Toward year’s end, one of the annual rituals is to share in the recall of celebrities and prominent persons who died. Not unlike any year, this one has seen the passing of some very remarkable and salient individuals who affected our times significantly.
As I go through those lists, I am reminded of one or another of the contributions, creative, artistic, profound, that these human beings shared with us. I am reminded that because of their gifts, we will share in their voices, faces, work from now on. What an additional gift we receive through the technology that offers us such reminders.
My favorites were in practically every field. And those, about whom I knew little, I am sorry now I didn’t know more. That is always the way it is with death, it leaves us wanting more of the person, of their pungent excitement of life, of their special gifts that made our lives full and touched by a spirit, impossible to define.
We were met with two losses this year whose lives had intersected ours in daily ways. They were our best friends. One had been with us for 17 years, our male dachshund. The other was an abandoned cat who came to live with us and teach us the nature of being mastered by the “Silent Miaow.” Both losses were profound, deep and painfully agonizing.
They slept with us every night. They were near us every day. We knew their needs and they met ours. They offered humor and vibrant moments to unpredictable moments. They were there first thing in the morning, sometimes in the middle of the night, and when it was time to lie together in the harmony of family.
Pia and Zach were very close friends. They mastered the dog/cat thing early on and were siblings in their own right. They kept their distance at meal time. They were there to defend one another against any unwelcome intruder. Their loyalty, shared as it was between them, expanded to include us. We knew we were safe with them, and they with us.
They are buried in our pet plot on the grounds of our country home. They lie where they had roamed. I can see their plot from the window of my library. A misty tear often nudges its way down my cheek when I look in their direction. It is happening now.
We have two pets who came along near the time of Pia’s passing and a few months before Zach’s. They were “rescue” animals, who were facing their own deaths. We were fortunate to retrieve them just in time and they have brought renewed joy and pleasure to our daily lives. I promise to tell you more about them another time.
Whoever you may have lost this year, I leave you with full sympathy. Whenever it was, however they fit into your life, it always brings a shaking to the soul and a vacancy in the heart.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
Follow Your Bliss: A Conversation with Family and Friends
A conversation with family and friends the other evening, between Christmas and New Year’s Eve, prompted me to hear myself for the first time in a long time.
What I heard was a man, almost 70, who had begun slipping into attitudes of cynicism, sardonicism, doubt, pessimism and just plain skepticism. All these words generally define the same attitude. Their roots are found in doubt. They flourish when one allows the “popular” and often misguided forms of religious faith to overwhelm one’s own life long struggle with a workable concept of faith.
With the heavy press of what’s wrong with our world weighing upon us, it has become easy to be susceptible to the epidemic of feeling disenfranchised, empty, and hopeless.
Joseph Campbell’s studies of myths helped many see both the value of myth and the need to sort out those myths into patterns which provide and allow a better understanding of our search for meaning, in other words to identify a hope to which to cling.
His favorite counsel, as one seeks meaning, is to “follow your bliss.” Discover what it is that gives your life the spark, the energy, the electricity, as my son calls it, to be real and to live a life with honest meaning and sense of purpose.
Along the journey, we are met with occasions when we need to be inoculated from fear and negative spirits and small minded intoxications. Particularly, seniors in retirement have to struggle with replacing discontented grumbling with more optimistic, hopeful, buoyant behaviors, ideas and attitudes.
For the senior, particularly retired seniors, this may produce the need for striking out for totally alien territory. The prison of inactivity contributes more to ill health, incapacity, uselessness, indolence, passiveness, slothfulness and inertia than anything else. Suddenly, recognizing how close to the edge I was coming, my family and friends urged me away from that precarious edge.
It isn’t just coming to a resolution; it is being ready for an all out revolution in your own life. It is agreeing to wage war on the very enemies that steal the you from yourself. It is finding some identifiable infatuation with ideas and activities that come from both inside and outside yourself resulting in your inner self having a healthier disposition.
You don’t have to wait until January 1; start now, this minute, while you are reading this column. Think about how you can escape the prison of self incarceration. Breathe new life into your soul and spirit; introduce your body to healthy habits. Change the bad behaviors to which you have been beholden. Follow your bliss!
What I heard was a man, almost 70, who had begun slipping into attitudes of cynicism, sardonicism, doubt, pessimism and just plain skepticism. All these words generally define the same attitude. Their roots are found in doubt. They flourish when one allows the “popular” and often misguided forms of religious faith to overwhelm one’s own life long struggle with a workable concept of faith.
With the heavy press of what’s wrong with our world weighing upon us, it has become easy to be susceptible to the epidemic of feeling disenfranchised, empty, and hopeless.
Joseph Campbell’s studies of myths helped many see both the value of myth and the need to sort out those myths into patterns which provide and allow a better understanding of our search for meaning, in other words to identify a hope to which to cling.
His favorite counsel, as one seeks meaning, is to “follow your bliss.” Discover what it is that gives your life the spark, the energy, the electricity, as my son calls it, to be real and to live a life with honest meaning and sense of purpose.
Along the journey, we are met with occasions when we need to be inoculated from fear and negative spirits and small minded intoxications. Particularly, seniors in retirement have to struggle with replacing discontented grumbling with more optimistic, hopeful, buoyant behaviors, ideas and attitudes.
For the senior, particularly retired seniors, this may produce the need for striking out for totally alien territory. The prison of inactivity contributes more to ill health, incapacity, uselessness, indolence, passiveness, slothfulness and inertia than anything else. Suddenly, recognizing how close to the edge I was coming, my family and friends urged me away from that precarious edge.
It isn’t just coming to a resolution; it is being ready for an all out revolution in your own life. It is agreeing to wage war on the very enemies that steal the you from yourself. It is finding some identifiable infatuation with ideas and activities that come from both inside and outside yourself resulting in your inner self having a healthier disposition.
You don’t have to wait until January 1; start now, this minute, while you are reading this column. Think about how you can escape the prison of self incarceration. Breathe new life into your soul and spirit; introduce your body to healthy habits. Change the bad behaviors to which you have been beholden. Follow your bliss!
Monday, December 22, 2008
Things I Wish I Had Said
There are many things I wish I had said as the year closes. Here are a few.
I wish I had said “I APPRECIATE YOU” more often. You have done much that goes unthanked. Much of what you have done was not done for me at all. But much of what you have done is never sufficiently recognized by others, often the very recipients of your caring. Someone, why shouldn’t it be me, should let you know that those unsung, unrecognized acts are appreciated. I wish I had told you then that I appreciate you.
I wish I had said “HAPPY BIRTHDAY.” I didn’t. But now, though it is likely past, I want you to know that I wish I had said it. Your birthday is important to you and it is important to others because it symbolizes your being. And without you, this world would be less.
I wish I had said “I CARE.” There were time when you, like all of us, need especially to hear that. Those “down days” when, on the percentage scale, more seems to go wrong than right. Had I said it probably wouldn’t have changed things a lot. But you would have known that someone does genuinely care.
I wish I had said “FORGIVE ME.” Although forgotten by me now, I expect that there were times when my own impetuousness and insensitivity contributed to your hurt. I may be guilty of that again. For now, anyway, know that I am sorry.
I wish I had said “HOW ARE YOU” and meant it, and deeply cared about your response.
I wish I had said “TELL ME ABOUT IT” when it was obvious you had some genuine desire to share a part of you, that special part, when something unique was happening in your life.
I wish I had said “THANK YOU” for the many kindnesses, thoughtful acts and generous considerations you have so often tendered. If I didn’t say it, I thought it. Now I am letting you know that.
I wish I had said “I MISS YOU.” Because there are many times when your absence hurts and your presence would make life brighter.
I wish I had said “I LOVE YOU.” Because, you know, I really do. And, though our paths cross at crazy times and our agendas are often different, and our lives mixed up with many, many details and the possibility of disagreement looms large between us, I remain interested in what contributes to your days.
I cannot promise I will say those things to you every time I would like next year. But I can promise that somehow I will know that I should have. It is that that motivates one more thing I wish I had said a year ago: “HAVE A CHRISTMAS OF JOY AND NEW YEAR OF PEACE.”
I wish I had said “I APPRECIATE YOU” more often. You have done much that goes unthanked. Much of what you have done was not done for me at all. But much of what you have done is never sufficiently recognized by others, often the very recipients of your caring. Someone, why shouldn’t it be me, should let you know that those unsung, unrecognized acts are appreciated. I wish I had told you then that I appreciate you.
I wish I had said “HAPPY BIRTHDAY.” I didn’t. But now, though it is likely past, I want you to know that I wish I had said it. Your birthday is important to you and it is important to others because it symbolizes your being. And without you, this world would be less.
I wish I had said “I CARE.” There were time when you, like all of us, need especially to hear that. Those “down days” when, on the percentage scale, more seems to go wrong than right. Had I said it probably wouldn’t have changed things a lot. But you would have known that someone does genuinely care.
I wish I had said “FORGIVE ME.” Although forgotten by me now, I expect that there were times when my own impetuousness and insensitivity contributed to your hurt. I may be guilty of that again. For now, anyway, know that I am sorry.
I wish I had said “HOW ARE YOU” and meant it, and deeply cared about your response.
I wish I had said “TELL ME ABOUT IT” when it was obvious you had some genuine desire to share a part of you, that special part, when something unique was happening in your life.
I wish I had said “THANK YOU” for the many kindnesses, thoughtful acts and generous considerations you have so often tendered. If I didn’t say it, I thought it. Now I am letting you know that.
I wish I had said “I MISS YOU.” Because there are many times when your absence hurts and your presence would make life brighter.
I wish I had said “I LOVE YOU.” Because, you know, I really do. And, though our paths cross at crazy times and our agendas are often different, and our lives mixed up with many, many details and the possibility of disagreement looms large between us, I remain interested in what contributes to your days.
I cannot promise I will say those things to you every time I would like next year. But I can promise that somehow I will know that I should have. It is that that motivates one more thing I wish I had said a year ago: “HAVE A CHRISTMAS OF JOY AND NEW YEAR OF PEACE.”
Friday, December 19, 2008
It's Time to Review Your Medications
Most prescription suppliers keep very accurate and current records. At year end, in preparation for your next physical, this offers a good opportunity to do an inventory of what is in your record. It offers a chance to ask questions and to evaluate whether there are generic replacements which may also offer significant financial savings. You may also discover that there are some drugs that may be removed from your regimen.
This also presents a good opportunity to determine whether your vitamin regimen is working and is appropriate. Many of us flush too many vitamins through our system, thus canceling out their value and usefulness. By the way, speaking of “flushing,” do not flush your prescribed medication, either outdated or no longer being taken, down the toilet. There is considerable evidence that this may be negatively affecting our drinking water.
The easy solution for many physicians these days for all our aches, pains and complaints seems to be prescribing some kind of medication. There are useful questions to be asked, which may head off the need for a prescription.
The first question: What are the side affects?
The second question: How long will I be on this medication?
The third question: Is there an alternative treatment? How about over the counter substitutes? Is there a generic substitute that will cost less?
The fourth question: Will this drug interact with others I am taking?
The fifth question: If there is no sign of improvement in a certain period of time, what are my options?
Some physicians may be impatient with such interrogation. If so, it may be time to look for a second opinion or a different physician altogether. The institution of medicine has changed, like so much else. There is no reason to give authority of your body over completely to one human being. The rule is: Ask questions, do your own research, seek out information through other health professionals. You may be entirely pleased and satisfied with your physician, however stay in charge!
Most physicians have your self interest in mind. They are usually very personable and well informed. They deserve our respect. And, we deserve their being thorough, patient and possessed of a “good bedside manner.”
This also presents a good opportunity to determine whether your vitamin regimen is working and is appropriate. Many of us flush too many vitamins through our system, thus canceling out their value and usefulness. By the way, speaking of “flushing,” do not flush your prescribed medication, either outdated or no longer being taken, down the toilet. There is considerable evidence that this may be negatively affecting our drinking water.
The easy solution for many physicians these days for all our aches, pains and complaints seems to be prescribing some kind of medication. There are useful questions to be asked, which may head off the need for a prescription.
The first question: What are the side affects?
The second question: How long will I be on this medication?
The third question: Is there an alternative treatment? How about over the counter substitutes? Is there a generic substitute that will cost less?
The fourth question: Will this drug interact with others I am taking?
The fifth question: If there is no sign of improvement in a certain period of time, what are my options?
Some physicians may be impatient with such interrogation. If so, it may be time to look for a second opinion or a different physician altogether. The institution of medicine has changed, like so much else. There is no reason to give authority of your body over completely to one human being. The rule is: Ask questions, do your own research, seek out information through other health professionals. You may be entirely pleased and satisfied with your physician, however stay in charge!
Most physicians have your self interest in mind. They are usually very personable and well informed. They deserve our respect. And, we deserve their being thorough, patient and possessed of a “good bedside manner.”
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Christmas Shopping is a Habit
If you are a Christmas Shopper who is in the throes of deciding how to manage this year’s gift giving challenges, perhaps it is a good time to alter your behavior.
Christmas shopping is a tradition to be sure, one that is skillfully encouraged through advertising. Sometime, shortly after the holidays, in year’s past, examining just how far one has taken the addiction adds up to quite a little sum.
It appears, this year, more circumspect judgment is being used in forays to shop and buy. Good news.
In order to contribute to a greener world, a fatter pocket book, a reduction in what ends up in landfills this may be a remarkable side effect to the current downturn.
How do I resist the temptation to shop anyway?
Examine your understanding of the holiday. Determine whether you are following the consumerist urge or the “peace on earth” message.
Inventory your gift list. Do persons on your list really want or need another something. Perhaps they would prefer a more personal symbol of your thoughtfulness?
Is this a good way and a good time to set an example for your family and friends in showing that the worship of stuff is really chasing after futile idols and ideas?
Assisting the GNP may be a worthy indicator of your concern for the national economy, but aren’t there more direct and personal issues deserving our attention?
If no one receives a gift from you this year will it really damage your relationships with those who normally do? If so, then it may be time to question why they expect a gift.
Can you really communicate your affection and appreciation of others through methods other than gift giving? And can you come to a new definition of “gift?”
Finally, are you willing to write a note card that expresses in 25 words or less your gratitude for that person in your life? Send it by snail mail, or deliver it in person, be present, if possible, when it is opened. Share a touching moment when both of you experience the joy and intimacy of Christmas giving!
Christmas shopping is a tradition to be sure, one that is skillfully encouraged through advertising. Sometime, shortly after the holidays, in year’s past, examining just how far one has taken the addiction adds up to quite a little sum.
It appears, this year, more circumspect judgment is being used in forays to shop and buy. Good news.
In order to contribute to a greener world, a fatter pocket book, a reduction in what ends up in landfills this may be a remarkable side effect to the current downturn.
How do I resist the temptation to shop anyway?
Examine your understanding of the holiday. Determine whether you are following the consumerist urge or the “peace on earth” message.
Inventory your gift list. Do persons on your list really want or need another something. Perhaps they would prefer a more personal symbol of your thoughtfulness?
Is this a good way and a good time to set an example for your family and friends in showing that the worship of stuff is really chasing after futile idols and ideas?
Assisting the GNP may be a worthy indicator of your concern for the national economy, but aren’t there more direct and personal issues deserving our attention?
If no one receives a gift from you this year will it really damage your relationships with those who normally do? If so, then it may be time to question why they expect a gift.
Can you really communicate your affection and appreciation of others through methods other than gift giving? And can you come to a new definition of “gift?”
Finally, are you willing to write a note card that expresses in 25 words or less your gratitude for that person in your life? Send it by snail mail, or deliver it in person, be present, if possible, when it is opened. Share a touching moment when both of you experience the joy and intimacy of Christmas giving!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
A Sense of Proportion
(This article appeared as a Letter to the Editor in a local paper on November 30, 2000. Somehow, it still seems relevant.)
It was an absolutely stellar afternoon. The fall leaves literally glistened as the sun reflected their rays against their brilliant hues. On television, the same drab commentary continued to evaluate the democratic process, although new and strange in its present form, nonetheless ever vibrant and strong as it seeks to sort our fairness and justice and right.
And so we took a ride. We wandered the country lanes of northern Anderson County, where we saw the real beauty of a world that cares nothing for elections or recounts, attorneys or judges. It is a world full of the luster of a surprise autumn, when the colors leave one breathless. New England has nothing on us this year. We are in the middle of a kaleidoscope of colors greater than any ever put together by Crayola.
Two deer, a fawn and her mother, crossed ahead of us, making their way safely to some refuge away from automobiles and hunters. It was a moment of quiet reverence for family, for peaceful respect, for admiring nature. No disputes here, just the need to survive.
A Hawk had found his meal for the day and busily doing what all must eventually do, give attention to sustenance.
The sun and shadows played with each other to make the afternoon ever more spectacular. It was a blissful escape into a world too little known, not enough appreciated by a world so caught up in itself and its moment. There is so much more beyond the presumed and affected importance of today’s headlines. This too will pass away. We will either choose to be lesser or greater for it. And we will emerge from it. Meanwhile, take an afternoon ride and enjoy the things of nature that have been around for much longer than even our democracy.
It was an absolutely stellar afternoon. The fall leaves literally glistened as the sun reflected their rays against their brilliant hues. On television, the same drab commentary continued to evaluate the democratic process, although new and strange in its present form, nonetheless ever vibrant and strong as it seeks to sort our fairness and justice and right.
