Senior Moments Has Moved

Jerry's blog, Senior Moments, has moved to the new Senior Citizen Journal site. His daily posts can be found at http://seniorcitizenjournal.com/. The new site is now complete, so be sure to check daily for helpful information directed toward Seniors and Baby Boomers everywhere!

New Senior Moments Blog address

The new address for Senior Moments Blog can be found at http://www.seniorcitizenjournal.com. Be sure to read Jerry's latest post there, and check out the rest of the site! We're still working on converting the entire site, so please ignore what we haven't yet changed! (The title and logo haven't been uploaded yet, so it will look a little strange!) It should be done in a day or two.

The After Effects of Cancer

For those who have been through the threat of cancer, there are some very disturbing after effects. If surgery were required, there are scars other than that created by the surgeon's knife. If therapies of one kind or another were required, there are recollections of lost hair and other debilitating experiences.

But more than that, and deeper, is the psychic phenomenon experienced from the dramatic and traumatic facing of the possibility of death.

Vulnerabity is a consequence of looking in the mirror and accomodating the real fact of your mortality. It may not come in that dramatic way. But it comes. It hits you when suddenly you discover your fears. You discover that you literally are no longer the person you once were. Behaviors strange to you emerge. Personality shifts such as self confidence to uncertainty become apparent. Discomfort replaces comfort in social settings. Strange dispositions affect your interactions or lack of them with others. Self confidence is shaken. What once was natural and normal is no longer. Acquaintance with new feelings challenges you. The body you once took for granted has been assaulted and insulted.

These are just some of the dynamics that accompany adjusting to life after cancer. Once a happy go lucky person, you may now be less witty, less spontaneous, more withdrawn.

Now, be quick to understand that these phenomena do not last forever. However, these and other emotional adjustments are real and normal.
Allowing yourself to accept that, will assist getting to the other side. You may never return 100% to the person you were. A major paradigm shift has occurred. Such shifts occur often, as we age, with or without a major physical assault. But, with cancer (and often strokes and heart attacks) you can depend that there may be seismic shifts in who you are and how you behave. For some, they may be more subtle. For others, they may be significantly different enough that others will notice the change.

Anixety over your own altered behavior, attitudes, mindset, etc. is neither helpful or healthy. The flow of your life will continue. Adjusting to some of the changes will be easy. Accepting others will be a challenge. Allowing yourself to forge ahead and to be who you are, not worrying over who you were, will free you to escape the prison of worry, anxiety and depression.

Some counseling, conversation with those you trust and love, readings, meditation, and other such disciplines may give you strength and forebearance. Do not ignore your condition. While I was surprised to realize the seismic shifts that had occurred with my personality, following cancer, it was an enormously helpful insight to see what others had already surmised. Beyond the discovery, there was the process of dealing with some of those changes.

Now, I can adjust and accomodate some behaviors that are blatantly obvious and dismiss others that were obnoxiously taking over.

I commend to you your own working through the dynamics of dealing with the after effects of cancer. Curing cancer is possible in some situations. Curing yourself from frightening fears and after effects is also within your capability. I commend your focusing not only on the curative process for cancer, but on the behaviors that often accompany it.

Monday's Post: The Fear of Forgetfulness

Anxiety, Anger and Apathy

Three of the big time injuries often self inflicted, particularly among the aging, are anxiety, anger and apathy. To be sure there are contrasts in these states of mind, but also clearly they are loaded with such inordinately negative ammunition to be killers.

Each of these emotions work negatively on the heart, body, soul and spirit. They go further for they alienate perfectly good and well meaning friends from the stable of those who are best equipped to offer you solace when you need it.

Anxiety is probably the most critically dangerous of the three, particularly when/if it is harbored quietly and daily. Anxiety may or may not be detectable by others. Sometimes, the victim knows when it is taking over and needs to be checked. Often, little or no strategic response is introduced. Anxiety is like termites in a house. It eats at you, the inside of you, until the damage may be beyond repair.

Anger is more blatant and less subtle. It is visible and dramatic. It is fed by guilt and fear and vulnerability and anxiety. As a matter of fact, anxiety enjoys anger, for it allows the full blown expression of anxiety and anger to make themselves known to all in their way.

Anger is also troubling physically. Its influence on the health of body and spirit can be frightfully damaging. Anger is, for some, often difficult to control. Some persons suffer from something called "intermittent rage disorder" which is chemically prompted and cannot be self disciplined. Therapy and medication are both useful methods for governing this behavior.

Apathy, at last would seem almost a cure for the two previously discussed conditions. However, apathy has the reverse effect of anxiety and anger. Apathy can be a serious depression which contributes to loss of energy, interest and involvement in everything beyond yourself. Such loss steals your vitality and uniqueness. It creates a sense of non-worth. It is uncomfortable to be in such a state and to be around someone going through it. Needless to say, it affects the body and spirit of the one going through it. It is a way of putting walls up between yourself and healthy interactions, just as anxiety and anger may.

These three states of mind require passports that you create and stamp when you decide to travel across their boundaries. Use your perseverance to be on the alert when any of these behaviors begin to threaten your well being. If you drink alcohol, resist it, for most of these behaviors are exacerbated by drinking.

Decide that these three A's, fed by a fourth, alcohol, may introduce you to more rapid and unhealthy aging.

Tomorrow's Post: The After Effects of Cancer

Why Didn't Somebody Tell Me?

There are so many adjustments in aging that, as it happens, we seem always to be surprised with the next one. Our despair is we wonder why someone didn't warn us. Why didn't someone, anyone, give us a hint of what was ahead?

Of course, they did. Of course, we didn't listen or assumed it just didn't apply to us. The adolescent tendency to assume that rules just don't make any difference to us seems to tarry longer as we grow older.

To be fair, some do listen and with that begin to equip themselves with the armor necessary to meet aging. Some continue regimens of exercise and activity to keep the body in shape; others work on mental acuity; still others do yoga and other disciplines which seem to head off the invasion of
growing older.

Perhaps, since we are at the age we are and, it may be a bit late to listen to others and their counsel, it would be well to start listening to ourselves.
Surely our bodies are sending us signals. Certainly our minds are trying to communicate. Of course, if our hearing (internal) is shot we may be immune to input even from ourselves.

Here are some of the qustions that may be trying to get through:

*How are you coming on your attention to healthy foods?

*Are you keeping your weight in check?

*How is your blood pressure?

*When did you have your last Breast or PSA exam?

*Is it time to schedule a colonoscopy?

*When is your annual physical due?

*Have you checked for strange bumps and growths and mysterious spots?

*Incidentally, how is your hearing?

These are just a few of the haunting questions which may be trying to make connections with you. Maybe, if reading these prompts others, you need to make a plan for responding, and soon!

Looking for a Piece of Heaven?

The time has come to make a major life change. After deliberate and extensive conversation, much grooming and primping, our Texas estate is on the market. It may be seen in full splendor at http://www.texas-country-estate-for-sale.com/. I invite you to take a virtual tour.

This wonderful dream haven requires more of me than I can any longer give, even with yard and pool help. Couple that with our having identified a second home, with family nearby, and you have the reasons for our selling this magnificent house of memories. It has been the palette on which we have created a masterpiece. As with all houses, it may have a few features that others would not find so much to their liking, but overall it rates superior compliments. It offers tranquility, privacy, an ecological paradise, a wild life refuge, a luxurious pool with waterfall, a place where deserved relaxation is a daily gift. With assistance, as we have had, both with the pool and grounds, it is not too much to manage.

Thus, we invite you to take a look and, if interested, make the necessary inquiries as outlined in our website. Our caretakers are busily keeping it manicured with all the summer growth and occasional rains helping as well.

Perhaps you will know someone who would find such a location intriguing for retirement, second home, a family residence with lots of play room and nearby lakes and streams and recreational options.

Choosing life's options as they are presented to us is just another part of our maturation. This is one of our steps, which we hope we are taking with adequate care and appropriate insight. It isn't easy, but life closes one door only to open another.

The Best Part of the Day

Just returned from walking our two "princes of the family," a daschund and a papillion, Zeb and Patton. .The cool part of the day, in Arizona, is the most desirable time for such exercise, our little daschund, less than ten pounds is the leader or the pack. He is into power walks.

Since surgery, it has been a long time coming to the discipline and decision for me to walk briskly and have the satisfaction of seeing results. They seem to have a sense that Dad needs the encouragement and they help provide the initiative and the company.

So, my wonderful spouse and I take off on a journey, led by them, enjoying our morning conversation, and the cool desert air. It really is the best part of the day.

Our endorphins are popping, our emotions on a high, our choices for the day in the process of being made. As a retiree there are many choices, the best part, however, is having the option of choosing from among them.

What I know is that our two pets don't allow ignoring choosing them. They are literally in our face until the leashes go on and the front door is opened to another beckoning adventure. For them and us, that is the best part of the day!

Check on Your Vocabulary Habits

How many words have you removed from your vocabulary in the past four decades? How many insulting, racist, bigoted, ignorant, inappropriate words have you chosen to delete from your conversation, thought, and interaction with others?

How many words can you consciously bring forward right now that you would be ashamed to use in the presence of your family, your children, polite company, friends, even casual acquaintances?

If you can come up with very many, what does that say about you? If you come up with any at all, that would be shared with such an audience, what does that say about them?

