How Much Do You Love Your Kids?

Assuming you have kids, whatever their age, how much do you love them? How do you demonstrate care, affection, sensitivity to their needs? How do you let them know that they are unconditionally loved and for always in your favor? How do you go about reaching out to them with invitations which offer them your time, your support, your attentiveness?

This column has addressed how senior citizens may go about expressing affection to and for your spouse. Now comes the rest of the family. Clearly, alienation occurs in some families. Clearly, there are times and moments and situations in which division creates a sad chasm. But, adults can find ways to bridge those times. Forgiveness is a quality seniors can teach their juniors and elders can learn from their mistakes.

Special occasions need to be conducted often enough to bring the family together. More importantly, spontaneous occasions offer the occasion for spontaneous interaction. Living in the same community, as many unfortunately do not, provides for those opportunities of dropping in or having evening meal togethers with some frequency.

The good news for people who have the option and availability for visiting, then will be able to do so just to “enjoy” each other. No agendas, no troublesome problem solving occasions, just plain, ordinary good times.

For those living far apart, this means making the occasions for getting together to have all the icing on the cake that the cake will take. Be sure that when the visit is “home” for the kids, the time there meets their needs and desires.

Time lost is guilt gained. Making the time count with children and grandchildren is one of the ways to be productive in retirement. Seniors often complain of loneliness, but do little to find creative ways to overcome it. Retirees can make a project of having their children and grandchildren come to visit or meet in neutral places, none has experienced before. Because the senior has more time available the responsibility for travel time may best fall on them, health permitting. One warning: don’t overstay! Two warnings: don’t expect to be waited upon and don’t create tension around your habits and needs!

Loving your children is one of the greatest opportunities and past times available to parents and grandparents. Do so with a genuine expression and desire to be with each other. Everyone will blossom no matter when the visits occur.

Coping With the I Don't Wannas

Retirees are subject to the “I don’t wannas” with some regularity. Retirement will do that to you. In fact, I have it today. I just don’t wanna do anything. This condition, if temporary, can be nothing to worry about. Taking a day or a few off from regular routines can be, like a vacation, without going anywhere.

I recommend it. Just don’t allow it to become chronic.

Change is Like a Four Letter Word

Morning routines help set up the day for senior citizens. We start with either radical enthusiasm or slowly and deliberately as we examine the day and the body we bring to it. If you are a consumer of news via newspapers left on your front porch, the Internet, or television cable, your day may need more inspiration because of all the information.

Whatever else comprises the morning routine, eventually facing the changes the day brings will be necessary. Escaping the realities of the changes, occurring just over the past 24 hours, is an impossibility. There is, no longer, an escape route. Change is wherever you are and it seeps into your life and influences your routine, at least eventually.

Right now, the enormous changes occurring in the economic structures of our world are particularly intimidating to the senior citizen. One of the basic needs of the senior is stability. Change interferes with that, or seems to. Because of the nature of the economic tsunami, everything else seems to be affected.

Change, then, which we have always thought moved toward the progressive and the good, now creates whole blocks of ambiguity.

The truth is, like it or not, life has always been fraught with its unpredictability. Perhaps the difference is in volume and frequency, but it has always required our resiliency. It does no good to curse the darkness! Day will come, perhaps not as soon as we would like, perhaps not with all the satisfactions we seek. Meeting it with four letter words because it does not meet our standards will not open radical new dimensions to our level of living. Awakening to the new adventures and possibilities and creativities available at the dawn of every day will give promise to the use of the 1440 minutes set before you.

When it feels as if Change is a four letter, perhaps a brief contemplation of life without change would be in order.

Green Ideas for Gray Hairs

The roar from the naysayers seems to have died down. More and more senior citizens across the world, notwithstanding the holdout by the U.S. over the last 8 years, are turning to an enhanced awareness of Going Green. It’s about time. A lifespan of 50 or more years should result in some cause and effect conclusions.