And so we took a ride. We wandered the country lanes of northern Anderson County, where we saw the real beauty of a world that cares nothing for elections or recounts, attorneys or judges. It is a world full of the luster of a surprise autumn, when the colors leave one breathless. New England has nothing on us this year. We are in the middle of a kaleidoscope of colors greater than any ever put together by Crayola.
Two deer, a fawn and her mother, crossed ahead of us, making their way safely to some refuge away from automobiles and hunters. It was a moment of quiet reverence for family, for peaceful respect, for admiring nature. No disputes here, just the need to survive.
A Hawk had found his meal for the day and busily doing what all must eventually do, give attention to sustenance.
The sun and shadows played with each other to make the afternoon ever more spectacular. It was a blissful escape into a world too little known, not enough appreciated by a world so caught up in itself and its moment. There is so much more beyond the presumed and affected importance of today’s headlines. This too will pass away. We will either choose to be lesser or greater for it. And we will emerge from it. Meanwhile, take an afternoon ride and enjoy the things of nature that have been around for much longer than even our democracy.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Saints Still Need Love
Four beautiful women helped in my growing up. There were more than that. I choose now to dwell on only four of them.
They were each devoted to children. They were particularly skilled in the patient art of proper instruction. They were my first through fourth grade teachers.
Miss Annie Cutter, whose splendid 4’2” frame housed an indomitable spirit, led about 25 of us in that first grade class through our earliest lessons. When one of us was out of bounds, out came the paddle, a weapon translated from a toy, the kind with the rubber string and bouncing ball. The pain it produced affected the body little, but how it injured one’s pride.
Mrs. Lasater, who upon my graduation ten years later, gave me a set of cuff links I still cherish, led us through the second grade. Now, through the mist of memory, I can remember her kind eyes, wrinkled on each side, smiling over the antics of her charges.
In the third grade, almost all the boys developed an infatuation with Miss Riddlesperger, who still reminds me of June Allyson, that splendid movie star of that era who played so many “perfect” women. She helped the boys not only to make it past the infatuation, but to learn a few third grade principles as well.
After her well deserved retirement, Mrs. Horn, who taught fourth grade, must have enjoyed the satisfaction that so many of her charges had become very productive citizens of the world. It must have given her some sense of accomplishment to know that the tales of knowledge she shared had been, at least to some degree, absorbed.
There were others, but these four, probably because they were the earliest, count the most. Over the years I have enjoyed renewed flashes of just how important they were. Today, with mounting criticisms of schools, the chilling allegations about the ineptitude of teachers and administrators alike, it is a marvel at how inclined we are to forget those patient saints who helped us get through.
It is a marvel to observe the resiliency and courage of those teaches, who even in the face of so little community support and frequent disdain, still do their job very well.
It is true, saints still need love.
They were each devoted to children. They were particularly skilled in the patient art of proper instruction. They were my first through fourth grade teachers.
Miss Annie Cutter, whose splendid 4’2” frame housed an indomitable spirit, led about 25 of us in that first grade class through our earliest lessons. When one of us was out of bounds, out came the paddle, a weapon translated from a toy, the kind with the rubber string and bouncing ball. The pain it produced affected the body little, but how it injured one’s pride.
Mrs. Lasater, who upon my graduation ten years later, gave me a set of cuff links I still cherish, led us through the second grade. Now, through the mist of memory, I can remember her kind eyes, wrinkled on each side, smiling over the antics of her charges.
In the third grade, almost all the boys developed an infatuation with Miss Riddlesperger, who still reminds me of June Allyson, that splendid movie star of that era who played so many “perfect” women. She helped the boys not only to make it past the infatuation, but to learn a few third grade principles as well.
After her well deserved retirement, Mrs. Horn, who taught fourth grade, must have enjoyed the satisfaction that so many of her charges had become very productive citizens of the world. It must have given her some sense of accomplishment to know that the tales of knowledge she shared had been, at least to some degree, absorbed.
There were others, but these four, probably because they were the earliest, count the most. Over the years I have enjoyed renewed flashes of just how important they were. Today, with mounting criticisms of schools, the chilling allegations about the ineptitude of teachers and administrators alike, it is a marvel at how inclined we are to forget those patient saints who helped us get through.
It is a marvel to observe the resiliency and courage of those teaches, who even in the face of so little community support and frequent disdain, still do their job very well.
It is true, saints still need love.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Finding Hope: Resist the Temptation of Despair
Mornings like this once inspired the urge to pull the covers up and over one’s head and prepare to miss school for the day. Dark and bitter cold, it just isn’t fit for “man nor beast” as W.C. Fields would opine.
Of course, depending on where you live, it is really quite a bit more severe than here in East Texas. But fond memories of those days still linger and allow one to experience a taste of a little illegitimate absence.
Not much is like it was then, though. There is a flood of people having to stay home today. They are out of work, and running out of options. They worry over their prospects and their children and their next month’s payment for the house, the car, and other outstanding debts. What a luxury it would be to pull the covers up and just go back to sleep. Pulling them up these days is more like avoiding the day altogether. There is too much out there waiting to be met. There are too many indicators that unemployed David will meet the Goliath of despair.
David was able to slay his demons with a simple rock and a flimsy slingshot. This time it will take an army with more than rocks and slingshots to stand down the enemy of discouragement and despondency.
Where do we begin? Mine is not to flood you with worn clichés and feed you the pablum of platitudes. We need more than that. A lot more.
To tell you the truth, most everywhere you look there is more bad news. If there is good news, it is buried so far under the ice and snow and torrent of daily reports that even being up enough to read or watch takes enormous courage.
Surrendering to a morning like this won’t change one iota of the starkness of the day ahead.
A slight crevice of good news seems to break through the overcast skies. At least, these days many have the option to search the Internet for jobs, make follow up phone calls to see where your resume is at the moment, stay in touch with friends and others who may supply you with leads. Spend some time trying to bolster your own self confidence and optimism. Am I nearing the borders of platitudes and clichés? I am sorry, but about the best I can do is offer some common sense.
Rollo May, in his wonderful volume “Love and Will,” shared this insight, “Care is given power by nature’s sense of pain; if we do not care for ourselves we are hurt, burned, injured…our responsibility is to cease letting care be solely a matter of nerve endings…Life comes from physical survival; but the good life comes from what we care about.”
Of course, depending on where you live, it is really quite a bit more severe than here in East Texas. But fond memories of those days still linger and allow one to experience a taste of a little illegitimate absence.
Not much is like it was then, though. There is a flood of people having to stay home today. They are out of work, and running out of options. They worry over their prospects and their children and their next month’s payment for the house, the car, and other outstanding debts. What a luxury it would be to pull the covers up and just go back to sleep. Pulling them up these days is more like avoiding the day altogether. There is too much out there waiting to be met. There are too many indicators that unemployed David will meet the Goliath of despair.
David was able to slay his demons with a simple rock and a flimsy slingshot. This time it will take an army with more than rocks and slingshots to stand down the enemy of discouragement and despondency.
Where do we begin? Mine is not to flood you with worn clichés and feed you the pablum of platitudes. We need more than that. A lot more.
To tell you the truth, most everywhere you look there is more bad news. If there is good news, it is buried so far under the ice and snow and torrent of daily reports that even being up enough to read or watch takes enormous courage.
Surrendering to a morning like this won’t change one iota of the starkness of the day ahead.
A slight crevice of good news seems to break through the overcast skies. At least, these days many have the option to search the Internet for jobs, make follow up phone calls to see where your resume is at the moment, stay in touch with friends and others who may supply you with leads. Spend some time trying to bolster your own self confidence and optimism. Am I nearing the borders of platitudes and clichés? I am sorry, but about the best I can do is offer some common sense.
Rollo May, in his wonderful volume “Love and Will,” shared this insight, “Care is given power by nature’s sense of pain; if we do not care for ourselves we are hurt, burned, injured…our responsibility is to cease letting care be solely a matter of nerve endings…Life comes from physical survival; but the good life comes from what we care about.”
Friday, December 12, 2008
Let Me Know the Next Time You Drive!
Searching for a parking spot in a well known super store lot, left me in fear and trembling.
There were persons who never looked back to see if someone were approaching, as they were backing out. There were drivers who lurched right and left and stopped suddenly without regard for anyone in any direction. There were those coming from the wrong direction down the lane, seeking a way to extract a parking lot by wedging themselves in, in spite of the impending approach of another vehicle.
Now, this is not to imply that all of these drivers fall into the category of senior citizens. Some had to be simply discourteous, rude, ignorant or captives of bad driving habits. A lot of us can fall under any one or more of these categories.
Just one request: please notify me when you are next on the road, any road, any area, any parking lot, anywhere. Show the courtesy of at least putting us on notice that you are going to be out there, among us, wielding your vehicle as a weapon.
Since that is not likely to happen, could you at least think about what your automotive behavior is doing to the streets and highways, the emotions and blood pressure of some of us who try to pay attention to what is happening around us. Defensive driving is not only a well recommended practice, but just plain necessity. Survival on the road means looking out for yourself AND everyone else.
At night, around dusk, please turn on your lights. It doesn’t save your battery or extend its life by leaving them off. It may extend mine and possibly yours.
Remember, especially in the holiday season (and anytime else), not to drink and drive. It makes the rest of us downright MADD to see people so oblivious of their own and other’s well being.
Keep your car in good repair. Coming up on someone whose rear lights aren’t working, brake lights don’t function, signal lights are never used is a guessing game as to what is happening in the car ahead.
By the way, no matter how big your vehicle or how fast you choose to come up behind me, I refuse to alter my driving to satisfy your deadline. I don’t want to be dead, just because you need to be ahead of me on the road.
Those arrows in parking lots by the way mean something. They are not suggestions, they are directions. If an arrow points right, that means a right turn from that lane, etc. Or, do I need to get more specific and detailed. Stop and Yield signs apply no matter your age or size vehicle and number of cylinders. Sometimes it appears that IQ’s in drivers are measured by the number of spark plugs under the hood. Eight is still not very high.
When you are out driving, decide you will give consideration to others and finally yourself by checking your ability and attention to be on the road. Some famous cliché editor once proposed: “Remember, the life you save may be your own!” Old, worn, but still true.
There were persons who never looked back to see if someone were approaching, as they were backing out. There were drivers who lurched right and left and stopped suddenly without regard for anyone in any direction. There were those coming from the wrong direction down the lane, seeking a way to extract a parking lot by wedging themselves in, in spite of the impending approach of another vehicle.
Now, this is not to imply that all of these drivers fall into the category of senior citizens. Some had to be simply discourteous, rude, ignorant or captives of bad driving habits. A lot of us can fall under any one or more of these categories.
Just one request: please notify me when you are next on the road, any road, any area, any parking lot, anywhere. Show the courtesy of at least putting us on notice that you are going to be out there, among us, wielding your vehicle as a weapon.
Since that is not likely to happen, could you at least think about what your automotive behavior is doing to the streets and highways, the emotions and blood pressure of some of us who try to pay attention to what is happening around us. Defensive driving is not only a well recommended practice, but just plain necessity. Survival on the road means looking out for yourself AND everyone else.
At night, around dusk, please turn on your lights. It doesn’t save your battery or extend its life by leaving them off. It may extend mine and possibly yours.
Remember, especially in the holiday season (and anytime else), not to drink and drive. It makes the rest of us downright MADD to see people so oblivious of their own and other’s well being.
Keep your car in good repair. Coming up on someone whose rear lights aren’t working, brake lights don’t function, signal lights are never used is a guessing game as to what is happening in the car ahead.
By the way, no matter how big your vehicle or how fast you choose to come up behind me, I refuse to alter my driving to satisfy your deadline. I don’t want to be dead, just because you need to be ahead of me on the road.
Those arrows in parking lots by the way mean something. They are not suggestions, they are directions. If an arrow points right, that means a right turn from that lane, etc. Or, do I need to get more specific and detailed. Stop and Yield signs apply no matter your age or size vehicle and number of cylinders. Sometimes it appears that IQ’s in drivers are measured by the number of spark plugs under the hood. Eight is still not very high.
When you are out driving, decide you will give consideration to others and finally yourself by checking your ability and attention to be on the road. Some famous cliché editor once proposed: “Remember, the life you save may be your own!” Old, worn, but still true.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
This is a Good Day to Stop Worrying!
This is a good day to stop worrying! For the most part most of what happens happens with or without our worry. On a lesser scale, the little things we choose to worry about are likely beyond our control as well.
Yesterday I made a run into town, a 15 mile journey. I was to pick up something for my 89 year old Mother. While there, I chose to run two or three additional errands, thus extending the expected time of my return. My mother announced that she was worried because I had taken longer than she expected.
She did not account for my other errands, decided that meant something had delayed me, about which she chose to put in the category of “worry.”
Many of us spend some time with some frequency choosing to worry. And most of the outcome of what we have selected to worry about, is resolved. Notice 'resolved' does not imply either good or bad results. They just resolve. Need for control is often a major contributor to worry. If I just manipulate circumstances enough, then I will be able to alter the outcome. Wrong! People who fret over their children and their behavior when not under the vigilance of a parent are wasting their time. Deciding that somehow we can worry an outcome into the result we desire is a huge deception.
On the larger scale, we have little influence over what happens beyond our front doors. However, there are satisfying occasions when larger events work out to our agreement and satisfaction.
Worry is a cause of ill health, anxiety, frustration, wasted time, nervousness, restlessness, diet problems, and so on. In other words, it is a poor choice for dealing with issues that you feel may directly affect you.
Likely, there is little to no advantage to worry. Concern is a more nearly positive approach, but likewise may carry with it, carrying it too far. Investing energy output in other pursuits will enable time to pass, the outcome to be known and the results to be more favorable.
Frankly, worry litters your life. Recycle worry into something useful and productive and worth while. Give it the boot. Junk worry. It has no real value and need not be kept in the closets of your mind and spirit.
Yesterday I made a run into town, a 15 mile journey. I was to pick up something for my 89 year old Mother. While there, I chose to run two or three additional errands, thus extending the expected time of my return. My mother announced that she was worried because I had taken longer than she expected.
She did not account for my other errands, decided that meant something had delayed me, about which she chose to put in the category of “worry.”
Many of us spend some time with some frequency choosing to worry. And most of the outcome of what we have selected to worry about, is resolved. Notice 'resolved' does not imply either good or bad results. They just resolve. Need for control is often a major contributor to worry. If I just manipulate circumstances enough, then I will be able to alter the outcome. Wrong! People who fret over their children and their behavior when not under the vigilance of a parent are wasting their time. Deciding that somehow we can worry an outcome into the result we desire is a huge deception.
On the larger scale, we have little influence over what happens beyond our front doors. However, there are satisfying occasions when larger events work out to our agreement and satisfaction.
Worry is a cause of ill health, anxiety, frustration, wasted time, nervousness, restlessness, diet problems, and so on. In other words, it is a poor choice for dealing with issues that you feel may directly affect you.
Likely, there is little to no advantage to worry. Concern is a more nearly positive approach, but likewise may carry with it, carrying it too far. Investing energy output in other pursuits will enable time to pass, the outcome to be known and the results to be more favorable.
Frankly, worry litters your life. Recycle worry into something useful and productive and worth while. Give it the boot. Junk worry. It has no real value and need not be kept in the closets of your mind and spirit.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Rescue a Pet
Struck with how many stray animals are out there now, ostensibly because the economic downturn has compelled people to abandon their pets, why not consider adopting a pet from a rescue shelter?
To be sure, doing so means that you are in a position to provide adequate and appropriate care including shelter, a healthy diet, good grooming and over all commitment to the pet in question.
Last year, following on Prostate surgery, we chose to adopt two. They were listed on Petfinder.com. This site has an overwhelming national and localized selection of a variety of animals. We had a two hour drive to reach one of the rescue shelters; the other was less than an hour from our home. They have turned out to be superb in behavior, in ease of care, in sharing and receiving affection.
Decision points to ponder:
Of course, if you have not had pets previously you will need to do some research on what kind of pet and care the one(s) you choose will require. Adopting from a shelter is a very good way to have all the particulars addressed, including shots and return policy, in the event that that becomes necessary.
Warning: DO NOT give a pet as a gift. That is an inappropriate gesture. Only in the case that the receiving party agrees to such should a pet ever be sprung on anyone. If you have grandchildren and they wish a pet, be sure the parents have approved. Otherwise be prepared for a family feud of enormous proportions.
Remember pets can be costly. Therefore, as those who have sadly discovered, do not consider a pet unless you are comfortable with the cost.
Consider where they will sleep, what they will eat, how they will be trained, what activity and exercise they will be allowed, what size pet you will be comfortable having, how they will be at traveling, what kind of care they will have when you are away. This list is only partial. You are adding two live beings to your lifestyle, your home, your routine.
Choose a veterinarian whom you feel good about. Ask for counsel on diet, supplemental vitamins, grooming care, parvo (a very scary disease and often deadly), shots and their frequency.
Finally, are you of such a bent that having a pet will be comfortable for you, add to your overall life experience, and will provide more joy than frustration. Most of us had pets as children, but most were taken care of by our parents. When care and feeding become our responsibility, will we be up to it? Answering affirmatively means you are likely ready to take on the presence of what will become an extension of your heart!
To be sure, doing so means that you are in a position to provide adequate and appropriate care including shelter, a healthy diet, good grooming and over all commitment to the pet in question.