I have been in the company of some who seem to have no hesitation at all to come forth with racial slurs, ethnic put downs, insulting and hurtful comments, obscene characterizations, ugly references. There seems to be no sensitivity to the feelings of others, no regard.

Why does such behavior seem to inflate the importance of the one responsible for it? Can he or she not see that it is demeaning even to him/herself?

Why do hearers give permission to such language invading the circle, drowning the otherwise pleasant decorum of a group?

Why is it that some people think they are superior by belittling others? Where does their self image gain its birth and reinforcement? Wouldn't it be just as well that their thoughts be aborted?

Review your inventory of removed words. Congratulate yourself that you no longer draw upon them. Find healthy ways to call attention to others how pleasant it is to refuse to engage in deriding and disrespectful commentary.

This is just one more way to share in making the world greener by removing the pollution of profane and hurtful language.

Looking for Guest Columnists

Looking for a topic is sometimes like trying to find a quote in just one of the several hundred books in my library. It takes more than sudden inspiration. An idea doesn't automatically materialize into a well conceived series of intelligible and coherent sentences. It would be nice if it worked that way. For some, perhaps it does. Finding a meaningful way to weave several sentences into some kind of logical thought is often up to the reader more than the writer.

Sometimes I am bereft of any idea at all which suggests a topic that might offer appeal to even one reader. Sometimes I have more ideas than space or time to write them, not that they are all worthy of being committed to the printed page.

At other times, perhaps like this one, I feel in an isolated setting wondering how I can find a germ of a concept that might infect this page with words that are contagious.

So, lacking a bottomless well of ideas, I might turn to others with an invitation of writing a column for this special audience. I am happy to do that, if you will provide me with a usuable response and soon. I am happy to honor the burgeoning of ideas that come from some well other than my own. I invite you be a guest author. Send as you will and I will likely post and publish, after some possible editing, your contribution. If you see your article here, I hope you will find the thrill I find in knowing that literally people from all over the world come to read what finds its literary home here.

Tomorrow's Post: Check on Your Vocabulary Habits

Alzheimer's: A Documentary Worth Your Time

HBO is showing a public service documentary dealing with the intricacies and dynamics of Alzheimer's. Like most information, it is both enlightening and encouraging to find out more about this scary disease.

Along with Cancer, Alzheimer's is at the top of the list of most feared diseases. This documentary does much to quell the fear by providing insights and explanations that involve this disease. If you have not seen it, it runs all day on HBO (I find it on Channel 300). It will be well worth your time to see the complete production. It will also be useful for your children, grandchildren and others whom you know to be aware of this extremely well done and professional piece.

A segment in the series deals with grandchildren and their coping with
grandparents who have the disease.

Trust me, you will be glad you spend the time required to increase your knowledge of this dread disease and likely find encouragement in the information it offers.

Tomorrow's Post: An Invitation to Guest Columnists

What Gift Do You Bring?

Of the several million now who have been overcome by the amazing talent of Susan Boyle, I find myself wondering, with daily frequency, what gifts are out there yet to be uncovered?

This column gave advice sometime ago about all the treasures and unknown valuables that are hiding in our attics and garages and basements and who knows where. Those might be easy to discover and identify.

But what about the gifts that are hidden in our hearts and voices and minds and stuffed behind our shyness and our reluctance and our lack of belief in ourselves.

Not all of us will experience the wonder of Susan's remarkable moment of discovery. That is okay. But any of us who muster the courage to try deserve the chance to do so. Not all of us will catch the golden ring, but coming to that moment when we believe in ourselves, take a risk and push the boundaries will also open a new depth of appreciation of who we are and what we can offer.

Playing an instrument, writing a poem, painting an original, designing a sculpture, opening new windows to new ideas and new stimulations never before known may give you the very treasure toward which your life has been moving.

Perhaps you have always wanted to compose the lyrics to a moving melody, or write short stories, or offer inspiration in unexpected ways. Why not? Who said you can't? Whoever stands or has stood in the way, allow them to be excused. Offer your gift. We who await you will know that your gift is special and your reward will come in ways we cannot now imagine.

Wherever You Are, Good Health is Available

The column dealing with "New York,Therapy for Seniors" was exceptionally well received. New York is a favorite key word and therapy is something most of search for a great deal of the time.

Ironically, where you are good health, whether mental or physical, is available. Two weeks prior to New York, we were in San Francisco, what a dynamite city, what endorphins we found to keep us going!

The truth is that travel is wondrous therapy. It distracts us from the day to day anxieties which we could just as well find ways to avoid at home. We don't, so going somewhere seems to be one of the top ten ways to allow your sub conscious to take over and kick out the more troubling aspects of day to day living.

What about travel seems to contribute to good health? Even with the scares of international excursions today, swine flu and all the other dire
warnings, preparing for the trip itself is a huge contributor for dwelling on tomorrow and its adventures.

Here are some suggestions:

*At least twice a year, your own resources allowing, plan a trip to some desirable destination. It may be for a brief holiday or up to a week or more. While you will want to see significant places and dine in well known gourmet restaurants, allow time for serendipity. Do something off the cuff. Don't plan every minute.

*Scale down on packing. Do not be a slave to your baggage. Be a minimalist for a change. Try to check only one bag and a couple of carry ons.

*Try to reserve a seat or a pair which will give you the most comfort and least hassle on the trip.

*Research the hotel(s) or other lodging where you will be staying. Assure yourself of the maximum comfort within your price range.

*Check on transportation which will reduce your discomfort getting from airport to hotel and other destinations.

*Don't be afraid to sleep in one morning.

*Find out of the way spots for meals and cocktails. Make friends whenever you have a chance. Strike up conversations, explore the world around you. Leave your reserve and shyness at home.

*Practice allowing yourself to poke around in shops, antique stores, novelty places (not traps) just for the fun of it.

*Laugh a lot. Crane your neck. Make every minute an adventure.

Are you beginning to feel better yet? If not, then you may need to rethink your whole plan and decide on an itinerary that better satisfies you. Just do it. The adventure and the therapy will make it all worth your while.

Day 5: Keeping Young After 70

Sometimes, because of circumstances beyond our control, it is difficult to
maintain the stamina to keep and feel young at and beyond 70. Some, whose personal disciplines have been positive, usually keep the frame in shape, the appearance relatively attractive, the heart pumping nicely and the trips to a physician few. Those are the ones we would like to emulate. They have a secret or discovered a formula early on that has worked great for them. My father in law at 93 is one of those.

While it isn't too late to start at 70, those who started and sustained from earlier on are obviously at an advantage. Now, what do the rest of us do?

These are a few possible ideas:

*Cultivate and keep a sense of humor. Don't take life and its issues so damn seriously. If the word "damn" bothers you, stop reading now.

*Cultivate and keep ways to be active, mentally, physically and productively. Some productivity, because of extenuating circumstances, just simply goes past 70. All of it doesn't have to.

*Stay in touch with the world. Decide you need to know. Choose to be in the middle of things. Allow yourself to stay ahead on some and forget about the unnecessary.

*Keep your mental attitude in good condition. This one may be tough. It requires staying away from grumps. Tell them you are out, when they call.

*Stay sentimental. That is one of the choices which makes us feel good about ourselves, others and the rest of the world. If you can cry, you still have a heart.

*Reread the Wizard of Oz...remember the lion and tin man and scarecrow
all discovered how to keep young and they are way past 70.

Day 4: Change Works, Even at 70

The other day this column began a series on changing. In just four days results are becoming obvious. In four days, some bad habits have been surrendered. In four days, some good habits have been adopted. In four days, my body, mind, and attitude are experiencing a huge difference. How many days to go? A lifetime.

Slipping back is always a possibility. Temptation is always lurking. The lure of bad habits is always ominously present.

What are the steps that help to keep one on track?

*Commit to making specific changes. Write them down or memorize them.

*Stay with a chosen regimen of exercise, meditation, and forgiveness.

*Listen to your body. Allow your body to communicate in ways that will enable your discipline to remain strong.

*Watch your diet carefully, avoid offending foods which harm your system.

*Remain calm in all things. Don't allow interferences which get you off track.

* Enjoy solitude. The more you can invite into your life the better.

*Until you are ready, limit interaction with others. Interaction will test your progress.

*Maintain a daily healthy affirmation of your primary relationship(s).

*Care for your own needs with sensitivity.

*Be gentle in all things.

These are just a few steps for moving into a climate of change. There may still be overcast days, however carry an umbrella and be prepared to ward off anything raining on your day.

Reshaping Self Image at 70

How aging slips up on you and surprises you with its illusions and tricks and blind curves. When did you get the idea that you had reached your level of comfortable maturity? Was it in your 30's, or 40's or 60's or not yet? The question might be better asked: "when did you reach your first level of comfortable maturity?" Follow that with, and how long did it last?

Maturing is a continuum. You don't ever reach it, you just keep climbing, attempting to scale its heights, hoping not to slide back, hanging on to the strength the climb requires, learning from the dangers along the way. Self image assists your strength, enables your willingness to risk, provides awareness of the need to look at life and yourself differently. What has been doesn't need to always be. The mirror may serve as an external motivation. Your heart and soul and mind will tell you when its time to reshape the internal person you are.

Man, am I ever still climbing, but much more slowly, less deliberately, without so much awareness of the stamina it takes to keep going, and lacking in remembering what I am gaining along the way.