Having awakened to the scientific, environmental, sociological contributors to our world, both tiny and great, it is now our turn to demonstrate some of the information which is daily being pumped into the mainstream.

Yet, there are still those who continue in denial. There are those who are afraid some minor adjustment in life style will create such major adjustments that they blithely ignore the fundamental realities of our global condition.

Some suggestions:

*Start reading. Read anything you can get your hands on, eyes glued to, that will offer you insights into the state of being of the world today. National Geographic and Discovery Channels are among the best cable and satellite offerings. Beyond that, Google “environment,” “warming,” “extinction,” etc for a search that will lead you into helpful and incisive information.

*Engage in conversations with others. Identify persons who have already begun exploring outside the box.

*If you have children or grandchildren, discuss with them their insights. Get ready for a real wake up call.

*Find out what your Carbon footprint is and do something about it.

*Explore conscientious ways to help alert others in your circle, neighborhood, etc.

*Talk to local authorities about what is going on in your area to be more sensitive to going green. Start a movement within your realm of influence to awaken persons to doing what they can to contribute to solutions.

*Join Wilderness Society and other organizations which work diligently at addressing more serious and direct issues affecting wildlife. Also give the Conservation organization a look.

*If your only opinion is an uniformed opinion, limit sharing your opinion until you have brought yourself up to speed, but watch your speed, because that contributes to pollution as well!

Retirement: A Good Time to Discover What You Don't Need

The economic downturn isn’t the only reason that the list of former necessities has been radically altered.

What once was a “must have” has no appeal any longer. The desire to stroll through a mall, just to browse and be tempted is a much less frequent exercise. Seeing things and wanting them with a passion has about dropped off the scale. Is this a post 70 phenomenon?

There were times shopping was a favorite past time. No more. Just having the stamina to walk thorough some of these Big Box stores is exercise that can be enjoyed in other ways.

Discovering what I don’t need is a refreshing new experience. Not having so much discretionary money to buy them prompts the situation to be sure. But, just discovering the stuff unnecessary to comfortable living really puts you in charge.

Part of the discovery comes when trying to determine usefulness, where will the item be placed, how long will it be “something I couldn’t live without,” if I find I don’t need it, what will I do with it?

This is a rather good check list for deciding whether to buy or not. This is an appropriate methodology for men who wander into hardware stores and women into shoe shops.

Ego remains important to most, no matter the age. But buying stuff to impress others is a weakness not a strength of ego.

Deciding what I don’t need means having a pretty good idea what I do need. Making trips of discovery, just to browse, is a substitute for better hobbies. Making trips to get a specific item, required for a specific reason, is a noteworthy exception.

Think carefully about the difference between needs and wants. Today offers a new opportunity to develop the discipline of prudence and overcome prodigal behavior.
Your life will be less cluttered, your time can be better spent, your resources more wisely invested.

An Ecclesiastical Tragedy

Much of the time this column deals with the everyday and mundane. On some occasions, it becomes necessary to go beyond the ordinary stuff of daily life in order to examine some of the earthshaking events and moments that affect us. This is one of those times.

One week ago, a clergy colleague, whom I have known for 44 years, committed suicide. Little is known about the circumstances. Those who knew him are in mourning and shock over the sudden ending of his life. We are commonly in deep sympathy with his family. We are mystified and shaken.

The experience of suicide is always an emotional earthquake for those who remain. The “why” haunts us for a long time.

In the case of a minister, retired, it is all the more troubling. Of course, clergy are like the rest of the human species. They are beset by their own complexities and dark side. Those who expect more of clergy need to exercise expecting more of themselves.

Rushing to judgment is never a helpful participation in the process. Grieving comes and needs its reinforcement and allowance by those who are intimate to the experience.

Our colleague made his mark professionally, personally, profoundly on hundreds and more. His articulate wisdom was passed along over and again. His spiritual insights assisted many in their own struggles. His reputation was spread far and wide. He had, by all accounts, a stellar career. None of that can be taken away. To allow that to be so would be a travesty added to the tragedy.