Last year, following on Prostate surgery, we chose to adopt two. They were listed on Petfinder.com. This site has an overwhelming national and localized selection of a variety of animals. We had a two hour drive to reach one of the rescue shelters; the other was less than an hour from our home. They have turned out to be superb in behavior, in ease of care, in sharing and receiving affection.
Decision points to ponder:
Of course, if you have not had pets previously you will need to do some research on what kind of pet and care the one(s) you choose will require. Adopting from a shelter is a very good way to have all the particulars addressed, including shots and return policy, in the event that that becomes necessary.
Warning: DO NOT give a pet as a gift. That is an inappropriate gesture. Only in the case that the receiving party agrees to such should a pet ever be sprung on anyone. If you have grandchildren and they wish a pet, be sure the parents have approved. Otherwise be prepared for a family feud of enormous proportions.
Remember pets can be costly. Therefore, as those who have sadly discovered, do not consider a pet unless you are comfortable with the cost.
Consider where they will sleep, what they will eat, how they will be trained, what activity and exercise they will be allowed, what size pet you will be comfortable having, how they will be at traveling, what kind of care they will have when you are away. This list is only partial. You are adding two live beings to your lifestyle, your home, your routine.
Choose a veterinarian whom you feel good about. Ask for counsel on diet, supplemental vitamins, grooming care, parvo (a very scary disease and often deadly), shots and their frequency.
Finally, are you of such a bent that having a pet will be comfortable for you, add to your overall life experience, and will provide more joy than frustration. Most of us had pets as children, but most were taken care of by our parents. When care and feeding become our responsibility, will we be up to it? Answering affirmatively means you are likely ready to take on the presence of what will become an extension of your heart!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Two Climates, Two Worlds
The last several weeks have been spent in Arizona. The time included Thanksgiving with family there, assisting the move of parents to an independent living facility, especially enjoying our grandchildren, and spending time in the condo we call home there.
The climate there is most always pleasant, particularly this time of year. We even experienced a day or two of rain, which is unusual and welcome.
To be sure, in many ways, Arizona presents an entirely different climate. Seldom does one need a jacket or hat; a sweater, on the cooler evenings, usually does the job. We even turned on the fireplace a night or two.
What is remarkable about Arizona that it almost seems like another world. Until, of course one looks very closely and examines the realities of living in these times. Housing values have dipped by at least 30%, there are more for sale, for lease and foreclosure signs than in the past; there seem to be fewer winter visitors; there is a visible tightening down. Arizona, over the recent past, had become the destination of nomads from California. Many made a killing there on real estate, bought or built here, and now find that their investment has taken a beating.
Outdoor Christmas decorations are widespread. There is the sense that a splash of red and green, and reindeer and snowpersons (artificial of course) may lift the spirits a bit.
There is also visible evidence that commerce has slowed. While there are lots of Hummers and sundry SUV’s and Cadillacs and other exotically expensive automobiles, the car dealerships reflect a dearth of business.
Clear evidence in our neighborhood indicates a pulling in, a drawing back, an absence of interaction. It is as if folk are burrowing in for the winter, perhaps a longer one than usual. There is the universal acknowledgment when any discussion of the downturn occurs, that it has hit almost everybody.
Now, we are back in Texas. Some have suggested that the downturn hasn’t had such an impact here. That, of course, lacks veracity. It is here. There are pockets of comfort, but considerable discomfort emerging here and there. Our house has been on the market a while. While a desirable piece of real estate, there are fewer lookers. The same is true in Scottsdale with properties there.
Gas prices seem to be about the only universal good news. People shop for bargains everywhere. Goodwill is doing a booming business.
Arriving home in Texas, we were met early this morning with a major storm, a deluge of rain, not unusual here, but a real contrast to Arizona. What is normal in one place, is sometimes abnormal in another.
The common denominator seems to be that while it may seem one is residing in Two Worlds and Two Climates there are enormous similarities of circumstance. People are attempting to cope and plan and expect and ready themselves with what may come next.
The election seems to have calmed many of the nay sayers and critics and negative disillusions that were present before November 4. There is a wait and see attitude. It comes out in poll taking as mainly positive. Maybe we are grabbing at straws. Maybe we are just allowing our positive side to be in charge for a while. Whatever it is, wherever you live, whatever climate, realize that you have many brothers and sisters in other worlds. May the star of hope at Christmas and the joyful feast of Hanukkah shine upon us all, wherever in the world we may be.
The climate there is most always pleasant, particularly this time of year. We even experienced a day or two of rain, which is unusual and welcome.
To be sure, in many ways, Arizona presents an entirely different climate. Seldom does one need a jacket or hat; a sweater, on the cooler evenings, usually does the job. We even turned on the fireplace a night or two.
What is remarkable about Arizona that it almost seems like another world. Until, of course one looks very closely and examines the realities of living in these times. Housing values have dipped by at least 30%, there are more for sale, for lease and foreclosure signs than in the past; there seem to be fewer winter visitors; there is a visible tightening down. Arizona, over the recent past, had become the destination of nomads from California. Many made a killing there on real estate, bought or built here, and now find that their investment has taken a beating.
Outdoor Christmas decorations are widespread. There is the sense that a splash of red and green, and reindeer and snowpersons (artificial of course) may lift the spirits a bit.
There is also visible evidence that commerce has slowed. While there are lots of Hummers and sundry SUV’s and Cadillacs and other exotically expensive automobiles, the car dealerships reflect a dearth of business.
Clear evidence in our neighborhood indicates a pulling in, a drawing back, an absence of interaction. It is as if folk are burrowing in for the winter, perhaps a longer one than usual. There is the universal acknowledgment when any discussion of the downturn occurs, that it has hit almost everybody.
Now, we are back in Texas. Some have suggested that the downturn hasn’t had such an impact here. That, of course, lacks veracity. It is here. There are pockets of comfort, but considerable discomfort emerging here and there. Our house has been on the market a while. While a desirable piece of real estate, there are fewer lookers. The same is true in Scottsdale with properties there.
Gas prices seem to be about the only universal good news. People shop for bargains everywhere. Goodwill is doing a booming business.
Arriving home in Texas, we were met early this morning with a major storm, a deluge of rain, not unusual here, but a real contrast to Arizona. What is normal in one place, is sometimes abnormal in another.
The common denominator seems to be that while it may seem one is residing in Two Worlds and Two Climates there are enormous similarities of circumstance. People are attempting to cope and plan and expect and ready themselves with what may come next.
The election seems to have calmed many of the nay sayers and critics and negative disillusions that were present before November 4. There is a wait and see attitude. It comes out in poll taking as mainly positive. Maybe we are grabbing at straws. Maybe we are just allowing our positive side to be in charge for a while. Whatever it is, wherever you live, whatever climate, realize that you have many brothers and sisters in other worlds. May the star of hope at Christmas and the joyful feast of Hanukkah shine upon us all, wherever in the world we may be.
Friday, December 5, 2008
The Difference in Wasted and Spent Time
Twenty seven more days and the deadline for all you had resolved to accomplish will have come to a final loud crescendo celebrating the arrival of next year when we get to start all over.
So, if you think you can stuff it all in within those 27 days, go for it. Wisdom suggests, however, that some procrastination may be useful. Doing a thorough job is better than doing a shoddy job. Alexander Pope suggested that “procrastination is the thief of time.”
Maybe so, Alex, but delay often has its merits for those who are into thinking about it awhile.
A hot cup of coffee, early in the morning, in a comfortable chair allows the opportunity to cogitate the particular activity demanding attention. Sometimes, for those of us with the luxury, cogitation is preferable to insinuation. For insinuating yourself into a task prematurely may end up being a waste of time. So, choose between thievery or wasting time and perhaps you may end up saving time.
The real joy of retirement is that the clock and calendar hold limited power over us. Of course, if you are of the obsessive-compulsive variety, the demand for accomplishment may outweigh all other considerations. For many in the retired category, the sheer joy of not having to hurry is among its greatest benefits. I recommend it. It is good for the blood pressure, for producing serenity of mind and heart and soul. Who can argue that that is not a healthy pursuit to follow? Just don’t do it!
When wasting time watching television, I find myself offended at the number of insistent messages seeking to provoke my acting on something right now! “Call now,” “but wait, if you call in the next millisecond, you will…” or the repetition of a number to immediately dial or “change your life” promise, etc. ad nauseam. Ignoring such, is a case when wasting time is better than spending time.
The difference between wasting and spending is a matter of choice. Wasting is probably the less preferable. Spending allows you to be in control of your choices for your use of time. My guess is the next 648 hours will be invested and wasted. Most of us aren’t 100%.
So, if you think you can stuff it all in within those 27 days, go for it. Wisdom suggests, however, that some procrastination may be useful. Doing a thorough job is better than doing a shoddy job. Alexander Pope suggested that “procrastination is the thief of time.”
Maybe so, Alex, but delay often has its merits for those who are into thinking about it awhile.
A hot cup of coffee, early in the morning, in a comfortable chair allows the opportunity to cogitate the particular activity demanding attention. Sometimes, for those of us with the luxury, cogitation is preferable to insinuation. For insinuating yourself into a task prematurely may end up being a waste of time. So, choose between thievery or wasting time and perhaps you may end up saving time.
The real joy of retirement is that the clock and calendar hold limited power over us. Of course, if you are of the obsessive-compulsive variety, the demand for accomplishment may outweigh all other considerations. For many in the retired category, the sheer joy of not having to hurry is among its greatest benefits. I recommend it. It is good for the blood pressure, for producing serenity of mind and heart and soul. Who can argue that that is not a healthy pursuit to follow? Just don’t do it!
When wasting time watching television, I find myself offended at the number of insistent messages seeking to provoke my acting on something right now! “Call now,” “but wait, if you call in the next millisecond, you will…” or the repetition of a number to immediately dial or “change your life” promise, etc. ad nauseam. Ignoring such, is a case when wasting time is better than spending time.
The difference between wasting and spending is a matter of choice. Wasting is probably the less preferable. Spending allows you to be in control of your choices for your use of time. My guess is the next 648 hours will be invested and wasted. Most of us aren’t 100%.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Happiness is the Best Dividend of All
History is about to swallow 2008. The big fish of time is about to overtake the little fish of one measly year. How brief a year is. How transient and swift is its passage. And we, we who no longer count the hours or the days, are caught up in the piracy of months and quarters. Here and gone.
Aging is a process requiring the ability to adjust to speed. Everything seems to move faster, but us. As in “Fiddler on the Roof,” sunrise, sunset, how swiftly go the days.
From gainfully employed to suddenly retired. From a father or mother to children to empty nesters. From in charge to needing to be charged up. From active to deactivated.
Of course, not all nor any of these have to be true for the senior who finds him/herself suddenly cast into a new life role. Those who are astute started long before the presentation of the gold watch to make necessary adjustments. If days pass quickly, it is often because the calendar remains full and the activities demanding. Busyness is available and some find it absolutely essential to have every day chock full of things to do. Some of that is avoiding looking at the calendar by days and weeks, but only as a reminder of what’s up next.
Eventually, of course, the calendar is a critical partner. The calendar is nothing more than a blank page with days and weeks and months identified on it. How you make use
of it, perceive it, manage it and allow it to manage you is entirely your choice.
Next year is already virtually up to bat. For older persons, I expect, most have already posted sundry medical appointments, check ups, visits. Others have identified birthdays and other special occasions. Still others have plotted out trips to be taken, goals to be met, celebrations to host.
Forward looking is a very healthy exercise. Letting the past slip quietly away, having savored it, perhaps celebrating it with the singing of “Auld Lang Syne,” while moving on to a hearty Happy New Year to all, is a chance to invest in what lies ahead. The dividends will be returned daily!
Aging is a process requiring the ability to adjust to speed. Everything seems to move faster, but us. As in “Fiddler on the Roof,” sunrise, sunset, how swiftly go the days.
From gainfully employed to suddenly retired. From a father or mother to children to empty nesters. From in charge to needing to be charged up. From active to deactivated.
Of course, not all nor any of these have to be true for the senior who finds him/herself suddenly cast into a new life role. Those who are astute started long before the presentation of the gold watch to make necessary adjustments. If days pass quickly, it is often because the calendar remains full and the activities demanding. Busyness is available and some find it absolutely essential to have every day chock full of things to do. Some of that is avoiding looking at the calendar by days and weeks, but only as a reminder of what’s up next.
Eventually, of course, the calendar is a critical partner. The calendar is nothing more than a blank page with days and weeks and months identified on it. How you make use
of it, perceive it, manage it and allow it to manage you is entirely your choice.
Next year is already virtually up to bat. For older persons, I expect, most have already posted sundry medical appointments, check ups, visits. Others have identified birthdays and other special occasions. Still others have plotted out trips to be taken, goals to be met, celebrations to host.
Forward looking is a very healthy exercise. Letting the past slip quietly away, having savored it, perhaps celebrating it with the singing of “Auld Lang Syne,” while moving on to a hearty Happy New Year to all, is a chance to invest in what lies ahead. The dividends will be returned daily!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Defeating the Depression of Aging
One of my favorite witticisms is the one that asks for a definition of Apathy. The reply is: “I don’t know and I don’t care.”
Ever really feel that way? It happened to me today. I was within one sentence of completing an article I had been working on for a week. Its theme was dealing with aging parents with the dynamics attendant to that. It had flowed better than most of my attempts. It was balanced and real and empathetic. At the last line, I accidentally hit a wrong key. It was completely deleted. I was devastated. The work of the morning, the completion of the piece had suddenly disappeared, gone, vanished. My own stupid behavior had omitted the step to save the work.
No back up. No basic recall of what had been written. I was thrown off track. So what did I do? I chose to walk the dogs. There had to be some way to head off a dark depression moving in to consume an otherwise good day.
Depression has a way of slipping in the back door. Prompted by all sorts of subtle events and pressures, it arrives, often, without an prior warning. The article was not only an effort to address this major event in older persons’ lives, but my own way of addressing a conflict that had developed internally around that whole phenomenon.
The very effort to head off depression eventually contributed in my having to face the whole thing all over again. Maybe, the stew in the pot needed to simmer longer. Maybe the direction the article took needed rethinking. Maybe, the confrontation with depression required my working to slay the dragons more thoroughly and completely.
Some think hearty laughter contributes to overcoming a depressed frame of mind. That makes good sense. Others believe a good cry is a balm and a salve. Still others think talking it through is the best course to get out and away from it. Ironically, writing the article was the preferred choice in my case, kind of like talking to yourself.
Whatever course one chooses to take, a course, self motivated, is prudent, wise and medicinal. Shifting gears out of low, means getting on a straightaway enabling a ride to a destination with more favorable attractions and distractions. Depression, as a psychological state, is certainly an undesirable place to be. Choosing to find the way out of it is an indication that you are still in control. So take the wheel, shift to high, and step on the accelerator. There are vistas of happiness and satisfaction out there waiting.
Ever really feel that way? It happened to me today. I was within one sentence of completing an article I had been working on for a week. Its theme was dealing with aging parents with the dynamics attendant to that. It had flowed better than most of my attempts. It was balanced and real and empathetic. At the last line, I accidentally hit a wrong key. It was completely deleted. I was devastated. The work of the morning, the completion of the piece had suddenly disappeared, gone, vanished. My own stupid behavior had omitted the step to save the work.
No back up. No basic recall of what had been written. I was thrown off track. So what did I do? I chose to walk the dogs. There had to be some way to head off a dark depression moving in to consume an otherwise good day.
Depression has a way of slipping in the back door. Prompted by all sorts of subtle events and pressures, it arrives, often, without an prior warning. The article was not only an effort to address this major event in older persons’ lives, but my own way of addressing a conflict that had developed internally around that whole phenomenon.
The very effort to head off depression eventually contributed in my having to face the whole thing all over again. Maybe, the stew in the pot needed to simmer longer. Maybe the direction the article took needed rethinking. Maybe, the confrontation with depression required my working to slay the dragons more thoroughly and completely.
Some think hearty laughter contributes to overcoming a depressed frame of mind. That makes good sense. Others believe a good cry is a balm and a salve. Still others think talking it through is the best course to get out and away from it. Ironically, writing the article was the preferred choice in my case, kind of like talking to yourself.
Whatever course one chooses to take, a course, self motivated, is prudent, wise and medicinal. Shifting gears out of low, means getting on a straightaway enabling a ride to a destination with more favorable attractions and distractions. Depression, as a psychological state, is certainly an undesirable place to be. Choosing to find the way out of it is an indication that you are still in control. So take the wheel, shift to high, and step on the accelerator. There are vistas of happiness and satisfaction out there waiting.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Trying To Get Your Attention!
Okay, senior citizens, old folks, aging brethren and sisters, over the hill gang, friends over 50, retirees, people who read stuff from AARP… I need your attention!
My principal advisor, (my spouse, daughter and son in law) tell me in order to drive traffic to my site, I need to use certain key words. Slow as I am, I am trying to catch on. Thus, the above references. I hope you will not take offense.
Maybe what I have to say isn’t all that compelling. Maybe I like it and a few dozen others, but otherwise it is destined for the dustbin of journalistic history.
A few background notes: I started writing in high school. The theme of the week in high school was never a platform for my skills. The themes that did well usually dwelt on Civil War (The War Between the States) motifs. When chosen editor of the high school paper, I found my niche.
Following on that I was editor of first one and then the other periodicals, including my college weekly. In my career choice as a Methodist minister, I not only edited a variety of church publications. Of course, I wrote a weekly sermon and newsletter.