There are so many dreaded dangers that are a part of the climb Looking down or back is probably unwise. If you are inclined to vertigo, look straight up. If you are clumsy of foot, choose your footholds carefully. If you are weak of hand, hang on for dear life. Reshaping that image will take the willingness to take chances, to risk, to breathe deeply and to decide the climb is worth it.

Self Image is much like some of the apparel we have kept in our closets too long. Those old jackets may be outmoded, moth holes may be obvious, frayed sleeves or collars may compromise its attractiveness. Sometime its just time for a make over. Some say that can't be done. Others will argue that it must be done. Most don't choose to wear the same wardrobe everyday. Choosing a different outfit is an attempt at image change. Changing hairstyle, getting a new pair of glasses may help you be seen and see differently.

My goal is to work on the change. I know lots of people who will be gratified. Others won't care. But I will be the one rewarded, because who I was and who I wish to be change as I mature.

What Changes Would You Make?

Over the years, as opportunity has permitted, a compelling question has generated some very probing insights into the character and persona of a number of older acquaintances, not to mention myself.

The question is: "if you had your life to live over, what changes would you make?"

Replies range from "my life has been complete, I would change nothing at all;" "where do I start and how much time do I have;" "I couldn't improve on perfection;" "mostly everything;" "does that include appearance?"

Somewhere in the range of these exclamations and hundreds of others lies the practical and on target reply. My reply, over the years, to those who say "nothing" is to suggest "you must not have learned very much." Life, after all, is a classroom.

Seventy years, that proverbial three score and ten, allows for attending a lot of life classes. Almost everyday is, or may be, chock full of educational possibilities for the growing mind and the declining body.

Some days lessons are discovered through regret, inappropriate choices and behaviors, spurts of anger, motivations created by emotional maladies, stupidity, ugly dispositions, and so the list grows and goes.

But many days are days that come with the tutoring of experience and wisdom and sorting out what is a better course to take. Even slips of tongue teach us well. Learning boundaries in relationships, honoring the sensitivity required in encountering others, enlarging your own sharp insights, finding ways to escape falling into traps, listening to yourself before you speak, hearing others as they speak, smiling generously, embracing the schoolroom of the world.

The lessons are there. The book is an enormous volume, forever being written, the tools are eyes and ears and less frequently lips and tongue.
What changes would you make? What grade would you give yourself for each day? What willingness is there to engage in the discipline of changing? What bad habits are you willing to forego? What enriching wonders would you be willing to greet?

Start tomorrow or immediately after reading this. Ask, "what change am I willing to make?" Start with one, add others. Keep a list. Check on your own insight and progress. You may be pleased that the clay of your being is still pliable.

New York is Therapy for Seniors

Well, it was a hurry up, crowd all you can into a little moe than 60 hours weekend. New York is like that. Excepting Sunday morning, its pace, at least in Manhattan, is a race to the finish. Like the Kentucky Derby, it surprises you who makes it around the track.

Despite Sunday morning detours, created by a major bicycle marathon, we were able in a little under 2 hours to make it to the airport and finally be on our way back to the terra firma of Arizona. Its crazy here, but nothing quite like the big Apple.

Filled with as many opportunites for gourmet dining, a huge, Hollywood style wedding in Central Park, a ride to the "top of the Rock" at Rockefeller Center, complete with fog and mist, but charming nonetheless, with the joke of the weekend being when one of our number sent out a spectacular photo, of one of the classic buildings of New York, identifying it as The Empire State Building, only to discover it was the Chrysler Building. It was a pack it in, save time for rest until you are back home kind of trip. It is what New York always is, enchanting, mesmerizing, intriguing and just plain exciting.

Hope your weekend was quite so good and our reunion here one in which we can share more anecdotes about surrendering oneself to the ecstatic and esoteric once in a while.

Respites, Retreats and Relaxation

The next several days will find this column in suspension. It comes because of a wedding of a nephew which is long overdue. The swine flu scare notwithstanding, people from Europe and the US will gather in Central Park to share in the nuptials. We will be among them.

The other reason is that my bucket is dry. I wrote two full weeks of articles just before a trip to San Francisco last week and that group of articles is now depleted.

I now need to observe the human race awhile to come up with some new ideas and maybe insights into the foibles of our kind. I will be doing that during this time away and will return here with those observations within a week. Hope you find other ways to occupy your valuable time!

Plant More Turnips

Well, we are on the downside to 2009! Tax deadline is past and most have made some arrangements to take care of that bill. Easter is behind us and spring is struggling to make its way through soil and limb. Maybe most of the Christmas bills have been met. The first quarter of a new administration is beginning to show us signs of what may be ahead. Both on the domestic and international fronts, some good news, like the tiny buds rearing their heads above the earth, begin to be evident.

The year is certainly not half over. There are graduations and weddings galore in the next few months. Considerations are being made for vacation time, if any, this year. The economic news still seems and feels mostly bad. As for our share in boosting the economy, the turnip has just been about squeezed for its all. If there is any more to come from the turnip, it might just have to be from next year's crop.

Glimmers of optimism break through here and there. The retreat of pessimism on the part of some is welcomed. The movement of the darker clouds further away from us gives some hope. The traditional nay sayers are still saying nay and the world still revolves on its axis.

So maybe it is still early enough where you live to plant more turnips. Maybe the season can be stretched, the crop multiplied. Maybe the turnip is our spring time "ground hog." Maybe the turnip will grant us green thumb satisfaction. What was barren may bear fruit, or turnips! What was
being mowed down may now flourish with growth. What was a plot of unproductive soil is now a neighborhood garden that will yield a plenty.

So, tomorrow, or even yet today, get out and Plant More Turnips.

Achieving Lovability

Looking for a new hobby? How about working on your Lovability? Know anyone who could well invest time, thought and worthwhile enterprise to do just that? How about that person staring back from the mirror every morning?

Lovability, like most qualities, requires cultivation. There are cases, however, and those are to be desired, when lovability seems to be second nature for some. My mother is one of those. She exudes lovability. It is returned to her in kind. She doesn't spend any extra time developing it, it just comes out of an ordinary joy in relating kindly, generously, lovingly to people.

In contrast, there are those for whom smiles come with great struggle, kind words with enormous infrequency and inordinate difficulty. Taking the initiative to speak or acknowledge another person seems to be beyond their care or ability. Likely such behavior produces little to no kind exchanges. Or, if it does, it is never met with reciprosity.

The garden of our souls requires tending. It is from our souls that the sunshine of joy bathes all who encounter us. It is from goodness shared that goodness is gained. It is from affection invested that the great dividends of returned love come.

Achieving lovability is an open doorway to full and fruitful living. It is the means by which one's life is made rich and abundant and graceful. Achieving lovability expels the sour and negative and bitter and mean spirits which try to invade and overwhelm us. It is our own choice to shut the door tight against such creeping and insidiously tenacious vines that would choke our hearts.

Achieving lovability makes for the blessings of a good life.

Why is Today not Like Yesterday?

Predictability and routine are favorite haunts of seniors. Settling in to the familiar seems to offer a sense of security and serenity. Some predictability and routine is quite alright. Too much can be enormously boring. How does one achieve balance between being driven into hyperactivity and do nothingness?

A friend of mine literally drives her husband, and any others who allow her, into a constant flurry of daily, weekly, nightly social involvement. The efforts range from meetings to parties, to lectures, to musical events, to clubs, to private affairs, to one shot occasions, to museums, to shows, to committees and boards, and on and on.

Encounters frequently are introduced with "oh, by the way did you see or have you done x, y or z?" And, ends with "you really should, you know!"

Suffering from the need to be extraordinarily busy suggests need for companionship and activity, and may imply a greater loneliness.

It is good that everyday is not a duplicate of the other, but it is also good to mix some continuity with variety. Today and yesterday offer their own
unique gifts. One day does not need to be like another. But neither should everyday be expected to be a duplicate of the one just past. Balance it out, so that boredom is held off and variety is given permission.

Communal Living Part Two

The other day this column proposed the concept of communal living, at least part time, as a second home option for retirees. In discussing the subject further, in our arrangement, further considerations were raised. I share them here.

Communal living requires tolerance. Any two persons, let alone four or more, must begin with a tolerant spirit. Lacking that, it will be a hard go.

Recognizing givens is an important reality. For example, if one couple enjoys late night television, while the other doesn't, how the household manages that is important. Obviously there are very practical possibilities allowing for both to be allowed their preference.

Having and keeping a sense of humor adds to the pleasure of the experience.

Compatibility is a quality that will have been detected early on. Surprises may require an adjustment or so, but will not likely create major issues . If you have ever traveled together, you will know whether a living arrangement could be a possibility.

There should be caution about expectations. A realistic appraisal of "living together" should be just that: "realistic."

Finally, as in other contractual arrangements, the parties involved are actually making a commitment, for a set period of time, to be together.
Separation is possible, but because of the implications of all the working parts of such an arrangement, that can create major upheaval for both parties. Do not go into a communal living agreeement unless you are fully committed to see it through.

When Should I Downsize?

Choosing to downsize is no small undertaking. Trying to sort out why you should, how to go about it, what will be at stake all play into the equation. Clearly, it is a time consuming, emotionally wrenching, labor intensive process. Somehow, someday it has to be done. But, when?



There are a series of introspective and practical questions which need to be included in any argument with yourself regarding downsizing.



These are some:



*Am I ready? Are you really ready to let go of stuff accumulated over a life time? It gets no easier whatever your age. I literally have toys from my childhood. What am I to do with those? Who will want them? What do I do with papers and documents which have meaning for me/us but no one else?