Those whose lives intertwined with our friend were gifted to have known and worked with him. There were times of disagreement and opposition over one or another temporal issue. That is long past. What is present is our affection and indelible memory of a man we respected and admired.

Marital Harmony in Retirement

A wonderful Sampler hangs on one of our walls. It is picture of senior citizens in their rocking chairs, he is smoking his pipe, she is knitting. The embroidered caption reads: “Retirement, Half as Much Money, Twice as Much Husband.”

Retirees often complain that the worst part of retirement is having so much time with your spouse. Previous experience had allowed for separation, time apart, independent experiences. Retirement, for some, seems to change all that. Although when we lived in a retirement community, I knew couples who didn’t see each other all day. They found individual distractions that offered them time apart.

The secret to Martial Harmony surrounds a variety of choices and intentional decisions. If one or another of the partnership becomes co-dependent on the other too soon, in retirement, the relationship will likely undergo some serious tension.

Look at these suggestions:

*Choose intentional times to be together. Perhaps, you enjoy breakfast and maybe a walk together each morning. During this time, share your plans for the day. Indicate when you will be back together.

*Make plans to be together to run errands, shop, go to appointments. This is a particularly supportive way to share time and to be helpful to the other.

*If you do enjoy doing some things together, identify what they are and do them.

*Make dates. Choose times to go out together, alone or with friends. Make such occasions special.

*Identify projects you can do together.

*Be sure to include time to keep up with what each other is doing. Show interest in each other’s activities.

*If one spouse is continuing to work, even part time, show support for that choice.

*Keep in touch during the day. Cell phones are helpful to be sure all is well with the other. Don’t be a pest. Just check in.

*Don’t forget to express affection frequently. Growing out of that practice will spoil a good thing.

*Identify things you like to do together. Do them, but don’t exclude your own times and needs to be with others.

Allow yourself some quiet time, together. Harmony for senior citizens does not mean being in each other’s face 24/7. It does mean identifying authentic ways to share life in retirement.

Finding Money in the Middle of a Recession

Most everyone, especially the senior citizen, is in search of extra money these days. There seems to be a dearth of opportunities for finding it. In addition to the suggestions I made in my September 9 post, here are some more hidden pockets from which one can extract a few shekels.

*Just how many satellite boxes do you need? Each month you are charged for each of the cable or satellite boxes in your home. Are you using them with enough frequency to justify the expense?

*How many errands do you run in a week? How many can you eliminate? Even with gas at lower prices, a good discipline is to reduce those trips to the essential ones.

*Do you take clothes to the Cleaners? Are you being taken to the cleaners? Have you explored using your own dryer as your Cleaners?

*What have you done about reducing electricity use? Inventory how many lights, appliances, etc are being used in the course of a day and night. Practice turning them off, when you pass by them.

*How many subscriptions are you receiving? How many monthly obligations have you committed to? Can you eliminate any of them?

*How many vehicles do you own? Can you put one in storage (in your own garage) and reduce its use, licensing fees, insurance, and overhead?

*Are you paying for a storage facility? Why?

*Do you hire maintenance assistance for your lawn, home, pool, etc.? Can you do any of that yourself? Think of the exercise and the savings for motivation.

*Coupons are more popular today. Are you taking advantage of their availability?

*How much are you spending on out of home dining, recreation, etc.? What would it do to your situation to pare down eating out and so on?

*Are you spending money on books? Remember your local library provides books in all genres for free?

*How about your insurance policies? Have you examined your coverage, your deductibles, with an eye to reducing premiums?

*Are you donating everything you can (like the stuff in storage) which will give you a tax advantage for charitable deductions next year?

*Are you gifting family and friends less on holidays and other occasions to reduce the costs? They will love you anyway, if you just remember them on their day. By the way, some of the stuff you have in your own home, crystal, collected items, etc., can make wonderful gifts. Give it away now and reduce the clutter.

*Can you discipline yourself to eliminate impulse buying whether in the grocery or department store or by ordering things on line?