Maybe all of that doesn’t count for much, but it has ended up contributing to my hobby as a fly by night writer, an opinionator, a run off at the mouth type who has an opinion on almost any subject. These are not necessarily good writing qualifications, but it sure drives you to try.
Comes the Internet Age! This is when one is given opportunity for the rubber to hit the road. So for the last several months, I have found the investment of creative desire and just the fun of being out there a heavy motivation for attempting to write yet again.
Traffic has been fairly good, according to our sources, but it would be wonderful to have some direct feedback from friend or foe. I don’t need a lot of nudging, but a little would be pleasing. Letters to the Editor are favorite columns, even now. So, with your willingness to take the time and my need to hear from you, will you consider giving me some ideas, criticisms, comments? No praise is required. And, if you like, I will be pleased to respond directly to you. Thank you from one senior citizen in this cyber world of anonymity to another.
My principal advisor, (my spouse, daughter and son in law) tell me in order to drive traffic to my site, I need to use certain key words. Slow as I am, I am trying to catch on. Thus, the above references. I hope you will not take offense.
Maybe what I have to say isn’t all that compelling. Maybe I like it and a few dozen others, but otherwise it is destined for the dustbin of journalistic history.
A few background notes: I started writing in high school. The theme of the week in high school was never a platform for my skills. The themes that did well usually dwelt on Civil War (The War Between the States) motifs. When chosen editor of the high school paper, I found my niche.
Following on that I was editor of first one and then the other periodicals, including my college weekly. In my career choice as a Methodist minister, I not only edited a variety of church publications. Of course, I wrote a weekly sermon and newsletter.
Maybe all of that doesn’t count for much, but it has ended up contributing to my hobby as a fly by night writer, an opinionator, a run off at the mouth type who has an opinion on almost any subject. These are not necessarily good writing qualifications, but it sure drives you to try.
Comes the Internet Age! This is when one is given opportunity for the rubber to hit the road. So for the last several months, I have found the investment of creative desire and just the fun of being out there a heavy motivation for attempting to write yet again.
Traffic has been fairly good, according to our sources, but it would be wonderful to have some direct feedback from friend or foe. I don’t need a lot of nudging, but a little would be pleasing. Letters to the Editor are favorite columns, even now. So, with your willingness to take the time and my need to hear from you, will you consider giving me some ideas, criticisms, comments? No praise is required. And, if you like, I will be pleased to respond directly to you. Thank you from one senior citizen in this cyber world of anonymity to another.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Holidays Offer a Menagerie of Experiences
Holidays offer a menagerie of experiences. I almost wish this column were anonymous. I could then offer insights, as an unseen observer, of dynamics and interactions and foibles that are seldom acknowledged or discussed.
Families are identified by the DNA of their collective behavior. There are as many strands in the psychological behavior as there are in the physical makeup of the members.
Sometimes that’s good and sometimes it isn’t so good. Family groups are political units. The same struggles and infighting and coalitions occur there as they do in neighborhoods, villages and larger communities. Leaders emerge, followers follow, others observe and take a position or refuse to be a part of any of it. Indifference is often a protective measure for those who have little or no investment in the outcome of what’s going on in the larger circle. That may be a Darwinian expression of survival within families.
The irony of familial relationships is that families connect so seldom and briefly, that the expectation of magical “community” is really a staggering fantasy. Sure we can catch up on “things.” Of course, we can embrace and say how “good it is” to be together again.
And then, one begins to make way to the television set and the escape of the afternoon football game in which encounter is not required.
In it all, there is affection and appreciation. But, to be honest, most of it is temporary and a lot of it is stilted. If elections were held at such events, it is fairly predictable who would be most popular girl, most respected, most humorous, etc. Such would be a fallacy, because after everyone goes back home, who really cares?
One upsmanship is a big game played during such family gatherings. It is manifested in so many ways. Oh, look at how well my daughter is doing in her career. Or, did you notice the Polo shirt my son is wearing. He is doing so well! Who, the hell cares?
Once in a while, the sun shines though and there is a brief moment of genuine soul sharing, truth baring, love giving that everyone in the room is able to experience, if only briefly.
Some know that this is the moment of honest, by gosh, real Thanksgiving, but always there is someone in the room who runs interference and reminds us that the half is almost over and we all need to get back to the game.
Families are identified by the DNA of their collective behavior. There are as many strands in the psychological behavior as there are in the physical makeup of the members.
Sometimes that’s good and sometimes it isn’t so good. Family groups are political units. The same struggles and infighting and coalitions occur there as they do in neighborhoods, villages and larger communities. Leaders emerge, followers follow, others observe and take a position or refuse to be a part of any of it. Indifference is often a protective measure for those who have little or no investment in the outcome of what’s going on in the larger circle. That may be a Darwinian expression of survival within families.
The irony of familial relationships is that families connect so seldom and briefly, that the expectation of magical “community” is really a staggering fantasy. Sure we can catch up on “things.” Of course, we can embrace and say how “good it is” to be together again.
And then, one begins to make way to the television set and the escape of the afternoon football game in which encounter is not required.
In it all, there is affection and appreciation. But, to be honest, most of it is temporary and a lot of it is stilted. If elections were held at such events, it is fairly predictable who would be most popular girl, most respected, most humorous, etc. Such would be a fallacy, because after everyone goes back home, who really cares?
One upsmanship is a big game played during such family gatherings. It is manifested in so many ways. Oh, look at how well my daughter is doing in her career. Or, did you notice the Polo shirt my son is wearing. He is doing so well! Who, the hell cares?
Once in a while, the sun shines though and there is a brief moment of genuine soul sharing, truth baring, love giving that everyone in the room is able to experience, if only briefly.
Some know that this is the moment of honest, by gosh, real Thanksgiving, but always there is someone in the room who runs interference and reminds us that the half is almost over and we all need to get back to the game.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Go For The Good!
Okay, it’s time to get off the sofa and begin the day to rid yourself of some of the 12000 or so calories you enjoyed yesterday. Of course, some of it has already turned to fat and will take a great part of next year to remove, not including how much more is added during the coming holidays.
Consider the options: You can shop on Black Friday and fight the crowds. Great exercise, but futile in its outcome. You may lose a few calories, but will replace those with frustration and anxiety. Besides, it may also be disappointing that 88% of us will not do the Black Friday thing this year. With few people to contend with, fewer calories will be burned.
You may already have been up for your daily walk. If not, make it considerably longer.
You may take a hike, a more strenuous form of walking. This is for those with the lung capacity and determination to put one foot in front of the other on a trail that gives satisfaction visually, but more exercise as well.
Ride your bike or roller blades. For those without either, try that exercise machine that usually serves as an additional closet.
Of course, this is assuming your normal routine of stretching and in house exercises have already been accomplished.
Perhaps, there is a museum you have wanted to see, a sight, a botanical garden or such. Good way to at least be on your feet.
Now, let’s move to the next consideration. Because a repetition of on and off weight is a maddening cycle, perhaps its time to impose appropriate discipline in pushing away from the table, weighing carefully just what is helpful to you in intake and what is not.
Holidays are typically high consumption moments. Maybe it’s time to look at more low consumption options. Maybe it’s time to impose disciplines that reduce the waist line ahead of the meal. Spreading out a meal over a longer period might also be better for your digestion.
Holidays really need to be festive. It is a part of our cultural and traditional survival
to share in occasions of frivolity, joy, sharing a holiday without the stress of high demands. It is your body and state of mind that reaps the benefit of such a good occasion. Now, make this day one which reaps the benefits of a healthy discipline, a good spirit and a joyful outlook.
Go for the good!
Consider the options: You can shop on Black Friday and fight the crowds. Great exercise, but futile in its outcome. You may lose a few calories, but will replace those with frustration and anxiety. Besides, it may also be disappointing that 88% of us will not do the Black Friday thing this year. With few people to contend with, fewer calories will be burned.
You may already have been up for your daily walk. If not, make it considerably longer.
You may take a hike, a more strenuous form of walking. This is for those with the lung capacity and determination to put one foot in front of the other on a trail that gives satisfaction visually, but more exercise as well.
Ride your bike or roller blades. For those without either, try that exercise machine that usually serves as an additional closet.
Of course, this is assuming your normal routine of stretching and in house exercises have already been accomplished.
Perhaps, there is a museum you have wanted to see, a sight, a botanical garden or such. Good way to at least be on your feet.
Now, let’s move to the next consideration. Because a repetition of on and off weight is a maddening cycle, perhaps its time to impose appropriate discipline in pushing away from the table, weighing carefully just what is helpful to you in intake and what is not.
Holidays are typically high consumption moments. Maybe it’s time to look at more low consumption options. Maybe it’s time to impose disciplines that reduce the waist line ahead of the meal. Spreading out a meal over a longer period might also be better for your digestion.
Holidays really need to be festive. It is a part of our cultural and traditional survival
to share in occasions of frivolity, joy, sharing a holiday without the stress of high demands. It is your body and state of mind that reaps the benefit of such a good occasion. Now, make this day one which reaps the benefits of a healthy discipline, a good spirit and a joyful outlook.
Go for the good!
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Prostate Cancer: One Year Later
One year later. For those familiar with the story, a radical prostatectomy headed off cancer for me one year ago. Some bio background: Age 68 at time of surgery; Biopsy: Positive; Gleason Scale 9; prescribed action: immediate and total removal of the prostate.
Outcome: One year later there is limited incontinence. No erections. In fact, little to no sexual desire. Some energy issues. Some limits on strength and stamina. Overall, the best news is that there is no sign of cancer. PSA consistently comes in non-detectable.
Changes in routine: Some, but returning to normalcy with passing of each month.
Medications: megestrol which is for reducing hot flashes. No other medications prescribed.
Attitude: Good and positive.
Suggestions to those facing prostate cancer: deal with it. Choose an experienced physician, oncologist, urologist, with whom you are comfortable working. Proceed with dispatch. Don’t assume anything. Be ready for life style changes. Be ready to live longer.
Thanksgiving ’08: Enormous gratitude for having come this far. Accolades to my urologist and those who supported, assisted him in bringing me this far.
I am thankful to be looking at the earth standing up instead of lying down.
Outcome: One year later there is limited incontinence. No erections. In fact, little to no sexual desire. Some energy issues. Some limits on strength and stamina. Overall, the best news is that there is no sign of cancer. PSA consistently comes in non-detectable.
Changes in routine: Some, but returning to normalcy with passing of each month.
Medications: megestrol which is for reducing hot flashes. No other medications prescribed.
Attitude: Good and positive.
Suggestions to those facing prostate cancer: deal with it. Choose an experienced physician, oncologist, urologist, with whom you are comfortable working. Proceed with dispatch. Don’t assume anything. Be ready for life style changes. Be ready to live longer.
Thanksgiving ’08: Enormous gratitude for having come this far. Accolades to my urologist and those who supported, assisted him in bringing me this far.
I am thankful to be looking at the earth standing up instead of lying down.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Genealogy: A Favorite Pastime for Many
Genealogy is a favorite pastime for many, particularly those who now have the time to seek, sort out and link together the discovered treasures of one’s ancestral background.
The very first consideration is to be prepared for lots of work, be scholastically patient, and take your time. This story has been a long time coming. It has paths and detours that lead to the most unlikely places.
Pursuing your story will open doors to travel, to research cemeteries, libraries, meet persons, connected by the long strand of DNA, whose family name is no where similar to your own.
Of course, the second most important consideration is in knowing where to start. The obvious trove of information available is the Internet. Eventually you will get to the Salt Lake City site, where you will begin to plumb the catacombs of American genealogical data.
Second, hook up with other members of your family who may also be on the search, so that you may share research. Along the way you will quickly identify individuals who are on the trail you are exploring. Walk together, share questions and insights and finds.
Third, keep in mind your own goals. Are you in this strictly for entertainment and the exercise? Are you planning to do some kind of treatise on your family? Will you put together a document to share with members of your immediate family, thus giving them an appreciation of their own heritage?
Fourth, are you prepared to stick with it? Or is there someone in your mix to whom you can pass along the task, if/when it becomes too much for you to continue? The value of this exercise can be not alone in the information found, but in the joy of including others in the search.
Fifth, keep your materials in a safe place. Use a fire proof safe. Let others know where to find the collected materials.
Sixth, when you have laid out your plan, determined your boundaries, and initiated your research be sure to use a legible means for preserving your finds. There is nothing worse than trying to sort out short hand notes, scribbled in haste. Remember what you are doing is creating a super highway for those who come after you to travel. Smooth out the bumps, reduce the curves, erect signposts. You are on your way, but others may complete the journey.
The very first consideration is to be prepared for lots of work, be scholastically patient, and take your time. This story has been a long time coming. It has paths and detours that lead to the most unlikely places.
Pursuing your story will open doors to travel, to research cemeteries, libraries, meet persons, connected by the long strand of DNA, whose family name is no where similar to your own.
Of course, the second most important consideration is in knowing where to start. The obvious trove of information available is the Internet. Eventually you will get to the Salt Lake City site, where you will begin to plumb the catacombs of American genealogical data.
Second, hook up with other members of your family who may also be on the search, so that you may share research. Along the way you will quickly identify individuals who are on the trail you are exploring. Walk together, share questions and insights and finds.
Third, keep in mind your own goals. Are you in this strictly for entertainment and the exercise? Are you planning to do some kind of treatise on your family? Will you put together a document to share with members of your immediate family, thus giving them an appreciation of their own heritage?
Fourth, are you prepared to stick with it? Or is there someone in your mix to whom you can pass along the task, if/when it becomes too much for you to continue? The value of this exercise can be not alone in the information found, but in the joy of including others in the search.
Fifth, keep your materials in a safe place. Use a fire proof safe. Let others know where to find the collected materials.
Sixth, when you have laid out your plan, determined your boundaries, and initiated your research be sure to use a legible means for preserving your finds. There is nothing worse than trying to sort out short hand notes, scribbled in haste. Remember what you are doing is creating a super highway for those who come after you to travel. Smooth out the bumps, reduce the curves, erect signposts. You are on your way, but others may complete the journey.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Motivating Myself: Sterling Days at 70
One afternoon, while living in Tucson back in the 80’s, a friend invited me to join him for a matinee at a local movie. We had lunch and then headed for the nearby mall. As I stood at the ticket counter, I was met for the first time with the very unsettling question: “Are you a Senior Citizen?”
Confounded by the question, I was additionally conflicted with whether I would say yes and get the discount or whether pride would prevail and indicate that no, I hadn’t reached that milestone. Pride won.
No longer do I find myself insulted and assaulted with that question. I enjoy the luxury and special set apart treatment that being a Senior brings.
The very last day of this year brings with it a new wakeup call. That long awaited, and somewhat dreaded, three score and 10 arrives. Admittedly much of the implications of arriving at that age have been long challenged and overcome. Much of the fear of having reached another peak has been resolved. It is, after all, only another mountain, offering yet several others out there beyond it.
Met with another passage, the challenge is to determine how to manage it. What will be the driving influences that encourage one to keep contributing, to devise new strategies for offering something instead of taking from the world. Birthdays, anniversaries are nothing more than milestones, runners’ flags, which tell us the race has been run this far, but the goal is still out there.
So, pick up the baton and continue the race, wherever you are in it or on it. These are a few suggestions for those thinking about how best to run it:
*Wake up and give yourself permission to exercise zeal. Start with stretching exercises, a healthy breakfast, some moments for meditation; make any necessary decisions that need attention so you are not plagued with those distractions the balance of the day.
*Have some idea how you will spend the day. Allow yourself to plan ahead, but refuse to be boxed in, thus permitting the unexpected to interrupt your day. In other words, wait for the best offer, but don’t wait too long.
*Did I mention vitamins? Be sure you are on a regimen of vitamins which supplement your needs appropriately. Question your physician regarding redundancy in your intake. Inquire about your prescribed meds frequently. Continue to stay in charge and alert to your real medicinal needs.
*Now that you are on your way into your day, whether staying in or going out, remember you are about to confront others. If driving, practice being conscientiously safety aware while in the driver’s seat. Too many days can be ruined by an accident, minor or otherwise.
*Prepare yourself to enjoy the day, whatever it involves: routine errands, an appointment, having the car serviced, making your way to be with friends, volunteering for some activity that helps others. Just have a good time at it. Open doors, say a greeting to persons you encounter, smile, decide you will bloom all day long!
*By the way, if married, be sure you let your spouse know how much better off life is with your mate, than it would be without her/him.
The ring of the words “Have a good day” often seems hollow. Change it so it is your sincerest form of flattery: “Have a sterling day!”
Confounded by the question, I was additionally conflicted with whether I would say yes and get the discount or whether pride would prevail and indicate that no, I hadn’t reached that milestone. Pride won.
No longer do I find myself insulted and assaulted with that question. I enjoy the luxury and special set apart treatment that being a Senior brings.
The very last day of this year brings with it a new wakeup call. That long awaited, and somewhat dreaded, three score and 10 arrives. Admittedly much of the implications of arriving at that age have been long challenged and overcome. Much of the fear of having reached another peak has been resolved. It is, after all, only another mountain, offering yet several others out there beyond it.
Met with another passage, the challenge is to determine how to manage it. What will be the driving influences that encourage one to keep contributing, to devise new strategies for offering something instead of taking from the world. Birthdays, anniversaries are nothing more than milestones, runners’ flags, which tell us the race has been run this far, but the goal is still out there.
