gratitude for that person in your life? Send it by snail mail, or deliver it in person, be present, if possible, when it is opened. Share a touching moment when both of you experience the joy and intimacy of Christmas giving!
Christmas shopping is a tradition to be sure, one that is skillfully encouraged through advertising. Sometime, shortly after the holidays, in year’s past, examining just how far one has taken the addiction adds up to quite a little sum.
It appears, this year, more circumspect judgment is being used in forays to shop and buy. Good news.
In order to contribute to a greener world, a fatter pocket book, a reduction in what ends up in landfills this may be a remarkable side effect to the current downturn.
How do I resist the temptation to shop anyway?
Examine your understanding of the holiday. Determine whether you are following the consumerist urge or the “peace on earth” message.
Inventory your gift list. Do persons on your list really want or need another something. Perhaps they would prefer a more personal symbol of your thoughtfulness?
Is this a good way and a good time to set an example for your family and friends in showing that the worship of stuff is really chasing after futile idols and ideas?
Assisting the GNP may be a worthy indicator of your concern for the national economy, but aren’t there more direct and personal issues deserving our attention?
If no one receives a gift from you this year will it really damage your relationships with those who normally do? If so, then it may be time to question why they expect a gift.
Can you really communicate your affection and appreciation of others through methods other than gift giving? And can you come to a new definition of “gift?”
Finally, are you willing to write a note card that expresses in 25 words or less your gratitude for that person in your life? Send it by snail mail, or deliver it in person, be present, if possible, when it is opened. Share a touching moment when both of you experience the joy and intimacy of Christmas giving!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
A Sense of Proportion
(This article appeared as a Letter to the Editor in a local paper on November 30, 2000. Somehow, it still seems relevant.)
It was an absolutely stellar afternoon. The fall leaves literally glistened as the sun reflected their rays against their brilliant hues. On television, the same drab commentary continued to evaluate the democratic process, although new and strange in its present form, nonetheless ever vibrant and strong as it seeks to sort our fairness and justice and right.
And so we took a ride. We wandered the country lanes of northern Anderson County, where we saw the real beauty of a world that cares nothing for elections or recounts, attorneys or judges. It is a world full of the luster of a surprise autumn, when the colors leave one breathless. New England has nothing on us this year. We are in the middle of a kaleidoscope of colors greater than any ever put together by Crayola.
Two deer, a fawn and her mother, crossed ahead of us, making their way safely to some refuge away from automobiles and hunters. It was a moment of quiet reverence for family, for peaceful respect, for admiring nature. No disputes here, just the need to survive.
A Hawk had found his meal for the day and busily doing what all must eventually do, give attention to sustenance.
The sun and shadows played with each other to make the afternoon ever more spectacular. It was a blissful escape into a world too little known, not enough appreciated by a world so caught up in itself and its moment. There is so much more beyond the presumed and affected importance of today’s headlines. This too will pass away. We will either choose to be lesser or greater for it. And we will emerge from it. Meanwhile, take an afternoon ride and enjoy the things of nature that have been around for much longer than even our democracy.
It was an absolutely stellar afternoon. The fall leaves literally glistened as the sun reflected their rays against their brilliant hues. On television, the same drab commentary continued to evaluate the democratic process, although new and strange in its present form, nonetheless ever vibrant and strong as it seeks to sort our fairness and justice and right.
And so we took a ride. We wandered the country lanes of northern Anderson County, where we saw the real beauty of a world that cares nothing for elections or recounts, attorneys or judges. It is a world full of the luster of a surprise autumn, when the colors leave one breathless. New England has nothing on us this year. We are in the middle of a kaleidoscope of colors greater than any ever put together by Crayola.
Two deer, a fawn and her mother, crossed ahead of us, making their way safely to some refuge away from automobiles and hunters. It was a moment of quiet reverence for family, for peaceful respect, for admiring nature. No disputes here, just the need to survive.
A Hawk had found his meal for the day and busily doing what all must eventually do, give attention to sustenance.
The sun and shadows played with each other to make the afternoon ever more spectacular. It was a blissful escape into a world too little known, not enough appreciated by a world so caught up in itself and its moment. There is so much more beyond the presumed and affected importance of today’s headlines. This too will pass away. We will either choose to be lesser or greater for it. And we will emerge from it. Meanwhile, take an afternoon ride and enjoy the things of nature that have been around for much longer than even our democracy.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Saints Still Need Love
Four beautiful women helped in my growing up. There were more than that. I choose now to dwell on only four of them.
They were each devoted to children. They were particularly skilled in the patient art of proper instruction. They were my first through fourth grade teachers.
Miss Annie Cutter, whose splendid 4’2” frame housed an indomitable spirit, led about 25 of us in that first grade class through our earliest lessons. When one of us was out of bounds, out came the paddle, a weapon translated from a toy, the kind with the rubber string and bouncing ball. The pain it produced affected the body little, but how it injured one’s pride.
Mrs. Lasater, who upon my graduation ten years later, gave me a set of cuff links I still cherish, led us through the second grade. Now, through the mist of memory, I can remember her kind eyes, wrinkled on each side, smiling over the antics of her charges.
In the third grade, almost all the boys developed an infatuation with Miss Riddlesperger, who still reminds me of June Allyson, that splendid movie star of that era who played so many “perfect” women. She helped the boys not only to make it past the infatuation, but to learn a few third grade principles as well.
After her well deserved retirement, Mrs. Horn, who taught fourth grade, must have enjoyed the satisfaction that so many of her charges had become very productive citizens of the world. It must have given her some sense of accomplishment to know that the tales of knowledge she shared had been, at least to some degree, absorbed.