*These are some of the ideas which may spur others. Hidden money is there if you are willing to search!

Death is Not My Next Goal!

Aging is a phenomenon which introduces all kinds of subjects and issues we would rather leave alone. As a retired pastor, I have found great and timid reluctance on the part of many senior citizens (and others) to broach the subject of death, being ready for it, making necessary practical plans and decisions and even admitting to its very likelihood.

Death, however, will happen to each of us, whether we admit, like it, deal with it or not. Thus, the question, why the hesitance? Discussing death does not speed its coming, nor prevent its happening.

Recent studies have shown that in the United States male longevity for a 70 year old male today will likely extend to 83.2 years. A female, aged 70, will likely live to 85.8. These statistics come from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention.

Depending on where you are on that scale, the news may be either good or not so good. There is a story making the rounds of a person who said, “I wouldn’t want to live to be 90,” to which his listening friend allowed: “You must not be 89.”

Dear Seniors, do not make Death your next goal, but remember, Denial is not a river in Egypt. There is room for some in-between choices here, in-between denial and talking openly and comfortably about death. If you don’t talk about it, or if you try to ignore its reality, you just create more problems. You make it something like the huge elephant in the room. Something unknown that is to be feared. It’s not an elephant… it’s just death, something that will happen to each of us. And talking about it doesn’t make it happen sooner. Most of us simply are not in control of when or how we die.

In order for Death to be removed from your list of life goals, it is not necessary to pretend it isn’t going to happen to you.

In addition to the practical issues of seeing a doctor and participating in appropriate care disciplines, there are other dynamics surrounding the “D” issue that need our attention.

1. Spend time with your significant other and/or family looking at the issues surrounding death and how they will be managed as necessity and wise assessment of conditions indicate.

2. Lay it all out. Do not skirt issues. Be courageous in opening those matters about which some will find discomfort and even embarrassment. Dealing with it now is better than delaying. Delay will create considerably more discomfort and likely more disagreement within the family.

3. Go so far as to talk about what a memorial or funeral service would look like. Put it down in a record. Date it. Change it if necessary.

4. Open up issues like traditional burial or cremation and scattering of ashes. Deal with economic issues.

5. If more comfortable, invite a professional, a pastor or other who would not impose judgment, but allow for wide ranging issues to be exposed and addressed.

6. Maybe, make a group list of the issues that really would be helpful to discuss. Have Kleenex handy for those who will, naturally, have some emotional moments.

7. If/when some anecdotal stories are told, have someone write them down for recall when the time comes for a celebration of life.

8. While death is not our next goal, this exercise will begin to put it in its place.

Remember the maximum life expectancy in Sweden in the 1860’s was 101. It is now 108. And, by the way, 70% of the increase is attributed to death rates above 70. Given optimal genes and good medical care, no one, so far, has lived beyond 123. The good news is you and I have about a 1 in 2 billion chance to live to 120.

Death is not a goal, There is an old song which Virginia slaves used to sing at funerals: “Come down, death, right easy.” Let that be our song.

Incremental Retirement: Is it for You?

This column is dedicated to those of my friends who just won’t retire. They are ambitiously alive. They stay busy. They love what they do. They are not putting off retirement because of economic issues. They either own their business or are in a situation in which their business gives them so much permission that the business can do quite well without them. That is, of course, a fortunate place to be.

They are in, what I would label, incremental retirement. They are doing it in stages. For the most part, they don’t keep rigid or strict hours. They are fully aware of what’s going on in their business, but they don’t obsess over it. One of my dearest friends is, at 70, building a new office and expanding his business. It is not to “make more money” for himself. He gives it all away to his family and causes he believes in.

Another of my friends travels a great deal, sometime in a humongous motor home. He is quite well off, but he chases around Texas doing what he does for his business.

Still another is a retired judge, but still a practicing lawyer. He and his spouse spend enormous time enjoying themselves with frequent travel forays and maintain an elegant antebellum home in East Texas. When home, he still keeps a busy roster of clients.