So, pick up the baton and continue the race, wherever you are in it or on it. These are a few suggestions for those thinking about how best to run it:
*Wake up and give yourself permission to exercise zeal. Start with stretching exercises, a healthy breakfast, some moments for meditation; make any necessary decisions that need attention so you are not plagued with those distractions the balance of the day.
*Have some idea how you will spend the day. Allow yourself to plan ahead, but refuse to be boxed in, thus permitting the unexpected to interrupt your day. In other words, wait for the best offer, but don’t wait too long.
*Did I mention vitamins? Be sure you are on a regimen of vitamins which supplement your needs appropriately. Question your physician regarding redundancy in your intake. Inquire about your prescribed meds frequently. Continue to stay in charge and alert to your real medicinal needs.
*Now that you are on your way into your day, whether staying in or going out, remember you are about to confront others. If driving, practice being conscientiously safety aware while in the driver’s seat. Too many days can be ruined by an accident, minor or otherwise.
*Prepare yourself to enjoy the day, whatever it involves: routine errands, an appointment, having the car serviced, making your way to be with friends, volunteering for some activity that helps others. Just have a good time at it. Open doors, say a greeting to persons you encounter, smile, decide you will bloom all day long!
*By the way, if married, be sure you let your spouse know how much better off life is with your mate, than it would be without her/him.
The ring of the words “Have a good day” often seems hollow. Change it so it is your sincerest form of flattery: “Have a sterling day!”
Monday, November 24, 2008
The Economy: Finding Light in the Darkness
One of my favorite critics shared with me that she thought perhaps my columns were “too pessimistic of late.” I think she may be right. However, my lack of optimism is predicated on good sources. My thoughts today are along the lines of an explanation, not an excuse.
I read voraciously from a variety of well qualified sources who reinforce what has become my perception of world and economic affairs. I watch intently the more balanced of the pundits. I try to evaluate this information based upon philosophical and economic indicators which give foundation to theories and historical perspectives.
This is not a defense for being pessimistic; it is an explanation that guides my lack of optimism. Will we “get through this?” Will circumstances improve? Will persons, now in the millions, return to gainful employment? Will major companies who are experiencing major reversals recover? In an interconnected financial world, will the recovery come more easily or be less likely? With all the complexity attendant on the dynamics that pushed us to this point, will this new administration assist our overcoming the dark and down sides of a world wide event?
These are not questions grounded in pessimism, but inspired by the goings on of a daily grind of down signs. This is not reason for pessimism, but does provoke a profound test on the realities facing large segments of our society and world.
Beyond that, I am also aware of those who carry the possibilities of world collapse to an even scarier outcome. Trying to balance between the extremes and to keep a point of view which avoids “sky is falling” syndrome and a happy go lucky view that “all is well,” is the real challenge.
Those who read this column are encouraged to share your own feedback, assisting myself and others to try to reach that balance. How are you coping? What is your world view and how do you keep it informed? How do you try to shed light on the darkness? Indeed, how do you hold the darkness back?
Please offer your comments at the end of my blog posts. You needn’t identify yourself, unless you choose. Let’s get a dialog going about these questions!
I read voraciously from a variety of well qualified sources who reinforce what has become my perception of world and economic affairs. I watch intently the more balanced of the pundits. I try to evaluate this information based upon philosophical and economic indicators which give foundation to theories and historical perspectives.
This is not a defense for being pessimistic; it is an explanation that guides my lack of optimism. Will we “get through this?” Will circumstances improve? Will persons, now in the millions, return to gainful employment? Will major companies who are experiencing major reversals recover? In an interconnected financial world, will the recovery come more easily or be less likely? With all the complexity attendant on the dynamics that pushed us to this point, will this new administration assist our overcoming the dark and down sides of a world wide event?
These are not questions grounded in pessimism, but inspired by the goings on of a daily grind of down signs. This is not reason for pessimism, but does provoke a profound test on the realities facing large segments of our society and world.
Beyond that, I am also aware of those who carry the possibilities of world collapse to an even scarier outcome. Trying to balance between the extremes and to keep a point of view which avoids “sky is falling” syndrome and a happy go lucky view that “all is well,” is the real challenge.
Those who read this column are encouraged to share your own feedback, assisting myself and others to try to reach that balance. How are you coping? What is your world view and how do you keep it informed? How do you try to shed light on the darkness? Indeed, how do you hold the darkness back?
Please offer your comments at the end of my blog posts. You needn’t identify yourself, unless you choose. Let’s get a dialog going about these questions!
Friday, November 21, 2008
Bad Times and Good Choices
Are you getting your daily vitamins, the ones that address the likelihood of depression and dark moods? Are you ready to deal with the anticipated continuing slide in the economy, in joblessness, in consumer confidence and spending, in reduced possibilities for any near term solutions to this economic morass we find ourselves collectively experiencing?
Heading off this misery will take more than Pollyanna perspectives. Looking at the bottom line trying to ascertain if there is enough to make it through whatever years remain in retirement is a profile in courage.
Giving in to the bad news and getting hyped up about all the bad news aren’t solutions. They are options, but not solutions.
Here are some possibilities we are trying in our home and family. Maybe they will offer some insight and encouragement.
*Put yourself on a diet of information intake. Do not watch or read about every downturn daily. Keep up with enough, but don’t deluge yourself with more than necessary.
*While it may be too late to salvage certain of your nest egg investments, evaluate whether, how, if you have options to protect what remains.
*Eliminate absolutely every unnecessary expense from bottled water or coffee at the Quik Stop to nonessentials in the grocery store. Shop for bargains. Engage in the new discipline of non impulse buying. Stay away from the store, if you can’t handle the need to be more prudent.
*Eliminate all together any trips that do not have a purpose or a plan to keep expenses at a bare minimum. This includes going to the mall, just strolling by the stores, reading the ads in the paper, taking seriously the come on commercials on tv, ad nauseum.
*If you want to get together with friends, host a pot luck, with everyone participating in preparing and providing the meal.
*Adjust the thermostat. No suggestions needed, you know the drill.
*Adjust your oscillating fans, for winter circulation, but turn them off when not in the room.
*Live in less space in the house.
*Take walks, with your pets, for exercise. Look at the cost of membership in a Health Club.
*Keep Giving to others. If you can’t do cash or check, then donate time, stuff, and ideas.
Getting through this may not be easy, but it may also test our will to adopt a life style that may just be very healthy, emotionally, economically and physically for us.
Heading off this misery will take more than Pollyanna perspectives. Looking at the bottom line trying to ascertain if there is enough to make it through whatever years remain in retirement is a profile in courage.
Giving in to the bad news and getting hyped up about all the bad news aren’t solutions. They are options, but not solutions.
Here are some possibilities we are trying in our home and family. Maybe they will offer some insight and encouragement.
*Put yourself on a diet of information intake. Do not watch or read about every downturn daily. Keep up with enough, but don’t deluge yourself with more than necessary.
*While it may be too late to salvage certain of your nest egg investments, evaluate whether, how, if you have options to protect what remains.
*Eliminate absolutely every unnecessary expense from bottled water or coffee at the Quik Stop to nonessentials in the grocery store. Shop for bargains. Engage in the new discipline of non impulse buying. Stay away from the store, if you can’t handle the need to be more prudent.
*Eliminate all together any trips that do not have a purpose or a plan to keep expenses at a bare minimum. This includes going to the mall, just strolling by the stores, reading the ads in the paper, taking seriously the come on commercials on tv, ad nauseum.
*If you want to get together with friends, host a pot luck, with everyone participating in preparing and providing the meal.
*Adjust the thermostat. No suggestions needed, you know the drill.
*Adjust your oscillating fans, for winter circulation, but turn them off when not in the room.
*Live in less space in the house.
*Take walks, with your pets, for exercise. Look at the cost of membership in a Health Club.
*Keep Giving to others. If you can’t do cash or check, then donate time, stuff, and ideas.
Getting through this may not be easy, but it may also test our will to adopt a life style that may just be very healthy, emotionally, economically and physically for us.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Memories of Growing Up: Success for the Sports Impaired
What I remember most of all is that I was never an early draft choice for any sports activity. Coach Bob Knight, a 40’s type Charles Atlas, may have been good at athletics, but he wasn’t much on human sensitivity.
Those of us who were always, and I mean always, at the bottom of team choices, never got any consideration. We weren’t good at it and so we weren’t an important consideration. Competition, winning, getting the prize or trophy was more important than including everyone in the group. And so, early on, I was convinced that I would never be a sportsman. I would never be chosen. I would never play in an important position. I would never be admired by “all the beautiful girls.”
Persons faced with such as this aren’t alone and lonely. They just think they are at the time. My best friends growing up weren’t jocks. They were “nerds” by a later definition. I have had and will always have a very poignant connection with them. They like me went in other directions: dramatics, law, social services, languages, teaching, some in medicine, even the ministry.
Over the years, I have found it more helpful to be able to converse on issues of universal depth and intellect than I have in identifying the number, team and position of a particular football player. But, here again, life caught up with me. When I returned to East Texas, one of the holy shrines of football, I was invited by one of my favorite all time friends to watch the Super Bowl at their home every January. Humbling and educational! I am not a front row seat, 50 yard line man, but I won the pot last year.
As for those of us who found our life work and meaning elsewhere, I have no regrets at not having achieved in sports. I am only glad there were outlets for those whose inclinations looked elsewhere for satisfaction and fulfillment. Today, living in that same east Texas town, I am often called upon to preside at memorial or funeral services of dear friends or long time acquaintances. I have learned that everyone can’t do that, just as I couldn’t hit a ball or catch a fly.
More than that, I have now the privilege and joy of a former NFL football star in my circle. He is an enormously engaging human being and he has taught me that it is okay if I am not football literate. He loves me just the way I am.
Memories and growing up never stop. I will never be a huge sports fan, but I so enjoy being included and treated as a friend and a person of worth no matter how little I know about the sport or how limited my skills.
Those of us who were always, and I mean always, at the bottom of team choices, never got any consideration. We weren’t good at it and so we weren’t an important consideration. Competition, winning, getting the prize or trophy was more important than including everyone in the group. And so, early on, I was convinced that I would never be a sportsman. I would never be chosen. I would never play in an important position. I would never be admired by “all the beautiful girls.”
Persons faced with such as this aren’t alone and lonely. They just think they are at the time. My best friends growing up weren’t jocks. They were “nerds” by a later definition. I have had and will always have a very poignant connection with them. They like me went in other directions: dramatics, law, social services, languages, teaching, some in medicine, even the ministry.
Over the years, I have found it more helpful to be able to converse on issues of universal depth and intellect than I have in identifying the number, team and position of a particular football player. But, here again, life caught up with me. When I returned to East Texas, one of the holy shrines of football, I was invited by one of my favorite all time friends to watch the Super Bowl at their home every January. Humbling and educational! I am not a front row seat, 50 yard line man, but I won the pot last year.
As for those of us who found our life work and meaning elsewhere, I have no regrets at not having achieved in sports. I am only glad there were outlets for those whose inclinations looked elsewhere for satisfaction and fulfillment. Today, living in that same east Texas town, I am often called upon to preside at memorial or funeral services of dear friends or long time acquaintances. I have learned that everyone can’t do that, just as I couldn’t hit a ball or catch a fly.
More than that, I have now the privilege and joy of a former NFL football star in my circle. He is an enormously engaging human being and he has taught me that it is okay if I am not football literate. He loves me just the way I am.
Memories and growing up never stop. I will never be a huge sports fan, but I so enjoy being included and treated as a friend and a person of worth no matter how little I know about the sport or how limited my skills.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Saying Goodbye: Stooped Shoulders, Eyes to the Ground
Today was one of those days most of would just as soon skip. Our dachshund of 17 years, Zachariah, breathed his last. His diminished eyesight, impaired hearing, arthritis, a kidney infection, and numerous other difficulties indicated that he would be making more and more frequent forays to the vet.
We had told ourselves about a month ago that if/as his health diminished more and more we would likely have to make the dreaded choice. And so today, the choice was made.
After burying him in our pet plot, which has received four of our pets who predeceased Zach, it is beginning to be a little crowded. I put away the pickup and the tools and made my way back from the barn to the house. It is equivalent to about a three block walk. I found myself with stooped shoulders, eyes to the ground, as if every step was a walk of a hundred miles.
Years before I recall how, when walking Zach, it was always with zest, looking far beyond the next few steps, anticipating the discoveries he would make and we would enjoy… a squirrel, a fawn, an armadillo. Zach wasn’t with me today and my own walk had no energy or zip or even satisfaction.
Like Zach, my own aging was quite evident: the stooped shoulders, the downcast eyes. Oh, this will pass, grief will find acceptance, pain will ebb, loneliness will search for memories, but that emptiness that Zach filled will continue to ache. The grief and pain are fresh today. As if grief or pain at loss could ever be “fresh.” I think I need another word today. There is no easy way to say goodbye to a pet or a friend or a family member. Zach, of course, was all three.
Tomorrow we will start over. We still have two wonderful pets, Zebediah and Patton that we rescued from the ‘kill list’ last December who occupy their special places in our home and hearts. We will walk them and our steps will likely be lighter, our sight aimed beyond just the next upcoming step. Of course, we will talk about Zach and shed more tears for yet awhile. The pain and grief will begin to heal over. The loss will never be quite filled.
Special moments, such as those we discover and cherish with our pets, are treasures beyond imagination. At Christmas, it will be a little less cheerful, because that is also just four days after Zach’s birthday. Christmas will fade into the new year. Demands will begin staking their claims on our energy and attention. So for now, let us enjoy the brief sadness that comes with overwhelming affection for one who meant so much!
We had told ourselves about a month ago that if/as his health diminished more and more we would likely have to make the dreaded choice. And so today, the choice was made.
After burying him in our pet plot, which has received four of our pets who predeceased Zach, it is beginning to be a little crowded. I put away the pickup and the tools and made my way back from the barn to the house. It is equivalent to about a three block walk. I found myself with stooped shoulders, eyes to the ground, as if every step was a walk of a hundred miles.
Years before I recall how, when walking Zach, it was always with zest, looking far beyond the next few steps, anticipating the discoveries he would make and we would enjoy… a squirrel, a fawn, an armadillo. Zach wasn’t with me today and my own walk had no energy or zip or even satisfaction.
Like Zach, my own aging was quite evident: the stooped shoulders, the downcast eyes. Oh, this will pass, grief will find acceptance, pain will ebb, loneliness will search for memories, but that emptiness that Zach filled will continue to ache. The grief and pain are fresh today. As if grief or pain at loss could ever be “fresh.” I think I need another word today. There is no easy way to say goodbye to a pet or a friend or a family member. Zach, of course, was all three.
Tomorrow we will start over. We still have two wonderful pets, Zebediah and Patton that we rescued from the ‘kill list’ last December who occupy their special places in our home and hearts. We will walk them and our steps will likely be lighter, our sight aimed beyond just the next upcoming step. Of course, we will talk about Zach and shed more tears for yet awhile. The pain and grief will begin to heal over. The loss will never be quite filled.
Special moments, such as those we discover and cherish with our pets, are treasures beyond imagination. At Christmas, it will be a little less cheerful, because that is also just four days after Zach’s birthday. Christmas will fade into the new year. Demands will begin staking their claims on our energy and attention. So for now, let us enjoy the brief sadness that comes with overwhelming affection for one who meant so much!
Keep Peace in the Family, as Well as on Earth
The carols are already reminding us of the season of “peace on earth and good will to all!” This year there seems to be a little more feel and promise in that eternal prayer. Just to have the feeling is progress. We have been buried in skepticism quite long enough.
Whatever we can do to contribute to a more peaceful world of good will, I am sure we will want to. But what about our own families? What about some of the traditional tensions that seem to accompany holiday get togethers? What about the taboo topics, that one or another just feels compelled to raise? What about the embarrassments one or another seems to find humorous, but really end up hurting?
What about deciding that if you or another in the family just won’t and can’t get along that one of you chooses to stay away? What if it is just not worth the risk to get everybody under the same roof, if somebody in that number chooses to be deviously cantankerous? What if, this year, for those who prefer peace and quiet and a tranquil holiday experience just choose to do so on their own, quite apart and free from guilt?
One can always hope, perhaps even pray, but don’t be disappointed if your efforts do not produce the desired results. One can always expect that some behavioral change might have occurred over the past year. What evidence is there that that might be so? One can always gamble that the stars will be aligned just right. And, if that is not the case, then what?
Bad holidays can be prepared for just like good ones. All the trouble one goes to make for a happy occasion with all the trimmings, abundance of food and gift giving and photo taking and story telling and maybe even caroling should result, it would seem, in an enjoyable outcome. So do some thinking about how to make it so. Maybe a direct conversation with the “troublemaker” in the family would help. Maybe, they just haven’t quite caught on how they can contribute to a joyous holiday for everyone in the family.
Maybe this will be the year when change, real change in the family may happen; maybe the decorum will match the décor this year. Maybe your Christmas gift can include the prayer: “Let’s keep peace in the family as well as on earth.”
Whatever we can do to contribute to a more peaceful world of good will, I am sure we will want to. But what about our own families? What about some of the traditional tensions that seem to accompany holiday get togethers? What about the taboo topics, that one or another just feels compelled to raise? What about the embarrassments one or another seems to find humorous, but really end up hurting?