*Can I do it? This may apply both to physical acumen and emotioanl choice. It is, as mentioned, labor intensive. Who can, will help? Do I want some one around while I go through the struggle of letting go?



*Do I have other agendas that I would enjoy if I had less to anchor me in one place? This is probably the most realistic question of all. Particularly if health is good and there are unsung songs, undone deeds, then this one may play high on the list.



*How can I rid myself of heirlooms and genuinely valuable items that have great family significance? Depending on the family, this will be one of the hardest considerations to wrestle with.

What Cancer Taught Me!

Good health was always assumed. In childhood, aside from the normal illnessess that accompany growing up, my health was generally quite good.
Until my third decade there were no surgeries, no significant set backs. In my early 30's I had my first of three corneal transplants. Beyond that no other major health issues came along,other than a couple of sinus surgeries.

The real shocker came when I was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer, with a Gleason Sale of 9. My PSA, checked with annual and semi annual regularity, shot up from a low of 1.5 to a suspicious high of 4. One well known clinic, in which I was undergoing a thorough annual examination, did not choose to flag this change. It took my general practioner to discover and act on the information. A biopsy followed with a local oncologist and the truth was out.

One of the foremost Oncologists in the Scottsdale area took charge of my case, a radical prostectomy followed and a year and a half later, I am cancer free. The quick action of my primary physician, the biopsy, and determination on the part of the operating oncologist comprised the team which made my case turn out well. My oncologist said, "had we not addressed the situation as we did, I would have been dead in my early 70's with a horrible death." I am now 70.

Cancer taught me not to monkey around with any suspicious health indicators. Have a regular check up for all kinds of life threatening possibilites, particularly colon, prostate and others to which you may be susceptible.

Cancer taught me that it is perfectly normal to feel vulnerable following surgery. A life threatening situation, produced out of experiences like cancer, a stroke, heart issues, etc. offer any of us an essential wake up call.

Cancer taught me that it is okay to ask for and rely on help, counsel, support from others.

Cancer taught me how profoundly special and essential it is to have a spouse on which to rely.

Cancer taught me how to be more loving, and to be open to receiving the affection and gifts of caring which come from family and friends. One of the strongest curing balms is love.

Cancer taught me not to be embarrassed. I was and remain mildly incontinent. My stamina level is not what it was and still has not resumed. My sex life has undergone major change. The good news, according to my wife, is that I am alive.

Cancer can be a rigorously fought battle. Fortunately, I did not have to be subjected to chemo or radiation. For those who do, the battle is even more intense. Whatever course of treatment a person pursues, following the counsel of health care professionals, sticking it out with rigorous self discipline and finding means to pump your endorphins with all variety of energizing influences are all essential to vitality. My example isn't the only one that I know in which friends and family have fought the good fight and prevailed. If you are a candiate or already a recruit in the battle, may your victory over cancer come with haste..

Thank You, Susan Boyle

To our great fortune, Susan Boyle has been introduced to the world. Her gentle spirit, deft ability, fantastic range, subtle manner has hit us with some new lessons about greatness. Beauty is everywhere. There is still pure, true talent available in our world. Humility is a gift. Grace always surprises us. The impossible may be the dream you are having right now.

With profound and utter amazement, you captured an audience of millions. You deserve to shower us with the incredible sound of your voice. You are a person with stunning ability, and the ability comes in a most lovable package.

Grace us with your presence, your magnificence, your birdsong quality. We love being amazed, particularly when the source of that amazement is so genuine.

Sing on, dear Susan, sing on.

Good Times with Great Kids

Making sure good times don't stop just because you are retired or older or inconviently located requires planning, motivation, willingness to get out of your routine and genuine desire to be with others.



The worst habit is the habit of "rut routines." That's the one in which everyday is a carbon copy of the last. That's the one in which nothing varies, the same ideas and experiences are replayed day in, day out.



One of the ways to break such a grossly unproductive habit is to plan a trip to be with your children or grandchildren or other persons who give you permission to get outside the box for a time.



Our children are great kids and they most always offer good times. Good times is defined by "just being together," enjoying the rich company of one another, discovering what is going on in one another's lives, mining the memories which have helped make our lives rich and meaningful.



Great kids, no matter their ages, are the core of what we seek in finding renewed meaning in our own life journey. Great kids are persons who give us gifts, sometimes through a wonderful bear hug, a gentle touch, a quiet smile, a generous conversation, a pat on the back. Great kids are those who remind us that our lives have counted for something.



In a couple of days, we get to see two of our Great Kids. They are fully adult, they are productive, they are, like all of us, still defining their lives, they are just "great." It has truly been too long. That is a flaw in our schedule and priorities that must be altered. We miss them so when we have not had time with them. Life is too busy when it is not frequently enough invested in those who are most important to us.



Discovering the priority of love and kinship and nurturing it is one of those experiences that excel all the tasks and busyness to which we are prone.



We will forget what we did in our busyness...we will hold dear and treasure greatly our time spent and the good times enjoyed with our great kids.

Is Communal Living for You?

Last fall, two couples began an experiment. One couple is from near Chicago, the other from near Dallas. They converged in the Scottsdale area, and began sharing a domicile which met their mutual needs. They are part time residents in their respective locations, thus enabling a two home convenience in various seasons.

One might wonder why in the world would anyone want to consider such an arrangement. What are the considerations?

* If a couple desires enjoying a second home, without the full burden of a year's lease, shared expenses becomes the first and most notable advantage. Working out a clear budget and sharing of same will be the first requirement. Including all expenses: lease payments, grocery and other essentials, utilities and monitoring those frequently will add to the workability of such a plan.

* There are some obvious wrinkles that have to be ironed out and agreed to.
Those wrinkles include reaching practical and objective agreements regarding shared living arrangements. Having intermittent conversations about what is working and what is not will also be necessary. Addressing the comforts of all will necessitate the compromise of each.

*Determining a location means doing research and having a clear picture of what each couple's needs are. For example: a house with two master suites works perfectly; shared duties on a predictable schedule, will help keep tranquility high and chores addressed.

*Talking through any disagreements, misunderstandings or adjustments will be a necessary and somewhat frequent requirement. Never assume all is well. Four people comprise a small committee, a mini-community which must agree to and review the rules and principles that binds them together.

*In such an environment, there should be no primary or alpha person. Consensus will be the rule of governing. Thoughtfulness and consideration will be the standard for living.

*Agreements regarding use of the house in the absence of one or another of the parties will need to be reached, especially, if/when children or pets are involved.

*A lease arrangement allows for an exit date or negotiating extending the arrangement. If situations collide which create the need for one or the other couple to vacate the agreement, such particulars need to be provided for within the initial agreement.

*Respect for one another's privacy and living style will be honored, within the agreed space boundaries available. This will require some compromise and mutual respect.

*An understanding of shared furnishings and equipment will, of course, need to be reached. If bought independently or cooperatively, an agreement will be required to enable a fair and balanced situation.

*When disagreements occur, as they will, identify a time and a comfortable environment, for discussing and working through such. These will likely take place less often than expected.

*Avoid being picky or always needing matters to come out "your way." That will not work. It will create stress and fissure within the communal arrangement and will eventuate in its failure. Make clear your needs, but always be prepared to negotiate to reach a workable solution.

*Finally, decide if you can live communally and remain friends. If not, forego the idea. If so, go for it and discover a rich new way to live.

Bad Driving Habits are Unnecessary

So this is the middle of April, one day before the Tax Deadline, spring is in bloom, (well at least in some places) and today is offered as another 24 hour gift. Guess what I have on my plate today!

One of the things I have to do is work off a traffic violation by signing up for a Defensive Driving School. It was my fault. Stupid. Went through a left turn lane just as it was turning red. Had plenty of time. Just didn't pay enough attention. Now, for the first time in years, I have an infraction. Stupid.

Bad habits have a way of catching up with you. While I don't make a regular practice of slipping through lights, I did it that day. And that was the day I was caught in the act, doing something I could very well have avoided. Now I have to pay the piper.

My conclusion to all this is bad driving habits, even if occasional, are unnecessary. They mess with your ego, your common sense, your better judgment, your routine, your image of yourself as a good driver.

Take it easy. There is absolutely nothing, short of someone in your car about to deliver a baby, requiring zipping too fast through traffic. There is absolutely no reason to jeopardize yourself and others. So, if you are delivering someone to the hospital, call 911. Stay out of the way of the professionals who typically know how to handle harrowing situations.

When approaching an intersection gauge your distance, speed, traffic conditions to determine your actions. Do not push it. It ain't necessary.
The intimidation of a flashing traffic photo light or a cruiser with flashing red and blue lights will just ruin your day.

While taking the course is probably good for me, I really ought to have enough common sense to avoid such oversights. Of course, although only 70, this may be a wake up call to check my general driving habits overall.
Driving is not an ego trip for me, but if I am going to do it, then I need to be sure I am doing it well.

Today may be a good day for a Driving Check Up. Learn from my mistake, avoid an unnecessary interruption. Hone your skills at driving. Commit to safe driving. I hope my blunder will assist your sensitivity to your own driving habits.

Is It Worth the Time

Of the multiplicity of activites to choose from, do you find yourself ever asking, is it worth the time? Time is so constant, meeting us, passing right before our eyes that we take for granted its presence, never realizing its absence, as it flies so swiftly on.