There were others, but these four, probably because they were the earliest, count the most. Over the years I have enjoyed renewed flashes of just how important they were. Today, with mounting criticisms of schools, the chilling allegations about the ineptitude of teachers and administrators alike, it is a marvel at how inclined we are to forget those patient saints who helped us get through.
It is a marvel to observe the resiliency and courage of those teaches, who even in the face of so little community support and frequent disdain, still do their job very well.
It is true, saints still need love.
They were each devoted to children. They were particularly skilled in the patient art of proper instruction. They were my first through fourth grade teachers.
Miss Annie Cutter, whose splendid 4’2” frame housed an indomitable spirit, led about 25 of us in that first grade class through our earliest lessons. When one of us was out of bounds, out came the paddle, a weapon translated from a toy, the kind with the rubber string and bouncing ball. The pain it produced affected the body little, but how it injured one’s pride.
Mrs. Lasater, who upon my graduation ten years later, gave me a set of cuff links I still cherish, led us through the second grade. Now, through the mist of memory, I can remember her kind eyes, wrinkled on each side, smiling over the antics of her charges.
In the third grade, almost all the boys developed an infatuation with Miss Riddlesperger, who still reminds me of June Allyson, that splendid movie star of that era who played so many “perfect” women. She helped the boys not only to make it past the infatuation, but to learn a few third grade principles as well.
After her well deserved retirement, Mrs. Horn, who taught fourth grade, must have enjoyed the satisfaction that so many of her charges had become very productive citizens of the world. It must have given her some sense of accomplishment to know that the tales of knowledge she shared had been, at least to some degree, absorbed.
There were others, but these four, probably because they were the earliest, count the most. Over the years I have enjoyed renewed flashes of just how important they were. Today, with mounting criticisms of schools, the chilling allegations about the ineptitude of teachers and administrators alike, it is a marvel at how inclined we are to forget those patient saints who helped us get through.
It is a marvel to observe the resiliency and courage of those teaches, who even in the face of so little community support and frequent disdain, still do their job very well.
It is true, saints still need love.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Finding Hope: Resist the Temptation of Despair
Mornings like this once inspired the urge to pull the covers up and over one’s head and prepare to miss school for the day. Dark and bitter cold, it just isn’t fit for “man nor beast” as W.C. Fields would opine.
Of course, depending on where you live, it is really quite a bit more severe than here in East Texas. But fond memories of those days still linger and allow one to experience a taste of a little illegitimate absence.
Not much is like it was then, though. There is a flood of people having to stay home today. They are out of work, and running out of options. They worry over their prospects and their children and their next month’s payment for the house, the car, and other outstanding debts. What a luxury it would be to pull the covers up and just go back to sleep. Pulling them up these days is more like avoiding the day altogether. There is too much out there waiting to be met. There are too many indicators that unemployed David will meet the Goliath of despair.
David was able to slay his demons with a simple rock and a flimsy slingshot. This time it will take an army with more than rocks and slingshots to stand down the enemy of discouragement and despondency.
Where do we begin? Mine is not to flood you with worn clichés and feed you the pablum of platitudes. We need more than that. A lot more.
To tell you the truth, most everywhere you look there is more bad news. If there is good news, it is buried so far under the ice and snow and torrent of daily reports that even being up enough to read or watch takes enormous courage.
Surrendering to a morning like this won’t change one iota of the starkness of the day ahead.
A slight crevice of good news seems to break through the overcast skies. At least, these days many have the option to search the Internet for jobs, make follow up phone calls to see where your resume is at the moment, stay in touch with friends and others who may supply you with leads. Spend some time trying to bolster your own self confidence and optimism. Am I nearing the borders of platitudes and clichés? I am sorry, but about the best I can do is offer some common sense.
Rollo May, in his wonderful volume “Love and Will,” shared this insight, “Care is given power by nature’s sense of pain; if we do not care for ourselves we are hurt, burned, injured…our responsibility is to cease letting care be solely a matter of nerve endings…Life comes from physical survival; but the good life comes from what we care about.”
Of course, depending on where you live, it is really quite a bit more severe than here in East Texas. But fond memories of those days still linger and allow one to experience a taste of a little illegitimate absence.
Not much is like it was then, though. There is a flood of people having to stay home today. They are out of work, and running out of options. They worry over their prospects and their children and their next month’s payment for the house, the car, and other outstanding debts. What a luxury it would be to pull the covers up and just go back to sleep. Pulling them up these days is more like avoiding the day altogether. There is too much out there waiting to be met. There are too many indicators that unemployed David will meet the Goliath of despair.
David was able to slay his demons with a simple rock and a flimsy slingshot. This time it will take an army with more than rocks and slingshots to stand down the enemy of discouragement and despondency.
Where do we begin? Mine is not to flood you with worn clichés and feed you the pablum of platitudes. We need more than that. A lot more.
To tell you the truth, most everywhere you look there is more bad news. If there is good news, it is buried so far under the ice and snow and torrent of daily reports that even being up enough to read or watch takes enormous courage.
Surrendering to a morning like this won’t change one iota of the starkness of the day ahead.
A slight crevice of good news seems to break through the overcast skies. At least, these days many have the option to search the Internet for jobs, make follow up phone calls to see where your resume is at the moment, stay in touch with friends and others who may supply you with leads. Spend some time trying to bolster your own self confidence and optimism. Am I nearing the borders of platitudes and clichés? I am sorry, but about the best I can do is offer some common sense.