What about deciding that if you or another in the family just won’t and can’t get along that one of you chooses to stay away? What if it is just not worth the risk to get everybody under the same roof, if somebody in that number chooses to be deviously cantankerous? What if, this year, for those who prefer peace and quiet and a tranquil holiday experience just choose to do so on their own, quite apart and free from guilt?
One can always hope, perhaps even pray, but don’t be disappointed if your efforts do not produce the desired results. One can always expect that some behavioral change might have occurred over the past year. What evidence is there that that might be so? One can always gamble that the stars will be aligned just right. And, if that is not the case, then what?
Bad holidays can be prepared for just like good ones. All the trouble one goes to make for a happy occasion with all the trimmings, abundance of food and gift giving and photo taking and story telling and maybe even caroling should result, it would seem, in an enjoyable outcome. So do some thinking about how to make it so. Maybe a direct conversation with the “troublemaker” in the family would help. Maybe, they just haven’t quite caught on how they can contribute to a joyous holiday for everyone in the family.
Maybe this will be the year when change, real change in the family may happen; maybe the decorum will match the décor this year. Maybe your Christmas gift can include the prayer: “Let’s keep peace in the family as well as on earth.”
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Christmas Giving With a Twist!
Hurricane Ike victims, the latest “Armageddon” fires in California, rising unemployment rates, lowered expectations for an economic recovery, more foreclosures suggest a new twist on Christmas giving.
Perhaps the most desirable attitude toward giving is to go beyond our own circles of family and close friends. The homeless, those still living in FEMA trailers, through no fault of their own, those who have lost everything to fire and wind and water and storm are those who deserve our consideration this year.
Food banks and thrift stores are hard pressed. The iconic Salvation Army volunteer ringing the bell is a harbinger for us all. Help is a universal cry.
We have started sorting out our Christmas decorations. We don’t really need three trees, sufficient decorative items to festoon them all. For that matter, much of what we still have in the way of clothes and toys and mystery boxes, long ago packed, might well serve someone else.
Now, the task is to decide how to sort through them and to deliver them to persons who may benefit from them. I know its better to go to the store and buy up new items, but that may not be realistic this year. Both giver and receiver are stretched. This is a time for mutual gratitude. Find a conduit by which giving may be possible. Check out local churches, consult with the local Goodwill, and other thrift stores who are famous for identifying and assisting. Don’t be bashful. Ask around. And don’t be ashamed. If someone turns you down, ask them if they know of someone else who might benefit.
Don’t make it a circus or a big show. Pride is an emotion we all have and want to protect. If possible, take a box of food at the same time. And, if affordable, take a frozen turkey. By all means check out the persons whom you choose to help. Don’t descend upon them like the good fairy; have an agreement about the best time to show up.
Or, perhaps they will want to meet you somewhere and participate directly in choosing the items they most need and can best use. If a friendship, based upon your both being a part of the human family comes out of this, all the better. Be sure to have the children, if any, participate. Don’t forget the elderly on fixed incomes and limited mobility. Remember persons alone in nursing homes and other care facilities who may not have family around them this holiday season.
Look forward to something more than stuffing yourself, watching a game, and taking a nap. While these may feel like the best ways to celebrate, only give yourself permission to do so after you have considered others. Give Christmas a new twist this year!
Perhaps the most desirable attitude toward giving is to go beyond our own circles of family and close friends. The homeless, those still living in FEMA trailers, through no fault of their own, those who have lost everything to fire and wind and water and storm are those who deserve our consideration this year.
Food banks and thrift stores are hard pressed. The iconic Salvation Army volunteer ringing the bell is a harbinger for us all. Help is a universal cry.
We have started sorting out our Christmas decorations. We don’t really need three trees, sufficient decorative items to festoon them all. For that matter, much of what we still have in the way of clothes and toys and mystery boxes, long ago packed, might well serve someone else.
Now, the task is to decide how to sort through them and to deliver them to persons who may benefit from them. I know its better to go to the store and buy up new items, but that may not be realistic this year. Both giver and receiver are stretched. This is a time for mutual gratitude. Find a conduit by which giving may be possible. Check out local churches, consult with the local Goodwill, and other thrift stores who are famous for identifying and assisting. Don’t be bashful. Ask around. And don’t be ashamed. If someone turns you down, ask them if they know of someone else who might benefit.
Don’t make it a circus or a big show. Pride is an emotion we all have and want to protect. If possible, take a box of food at the same time. And, if affordable, take a frozen turkey. By all means check out the persons whom you choose to help. Don’t descend upon them like the good fairy; have an agreement about the best time to show up.
Or, perhaps they will want to meet you somewhere and participate directly in choosing the items they most need and can best use. If a friendship, based upon your both being a part of the human family comes out of this, all the better. Be sure to have the children, if any, participate. Don’t forget the elderly on fixed incomes and limited mobility. Remember persons alone in nursing homes and other care facilities who may not have family around them this holiday season.
Look forward to something more than stuffing yourself, watching a game, and taking a nap. While these may feel like the best ways to celebrate, only give yourself permission to do so after you have considered others. Give Christmas a new twist this year!
Monday, November 17, 2008
Invite God to Create Again!
So, here we are….a new president-elect, a continuing and frightening economic down turn, probably a redefinition of who we are as a people united. Well, we can only hope “united.”
News out today suggests that gun and ammunition sales are at an all time high. Uh oh! The desperate and hopeless and negative are getting ready, and for what we aren’t yet sure. Someone in our circle recently said how “afraid she was” since Obama was elected. Oh my!
Where do human beings get off deciding that the sky is falling, when it is clear that the sky is still there, where it has always been?
I don’t know about you, but I choose to be on the side of human beings having the chutzpah to get through tough times. History is a favorite subject. We have had both worse and much better presidents than we currently enjoy. After January 20, I choose to be optimistic about what can and may happen to this democracy. Clearly there are those who choose to exploit the situation for their own benefit. They will do and say anything to stir up the people. And some people, it seems, choose to believe all the garbage that is put on the doorstep either in print, over the Internet, across the airwaves, etc.
Have you ever really allowed yourself to be challenged? Have you ever really given yourself permission to get outside the box of stilted, conventional thinking. If not, try it, you’ll like it. The world wasn’t created in seven 24-hour days and ideas didn’t stop being generated at the end of those seven days.
Life is a continuum. It doesn’t quit at the end of your day or life. It keeps moving. Intelligence continues to be generated. New thoughts and ideas emerge daily, constantly, vividly. We can shut our eyes and minds to them, but they keep being pumped out and into our world. Read, explore, discover, dig... find something out there that you have never spent energy thinking about before. You will be amazed how active the “God of creation” is right now, right here, with us!
News out today suggests that gun and ammunition sales are at an all time high. Uh oh! The desperate and hopeless and negative are getting ready, and for what we aren’t yet sure. Someone in our circle recently said how “afraid she was” since Obama was elected. Oh my!
Where do human beings get off deciding that the sky is falling, when it is clear that the sky is still there, where it has always been?
I don’t know about you, but I choose to be on the side of human beings having the chutzpah to get through tough times. History is a favorite subject. We have had both worse and much better presidents than we currently enjoy. After January 20, I choose to be optimistic about what can and may happen to this democracy. Clearly there are those who choose to exploit the situation for their own benefit. They will do and say anything to stir up the people. And some people, it seems, choose to believe all the garbage that is put on the doorstep either in print, over the Internet, across the airwaves, etc.
Have you ever really allowed yourself to be challenged? Have you ever really given yourself permission to get outside the box of stilted, conventional thinking. If not, try it, you’ll like it. The world wasn’t created in seven 24-hour days and ideas didn’t stop being generated at the end of those seven days.
Life is a continuum. It doesn’t quit at the end of your day or life. It keeps moving. Intelligence continues to be generated. New thoughts and ideas emerge daily, constantly, vividly. We can shut our eyes and minds to them, but they keep being pumped out and into our world. Read, explore, discover, dig... find something out there that you have never spent energy thinking about before. You will be amazed how active the “God of creation” is right now, right here, with us!
Friday, November 14, 2008
No Excuses Needed!
No Excuses Needed! This is not only the best time of the year to let people know how special they are to you, but it may also be the best time of your life. Endorphins are those little thingies that wander around in your brain and, when activated, seem to offer great stimulus to your entire outlook and behavior, while assisting in keeping you healthier.
So, with such a benefit awaiting, why not prompt those endorphins every time you can? My 89 year old mother, almost without exception, tells everyone she encounters: “I love you.” She is not senile, nor is dementia getting the best of her. She has always been an outgoing and loving human being. There are no excuses in holding back for her. She genuinely enjoys expressing her affection for other people.
Some will find this a bit too intimate for their own self comfort or practice. Some just can’t let themselves go enough to express affection outwardly and verbally. You are not being judged, just offered and insight about what makes you feel better by exercising this part of your emotional make up. And, one needn’t use the word “love” in order to accomplish the goal. “I appreciate you,” “I hope you know how important you are to me,” “I miss you when we have been apart,” “Your friendship has given me so much,” and so on.
I have, picking up on my Mom’s habits, exercised the expression of “I love you” to others over the years. I even end conversations by phone with friends, even males, with “I love you.” Sometimes I get a reply in kind, sometimes not. That’s okay. Expecting a response is not the reason I offer the expression.
On days, when a bucket is half empty, it feels rather good to hear that someone appreciates you. Perhaps that is all it takes to switch from a half empty day to a half full kind of day.
With so many ominous things bearing down on us today, it seems to me that the intangible offering of a verbal affirmation, if not a touch, is one of the finest practices to be offered.
By the way, “You are one of my favorite readers of this column
So, with such a benefit awaiting, why not prompt those endorphins every time you can? My 89 year old mother, almost without exception, tells everyone she encounters: “I love you.” She is not senile, nor is dementia getting the best of her. She has always been an outgoing and loving human being. There are no excuses in holding back for her. She genuinely enjoys expressing her affection for other people.
Some will find this a bit too intimate for their own self comfort or practice. Some just can’t let themselves go enough to express affection outwardly and verbally. You are not being judged, just offered and insight about what makes you feel better by exercising this part of your emotional make up. And, one needn’t use the word “love” in order to accomplish the goal. “I appreciate you,” “I hope you know how important you are to me,” “I miss you when we have been apart,” “Your friendship has given me so much,” and so on.
I have, picking up on my Mom’s habits, exercised the expression of “I love you” to others over the years. I even end conversations by phone with friends, even males, with “I love you.” Sometimes I get a reply in kind, sometimes not. That’s okay. Expecting a response is not the reason I offer the expression.
On days, when a bucket is half empty, it feels rather good to hear that someone appreciates you. Perhaps that is all it takes to switch from a half empty day to a half full kind of day.
With so many ominous things bearing down on us today, it seems to me that the intangible offering of a verbal affirmation, if not a touch, is one of the finest practices to be offered.
By the way, “You are one of my favorite readers of this column
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Learn How to Communicate With the Younger Generation
Before I became a senior citizen, I thought I was keeping up fairly well. After retirement, I began reflecting on how few actors and singers and other popular icons I knew by name any longer. I also became aware that I had allowed technology to outrun me. When observing video games, I remembered how much fun PONG used to be. Magazines became suddenly overrun by teen driven products and jargon and styles.
The sad part of all of this was that I was failing to learn the language my son and my grandchildren were speaking. And, when you don’t know or can’t speak the language, communication becomes severely limited. The good news was, in my case, that the younger ones are and remain very tolerant of their dad and granddad. But, with my own inabilities I still suffer some inferiority in trying to stay current.
Perhaps, some of my own experiences will speak to yours:
*Whatever you do, don’t try to fake it. You will get caught every time. They can sort out sincerity and honesty very quickly. They had rather respect you than for you to think you are cool.
*Spend as much time with them as you can. That is a tall order. The “children” (and don’t ever call them that) in your life have overwhelming demands, but they will always find joy in having time with you. So, work at making it happen.
*Communicate by phone and email. Not easy, because of distractions, but give it a try and don’t give up.
*When together, give up your own need to dominate the conversation and the directions it takes. Ask questions, seek explanations out of their experience and from their world.
*Avoid being judgmental. This is probably the toughest task of all. It is also the one that will earn the most respect and camaraderie. I wish I had learned this one at age 25.
*Be sure to find out what their interests are, what turns them on, what dimensions of life and the universe they live in gives them the most satisfaction.
*Be sure to demonstrate interest. Don’t feign interest, be interested!
*When possible, and invited, include their friends, so that you can learn by observation and participation what their life is all about.
*Don’t be easily offended. You will only lose.
*Check your embarrassment quotient at the door.
Finally, be sure you let them know how special it is to be with them and to learn from them. They will want to be with you more! You both win!
The sad part of all of this was that I was failing to learn the language my son and my grandchildren were speaking. And, when you don’t know or can’t speak the language, communication becomes severely limited. The good news was, in my case, that the younger ones are and remain very tolerant of their dad and granddad. But, with my own inabilities I still suffer some inferiority in trying to stay current.
Perhaps, some of my own experiences will speak to yours:
*Whatever you do, don’t try to fake it. You will get caught every time. They can sort out sincerity and honesty very quickly. They had rather respect you than for you to think you are cool.
*Spend as much time with them as you can. That is a tall order. The “children” (and don’t ever call them that) in your life have overwhelming demands, but they will always find joy in having time with you. So, work at making it happen.
*Communicate by phone and email. Not easy, because of distractions, but give it a try and don’t give up.
*When together, give up your own need to dominate the conversation and the directions it takes. Ask questions, seek explanations out of their experience and from their world.
*Avoid being judgmental. This is probably the toughest task of all. It is also the one that will earn the most respect and camaraderie. I wish I had learned this one at age 25.
*Be sure to find out what their interests are, what turns them on, what dimensions of life and the universe they live in gives them the most satisfaction.
*Be sure to demonstrate interest. Don’t feign interest, be interested!
*When possible, and invited, include their friends, so that you can learn by observation and participation what their life is all about.
*Don’t be easily offended. You will only lose.
*Check your embarrassment quotient at the door.
Finally, be sure you let them know how special it is to be with them and to learn from them. They will want to be with you more! You both win!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
How Much Have You Changed?
How Much Have You Changed? Now that you are 50 or 60 or 70 or so, how much have you changed? Do you still see yourself as you were 10 or more years ago? What experiences, dramatic or subtle, have changed the mold you always saw yourself fitting?
Visiting with my cousin the other evening, an illustration of a common acquaintance gave proof that some people really don’t change their patterns. It was clear that this individual, whom we have both known all our lives, is still acting out and living as if it were 50 or more years ago. No change, no recognition of the need for it. Old prejudices, bitter cynicism are the hallmarks (I question the use of that word) of his life. Just as his outward expressions reveal his inward retardation, he is being eaten alive by a terminal illness. Is there anyway to get through to people who don’t even understand themselves? How can they exercise compassion and care and thoughtfulness for others, if they don’t even see the need for those emotions within themselves?
This is an alert. It is time for older persons, who have decided to live in the boxed-in, never gonna change kind of existence, to either decide to isolate themselves completely or change. Isolation is not desirable, at whatever age. Punishing others by absenting yourself from the world going on around you is only a punishment to yourself. It isn’t the rest of the world that has a problem. It is you!
Resisting change is no indication of brilliance. It is instead, a sign of insecurity, inability to cope, unwillingness to evolve. Do you really want to be the way you have always been? Sounds comfortable, but at last it is an indicator of disconnect. There are a lot of memories and joys from my past to which I cling. But, finally, I know they can’t remain forever a part of my life and being. Right now, I am working hard on eliminating some of the “things” which still hold me. There is a time for letting go.
It may be relatively easy, and certainly inevitable, to have to let go of those “things.” It is more of a struggle to deal with the chains, as in Dickens’ Marley, which enslave us. Maybe, a good read this Christmas would be “A Christmas Carol.” As you read it, reflect on how much like Marley or Ebenezer you have become.
Visiting with my cousin the other evening, an illustration of a common acquaintance gave proof that some people really don’t change their patterns. It was clear that this individual, whom we have both known all our lives, is still acting out and living as if it were 50 or more years ago. No change, no recognition of the need for it. Old prejudices, bitter cynicism are the hallmarks (I question the use of that word) of his life. Just as his outward expressions reveal his inward retardation, he is being eaten alive by a terminal illness. Is there anyway to get through to people who don’t even understand themselves? How can they exercise compassion and care and thoughtfulness for others, if they don’t even see the need for those emotions within themselves?
This is an alert. It is time for older persons, who have decided to live in the boxed-in, never gonna change kind of existence, to either decide to isolate themselves completely or change. Isolation is not desirable, at whatever age. Punishing others by absenting yourself from the world going on around you is only a punishment to yourself. It isn’t the rest of the world that has a problem. It is you!
Resisting change is no indication of brilliance. It is instead, a sign of insecurity, inability to cope, unwillingness to evolve. Do you really want to be the way you have always been? Sounds comfortable, but at last it is an indicator of disconnect. There are a lot of memories and joys from my past to which I cling. But, finally, I know they can’t remain forever a part of my life and being. Right now, I am working hard on eliminating some of the “things” which still hold me. There is a time for letting go.
It may be relatively easy, and certainly inevitable, to have to let go of those “things.” It is more of a struggle to deal with the chains, as in Dickens’ Marley, which enslave us. Maybe, a good read this Christmas would be “A Christmas Carol.” As you read it, reflect on how much like Marley or Ebenezer you have become.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
What About Christmas?