Is it worth the time to find something that truly gives life meaning? Is it worth the time to continue to validate your very existence? Is it worth the time to get outside yourself and into others in order to experience merit? Is it worth the time to discover how to be authentic to yourself? Is it worth the time to recognize the swiftness of a day's passing? Is it worth the time to use creative energy to make this day count?

Idle thought, indifference, sloth, studying ones navel may all seem like comfortable and relaxing pursuits, but is it worth the time? Is it worth the time to watch your account of life's lightning fast passage to invest in petty and wasteful expenditure?

Today is full of time, but the sands sink fleetingly and ere long we wonder where it went, how it passed, why this day has already faded into yesterday.

Consider the lilies of the field...the subtle passing of the seasons, the inevitable passing from day to night, the swift disapperance of night, even as we sleep. What was worthy of the day that its phasing from today to tomorrow was filled with noble effort? What was learned from this day that will be applied to the next? Is it worth the time?

Moving at 70

On the road again, but this time only a bare few miles from one domicile to another. Good Idea, bad idea? Whatever, it is necessary. The house we currently occupy has been sold. Not much choice there. But, the sage asks, why not find a way to avoid moving at 70? Good question. Life circumstances and choices, which are too complex to detail here, often put us in situations we would like to be different.

The good news is that the relocation is to a deliciously wonderful house with numerous amenities and a “to die for” location. Scenic, isolated, classic, older, the home is exactly the sort of place we find suitable.

Another phenomenon, not for everybody, but working for us is we are sharing our find with in laws, a couple from the cold north, near Chicago. They are near our age and have children and mutual relatives nearby. We have worked out a communal arrangement, which the house suits very well, and the cost is equally shared. What a deal!

The labor of moving is, of course, the least desirable part, but within a day, the furniture will be in place and the simple job of placing the “stuff” can be extended over several days. So, on the whole it isn’t too bad. Later in life, I will be less likely to be so encouraging about such an undertaking.

By the way, the location is in Fountain Hills, Arizona, an idyllic area for retirement. We have shared the wonder of this location over the last 20 years. Our primary home, in Texas, is still home and will remain so for a time. Caretakers keep it safe and pristine. The best of both worlds, but of course those worlds will, of necessity, combine in time. So moving at 70, at least in our situation, is a workable and pleasant proposition. Perhaps, if your own circumstances allow, such a change could introduce a new adventure for you. Could be worth considering!

Never Grow Tired of Trying

Sometimes when it seems you haven’t heard from someone you love and hold dear, it is a right and worthy thing to never grow tired of trying to reach out to them. None of us can second guess what is going on in another person’s life. None of us can fathom the whys that may not be available to you, when you wish they were. None can know what agendas and pressures and hurdles they may be experiencing. None of us can supply for them the answers they may be seeking right then. But, any of us can try to be in touch, to reach out, to offer a kind and loving hand.

Today’s enormous and difficult demands are such that those of us who have reached the other side of the chronological hill cannot see the struggle someone dear is enduring to climb their side. Particularly if we are not keeping in regular touch with another, it becomes all the harder to know just where they are on their climb, what treacheries they are experiencing on their ascent.

About all we can do at that point is try to be there for them, even at a far distance. Often absence and alienation are misinterpreted. They do not have to carry negative connotations. Circumstances create all kinds of static for keeping in touch. Keeping up the climb frequently interrupts the best intentions. Weariness and exhaustion block ability for sufficient energy to deal with anything but climbing onward and upward.

Initiative taking, through any variety of methods, is a noteworthy way to send a message of loving thoughtfulness. Showing consideration is always an appropriately significant way for letting others know you are still there, you still love them, you still are available to whatever their needs may be. Emotional signals sent with genuine and timely thoughtfulness are never out of season. Never Grow Tired of Trying!

There May Be More Hope to Come

Increasingly the hope versus hate monger machine seems to be on the grow. More and more there seem to be those whose insights are catching on to the manipulative put down machines of right wing ignorance and idiocy. What a wonderful fresh breeze is blowing, now that younger voters and wiser heads are teaming up to challenge the callous blame games and irresponsible finger pointing of an immature and unschooled group whom Vice President Agnew called ‘negative nabobs'.

Years ago, the governor of Tennessee, Frank Clement, asked a very stirring question in his keynote address at the Democratic convention, “How long, O America,” he asked and then pressed his question with specifics such as we need now. If asked today, the questions might look and sound this:

*How long, O America,” shall we be swayed by those who use adolescent strategies to influence our points of view?

“How long, O America,” will we give permission to manipulators and naysayers to bend our minds to their prejudices?

”How long, O America,” before we reclaim thinking and deciding for ourselves?

“How long, O America,” shall we bend to the agendas of the might, serving their goals and ends, while compromising our own?

“How long, O America,” shall we allow others to prescribe our values, determine our loyalties, shape our convictions?

“How long, O America,” before we use our own minds and commit our own hearts and invest our own energies in the good and true and honest?

There may be more hope to come, if we enable ourselves to raise the questions, examine the motives, insinuate our own perspectives into the grave and earth moving issues of our time. There will be more hope to come when we have risen to the heights of exercising common sense, using good judgment, disallowing others to play us like an instrument in their hands.

Welcome to the world of hope, where thinking for yourself is the rule, not the exception.

Imagination's Boundless Wonders, Therapy for Aging

Remember when you were growing up and your imagination seemed boundless. Remember creating all sorts of fantasies that led to adventures and landscapes full of wonder. Remember discovering, sometimes alone, sometimes with friends, new games, dramas, worlds that led you on trails of amazing and unusual adventure.

Your imagination was the source. That part of your brain which had to be called upon to remember world geography, biological identifications, mathematical equation, linguistic rules at school every week took frequent vacations to wonderlands of marvelous creativity and wonder. Inspiration came by way of a cowboy western, a fictional space exploration, an idea that emerged from on screen or a book you were reading or a play you had seen.

Now, all these years later, where has that imagination fled? How did imagination find replacement with boredom? Why is distraction not given permission to take over? When do we allow ourselves the magic of walking down pathways knowing not where they lead?

Obviously, not all of us are left with an imagination deficit. Older persons still write amazingly incredible novels. Some persons tinker in their basements or garages or workshops or garden houses to come up with all kinds of remarkable innovations, discoveries, alterations of things and nature.

Look at wherever you go to allow your imagination to run free. Instead of workshop, why not call it a “workship,” which will carry you on voyages of unpredictable discovery. Equip your ship with all you will need for the trip. Climb aboard and head any direction you wish. Perhaps you will, like many another explorer, take us all to new lands and wonders.

Imagination is not alone for the young, it is Therapy for the Aging. It is within easy reach, even if disabled and limited. The limits are, after all, only in your imagination. Expel the excuses for delay, insist with yourself that you “go out and play” today at whatever your imagination finds tempting. Bring home your discoveries, your stories, your curious adventures. Share them with others, whose imagination is awaiting just the spark to get them going. You will find that whatever may have held you down and back has now become forgotten and your imagination has cured your reluctance. Sharpen it, use it, exercise it until it becomes as strong as your physical muscles, as able as you wish to be.

Keep your “workship” in trim, ready for the next voyage. Upon your return share your magical excursion with the rest of us. Blend your stories with testimonies of how much livelier daily existence really can be.

When a Heartache Won't Cure

Adolescence seems to be the period in life when heartaches and heartbreaks take forever to cure. The intensity of emotion is so paramount that feelings seem to soar and then plunge with equal rapidity. Often, it seems the cause is never clear. Just as uncertain is the cure. In those days, it feels as if the pain will never subside. Dark clouds loom. Day to day life is met with depression and hurt and unanswered questions.

Eventually, it all passes away. Sometimes it gets tucked in a memory bag and remembered now and again on particular and special occasions. Something seems to prompt recall. That passes too.

For elders, heartaches happen too. Disappointment in another, hurt over insensitive actions or behavior or words, a partner, however defined, undergoes some very serious malady and the pain, experienced by one, is real to the other.

From wherever the pain originates, it is just as real in later life as it is in adolescence. Pain is pain. Blithely disregarding it does not offer a balm. Cliches do not offer any consolation. Our emotions need sensitivity and care, affection and thoughtfulness. It isn’t immature, at any age, to admit and to openly go through pain. On the contrary, those who refuse to be open about their pain, most often will bury it and deal with it in other unhealthy ways for a longer period of time.

Healthy human beings examine and demonstrate ways to be and remain healthy. Emotional, just as well as physical pain, must be given attention, sometimes even going so far as seeking professional help, in order to overcome and get back on track with the good life.

Another important dimension of healing a heartache is to avoid doing it in isolation. Maintain contact with others. Find persons with whom you can share life and laughter and even your story, refusing, however, to dwell on it interminably. That will chase your best friends away and you will be miserable.

Take initiative to be out and about. Discover new friends. If you are going through a separation or divorce or loss of a spouse, partner or friend in death, find and attend support groups. Create a comfort level that allows you to move outside a confined space. Look for ways to have fun, be in groups which offer healthy distractions.

Finally, invite yourself to enjoy some manner of meditative stillness. Discover that being outside yourself means more than going out…it means allowing a spiritual force to come in. Open up to the sharing of the calm and peace of contemplation, away from your immediate crises, look and be receptive to hearing a still, small voice offering you healing, promise, love, hope and quiet fulfillment.