Rollo May, in his wonderful volume “Love and Will,” shared this insight, “Care is given power by nature’s sense of pain; if we do not care for ourselves we are hurt, burned, injured…our responsibility is to cease letting care be solely a matter of nerve endings…Life comes from physical survival; but the good life comes from what we care about.”
Friday, December 12, 2008
Let Me Know the Next Time You Drive!
Searching for a parking spot in a well known super store lot, left me in fear and trembling.
There were persons who never looked back to see if someone were approaching, as they were backing out. There were drivers who lurched right and left and stopped suddenly without regard for anyone in any direction. There were those coming from the wrong direction down the lane, seeking a way to extract a parking lot by wedging themselves in, in spite of the impending approach of another vehicle.
Now, this is not to imply that all of these drivers fall into the category of senior citizens. Some had to be simply discourteous, rude, ignorant or captives of bad driving habits. A lot of us can fall under any one or more of these categories.
Just one request: please notify me when you are next on the road, any road, any area, any parking lot, anywhere. Show the courtesy of at least putting us on notice that you are going to be out there, among us, wielding your vehicle as a weapon.
Since that is not likely to happen, could you at least think about what your automotive behavior is doing to the streets and highways, the emotions and blood pressure of some of us who try to pay attention to what is happening around us. Defensive driving is not only a well recommended practice, but just plain necessity. Survival on the road means looking out for yourself AND everyone else.
At night, around dusk, please turn on your lights. It doesn’t save your battery or extend its life by leaving them off. It may extend mine and possibly yours.
Remember, especially in the holiday season (and anytime else), not to drink and drive. It makes the rest of us downright MADD to see people so oblivious of their own and other’s well being.
Keep your car in good repair. Coming up on someone whose rear lights aren’t working, brake lights don’t function, signal lights are never used is a guessing game as to what is happening in the car ahead.
By the way, no matter how big your vehicle or how fast you choose to come up behind me, I refuse to alter my driving to satisfy your deadline. I don’t want to be dead, just because you need to be ahead of me on the road.
Those arrows in parking lots by the way mean something. They are not suggestions, they are directions. If an arrow points right, that means a right turn from that lane, etc. Or, do I need to get more specific and detailed. Stop and Yield signs apply no matter your age or size vehicle and number of cylinders. Sometimes it appears that IQ’s in drivers are measured by the number of spark plugs under the hood. Eight is still not very high.
When you are out driving, decide you will give consideration to others and finally yourself by checking your ability and attention to be on the road. Some famous cliché editor once proposed: “Remember, the life you save may be your own!” Old, worn, but still true.
There were persons who never looked back to see if someone were approaching, as they were backing out. There were drivers who lurched right and left and stopped suddenly without regard for anyone in any direction. There were those coming from the wrong direction down the lane, seeking a way to extract a parking lot by wedging themselves in, in spite of the impending approach of another vehicle.
Now, this is not to imply that all of these drivers fall into the category of senior citizens. Some had to be simply discourteous, rude, ignorant or captives of bad driving habits. A lot of us can fall under any one or more of these categories.
Just one request: please notify me when you are next on the road, any road, any area, any parking lot, anywhere. Show the courtesy of at least putting us on notice that you are going to be out there, among us, wielding your vehicle as a weapon.
Since that is not likely to happen, could you at least think about what your automotive behavior is doing to the streets and highways, the emotions and blood pressure of some of us who try to pay attention to what is happening around us. Defensive driving is not only a well recommended practice, but just plain necessity. Survival on the road means looking out for yourself AND everyone else.
At night, around dusk, please turn on your lights. It doesn’t save your battery or extend its life by leaving them off. It may extend mine and possibly yours.
Remember, especially in the holiday season (and anytime else), not to drink and drive. It makes the rest of us downright MADD to see people so oblivious of their own and other’s well being.
Keep your car in good repair. Coming up on someone whose rear lights aren’t working, brake lights don’t function, signal lights are never used is a guessing game as to what is happening in the car ahead.
By the way, no matter how big your vehicle or how fast you choose to come up behind me, I refuse to alter my driving to satisfy your deadline. I don’t want to be dead, just because you need to be ahead of me on the road.
Those arrows in parking lots by the way mean something. They are not suggestions, they are directions. If an arrow points right, that means a right turn from that lane, etc. Or, do I need to get more specific and detailed. Stop and Yield signs apply no matter your age or size vehicle and number of cylinders. Sometimes it appears that IQ’s in drivers are measured by the number of spark plugs under the hood. Eight is still not very high.
When you are out driving, decide you will give consideration to others and finally yourself by checking your ability and attention to be on the road. Some famous cliché editor once proposed: “Remember, the life you save may be your own!” Old, worn, but still true.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
This is a Good Day to Stop Worrying!
This is a good day to stop worrying! For the most part most of what happens happens with or without our worry. On a lesser scale, the little things we choose to worry about are likely beyond our control as well.
Yesterday I made a run into town, a 15 mile journey. I was to pick up something for my 89 year old Mother. While there, I chose to run two or three additional errands, thus extending the expected time of my return. My mother announced that she was worried because I had taken longer than she expected.
She did not account for my other errands, decided that meant something had delayed me, about which she chose to put in the category of “worry.”
Many of us spend some time with some frequency choosing to worry. And most of the outcome of what we have selected to worry about, is resolved. Notice 'resolved' does not imply either good or bad results. They just resolve. Need for control is often a major contributor to worry. If I just manipulate circumstances enough, then I will be able to alter the outcome. Wrong! People who fret over their children and their behavior when not under the vigilance of a parent are wasting their time. Deciding that somehow we can worry an outcome into the result we desire is a huge deception.