What About Christmas, this year? Will we send cards or letters? How about gifts, will we be pressed by our own guilt, need, tradition, not to mention customary exchanges to spend when it really isn’t prudent to do so?
How can we be honest with ourselves and everybody else on our list? How can we avoid creating any tension, unnecessary expectations, disappointments as the day approaches?
Seems to me these are this year’s issues as we struggle to determine what the wisest way to share the spirit that Christmas really is. Going overboard, just because it is expected, certainly is lacking in wisdom and common sense.
How do we earnestly and genuinely confront what is an honest situation? Reduced resources is an almost universal reality this time around.
One of my favorite Christmas stories is called “How Come Christmas?” It tells of ol’ Sandy Claus taking nothing more than a bright shiny apple to Jesus as a cradle gift. Nothing elaborate or simple, but something that came from the heart.
This is the year to make a list of gifts from the heart.
Assume you make a budget and end up with $100 to divide among your several gifts to be given. Let’s also assume there are 12 people on your list. Let’s also assume that half of those are persons who live nearby and the other half live far enough away, you won’t see them in person this year.
Now how do you go about dividing up that $100 in a satisfactory and fair way. Maybe you could spend about $5 on each gift, plus the cost of postage for those who live far away. Or you could buy the ingredients for fudge or brownies plus postage and wrapping and share equally among the 12. Or you could just divide 12 into $100 and send each an equal amount of money, coming out at about $8.33 minus postage per person.
Or you could get creative. What if you refused to reduce your gift giving to some equal portion of a given amount? What if you chose to write a personal story to each person, describing their value to your life? What if you sent them a duplicated photo of a special time you had shared with them? What if you found some long collected item for each person and sent that as a special token to help them remember how precious your relationship has been over the years? What if you just completely ignored the conventional rules for gift giving and just dug and dug into your treasures until at last something came up that was and will always be special to the two of you? Wrap it and send it or put it under the tree.
This year, ignore the cost, avoid the shops, forget about convention…think only of the person and the uniqueness of the gift that expresses the wonder of your love and deep appreciation of the person. That, dear soul, is the true spirit of giving and of Christmas.
How can we be honest with ourselves and everybody else on our list? How can we avoid creating any tension, unnecessary expectations, disappointments as the day approaches?
Seems to me these are this year’s issues as we struggle to determine what the wisest way to share the spirit that Christmas really is. Going overboard, just because it is expected, certainly is lacking in wisdom and common sense.
How do we earnestly and genuinely confront what is an honest situation? Reduced resources is an almost universal reality this time around.
One of my favorite Christmas stories is called “How Come Christmas?” It tells of ol’ Sandy Claus taking nothing more than a bright shiny apple to Jesus as a cradle gift. Nothing elaborate or simple, but something that came from the heart.
This is the year to make a list of gifts from the heart.
Assume you make a budget and end up with $100 to divide among your several gifts to be given. Let’s also assume there are 12 people on your list. Let’s also assume that half of those are persons who live nearby and the other half live far enough away, you won’t see them in person this year.
Now how do you go about dividing up that $100 in a satisfactory and fair way. Maybe you could spend about $5 on each gift, plus the cost of postage for those who live far away. Or you could buy the ingredients for fudge or brownies plus postage and wrapping and share equally among the 12. Or you could just divide 12 into $100 and send each an equal amount of money, coming out at about $8.33 minus postage per person.
Or you could get creative. What if you refused to reduce your gift giving to some equal portion of a given amount? What if you chose to write a personal story to each person, describing their value to your life? What if you sent them a duplicated photo of a special time you had shared with them? What if you found some long collected item for each person and sent that as a special token to help them remember how precious your relationship has been over the years? What if you just completely ignored the conventional rules for gift giving and just dug and dug into your treasures until at last something came up that was and will always be special to the two of you? Wrap it and send it or put it under the tree.
This year, ignore the cost, avoid the shops, forget about convention…think only of the person and the uniqueness of the gift that expresses the wonder of your love and deep appreciation of the person. That, dear soul, is the true spirit of giving and of Christmas.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Laying Out a Plan
Even with the euphoria of the election stirring us yet, we are met with a variety of foreboding signs requiring our laying out a plan.
Instant gratification, a long term problem in America, will not come as a result of the voters’ choice on Tuesday. Like unstringing tangled Christmas lights, it will take a while to sort out the multiple jumble of issues that meet us.
Some are more directly touched by the mess created by the economic melt down. Unemployment is at a twenty five year high, housing foreclosures threaten to increase, savings of a lifetime have been seriously reduced, shopping by many has been cut to the bone.
So have you laid out your plan for what may be next? The wonderful couplet reminding us of how well the squirrel prepares for winter certainly applies now.
Even as I write this on a very brisk fall morning, our two pets, a Papillion and a Dachshund, watch guardedly as a scheming squirrel traces back and forth in search of acorns.
What are you doing to prepare? Or, will you ignore the signs of approaching winter?
Here are some considerations which may be useful:
*Agree not to panic, but to face possible shifts in daily routines and availability of goods and services. An economic downturn may introduce unexpected adjustments.
*Have some cash on hand in the event of immediate need.
*Store up essentials, as we have suggested before.
*Consider what you would do and how you would be prepared in the event of a power loss.
*Be sure you have ample supplies of prescription meds on hand.
*Have some gasoline on hand, full tank of gas for your vehicle(s) and generator, if any.
*Batteries and flash lights, candles or oil lamps.
*Sufficient food and water for all in household, including pets, to last 30 days. Estimate per person water at one gallon per day.
*Depending upon where you live, consider options for heating areas in your home, e.g. re-circulating heaters, propane (vented), fireplace and other available resources.
*Decide how to use your time, particularly at night, in the event of limited power availability. Boredom is a debilitating experience. Head it off with imagination.
Now, we can be optimistic that none of this will be necessary. But preparation, in times like these, is better than desperation.
Instant gratification, a long term problem in America, will not come as a result of the voters’ choice on Tuesday. Like unstringing tangled Christmas lights, it will take a while to sort out the multiple jumble of issues that meet us.
Some are more directly touched by the mess created by the economic melt down. Unemployment is at a twenty five year high, housing foreclosures threaten to increase, savings of a lifetime have been seriously reduced, shopping by many has been cut to the bone.
So have you laid out your plan for what may be next? The wonderful couplet reminding us of how well the squirrel prepares for winter certainly applies now.
Even as I write this on a very brisk fall morning, our two pets, a Papillion and a Dachshund, watch guardedly as a scheming squirrel traces back and forth in search of acorns.
What are you doing to prepare? Or, will you ignore the signs of approaching winter?
Here are some considerations which may be useful:
*Agree not to panic, but to face possible shifts in daily routines and availability of goods and services. An economic downturn may introduce unexpected adjustments.
*Have some cash on hand in the event of immediate need.
*Store up essentials, as we have suggested before.
*Consider what you would do and how you would be prepared in the event of a power loss.
*Be sure you have ample supplies of prescription meds on hand.
*Have some gasoline on hand, full tank of gas for your vehicle(s) and generator, if any.
*Batteries and flash lights, candles or oil lamps.
*Sufficient food and water for all in household, including pets, to last 30 days. Estimate per person water at one gallon per day.
*Depending upon where you live, consider options for heating areas in your home, e.g. re-circulating heaters, propane (vented), fireplace and other available resources.
*Decide how to use your time, particularly at night, in the event of limited power availability. Boredom is a debilitating experience. Head it off with imagination.
Now, we can be optimistic that none of this will be necessary. But preparation, in times like these, is better than desperation.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Blaming Others For Your Immaturity
Blaming someone else for how you feel is an indicator of personal immaturity.
You have heard the line, “You made me feel awful;” or “You make me mad”; or “It was your fault, you should have helped me through it”; or “You made me get upset”.
The list is obnoxiously long and overwhelmingly incorrect. It is based on the concept that someone else is in charge of your emotions, choices and behaviors. That may be your fantasy, but it does not have status in reality.
Behaviors develop out of our own world view and our daily interactive choices with events that intersect with our lives. Placing responsibility on someone else for having created your own foul humor is scape-goating, an effort that rarely solves anything. Most of us have done it. Sometimes we have made a habit of it. Truth be known, deep inside our own psyche, we really are ashamed of our own behavior and can’t bear to own it.
But, own it, we must.
The next time you are in a situation of conflicting emotions, check your thermostat by asking the following:
* Do you demonstrate anger too quickly toward the other person?
*Do you start off with accusatory statements, e.g.: “You always say or do this or that!”
*Are you defensive immediately or do you invite rational conversation about the matter?
*Can you hear it coming before it comes out of your mouth? “You made me mad!”
*Do you allow your emotions to rule your reactions?
*Have you ever evaluated how you manage anger, or if in fact you even try?
*If you are subject to frequent blow ups, have you ever discussed this tendency with a professional?
*Following on a major conflict, how do you deal with the need for reconciliation?
*When it is over, if it is over, are you able to move on having learned something for yourself from the experience?
*If bystanders are involved, do you make recompense with them by apologizing for your responsibility for creating discomfort for them?
If any of the questions suggest you have an anger problem, the wiser choice in all of this is to do some research on behavior… your own. Seek help, admit mistakes to yourself and others, repair damage, and overhaul your own emotional system in order to live a more serene life.
You have heard the line, “You made me feel awful;” or “You make me mad”; or “It was your fault, you should have helped me through it”; or “You made me get upset”.
The list is obnoxiously long and overwhelmingly incorrect. It is based on the concept that someone else is in charge of your emotions, choices and behaviors. That may be your fantasy, but it does not have status in reality.
Behaviors develop out of our own world view and our daily interactive choices with events that intersect with our lives. Placing responsibility on someone else for having created your own foul humor is scape-goating, an effort that rarely solves anything. Most of us have done it. Sometimes we have made a habit of it. Truth be known, deep inside our own psyche, we really are ashamed of our own behavior and can’t bear to own it.
But, own it, we must.
The next time you are in a situation of conflicting emotions, check your thermostat by asking the following:
* Do you demonstrate anger too quickly toward the other person?
*Do you start off with accusatory statements, e.g.: “You always say or do this or that!”
*Are you defensive immediately or do you invite rational conversation about the matter?
*Can you hear it coming before it comes out of your mouth? “You made me mad!”
*Do you allow your emotions to rule your reactions?
*Have you ever evaluated how you manage anger, or if in fact you even try?
*If you are subject to frequent blow ups, have you ever discussed this tendency with a professional?
*Following on a major conflict, how do you deal with the need for reconciliation?
*When it is over, if it is over, are you able to move on having learned something for yourself from the experience?
*If bystanders are involved, do you make recompense with them by apologizing for your responsibility for creating discomfort for them?
If any of the questions suggest you have an anger problem, the wiser choice in all of this is to do some research on behavior… your own. Seek help, admit mistakes to yourself and others, repair damage, and overhaul your own emotional system in order to live a more serene life.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Points to Ponder in the Aftermath
Dappled sunlight hits the ground through limbs almost naked of their leaves. A fat squirrel scurries across the leaf covered lawn, just outside my window. And the elections are over! This is the dawning of “what happens next” in a democracy faced with despair, but under girded now by hope.
Some ask, where is the hope? Some have already begun their protests and harsh criticisms of the outcome of Tuesday’s outcome. Some are prepared to be the “thorn in the side” of a nation and a system which is looking to recover from a long and frightening nightmare.
No one is misled into believing that one man in one four year term can or will repair all the damage done in the last eight years.
However, I believe there are some things expected of us over the next four years. Here they are:
#Decide to give the benefit of the doubt, without canceling your right to disagree, with the Party in power.
#Decide, for a change, to be optimistic and not knee jerk cynical.
#Decide to be better informed. Give up following the likes of the professional critics (i.e. Limbaugh, et al) who make their living skewering others. Evaluate the real meaning of “fair and balanced.”
# Prepare your answer for those who will be quick to point out the weaknesses and failures of an Obama administration, even before it begins.
# Replay the scenes, worldwide, which demonstrated the millions of people who drew hope from the new direction America has chosen to take.
#As some of us have had to do during the past eight years, decide to bite your tongue before putting down or discrediting the ideas and actions which will greet us after January 20.
#Read history. Look at the greats who have occupied the office of President. Draw from history, clarification of solid accomplishments that have taken place under the most unlikely of leaders.
#For those with children, remember your example and behavior will contribute to the attitude of those children.
#Encourage your elected representatives to be bipartisan in their negotiations.
Resolve to look at the new year differently. Leave the baggage of the past in the past. Travel light, preserve your credentials of credibility, play fair, but keep playing.
Some ask, where is the hope? Some have already begun their protests and harsh criticisms of the outcome of Tuesday’s outcome. Some are prepared to be the “thorn in the side” of a nation and a system which is looking to recover from a long and frightening nightmare.
No one is misled into believing that one man in one four year term can or will repair all the damage done in the last eight years.
However, I believe there are some things expected of us over the next four years. Here they are:
#Decide to give the benefit of the doubt, without canceling your right to disagree, with the Party in power.
#Decide, for a change, to be optimistic and not knee jerk cynical.
#Decide to be better informed. Give up following the likes of the professional critics (i.e. Limbaugh, et al) who make their living skewering others. Evaluate the real meaning of “fair and balanced.”
# Prepare your answer for those who will be quick to point out the weaknesses and failures of an Obama administration, even before it begins.
# Replay the scenes, worldwide, which demonstrated the millions of people who drew hope from the new direction America has chosen to take.
#As some of us have had to do during the past eight years, decide to bite your tongue before putting down or discrediting the ideas and actions which will greet us after January 20.
#Read history. Look at the greats who have occupied the office of President. Draw from history, clarification of solid accomplishments that have taken place under the most unlikely of leaders.
#For those with children, remember your example and behavior will contribute to the attitude of those children.
#Encourage your elected representatives to be bipartisan in their negotiations.
Resolve to look at the new year differently. Leave the baggage of the past in the past. Travel light, preserve your credentials of credibility, play fair, but keep playing.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Vindication and Affirmation
For some of us who lived through the 60’s and fought the battles, particularly those waged around civil rights issues, Tuesday was a day of vindication. A Lutheran colleague emailed me last night; his note read,
“A dream realized... I don't mean just the election of Obama... But the dream we worked for... The diversity of people at the celebration.. All colors, All ages, holding hands and crying for joy..... A glimpse of heaven on earth... Congratulations old friend.”
He reminded me of just how far we have come.
We were on the front lines of numerous issues in Omaha, Nebraska from the mid sixties forward. There was no issue of major import in which our footprints weren’t found marching to and for issues of justice and equality.
Before the City Council, we testified in behalf of enabling equity in locating housing for minorities all over the city. Once, it was necessary to be escorted out of the City Council’s chambers, because of those whose vehemence toward our stance bordered on volatile. The changes eventually came.
We stood with younger people, who wanted a place to assemble, peacefully, in Memorial Park and Elmwood Park. We met with the Police Chief, urging calm and compromise.
We organized to work in favor of integration in the public school system and busing. The School Board became our target.
We detected discrimination in the funding provided to agencies through United Way. We were able to bring that issue to the forefront and to accomplish fairer and more balanced
distribution of community funds.
We created interracial dialogs enabling whites and blacks to confront each other with their prejudices and fears. Hundreds of groups came to Omaha for exposure to urban life and racial issues. Many had never been in the same room, or even town, with a person of color.
In 1969, we were able to create major funding through church sources to address many of the inequities in minority communities. This program stretched beyond the city to address growing disparities in rural areas. Many of those programs continue to this day.
In the face of racial tensions in minority neighborhoods, sometimes leading to riots or near riots, there were few white faces to be found. Because trust had been established, our presence was granted safe passage.
Ours was an advocacy and arbiter role. In retrospect, we did not accomplish all we might, but we helped to open doors and windows that too often were not only locked, but nailed shut. For every major issue, we were able to pull together coalitions to help keep the issue focused and the outcome fair.
Omaha, still not without its own problems, has become a major cosmopolitan city. Douglas County, in its vote Tuesday, supported Barack Obama. In a way for a couple of ministers who found our calling in Omaha, Tuesday gave vindication and affirmation to much of what we sought to accomplish in those long ago years.
Indeed, “Congratulations, old friend!”
“A dream realized... I don't mean just the election of Obama... But the dream we worked for... The diversity of people at the celebration.. All colors, All ages, holding hands and crying for joy..... A glimpse of heaven on earth... Congratulations old friend.”
He reminded me of just how far we have come.
We were on the front lines of numerous issues in Omaha, Nebraska from the mid sixties forward. There was no issue of major import in which our footprints weren’t found marching to and for issues of justice and equality.
Before the City Council, we testified in behalf of enabling equity in locating housing for minorities all over the city. Once, it was necessary to be escorted out of the City Council’s chambers, because of those whose vehemence toward our stance bordered on volatile. The changes eventually came.
We stood with younger people, who wanted a place to assemble, peacefully, in Memorial Park and Elmwood Park. We met with the Police Chief, urging calm and compromise.
We organized to work in favor of integration in the public school system and busing. The School Board became our target.
We detected discrimination in the funding provided to agencies through United Way. We were able to bring that issue to the forefront and to accomplish fairer and more balanced
distribution of community funds.
We created interracial dialogs enabling whites and blacks to confront each other with their prejudices and fears. Hundreds of groups came to Omaha for exposure to urban life and racial issues. Many had never been in the same room, or even town, with a person of color.