Inspiration Isn't Difficult to Find

Now, especially, it seems more and more of us are engaged in the search for inspiration. How impressive it is, in otherwise depressing times, to see so many forms of inspiration taking shape. How, profoundly gracious of persons to create it and pass it along. How utterly remarkable that with all the downers available via so many sources, there are those out there, looking under huge boulders to find hidden sprouts shooting up from the earth, at the very edges of what weighs us down, only to find one single, isolated bloom, searching for the sky.

Often this inspiration is set to music, soft, smooth, calming tunes, instrumental, sometimes sung which quietly proclaim serenity and sanity and peace. Photographs often accompany the words, sentiments expressive of the calming of soul and spirit share with us how we can reach out to claim inspiration.

The growlers and grumblers have pounded their tables long enough. The demeaning and discrediting of the hopeful and the positive has gone on quite past its time. You know who they are. If you are like them, maybe it is time you sought inspiration and shelved desperation.

Maybe it is time more of us whistled “a happy tune.” Perhaps we need to have a “Zippity Do Dah” day…”my oh my what a wonderful day!” Likely, those who choose to use incredulous ways to arouse the worst in us, may want to consider that their time could be better invested. Maybe they and we could discover that happiness is a far better dividend to draw from the investment of time.

Warning: this article may prompt you to examine your loyalties and allegiances, your values and commitments. You may decide not to run after the transitory and angrily motivated. You may determine that the likes of those who try to influence your being sour and dour merits investigation and elimination.

Louis Armstrong’s favorite melody needs to become ours: “Oh, What a Beautiful World.”

Mellowing and Growing Older with Grace

A very old poem I have found to be among my favorites, probably because I can still quote it, is this one:

Isn’t it strange that princes and kings
And clowns that caper in sawdust rings
And common folk, like you and me
Are builders of eternity?

To each is given a bag of tools
And a book of rules.
And each must build,
Ere life is flown,
A stumbling block or a stepping stone.

I have no idea the author, couldn’t tell you where I first came across it. It has, however, served me well. It is a gentle reminder of the flow of life. It reveals well the goal of life and our acting out of it.

Mellowing and growing older with grace requires discovering the secret of this rhyme. Passing days give opportunity for us to get in touch how much more pleasant life can be if we unearth secrets like these. Complications, confusions, challenges to peace of mind often serve as major impediments to our smoothing out the rough edges of our personality.

If today, you discover a dour and sour disposition dominating your encounters with others, remember this poem. If you find your behavior is pushing people away, stop it. Remember the poem. If you are impossible to be with even for an hour, isolate yourself and memorize this poem.

I expect stumbling blocks are heavier than stepping stones. So lift and put in place the one that makes it less difficult to take the stairway to the top.

Who Are You Trying to Fool?

This may be a good day for the prankster who enjoys pulling fast ones on friends, neighbors and compatriots. Humor is one of the best forms of social engagement. However, it needs to be humor that is not insulting, down putting, embarrassing to another. Enjoying poking fun is usually okay, so long as it carries with it some sensitivity.

Trying to come on as funny, at the expense of someone else is in poor taste. Checking ones humor quotient is a good idea before launching into what is more of an insult than a rib tickler.

Having fun, joking, using plays on words, pulling a fast one, jesting all are most often suitable forms of humorous behavior. Allowing others to share their own stories, wit and cleverness is always expected.

Humor is a blend of keeping your mind active, allowing your body the release of laughter, and creating a social interaction that is normally healthy all around.

Out of bounds are ethnic stories that offer affront, off color stories that just don’t fit, stories that do not respect the age group and jokes that come out being only funny to the teller.

If you need to prove anything about yourself and your sense of humor, you might want to do it in a bar or lounge with people whom you have never met. That way you will save embarrassment for everybody, but perhaps yourself. But then, who will know? And you will have learned a valuable lesson.

There is nothing wrong with humor, otherwise why are so many humorous stories circulating on the Internet, so many comedians making a prosperous living on comedy shows and so on. Just keep your stories, particularly around those with whom you associate regularly, respectful and considerate. Laughter and good humor most always are appropriate behaviors.

Just Forget It!

So you have misplaced your nail trimmer. Just forget it! Some things are just not worth the time, fret or energy to try to find. Now, if you have lost your wallet or car keys or eye glasses or cell phone, these come under the head of a different horse.

Separating the sufficiently important from the inefficiently unimportant is one of life’s best lessons. We often choose to major in minors, thus derailing ourselves from the main track whose destination is our primary goal to begin with. Going off on tangents serves nothing more than a brief fantasy excursion which is likely not a tourist route anyway.

Some things just need to come under the rubric of JUST FORGET IT! Spend no time searching, fretting, stewing over things you can’t do a lot about. Particularly, don’t sweat the small stuff. Once we have accomplished the goal of finding what it is we think we have to recover, we have taken the time to do many productive things with our time. Which is more important, the question is, the lost item or the lost time. Item or Time, which will it be?

If over the years one were able somehow to account for all the lost time looking for lost items, I’ll bet we would love to recover the time. And the lost items? Likely, we don’t even remember what they were.

Next time you misplace something you think you just must find, weigh the item against the likely time spent trying to find it. If the item weighs less than 2 ounces, unless it is a diamond ring or some other extremely valuable bauble, just forget it.

Next time you are asked by someone in the household to help find something they have misplaced, give them this list before proceeding:

*How critical is the item to your immediate health and welfare?

*If you find it, will life be any better off, than waiting to just pick up another one or give it a rest for a few days until it shows up?

*If it is found, will it be in a place that will embarrass once it is discovered? If so, do you really want it found?

*Once it is found, will you promise never, ever to misplace it again?

*Is it likely better off you just forget it?

Maybe this advice will save you a lot of time and embarrassment. Remember, Time or Item!

Accommodating Pain

One of the givens of aging, one of the profit sources many pharmacy companies pursue, one of the huge OTC products in any pharmacy or grocery store is the presence of pain and sundry medications to address it.

Today’s market is filled with options. Some promise amazing results. There are so many potions, pills, ointments, rubs, salves, potencys, supplements, balms, devices, lotions, pain relievers, gels on today’s market, one would think relief would be just one purchase away.

But sometimes they just don’t work. Sometimes they don’t seem to address the particular, localized, aggravating discomfort and the pain goes on. Now, what? Then where does one go in search of some easing of the discomfort, overcoming of the pain?

Today there are numerous ways pain may be addressed. We haven’t even chosen to go nuclear yet by listing or discussing here prescribed big time meds which can offer relief, but may carry significant side effects. Depending upon the nature of the pain, the counsel of a respected physician, your own experience and background be aware of possible side effects that may create more serious problems.

Accommodating pain sometimes means throwing the dice. Obviously, accommodating is the operative word. This means that one may need to resort to other than conventional medical care or prescriptions or other medications. Natural means are now available which give credence for exploring other options that do not include putting chemicals into your body to treat a given pain. There are naturopathic physicians who can guide you into an arena of previously unexplored treatment options. These may include acupuncture, chiropractic treatments, exercise regimens, yoga, any of a number of Oriental disciplines as well as meditation. Depending upon the pain, willingness to be open to untried methodologies may give satisfaction and release from pain never before imagined.

There are other options, not here mentioned. Among them, without going into full detail, are hypnosis, relaxation techniques, meditation disciplines that can alter the psyche sufficiently to decrease, minimize or perhaps even eliminate pain. No promises or guarantees are given here. However, measuring the pain against progress will be your/our way of knowing if/what/when any of these methods may be working. Good luck, pain is a deterrent to the full and rich life all of us seek to achieve.

When You Have Something You Need To Say

Interpersonal relationships often create the need for straight from the heart, eye to eye conversations. Often, without even knowing why, these conversations rise to the surface. Perhaps it is intuition, a look, a misplaced word, a series of frosty encounters, being ignored that presses the need to look for and find ways for conciliation.

Assuming both parties are ready, or ready or not, the initiator who has something needing to be said, will find that sensitive care and absence of a blaming or judgmental disposition will be required. Rehearsing what “needs to be said,” might even be useful.

Body language and choice of words will carry the message of sincere desire or desire for further provocation. The latter, while perhaps creating momentary satisfaction, will likely do little to rectify any differences that may exist. Sending a “I really told him or her” message will do nothing to provide for improvement in a relationship.

Looking for openings in which sincerity, willingness to offer apology, questions of “how did we get here,” if not known or acknowledged, will enable conversation to flow more readily.

Blaming messages will only aggravate and antagonize the climate. Using and repeating the “you” word will also offer ammunition for coming to at least a peaceful co-existence.

Keeping in mind the goal of wanting to clarify whatever may be contributing to the rub between you will better keep you and the other party on track. Derailment will put you back where you started, without having been able to say something you needed to say.

Another consideration may be inviting the presence of a third or fourth party. That will be up to the two principals, of course. Depending on the seriousness of the alienation, disagreement, disruption in relationship, any strategy is worthy of consideration to bring closure to the chasm which exists.

Strained relationships offer tension, anxiety, gnawing concern, even worry. Removing the cause of any of these will provide a more comfortable and day to day serenity. Get the impediments out of the way, remove the road blocks, take a ride together, perhaps in a convertible with the top down, and let the wind blow the past away.

Gadgets and Their Advantages for Seniors

Just a few years back, a friend, who was past 100 years old, decided she needed to learn to use the computer. She undertook the project and before she died had conquered it sufficiently to find it helpful and practical in its usefulness.