On the larger scale, we have little influence over what happens beyond our front doors. However, there are satisfying occasions when larger events work out to our agreement and satisfaction.
Worry is a cause of ill health, anxiety, frustration, wasted time, nervousness, restlessness, diet problems, and so on. In other words, it is a poor choice for dealing with issues that you feel may directly affect you.
Likely, there is little to no advantage to worry. Concern is a more nearly positive approach, but likewise may carry with it, carrying it too far. Investing energy output in other pursuits will enable time to pass, the outcome to be known and the results to be more favorable.
Frankly, worry litters your life. Recycle worry into something useful and productive and worth while. Give it the boot. Junk worry. It has no real value and need not be kept in the closets of your mind and spirit.
Yesterday I made a run into town, a 15 mile journey. I was to pick up something for my 89 year old Mother. While there, I chose to run two or three additional errands, thus extending the expected time of my return. My mother announced that she was worried because I had taken longer than she expected.
She did not account for my other errands, decided that meant something had delayed me, about which she chose to put in the category of “worry.”
Many of us spend some time with some frequency choosing to worry. And most of the outcome of what we have selected to worry about, is resolved. Notice 'resolved' does not imply either good or bad results. They just resolve. Need for control is often a major contributor to worry. If I just manipulate circumstances enough, then I will be able to alter the outcome. Wrong! People who fret over their children and their behavior when not under the vigilance of a parent are wasting their time. Deciding that somehow we can worry an outcome into the result we desire is a huge deception.
On the larger scale, we have little influence over what happens beyond our front doors. However, there are satisfying occasions when larger events work out to our agreement and satisfaction.
Worry is a cause of ill health, anxiety, frustration, wasted time, nervousness, restlessness, diet problems, and so on. In other words, it is a poor choice for dealing with issues that you feel may directly affect you.
Likely, there is little to no advantage to worry. Concern is a more nearly positive approach, but likewise may carry with it, carrying it too far. Investing energy output in other pursuits will enable time to pass, the outcome to be known and the results to be more favorable.
Frankly, worry litters your life. Recycle worry into something useful and productive and worth while. Give it the boot. Junk worry. It has no real value and need not be kept in the closets of your mind and spirit.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Rescue a Pet
Struck with how many stray animals are out there now, ostensibly because the economic downturn has compelled people to abandon their pets, why not consider adopting a pet from a rescue shelter?
To be sure, doing so means that you are in a position to provide adequate and appropriate care including shelter, a healthy diet, good grooming and over all commitment to the pet in question.
Last year, following on Prostate surgery, we chose to adopt two. They were listed on Petfinder.com. This site has an overwhelming national and localized selection of a variety of animals. We had a two hour drive to reach one of the rescue shelters; the other was less than an hour from our home. They have turned out to be superb in behavior, in ease of care, in sharing and receiving affection.
Decision points to ponder:
Of course, if you have not had pets previously you will need to do some research on what kind of pet and care the one(s) you choose will require. Adopting from a shelter is a very good way to have all the particulars addressed, including shots and return policy, in the event that that becomes necessary.
Warning: DO NOT give a pet as a gift. That is an inappropriate gesture. Only in the case that the receiving party agrees to such should a pet ever be sprung on anyone. If you have grandchildren and they wish a pet, be sure the parents have approved. Otherwise be prepared for a family feud of enormous proportions.
Remember pets can be costly. Therefore, as those who have sadly discovered, do not consider a pet unless you are comfortable with the cost.
Consider where they will sleep, what they will eat, how they will be trained, what activity and exercise they will be allowed, what size pet you will be comfortable having, how they will be at traveling, what kind of care they will have when you are away. This list is only partial. You are adding two live beings to your lifestyle, your home, your routine.
Choose a veterinarian whom you feel good about. Ask for counsel on diet, supplemental vitamins, grooming care, parvo (a very scary disease and often deadly), shots and their frequency.
Finally, are you of such a bent that having a pet will be comfortable for you, add to your overall life experience, and will provide more joy than frustration. Most of us had pets as children, but most were taken care of by our parents. When care and feeding become our responsibility, will we be up to it? Answering affirmatively means you are likely ready to take on the presence of what will become an extension of your heart!
To be sure, doing so means that you are in a position to provide adequate and appropriate care including shelter, a healthy diet, good grooming and over all commitment to the pet in question.
Last year, following on Prostate surgery, we chose to adopt two. They were listed on Petfinder.com. This site has an overwhelming national and localized selection of a variety of animals. We had a two hour drive to reach one of the rescue shelters; the other was less than an hour from our home. They have turned out to be superb in behavior, in ease of care, in sharing and receiving affection.
Decision points to ponder:
Of course, if you have not had pets previously you will need to do some research on what kind of pet and care the one(s) you choose will require. Adopting from a shelter is a very good way to have all the particulars addressed, including shots and return policy, in the event that that becomes necessary.
Warning: DO NOT give a pet as a gift. That is an inappropriate gesture. Only in the case that the receiving party agrees to such should a pet ever be sprung on anyone. If you have grandchildren and they wish a pet, be sure the parents have approved. Otherwise be prepared for a family feud of enormous proportions.
Remember pets can be costly. Therefore, as those who have sadly discovered, do not consider a pet unless you are comfortable with the cost.
Consider where they will sleep, what they will eat, how they will be trained, what activity and exercise they will be allowed, what size pet you will be comfortable having, how they will be at traveling, what kind of care they will have when you are away. This list is only partial. You are adding two live beings to your lifestyle, your home, your routine.
Choose a veterinarian whom you feel good about. Ask for counsel on diet, supplemental vitamins, grooming care, parvo (a very scary disease and often deadly), shots and their frequency.