In 1969, we were able to create major funding through church sources to address many of the inequities in minority communities. This program stretched beyond the city to address growing disparities in rural areas. Many of those programs continue to this day.
In the face of racial tensions in minority neighborhoods, sometimes leading to riots or near riots, there were few white faces to be found. Because trust had been established, our presence was granted safe passage.
Ours was an advocacy and arbiter role. In retrospect, we did not accomplish all we might, but we helped to open doors and windows that too often were not only locked, but nailed shut. For every major issue, we were able to pull together coalitions to help keep the issue focused and the outcome fair.
Omaha, still not without its own problems, has become a major cosmopolitan city. Douglas County, in its vote Tuesday, supported Barack Obama. In a way for a couple of ministers who found our calling in Omaha, Tuesday gave vindication and affirmation to much of what we sought to accomplish in those long ago years.
Indeed, “Congratulations, old friend!”
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Discover a Spiritual Vortex Wherever You Are
The last several days you have been patient in allowing this writer a much needed vacation. The chosen locale was Sedona, Arizona, one of the most marvelous of geographic and spectacular sights anywhere in the world.
What made it doubly enjoyable was we shared it with friends, who were our hosts. Last August, they were joined in marriage. I was honored to preside at the ceremony. Our gift was to join them in Sedona for a three day respite.
On one morning, while in search of an identified vortex, we observed an older couple walking along the road. We stopped, asked directions, but were quickly told by the man that he didn’t believe in such. We hadn’t asked for his beliefs, only a location. We hadn’t indicated any “belief” one way or the other. He proceeded with his walk and we proceeded to discover the several locations throughout the day. It was part of the pleasure of being there. Much like a scavenger hunt, we pinned down the locations, enjoyed the views from every one and came to agree with one couple who said she believed “a vortex may be found wherever you are.” We thought that was a sound observation.
Literally, a vortex is an eddy or maelstrom, a whirlpool. According to About.com, ”a vortex is created from spiraling motion of air or liquid around a center of rotation.” A good example is a dust devil ordinarily seen in the desert.
According to legend, vortexes are created, in Sedona, not by wind or water, but from spiraling spiritual energy. Thus, the separation of those who “believe” and those who do not. Vortex sites are spiritual locations where prayer, meditation and healing intersect with a person’s inner self.
We did not experience a particularly dramatic harmonic convergence, as it has been called. Like our friend we met on the trail, it was an experience in grandeur, a moment of peace and unforgettable beauty.
Like most spiritual experiences, it is left to the individual to interpret and translate its meaning, if any. Spiritual encounters of the best kind are in the moment and in the place when and where an individual is open to them. They do not need follow a prescribed formula, nor do they need to become a universal phenomenon.
Just be open to the tranquility available in such a moment wherever you are!
What made it doubly enjoyable was we shared it with friends, who were our hosts. Last August, they were joined in marriage. I was honored to preside at the ceremony. Our gift was to join them in Sedona for a three day respite.
On one morning, while in search of an identified vortex, we observed an older couple walking along the road. We stopped, asked directions, but were quickly told by the man that he didn’t believe in such. We hadn’t asked for his beliefs, only a location. We hadn’t indicated any “belief” one way or the other. He proceeded with his walk and we proceeded to discover the several locations throughout the day. It was part of the pleasure of being there. Much like a scavenger hunt, we pinned down the locations, enjoyed the views from every one and came to agree with one couple who said she believed “a vortex may be found wherever you are.” We thought that was a sound observation.
Literally, a vortex is an eddy or maelstrom, a whirlpool. According to About.com, ”a vortex is created from spiraling motion of air or liquid around a center of rotation.” A good example is a dust devil ordinarily seen in the desert.
According to legend, vortexes are created, in Sedona, not by wind or water, but from spiraling spiritual energy. Thus, the separation of those who “believe” and those who do not. Vortex sites are spiritual locations where prayer, meditation and healing intersect with a person’s inner self.
We did not experience a particularly dramatic harmonic convergence, as it has been called. Like our friend we met on the trail, it was an experience in grandeur, a moment of peace and unforgettable beauty.
Like most spiritual experiences, it is left to the individual to interpret and translate its meaning, if any. Spiritual encounters of the best kind are in the moment and in the place when and where an individual is open to them. They do not need follow a prescribed formula, nor do they need to become a universal phenomenon.
Just be open to the tranquility available in such a moment wherever you are!
Friday, October 31, 2008
Twin Celebrations: Halloween and All Saints Day
Halloween and All Saints Day are twin occasions. One, through historical and traditionally cultural celebrations, points to the observance as All Saints Day, which focuses less on the macabre and more on the spiritual. One is no less an occasion for confronting the reality of death than the other.
Halloween has come to be a commercialized, more frivolous and mundane occasion, while All Saints Day is more dignified, more concentrated on the passing of a dear family member, individual friend or collective group of deceased persons who have borne considerable importance in our lives.
No one argues that one is more or less important than the other. It could be said that Halloween is the opening act. It is the opportunity to allow one to move from celebration to contemplation. Death, in both cases, is still a stark reality. Perception of and management of death differs in the two.
Many memorial services today are less somber and more celebrative. Recognition is given to the value of the life of the deceased and to their passing from our presence. It becomes an affirmation of their importance, example, lessons taught from their time among us.
All Saints Day, as an annual event, catches up all who have died in the past year and gives public opportunity for a renewed remembering of their importance to our lives.
Like Fat Tuesday, Mardi Gras, Halloween is more a human experience, a frivolous regard for what follows, which is the awareness of death, and in the case of Lent and Easter, an acknowledgment of Resurrection. One does not occur without the other. While there is an element of paganism in these acts, there is struggle and resistance and finally surrender.
Halloween is another way to confront death. And, if one readies oneself to deal with the sure and certain prospect of death, there is no impropriety in facing it in whatever way gives a person insight into recognizing its inevitability. Fear of death prompts lack of faith. Who knows, for sure, what lies on the other side? Like all mysteries no solution, however couched in language, gives us a final picture of what death may be like in its existential state.
These human occasions, Halloween, All Saints Day, Fat Tuesday, even Good Friday, at best only give us a glimpse, and it is a glimpse made up of metaphysical experiences.
No arguments here regarding how one acts out ones faith and belief system. These in the moment experiences simply allow a pragmatic way for us to express a desire to reach beyond ourselves in life and to grasp what lies beyond in death.
So whatever, however you may go about incorporating these occasions in your own metaphysical moment, do so with satisfaction and joy that attempting to reach out for mercy and grace is an ever constant undertaking.
Halloween has come to be a commercialized, more frivolous and mundane occasion, while All Saints Day is more dignified, more concentrated on the passing of a dear family member, individual friend or collective group of deceased persons who have borne considerable importance in our lives.
No one argues that one is more or less important than the other. It could be said that Halloween is the opening act. It is the opportunity to allow one to move from celebration to contemplation. Death, in both cases, is still a stark reality. Perception of and management of death differs in the two.
Many memorial services today are less somber and more celebrative. Recognition is given to the value of the life of the deceased and to their passing from our presence. It becomes an affirmation of their importance, example, lessons taught from their time among us.
All Saints Day, as an annual event, catches up all who have died in the past year and gives public opportunity for a renewed remembering of their importance to our lives.
Like Fat Tuesday, Mardi Gras, Halloween is more a human experience, a frivolous regard for what follows, which is the awareness of death, and in the case of Lent and Easter, an acknowledgment of Resurrection. One does not occur without the other. While there is an element of paganism in these acts, there is struggle and resistance and finally surrender.
Halloween is another way to confront death. And, if one readies oneself to deal with the sure and certain prospect of death, there is no impropriety in facing it in whatever way gives a person insight into recognizing its inevitability. Fear of death prompts lack of faith. Who knows, for sure, what lies on the other side? Like all mysteries no solution, however couched in language, gives us a final picture of what death may be like in its existential state.
These human occasions, Halloween, All Saints Day, Fat Tuesday, even Good Friday, at best only give us a glimpse, and it is a glimpse made up of metaphysical experiences.
No arguments here regarding how one acts out ones faith and belief system. These in the moment experiences simply allow a pragmatic way for us to express a desire to reach beyond ourselves in life and to grasp what lies beyond in death.
So whatever, however you may go about incorporating these occasions in your own metaphysical moment, do so with satisfaction and joy that attempting to reach out for mercy and grace is an ever constant undertaking.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Preparing for What Could Be: What's to Lose?
How are you doing with your grocery bills these days? Gas is down, so there should be more to spend for groceries, right? Depends on how you watch the prices and quantities at your local grocer.
Are you eating more macaroni and cheese, hamburger helpers, crock pot meals, in other words, slicing the bread thinner?
Well maybe none of this applies in your situation. Maybe you are comfortable enough that dietary expectations and enjoyment have remained the same. If so, are you also considering stocking up on durables that may be needed if circumstance requires your being so prepared?
Most polls suggest the anxiety level of most Americans as being pretty high. Eighty plus percent still believe things are going in the wrong direction. Warnings abound. Indicators suggest that whatever happens next, the likelihood of a sudden and satisfying turn around won't be happening soon.
Sounds as if it may be time for some old fashioned prudence. Here are a few thoughts:
$What's to lose by stocking your pantry with items that have a long shelf life? Whatever happens, you will use them eventually.
$What's to lose by assuring you have a good drinking water supply? If you don't use it, you can always water the plants later.
$What's to lose by reducing the number of trips to the grocer? You will enjoy more time for other things.
$What's to lose by being sure you have your car in good repair, in the event of some sudden need or emergency?
$What's to lose by stocking up on a few extra gallons of gas with prices at 18 month lows?
$What's to lose by choosing to be prudent, smart, prepared and less stressed?
In previous times, when convenience was not a presumed luxury, folk thought about tomorrow. They didn't make runs to buy a loaf of bread and a carton of milk. They loaded up on needs to last them for weeks. Twenty five pound bags of sugar and flour, other staples, a root cellar, smoked meats were all common. We aren't there to be sure, but such a reasonable approach to uncertain times may be a good experience for us. Discovering more self reliance, as in Henry David Thoreau's counsel, might be an eye opening and a huge learning experience for you, your family and your future.
It may not be necessary, but then again, one can argue neither is insurance!
Are you eating more macaroni and cheese, hamburger helpers, crock pot meals, in other words, slicing the bread thinner?
Well maybe none of this applies in your situation. Maybe you are comfortable enough that dietary expectations and enjoyment have remained the same. If so, are you also considering stocking up on durables that may be needed if circumstance requires your being so prepared?
Most polls suggest the anxiety level of most Americans as being pretty high. Eighty plus percent still believe things are going in the wrong direction. Warnings abound. Indicators suggest that whatever happens next, the likelihood of a sudden and satisfying turn around won't be happening soon.
Sounds as if it may be time for some old fashioned prudence. Here are a few thoughts:
$What's to lose by stocking your pantry with items that have a long shelf life? Whatever happens, you will use them eventually.
$What's to lose by assuring you have a good drinking water supply? If you don't use it, you can always water the plants later.
$What's to lose by reducing the number of trips to the grocer? You will enjoy more time for other things.
$What's to lose by being sure you have your car in good repair, in the event of some sudden need or emergency?
$What's to lose by stocking up on a few extra gallons of gas with prices at 18 month lows?
$What's to lose by choosing to be prudent, smart, prepared and less stressed?
In previous times, when convenience was not a presumed luxury, folk thought about tomorrow. They didn't make runs to buy a loaf of bread and a carton of milk. They loaded up on needs to last them for weeks. Twenty five pound bags of sugar and flour, other staples, a root cellar, smoked meats were all common. We aren't there to be sure, but such a reasonable approach to uncertain times may be a good experience for us. Discovering more self reliance, as in Henry David Thoreau's counsel, might be an eye opening and a huge learning experience for you, your family and your future.
It may not be necessary, but then again, one can argue neither is insurance!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Capture Beauty in Your Heart!
How much of our attention is distracted by uninvited interruptions? And how much of the responsibility for that is given over to our own choices?
The other morning when I was home alone, I chose to take a cup of coffee out on the front porch, a place too often ignored by most of us, sit in a rocking chair, listen to the early morning birdsong, watch as the sun began to break through the trees and just quietly capture, absorb and experience the true beauty of the world.
It was a moment of grace. It is a moment requiring the willingness to excuse the many attempts that invade our lives by expelling the quiet when we turn on something to listen to or watch, when we start planning our day too early, without reflecting on its real purpose and value for us that day, and when we start bustling around without giving our bodies a chance to say good morning to the new day.
More and more, it is clear in a stress-filled world that we need such moments which allow us to discover calm, to take in the tranquility of the day, to breathe deeply and to reflect without a thousand other agendas pummeling our minds.
There are also readings which guide ones meditation. Look for those which give opportunity for peace in your spirit. Some enjoy the Psalms, others Deepak Chopra, others Henri Nouwen, others daily meditation guides, others poetry. These may be of helpful importance to train your mind to overcome interruption and distraction.
Of all the counsel which may be offered, it seems to me that the goal of Capturing Beauty in Your Heart is the one which requires your spiritual energy and quieting discipline the most.
When you have done that a time or two, the next time will come more easily. Your heart, symbolically, is the source of all beauty and peace. Keep it in good condition!
The other morning when I was home alone, I chose to take a cup of coffee out on the front porch, a place too often ignored by most of us, sit in a rocking chair, listen to the early morning birdsong, watch as the sun began to break through the trees and just quietly capture, absorb and experience the true beauty of the world.
It was a moment of grace. It is a moment requiring the willingness to excuse the many attempts that invade our lives by expelling the quiet when we turn on something to listen to or watch, when we start planning our day too early, without reflecting on its real purpose and value for us that day, and when we start bustling around without giving our bodies a chance to say good morning to the new day.
More and more, it is clear in a stress-filled world that we need such moments which allow us to discover calm, to take in the tranquility of the day, to breathe deeply and to reflect without a thousand other agendas pummeling our minds.
There are also readings which guide ones meditation. Look for those which give opportunity for peace in your spirit. Some enjoy the Psalms, others Deepak Chopra, others Henri Nouwen, others daily meditation guides, others poetry. These may be of helpful importance to train your mind to overcome interruption and distraction.
Of all the counsel which may be offered, it seems to me that the goal of Capturing Beauty in Your Heart is the one which requires your spiritual energy and quieting discipline the most.
When you have done that a time or two, the next time will come more easily. Your heart, symbolically, is the source of all beauty and peace. Keep it in good condition!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Celebrate Thanksgiving Early!
What about celebrating Thanksgiving early this year? No need to reiterate all the reasons why not. Even since last Thanksgiving, the mood of cynicism has taken on epidemic proportions. Yet, through it all, most who read this column are inordinately blessed. Sure, there are craters of despair, potholes of misfortune, dead ends, cul de sacs and roads to nowhere. Sure, it will be, according to those who prognosticate about such things, a good while before we will, if ever, see a return to Coolidge's famous "normalcy."Things have happened so fast, it appears the world is turning now on a different axis. The outcome is without predictability and full of uncertainty.
So, now, in the midst of all this disarray, crumbling social, economic and world wide instability, the most likely thing we can do, is look for something that offers encouragement.
I suggest these:
+ We are still alive. Breath and heartbeat are two of life's daily gifts we too often take for granted.
+We are still experiencing the rising and setting of the sun each day.
+The God most worship is still in his/her world offering some kind of spiritual solace.
+For those with families, their presence still represents one of the most cherished gifts of all.
+For those with good health, that remains the number one reason to be thankful.
+For those who still have employment, of course, you are among the most fortunate.
+For those without a job and without prospects for one, the support of others becomes all the more critical and necessary.
+For those who think life is still moving along reasonably well, be thankful.
+For those who are overcoming blind self-centeredness and beginning to discover ways to care about and for others, you are truly blessed.
Between now and Thanksgiving, start and keep your own list why Thanksgiving, 2008, will be critically important and a major celebration in your life. Use that list on Thanksgiving Day by passing it around and having each person read one line from it as a part of the Thanksgiving Grace. At the end of that exercise, pause, and in silence or aloud have each person express one thing they are thankful for. It won't take long... the football game can wait... and this will likely be the most nourishing part of your Thanksgiving Holiday.
So, now, in the midst of all this disarray, crumbling social, economic and world wide instability, the most likely thing we can do, is look for something that offers encouragement.
I suggest these:
+ We are still alive. Breath and heartbeat are two of life's daily gifts we too often take for granted.
+We are still experiencing the rising and setting of the sun each day.
+The God most worship is still in his/her world offering some kind of spiritual solace.
+For those with families, their presence still represents one of the most cherished gifts of all.
+For those with good health, that remains the number one reason to be thankful.
+For those who still have employment, of course, you are among the most fortunate.
+For those without a job and without prospects for one, the support of others becomes all the more critical and necessary.
+For those who think life is still moving along reasonably well, be thankful.
+For those who are overcoming blind self-centeredness and beginning to discover ways to care about and for others, you are truly blessed.
Between now and Thanksgiving, start and keep your own list why Thanksgiving, 2008, will be critically important and a major celebration in your life. Use that list on Thanksgiving Day by passing it around and having each person read one line from it as a part of the Thanksgiving Grace. At the end of that exercise, pause, and in silence or aloud have each person express one thing they are thankful for. It won't take long... the football game can wait... and this will likely be the most nourishing part of your Thanksgiving Holiday.
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