Getting older does not deter the possibility for continued learning. Sloth, giving up, caving in, making excuses all hold us back, as we age, from new and wondrous experiences.

The proliferation of modern gadgets from the now familiar computer and cell phone to the Ipod, Blackberry, phones that take photographs and send text messages, etc. allow for a huge world of interconnections and, on the negative side, interruptions. But, the plus side of that is no one need be lonely or isolated anymore.

While all of the gadgets may not have practical usage in your case, some can be very helpful and even life saving to the senior. A cell phone has certainly entered our world as a near, if not absolute, necessity. Maintaining contact in a busy, hurry up, rush around world is frequently a life line. Having a means for self protection is a form of insurance.

Allowing others to have your number, also gives permission for them to check up on you and be comfortable in the assurance that all is well.

Unexpected interruptions or delays are easily addressed by just a phone call, no matter where you are.

Another advantage is keeping phone numbers at the ready. They can be stored for easy retrieval. No more hustling through purse or pocketbook to find a needed number. needs?

The only disadvantage I find is in laying the phone down and failing to recall where. That still needs some work for those of us with shorter memories. For those with vision issues, who use the computer, there are ways to enlarge the print so that our shorter arms don’t have to be overused or overtaxed. Almost everything has been thought of to allow for convenience and usefulness, especially for the senior citizen.

So it goes, the world of innovation has been made available to those of us who live in a world of needed renovation. There are conveniences and gadgets out there designed just for us. They not only can expand our world, but enable our access to it.

Looking at the World Through Prescription Lenses

Frequent visits to the optometrist or ophthalmologist frequently reveal the need for corrective lenses. I have been going for so many years and have had to have so many corrections, it has become somewhat routine and predictable. No visit, in these years, has occurred without some tweaking of the lens to provide sharper vision. My case is aggravated by having had a genetically influenced condition called Cariticonus. It is a condition which simply understood means cone shaped cornea. It resulted in three cornea transplants. More, to the point, it contributes to distorted and progressively impaired vision.

There is another perspective on all of this, a parable or analogy at least. Our points of view often require correction. It takes examination to determine how skewed our vision is on persons, issues, attitudes, events, opinions, and so on. Often, just because we see something one way our expectation is that everyone will or does see it our way. While this may not be described as blindness on any given topic, it might at least be myopic.

Examining our viewpoints is a worthy practice. Often our perspectives are influenced by distortions, cloudiness, double vision, blurred sight. These common conditions affect how we see everything external and how we internalize much of what we take in. Further, we often are subject to getting only part of the picture. A few years back I suffered a stroke in my left eye, resulting in my having very limited and non correctable vision in that eye. All the work for my taking in what I see is now dependent on my right eye.

Corrections are futile, thus if my impaired vision tries to do the translating of what is in front of me, it may need rechecking or verifying with a closer look or the aid of someone else. Signs are particularly hard to see at certain distances when only having half vision.

One’s viewpoint is influenced by how well we can see, by how our internal makeup translates what we see, by the sharpness or dullness of our ability to see. Periodic checkups are necessary to sharpen our perceptions, to examine our viewpoint, to digest what we take in and how we explain what we see to others. Imagine being blind and having to depend on the rest of your senses for your perception of the world, how would you likely “see” what you “see?” Even sighted people depend on others to help us make out what we absorb with our eyes. All of us require the benefit of other viewpoints to help us take in the world.

Retirement is a Revolving Door

Retirement is a revolving door. No sooner does one have "everything in place," than something comes along to interrupt the flow. Frankly that isn't new nor surprising. That is a definition of life. Expecting total tranquility, hoping to avoid crises and change, harboring illusions about the golden years leaves one ill equipped to be ready for that door to slap you in the face.

So how does one get ready for the revolving door? Here are some clues:

>Serendipity is magical and it is what makes children so fascinating and curious. Adopt the credo of serendipity. Be ready for nothing....be ready for everything.

>Closing doors doesn't mean you must lock them. Keep your options open with friends and adventures, accept invitations, explore trails never travelled. Look under rocks.

>If spending too much time in an easy chair, put it in a room you don't frequent. Permit yourself to be up and about, talke a walk, stop to look around you, stay in touch with the outer world, which is good exercise for your inner soul.

>Hold hands with your spouse or a friend. Feel the warmth and pulse of another. It will remind you how precious every minute is.

>Look for friends in unusual places.

>Continue your membership in the human race, one of the greatest clubs in the world.

>Don't forget to groom your spirit every morning, as you groom your body for the day.

>Be comfortable deciding to take a nap.

>Say a greeting to everyone you meet. It may be the only one some people hear that day.

>Smile and Laugh every chance you get. Some people may think you odd, but let them worry about that.

When the time came for my dear aunt to live in a Care Facility, I asked her what she planned to do every day. Her reply, "Well I think I will probably sleep a lot and love everybody."

Let's choose Winston Churchill's counsel: "Never Give Up!" "Never Give Up!"

What To Do When You Don't Know What To Do!

Begin with making a list. Make a long list. That will take considerable thought and time. Once completed, review the list, determine a priority ranking; eliminate the ones that hold little to no interest. Keep refining the list or not. If not, then begin to assign time lines for the items you will undertake. Now that you have done the basic homework, you will also need to determine what each item on your list will take to accomplish its outcome.

Depending on the nature of the one making the list, this first task can take an inordinate amount of time. For those more impatient, it will move along quickly or be abandoned altogether, and the searcher will have to return to some other method for finding something to do when you don’t know what to do.

One of the things to do when you don’t know what to do is to clean out closets, drawers and other places of careless accumulation. This can take all day or longer, depending on the number of drawers, closets, and storage niches in your home. Be sure to have a waste basket near by.

Discriminate in your sorting. Don’t ever throw away something you might need. Otherwise you will have broken the basic rule of why you kept it in the first place. While this may become an exercise in rearranging instead of disposal, it surely will consume time.

Another enterprise, particularly for men, is to take on the garage. For this a much larger wastebasket will likely be necessary. It will also take longer and likely eventuate in having to remove tons of stuff to another location, a landfill or other suitable spot for such long-time kept treasures that “you were going to need someday.”

A cooperative undertaking could be attacking the attic or basement with similar intent. This will take courage, an agreement on how to avoid conflict over what will be kept and tossed, and a means for getting the stuff up or down the stairs.

If you have an outdoor garden shed, now that it is spring, get it ready for use during the growing season. Or, if its usefulness is well past, tear it down. Wait until an appropriately suitable day, one in which either or both parties is frustrated, angry or out of sorts with the other. The exercise and destruction will enable overcoming those feelings.

Now that you have found ways to create activity usefully, it should be easy to proceed down your list to the other things you so creatively thought up in the initial exercise.

If you give up on your list as you proceed, don’t blame me, I just offer suggestions.

Adjusting to Loss of a Spouse

Among the most difficult of experiences for anyone, particularly senior citizens, is dealing with the death of a spouse.

Relationships created by longevity, mellowed by love, deepened by experience, affirmed through familiarity are virtually irreplaceable. Of course we all know of persons who in their second marriage or so are blissfully happy. Such experiences are to be applauded and appreciated.

But, dealing with the loss of a lifetime spouse, in the neighborhood of 40 or more years, is an enormously difficult life experience. While there are preparations that can be considered, emotionally getting through the pain and heartbreak, grief and sudden loss are experiences requiring enormous resiliency.

A clergy colleague, Bob Deits, authored a very helpful guide a number of years ago titled, “Life After Loss.” While he deals with a variety of life losses, the application of his counsel if very useful for spouses who lose spouses. I commend its reading.

Of course, if a partner is going through an extended illness, that puts a different twist on the whole matter. Sudden loss and loss after a long illness are of two different stripes. This in no way reduces the grief or the separation that death brings. It may enable a different means for adjusting.

Adjusting to loss requires patience with oneself. Occasions of sadness and morose downers will come with frequency. Permission needs to be given for dealing with and getting through such times.

Well meaning friends will want to extend themselves to be helpful. Let them, but don’t allow them to go beyond boundaries which you need for yourself. Some well meaning folk will want to “check up on you” but won’t know what to say. Help them keep their conversations brief. What you need at such a time is understanding, some sympathy, but not interference.

Adjusting to loss is an incredibly earth shaking moment. It is unlike many of the heartbreaks in life, but it is one that eventually, for those who are married, breaks in upon our serene existence. When it does, the need for our own strength of faith, affection from others, and patience with ourselves will need to be called upon.

Effective Strategies for Dealing With Prostate Cancer

The fraternity of men who have or will have prostate cancer can be encouraged to know that there are options available for dealing with it.

Early detection is extremely important to treatment and cure. There is no substitute for getting your PSA checked annually, or more often if you are at risk. Once diagnosed, wise choices about the oncologist you choose, the method for addressing the cancer, and following medical advice meticulously are all essential.

For those who have gone through a severe diagnosis (vs 'it's okay to watch and wait), quick action will be imperative. Delays or waiting to see if it gets better or goes away, are likely life-threatening.

The Don Imus situation is like many and can be viewed with an encouraging eye. There are some IFs which contribute to that, however.

They are:

If you let go of ego and move boldly forward with the goal of preserving your life, your chances improve.

If you act quickly, which means with your doctor’s advice and counsel, you will likely have a more satisfying outcome.

If you are a laggard, then you may need the physician to be very frank with you. Lost days may mean a shortened life. My doctor told me delay would have meant I would have died in my early 70’s of a miserable, painful death.