Finally, are you of such a bent that having a pet will be comfortable for you, add to your overall life experience, and will provide more joy than frustration. Most of us had pets as children, but most were taken care of by our parents. When care and feeding become our responsibility, will we be up to it? Answering affirmatively means you are likely ready to take on the presence of what will become an extension of your heart!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Two Climates, Two Worlds
The last several weeks have been spent in Arizona. The time included Thanksgiving with family there, assisting the move of parents to an independent living facility, especially enjoying our grandchildren, and spending time in the condo we call home there.
The climate there is most always pleasant, particularly this time of year. We even experienced a day or two of rain, which is unusual and welcome.
To be sure, in many ways, Arizona presents an entirely different climate. Seldom does one need a jacket or hat; a sweater, on the cooler evenings, usually does the job. We even turned on the fireplace a night or two.
What is remarkable about Arizona that it almost seems like another world. Until, of course one looks very closely and examines the realities of living in these times. Housing values have dipped by at least 30%, there are more for sale, for lease and foreclosure signs than in the past; there seem to be fewer winter visitors; there is a visible tightening down. Arizona, over the recent past, had become the destination of nomads from California. Many made a killing there on real estate, bought or built here, and now find that their investment has taken a beating.
Outdoor Christmas decorations are widespread. There is the sense that a splash of red and green, and reindeer and snowpersons (artificial of course) may lift the spirits a bit.
There is also visible evidence that commerce has slowed. While there are lots of Hummers and sundry SUV’s and Cadillacs and other exotically expensive automobiles, the car dealerships reflect a dearth of business.
Clear evidence in our neighborhood indicates a pulling in, a drawing back, an absence of interaction. It is as if folk are burrowing in for the winter, perhaps a longer one than usual. There is the universal acknowledgment when any discussion of the downturn occurs, that it has hit almost everybody.
Now, we are back in Texas. Some have suggested that the downturn hasn’t had such an impact here. That, of course, lacks veracity. It is here. There are pockets of comfort, but considerable discomfort emerging here and there. Our house has been on the market a while. While a desirable piece of real estate, there are fewer lookers. The same is true in Scottsdale with properties there.
Gas prices seem to be about the only universal good news. People shop for bargains everywhere. Goodwill is doing a booming business.
Arriving home in Texas, we were met early this morning with a major storm, a deluge of rain, not unusual here, but a real contrast to Arizona. What is normal in one place, is sometimes abnormal in another.
The common denominator seems to be that while it may seem one is residing in Two Worlds and Two Climates there are enormous similarities of circumstance. People are attempting to cope and plan and expect and ready themselves with what may come next.
The election seems to have calmed many of the nay sayers and critics and negative disillusions that were present before November 4. There is a wait and see attitude. It comes out in poll taking as mainly positive. Maybe we are grabbing at straws. Maybe we are just allowing our positive side to be in charge for a while. Whatever it is, wherever you live, whatever climate, realize that you have many brothers and sisters in other worlds. May the star of hope at Christmas and the joyful feast of Hanukkah shine upon us all, wherever in the world we may be.
The climate there is most always pleasant, particularly this time of year. We even experienced a day or two of rain, which is unusual and welcome.
To be sure, in many ways, Arizona presents an entirely different climate. Seldom does one need a jacket or hat; a sweater, on the cooler evenings, usually does the job. We even turned on the fireplace a night or two.
What is remarkable about Arizona that it almost seems like another world. Until, of course one looks very closely and examines the realities of living in these times. Housing values have dipped by at least 30%, there are more for sale, for lease and foreclosure signs than in the past; there seem to be fewer winter visitors; there is a visible tightening down. Arizona, over the recent past, had become the destination of nomads from California. Many made a killing there on real estate, bought or built here, and now find that their investment has taken a beating.
Outdoor Christmas decorations are widespread. There is the sense that a splash of red and green, and reindeer and snowpersons (artificial of course) may lift the spirits a bit.
There is also visible evidence that commerce has slowed. While there are lots of Hummers and sundry SUV’s and Cadillacs and other exotically expensive automobiles, the car dealerships reflect a dearth of business.
Clear evidence in our neighborhood indicates a pulling in, a drawing back, an absence of interaction. It is as if folk are burrowing in for the winter, perhaps a longer one than usual. There is the universal acknowledgment when any discussion of the downturn occurs, that it has hit almost everybody.
Now, we are back in Texas. Some have suggested that the downturn hasn’t had such an impact here. That, of course, lacks veracity. It is here. There are pockets of comfort, but considerable discomfort emerging here and there. Our house has been on the market a while. While a desirable piece of real estate, there are fewer lookers. The same is true in Scottsdale with properties there.
Gas prices seem to be about the only universal good news. People shop for bargains everywhere. Goodwill is doing a booming business.
Arriving home in Texas, we were met early this morning with a major storm, a deluge of rain, not unusual here, but a real contrast to Arizona. What is normal in one place, is sometimes abnormal in another.
The common denominator seems to be that while it may seem one is residing in Two Worlds and Two Climates there are enormous similarities of circumstance. People are attempting to cope and plan and expect and ready themselves with what may come next.
The election seems to have calmed many of the nay sayers and critics and negative disillusions that were present before November 4. There is a wait and see attitude. It comes out in poll taking as mainly positive. Maybe we are grabbing at straws. Maybe we are just allowing our positive side to be in charge for a while. Whatever it is, wherever you live, whatever climate, realize that you have many brothers and sisters in other worlds. May the star of hope at Christmas and the joyful feast of Hanukkah shine upon us all, wherever in the world we may be.
Friday, December 5, 2008
The Difference in Wasted and Spent Time
Twenty seven more days and the deadline for all you had resolved to accomplish will have come to a final loud crescendo celebrating the arrival of next year when we get to start all over.
So, if you think you can stuff it all in within those 27 days, go for it. Wisdom suggests, however, that some procrastination may be useful. Doing a thorough job is better than doing a shoddy job. Alexander Pope suggested that “procrastination is the thief of time.”
Maybe so, Alex, but delay often has its merits for those who are into thinking about it awhile.
A hot cup of coffee, early in the morning, in a comfortable chair allows the opportunity to cogitate the particular activity demanding attention. Sometimes, for those of us with the luxury, cogitation is preferable to insinuation. For insinuating yourself into a task prematurely may end up being a waste of time. So, choose between thievery or wasting time and perhaps you may end up saving time.
The real joy of retirement is that the clock and calendar hold limited power over us. Of course, if you are of the obsessive-compulsive variety, the demand for accomplishment may outweigh all other considerations. For many in the retired category, the sheer joy of not having to hurry is among its greatest benefits. I recommend it. It is good for the blood pressure, for producing serenity of mind and heart and soul. Who can argue that that is not a healthy pursuit to follow? Just don’t do it!
When wasting time watching television, I find myself offended at the number of insistent messages seeking to provoke my acting on something right now! “Call now,” “but wait, if you call in the next millisecond, you will…” or the repetition of a number to immediately dial or “change your life” promise, etc. ad nauseam. Ignoring such, is a case when wasting time is better than spending time.
The difference between wasting and spending is a matter of choice. Wasting is probably the less preferable. Spending allows you to be in control of your choices for your use of time. My guess is the next 648 hours will be invested and wasted. Most of us aren’t 100%.
So, if you think you can stuff it all in within those 27 days, go for it. Wisdom suggests, however, that some procrastination may be useful. Doing a thorough job is better than doing a shoddy job. Alexander Pope suggested that “procrastination is the thief of time.”
Maybe so, Alex, but delay often has its merits for those who are into thinking about it awhile.
A hot cup of coffee, early in the morning, in a comfortable chair allows the opportunity to cogitate the particular activity demanding attention. Sometimes, for those of us with the luxury, cogitation is preferable to insinuation. For insinuating yourself into a task prematurely may end up being a waste of time. So, choose between thievery or wasting time and perhaps you may end up saving time.
The real joy of retirement is that the clock and calendar hold limited power over us. Of course, if you are of the obsessive-compulsive variety, the demand for accomplishment may outweigh all other considerations. For many in the retired category, the sheer joy of not having to hurry is among its greatest benefits. I recommend it. It is good for the blood pressure, for producing serenity of mind and heart and soul. Who can argue that that is not a healthy pursuit to follow? Just don’t do it!
When wasting time watching television, I find myself offended at the number of insistent messages seeking to provoke my acting on something right now! “Call now,” “but wait, if you call in the next millisecond, you will…” or the repetition of a number to immediately dial or “change your life” promise, etc. ad nauseam. Ignoring such, is a case when wasting time is better than spending time.
The difference between wasting and spending is a matter of choice. Wasting is probably the less preferable. Spending allows you to be in control of your choices for your use of time. My guess is the next 648 hours will be invested and wasted. Most of us aren’t 100%.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Happiness is the Best Dividend of All
History is about to swallow 2008. The big fish of time is about to overtake the little fish of one measly year. How brief a year is. How transient and swift is its passage. And we, we who no longer count the hours or the days, are caught up in the piracy of months and quarters. Here and gone.
Aging is a process requiring the ability to adjust to speed. Everything seems to move faster, but us. As in “Fiddler on the Roof,” sunrise, sunset, how swiftly go the days.
From gainfully employed to suddenly retired. From a father or mother to children to empty nesters. From in charge to needing to be charged up. From active to deactivated.
Of course, not all nor any of these have to be true for the senior who finds him/herself suddenly cast into a new life role. Those who are astute started long before the presentation of the gold watch to make necessary adjustments. If days pass quickly, it is often because the calendar remains full and the activities demanding. Busyness is available and some find it absolutely essential to have every day chock full of things to do. Some of that is avoiding looking at the calendar by days and weeks, but only as a reminder of what’s up next.
Eventually, of course, the calendar is a critical partner. The calendar is nothing more than a blank page with days and weeks and months identified on it. How you make use
of it, perceive it, manage it and allow it to manage you is entirely your choice.
Next year is already virtually up to bat. For older persons, I expect, most have already posted sundry medical appointments, check ups, visits. Others have identified birthdays and other special occasions. Still others have plotted out trips to be taken, goals to be met, celebrations to host.
Forward looking is a very healthy exercise. Letting the past slip quietly away, having savored it, perhaps celebrating it with the singing of “Auld Lang Syne,” while moving on to a hearty Happy New Year to all, is a chance to invest in what lies ahead. The dividends will be returned daily!
Aging is a process requiring the ability to adjust to speed. Everything seems to move faster, but us. As in “Fiddler on the Roof,” sunrise, sunset, how swiftly go the days.
From gainfully employed to suddenly retired. From a father or mother to children to empty nesters. From in charge to needing to be charged up. From active to deactivated.
Of course, not all nor any of these have to be true for the senior who finds him/herself suddenly cast into a new life role. Those who are astute started long before the presentation of the gold watch to make necessary adjustments. If days pass quickly, it is often because the calendar remains full and the activities demanding. Busyness is available and some find it absolutely essential to have every day chock full of things to do. Some of that is avoiding looking at the calendar by days and weeks, but only as a reminder of what’s up next.