If members of your family will support, encourage and assist you, you will be in a healthy position going in to whatever treatments will be called for.

If you feel you need more information, counsel, or advice, get it, but hurry.

If you have friends, colleagues who have already gone through it, compare notes, find out their treatment of choice, but be sure when you decide you are comfortable with your own decision.

If you are wise you will try to get a good assessment of what awaits following surgery or your chosen course of treatment.

For those with any hesitance at all, I must warn you this could be literally a question of life and death. I welcome any questions. I am in recovery from radical prostatectomy surgery for now over a year and have no indicators of any recurrence. My PSA is zip! BE aware, there are side affects. Life won’t be perfect, but the marvel of continued living will be.

A Potpourri of Stimulations and Syncopations

Most of what has been written here deals with stimulations and syncopations. An attempt to get us moving, to a new beat, rhythm or step in our daily living. Stepping out of the ruts of our routines can represent a major struggle. Seeing things differently, perceiving life events apart from our usual myopia requires urging and coercing. No matter our self perceived brilliance, we are human beings subject to habit, many of them negative and counter productive to our welfare.

Learning a new beat, a smoother step, listening to and getting the rhythm allows for excursions into wonderlands of fresh adventures. Enter a never before opened door, taken an unexplored path, venture into worlds and places and ideas never previously seen or considered. Stimulation and syncopation comes from the courage to go where you have never been. Ideas are our allies. Learning new words, probing wondrous and never before seen vistas opens up horizons of discovery.

The last several months of Senior Moments have been aimed at looking at a different shape of the box. Ordinary, trite, repetitious conceptualizing is no way to allow one’s mind to reach beyond confined borders. Break down the barricades. Imagine a new way of seeing and hearing and experiencing and embracing a world never before welcomed into your own universe.

Today is variety. Today is serendipity. Today is discovery. Today is pushing the envelope. Today is an eye opener. Today is seeing others for the first time. Today is believing that life can be different and fresh and new. Today is understanding frames of reference in a new context. Today is a new paradigm.

Lacking challenge and motivation, desire and willingness, life can become “same ol, same ol.” Choosing that as the operative means for managing existence works, but it can become awfully boring. Greeting others with the question: “what’s new” may be more challenging than asking “how are you?”

The choices we make every day become the moments of our creativity. The gift of 24 hours allows us to be in a divine position to shape our world for the day ahead.

Read back through some of what we have emphasized in the last 182 columns. Find those that may contribute to your conceiving new shapes and forms of your own being. You are not a marionette destined to repeat the same movements over and over. You are a fresh being, with the ability to breed new concepts and inventions. Choose to plunge into every day ready for new stimulations and syncopations.

Congratulating the Charitable!

For those who emerged out of the 50s, a sure sign that things are going south is that Playboy will not sponsor an All America Weekend, tied to sports, certainly including football. Simultaneously, Mr. Hefner has a mansion on the market, listed for around $26 million.

Sure signs of change are definitely penetrating even the world of glitz, glamour and, the previously worshipped celebrity clientele. Is this good or bad? I suggest it is both. Celebrities in their most shining moments offer enormous support for many serious causes. They grant the use of their names, homes, presence to stimulate interest in and support for children, terminal illnesses, global issues and causes. So, for the hypocritical who take pleasure in the fall of the “great,” perhaps we might consider at what cost to others this comes.

Many well known charities and foundations and causes have been, like all else, struck by what has been called “Father Greed.” Some of the well heeled have continued their mal adventures at the cost and sacrifice and pain of others. Surely, somehow, their payday, or lack of it, will come. While I am not a “vengeance is mine, thus saith the Lord,” I do believe love is the greatest force in the spinning universe and will have its day.

This is a time for goodness and for me and my house we will support and applaud all and any who are trying to rectify evil and root out harm. How persons choose to express their stewardship is up to them. How God chooses to meet those on the plains of heaven is up to God! So before we curse the darkness, let us give thanks for the few who still light candles, who still believe in the goodness of fellow humans, who still find that charity is like faith and hope, but it's still the greatest of all.

A Good Reminder for Growing Old

A book recently published by a friend, “Wake Up, Its Gap Time” provides some good advice for those of us in retirement.

Chapter One caught my attention right away. It is “Aging is not optional, but growing old is.” Martha Madden, author, quotes one of my favorite prayers, which she says she found in the diary of her mother. When I was a pastor, I often distributed it to members of my congregations. It goes like this:

“Lord, you know better than I know myself that I am growing older.

Keep me from getting talkative, and particularly from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every occasion.

Release me from craving to try to straighten out everybody’s affairs.

Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details—give me wings to get to the point.

I ask for grace enough to listen to the tales of others’ pains. Help me to endure them with patience, but seal my lips on my aches and pains—they are increasing and my love of rehearsing them is there.

Keep me reasonably sweet; I do not want to be a saint—some of them are so hard to live with—but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil.

Make me thoughtful, but not moody; helpful, but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all—but thou knowest, Lord, that I want a few friends at the end.”

Thanks, Martha, for reminding us of this eloquent and poignant prayer.

Testing Optimism Again

For a while now, it has been a challenge to be optimistic. Most of the tide has been against us. Alas, is it turning? There are some subtle signs. The signs are surely only ripples so far. But there seem to be some indicators that there may be promise ahead.

The Dow Jones alone won’t give us complete reassurance. The reversing of the fortunes of those guilty in engineering some of the schemes that created the financial disaster suggests that right may prevail. Like acts of random kindness, there are isolated positive indicators. There are still huge storm clouds and ill wind forecasts that don’t make it easy to have a happy go lucky, never mind tomorrow, devil may care attitude.

In any crisis, there is always the need for those who grasp the situation and help the rest of us find our way out of it. There is always that person who contrives methods, ideas, insights, courage and shares them with those who are lookers on. Begin looking around for those who, not out of self interest, but just because they are among us as wise and caring, can help us see the dawning light. They already have.

Guard healthy skepticism, for some, who would act as leaders, are traveling in the proverbial sheep’s clothing.

Remember, in an earthquake one must be vigilant for the aftershocks.

Reduce Risk: Take a Nap!

For those who live in the 48 states affected by Daylight Savings Time, the recent counsel for coping seems to be “Reduce Risk, Take a Nap.” The risk of heart attacks seems to be greater during those periods when sleep habits are affected by “leaping forward” or “falling back.”

Cultural changes have influenced and reduced the average night’s sleep, by as much as an hour and a half. Surely, the interruption of habits in when one goes to bed and gets up has something to do with that. Staying up later to catch a favorite television series or late night news or comedy show affects our hours of rest. Wakefulness, even if sedentary, is not a substitute for a good night’s rest, which is still recommended to be a full 8 hours.

Adolescents who sleep in, principally because they have stayed up so late, are doing what their body demands, getting the sleep they refused it the night before. Adults who rotate work shifts are in a perpetual hamster cage trying to adjust weekly to changes in schedule. Persons with various struggles with insomnia find themselves experimenting with all kinds of sleep aids, often without medical advice.

Like many dietary and exercise issues, the importance of sleep requires careful attention to taking care of yourself. Trying to make up a night’s sleep, or more, is like trying to recover what has been lost in the stock market. Anxiety, worry, distraction are all impediments to sleep. Establishing routines and patterns for restful sleep depends upon the individual and household. Examining those habits which may detract from adequate restfulness and sleep is a very good idea.

But, the best practical solution to all of this seems to be “Reduce Risk, Take a Nap!”

Where Will I Live Next?

Careful consideration goes into housing accommodations for seniors. There are several levels to be examined. As long as independent living is a realistic possibility, that is obviously the first choice. Even, with independent living, however, there are considerations having to do with care and keeping of property that may challenge physical ability.

So long as one can live in his/her/their own home and has ample assistance, as needed, can assure others of the ability to be safe to take on tasks judiciously that deserves to be the choice. Emotionally and psychologically being in one’s own home offers peace of mind and satisfaction. When the issue becomes one of safety and adequate day to day care, then examining other options becomes necessary. Reality checks may need to be frequent and they always need to be candid and honest.

There may be efforts on the part of the aging person to “hide” evidence of inability to live alone. Usually there will be hints that give away lack of care of the house, kitchen area, bath rooms, etc. If hygiene seems compromised, its time to talk; if there are throw rugs throughout the house which could contribute to falling, its time to move them; if there are appliances which could start fires, they need to be put away; if there are problems with vision, a serious visit to an ophthalmologist needs to be scheduled. If “fear of falling” is a consideration, a ‘call for help” button worn around the neck may be a good idea.

The matter of moving from one domicile to another is among the toughest of issues for the aging. It does not get any easier as each year passes. Even if decisions and agreements have been reached, dementia may interfere with acting out those previous understandings.

When the time comes, however that is determined, the following questions need to have been raised and honestly appraised.

*Are daily care needs such as to require assistance?

*Is there a facility, conveniently located, that will serve the family well?

*Have cost issues been resolved?

*Has a complete physical been done?

*Can regular visits be arranged for by family members?

*Depending on the care receiver’s ability to understand, has the new arrangement been explained?

*Is there comfort with the care givers in the new environment?

*If the facility offers independent living, is that an option?

*If assisted care is the only option, have family members reviewed the operations and licensing issues surrounding the facility?

These are among the larger issues requiring resolution. Hopefully, that resolution will be achieved in the best self interest of all involved.