Eventually, of course, the calendar is a critical partner. The calendar is nothing more than a blank page with days and weeks and months identified on it. How you make use
of it, perceive it, manage it and allow it to manage you is entirely your choice.
Next year is already virtually up to bat. For older persons, I expect, most have already posted sundry medical appointments, check ups, visits. Others have identified birthdays and other special occasions. Still others have plotted out trips to be taken, goals to be met, celebrations to host.
Forward looking is a very healthy exercise. Letting the past slip quietly away, having savored it, perhaps celebrating it with the singing of “Auld Lang Syne,” while moving on to a hearty Happy New Year to all, is a chance to invest in what lies ahead. The dividends will be returned daily!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Defeating the Depression of Aging
One of my favorite witticisms is the one that asks for a definition of Apathy. The reply is: “I don’t know and I don’t care.”
Ever really feel that way? It happened to me today. I was within one sentence of completing an article I had been working on for a week. Its theme was dealing with aging parents with the dynamics attendant to that. It had flowed better than most of my attempts. It was balanced and real and empathetic. At the last line, I accidentally hit a wrong key. It was completely deleted. I was devastated. The work of the morning, the completion of the piece had suddenly disappeared, gone, vanished. My own stupid behavior had omitted the step to save the work.
No back up. No basic recall of what had been written. I was thrown off track. So what did I do? I chose to walk the dogs. There had to be some way to head off a dark depression moving in to consume an otherwise good day.
Depression has a way of slipping in the back door. Prompted by all sorts of subtle events and pressures, it arrives, often, without an prior warning. The article was not only an effort to address this major event in older persons’ lives, but my own way of addressing a conflict that had developed internally around that whole phenomenon.
The very effort to head off depression eventually contributed in my having to face the whole thing all over again. Maybe, the stew in the pot needed to simmer longer. Maybe the direction the article took needed rethinking. Maybe, the confrontation with depression required my working to slay the dragons more thoroughly and completely.
Some think hearty laughter contributes to overcoming a depressed frame of mind. That makes good sense. Others believe a good cry is a balm and a salve. Still others think talking it through is the best course to get out and away from it. Ironically, writing the article was the preferred choice in my case, kind of like talking to yourself.
Whatever course one chooses to take, a course, self motivated, is prudent, wise and medicinal. Shifting gears out of low, means getting on a straightaway enabling a ride to a destination with more favorable attractions and distractions. Depression, as a psychological state, is certainly an undesirable place to be. Choosing to find the way out of it is an indication that you are still in control. So take the wheel, shift to high, and step on the accelerator. There are vistas of happiness and satisfaction out there waiting.
Ever really feel that way? It happened to me today. I was within one sentence of completing an article I had been working on for a week. Its theme was dealing with aging parents with the dynamics attendant to that. It had flowed better than most of my attempts. It was balanced and real and empathetic. At the last line, I accidentally hit a wrong key. It was completely deleted. I was devastated. The work of the morning, the completion of the piece had suddenly disappeared, gone, vanished. My own stupid behavior had omitted the step to save the work.
No back up. No basic recall of what had been written. I was thrown off track. So what did I do? I chose to walk the dogs. There had to be some way to head off a dark depression moving in to consume an otherwise good day.
Depression has a way of slipping in the back door. Prompted by all sorts of subtle events and pressures, it arrives, often, without an prior warning. The article was not only an effort to address this major event in older persons’ lives, but my own way of addressing a conflict that had developed internally around that whole phenomenon.
The very effort to head off depression eventually contributed in my having to face the whole thing all over again. Maybe, the stew in the pot needed to simmer longer. Maybe the direction the article took needed rethinking. Maybe, the confrontation with depression required my working to slay the dragons more thoroughly and completely.
Some think hearty laughter contributes to overcoming a depressed frame of mind. That makes good sense. Others believe a good cry is a balm and a salve. Still others think talking it through is the best course to get out and away from it. Ironically, writing the article was the preferred choice in my case, kind of like talking to yourself.
Whatever course one chooses to take, a course, self motivated, is prudent, wise and medicinal. Shifting gears out of low, means getting on a straightaway enabling a ride to a destination with more favorable attractions and distractions. Depression, as a psychological state, is certainly an undesirable place to be. Choosing to find the way out of it is an indication that you are still in control. So take the wheel, shift to high, and step on the accelerator. There are vistas of happiness and satisfaction out there waiting.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Trying To Get Your Attention!
Okay, senior citizens, old folks, aging brethren and sisters, over the hill gang, friends over 50, retirees, people who read stuff from AARP… I need your attention!
My principal advisor, (my spouse, daughter and son in law) tell me in order to drive traffic to my site, I need to use certain key words. Slow as I am, I am trying to catch on. Thus, the above references. I hope you will not take offense.
Maybe what I have to say isn’t all that compelling. Maybe I like it and a few dozen others, but otherwise it is destined for the dustbin of journalistic history.
A few background notes: I started writing in high school. The theme of the week in high school was never a platform for my skills. The themes that did well usually dwelt on Civil War (The War Between the States) motifs. When chosen editor of the high school paper, I found my niche.
Following on that I was editor of first one and then the other periodicals, including my college weekly. In my career choice as a Methodist minister, I not only edited a variety of church publications. Of course, I wrote a weekly sermon and newsletter.
Maybe all of that doesn’t count for much, but it has ended up contributing to my hobby as a fly by night writer, an opinionator, a run off at the mouth type who has an opinion on almost any subject. These are not necessarily good writing qualifications, but it sure drives you to try.
Comes the Internet Age! This is when one is given opportunity for the rubber to hit the road. So for the last several months, I have found the investment of creative desire and just the fun of being out there a heavy motivation for attempting to write yet again.
Traffic has been fairly good, according to our sources, but it would be wonderful to have some direct feedback from friend or foe. I don’t need a lot of nudging, but a little would be pleasing. Letters to the Editor are favorite columns, even now. So, with your willingness to take the time and my need to hear from you, will you consider giving me some ideas, criticisms, comments? No praise is required. And, if you like, I will be pleased to respond directly to you. Thank you from one senior citizen in this cyber world of anonymity to another.
My principal advisor, (my spouse, daughter and son in law) tell me in order to drive traffic to my site, I need to use certain key words. Slow as I am, I am trying to catch on. Thus, the above references. I hope you will not take offense.
Maybe what I have to say isn’t all that compelling. Maybe I like it and a few dozen others, but otherwise it is destined for the dustbin of journalistic history.
A few background notes: I started writing in high school. The theme of the week in high school was never a platform for my skills. The themes that did well usually dwelt on Civil War (The War Between the States) motifs. When chosen editor of the high school paper, I found my niche.
Following on that I was editor of first one and then the other periodicals, including my college weekly. In my career choice as a Methodist minister, I not only edited a variety of church publications. Of course, I wrote a weekly sermon and newsletter.
Maybe all of that doesn’t count for much, but it has ended up contributing to my hobby as a fly by night writer, an opinionator, a run off at the mouth type who has an opinion on almost any subject. These are not necessarily good writing qualifications, but it sure drives you to try.
Comes the Internet Age! This is when one is given opportunity for the rubber to hit the road. So for the last several months, I have found the investment of creative desire and just the fun of being out there a heavy motivation for attempting to write yet again.
Traffic has been fairly good, according to our sources, but it would be wonderful to have some direct feedback from friend or foe. I don’t need a lot of nudging, but a little would be pleasing. Letters to the Editor are favorite columns, even now. So, with your willingness to take the time and my need to hear from you, will you consider giving me some ideas, criticisms, comments? No praise is required. And, if you like, I will be pleased to respond directly to you. Thank you from one senior citizen in this cyber world of anonymity to another.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Holidays Offer a Menagerie of Experiences
Holidays offer a menagerie of experiences. I almost wish this column were anonymous. I could then offer insights, as an unseen observer, of dynamics and interactions and foibles that are seldom acknowledged or discussed.
Families are identified by the DNA of their collective behavior. There are as many strands in the psychological behavior as there are in the physical makeup of the members.
Sometimes that’s good and sometimes it isn’t so good. Family groups are political units. The same struggles and infighting and coalitions occur there as they do in neighborhoods, villages and larger communities. Leaders emerge, followers follow, others observe and take a position or refuse to be a part of any of it. Indifference is often a protective measure for those who have little or no investment in the outcome of what’s going on in the larger circle. That may be a Darwinian expression of survival within families.
The irony of familial relationships is that families connect so seldom and briefly, that the expectation of magical “community” is really a staggering fantasy. Sure we can catch up on “things.” Of course, we can embrace and say how “good it is” to be together again.
And then, one begins to make way to the television set and the escape of the afternoon football game in which encounter is not required.
In it all, there is affection and appreciation. But, to be honest, most of it is temporary and a lot of it is stilted. If elections were held at such events, it is fairly predictable who would be most popular girl, most respected, most humorous, etc. Such would be a fallacy, because after everyone goes back home, who really cares?
One upsmanship is a big game played during such family gatherings. It is manifested in so many ways. Oh, look at how well my daughter is doing in her career. Or, did you notice the Polo shirt my son is wearing. He is doing so well! Who, the hell cares?
Once in a while, the sun shines though and there is a brief moment of genuine soul sharing, truth baring, love giving that everyone in the room is able to experience, if only briefly.
Some know that this is the moment of honest, by gosh, real Thanksgiving, but always there is someone in the room who runs interference and reminds us that the half is almost over and we all need to get back to the game.
Families are identified by the DNA of their collective behavior. There are as many strands in the psychological behavior as there are in the physical makeup of the members.
Sometimes that’s good and sometimes it isn’t so good. Family groups are political units. The same struggles and infighting and coalitions occur there as they do in neighborhoods, villages and larger communities. Leaders emerge, followers follow, others observe and take a position or refuse to be a part of any of it. Indifference is often a protective measure for those who have little or no investment in the outcome of what’s going on in the larger circle. That may be a Darwinian expression of survival within families.
The irony of familial relationships is that families connect so seldom and briefly, that the expectation of magical “community” is really a staggering fantasy. Sure we can catch up on “things.” Of course, we can embrace and say how “good it is” to be together again.
And then, one begins to make way to the television set and the escape of the afternoon football game in which encounter is not required.
In it all, there is affection and appreciation. But, to be honest, most of it is temporary and a lot of it is stilted. If elections were held at such events, it is fairly predictable who would be most popular girl, most respected, most humorous, etc. Such would be a fallacy, because after everyone goes back home, who really cares?
One upsmanship is a big game played during such family gatherings. It is manifested in so many ways. Oh, look at how well my daughter is doing in her career. Or, did you notice the Polo shirt my son is wearing. He is doing so well! Who, the hell cares?
Once in a while, the sun shines though and there is a brief moment of genuine soul sharing, truth baring, love giving that everyone in the room is able to experience, if only briefly.
Some know that this is the moment of honest, by gosh, real Thanksgiving, but always there is someone in the room who runs interference and reminds us that the half is almost over and we all need to get back to the game.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)