Incremental Retirement, whether continuing to pursue business or professional interests, is a healthy way to retire. It doesn’t have to happen all at once. One need not surrender the things of ones previous life all at once. Keeping up with events and excitement in ones “career” world is a healthy way to stimulate body, mind and soul.

Incremental Retirement means you may do it on your own terms. You can plan to have a 3 month hiatus, while the wheels keep turning. You can generate new excitement and energy for living. You can even expand your career interests in ways that will provide further for family, charity, a foundation, and a life of absolute satisfaction.

So, look at Incremental Retirement, if you are fortunate like these, which may round out your life in enormously gratifying ways.

The "I" in Internet

Some over 70, more over 80 and likely even more over 90 are computer illiterate. This is not a callous judgment. It just is. However, on the surprising side there are some over 100 who have chosen to learn to use a computer and become familiar with the Internet.

The I in Internet has less to do with illiteracy than it does a whole lot of other I’s that show up around getting acquainted with this phenomenon of technological miracles. As in the case of television, it is fitted for both good and evil, productivity and wasting time, good and bad entertainment, information, and a never ending stream of news.

But, there are other I’s in Internet. These are some:

Internet I # 1: Interruption. You are in the middle of some important document or important piece you have discovered on the Internet when suddenly you are interrupted by a pop up which tells you someone wants to talk with you, has sent you an email, there is an urgent message in your inbox, etc. This is when, as with the phone or an intruder at your door, you need to exercise restraint. Internet does not relieve you of control. Maintain it. Whatever it is, it can wait!.

Internet I # 2: Idea. One of the absolute marvels of the Internet is the multitude of ideas contained within it, literally at our fingertips. To think all Charles Dickens had was a quill pen, a bottle of ink, and paper. We have anything we want 24/7, including phrases and jargon Charles Dickens never considered.

Internet I #3: Inspiration. While inspiration bubbles up from all kinds of sources, the Internet is a daily horn of plenty. While you were sleeping last night, someone came up with some utterly outlandish inspirations that today can make your life more exciting, revved up and ready to go. Whether its educational, spiritual philosophical, socio-political, mathematical, ad infinitum, it is out here in this wonderful universe of cyber space waiting to be uncovered, discovered, recovered, perhaps at last covered over with even another inspiration yet.

Internet I # 4: Intimate. If you are alone or lonely, it is even possible to strike up meaningful acquaintances around the world. Prudence and boundaries may be two disciplines that need to be called upon in this pursuit, but the exchange is really up to you.

Internet I # 5: Introduction. You may be invited to explore beyond your imagination all kinds of subjects, finding the introductions in almost hidden and subtly lurking in searches, sites and scenes your eyes pick up on.

Internet I # 6: Inundation. Some further discipline may be required lest the Internet begin to tempt you into addiction. To be overwhelmed is a lurking danger which may pull you away from other necessary healthy and real interactions.

Must I Like All My Relatives?

Relatively speaking, there are just some relatives that don’t shake it for me. Frankly, I have enjoyed being an only child for that reason, fewer cousins and such to cope with, less gifts to buy for holidays and birthdays, infrequent phone calls and emails to answer.

There are just some relatives for whom I edit the Jewish prayer to say: “May the Lord bless and keep them far away from us!” Just because of blood lines, long ago forgotten Thanksgivings and Christmases spent together, occasional weddings or baptisms or graduations invited to or attended, does not mean that my need to be a part of all the ongoing things in their lives remains a high priority. Some will call this blasphemy! I welcome it. The artificial carryings on at reunions and such are usually boring in the extreme. Call me Scrooge if you like. I call it honesty.

When someone, particularly someone older, dies in the family, the oft repeated remark, “why we haven’t seen each other since the last funeral” says a lot.

If laden with guilt requiring a response to a relative’s epistle or invitation or chatty gossip report, there is something one can do: Ignore it!

For those whose advice is to just “suck it up,” I remind that the method I choose is “sucking it up!” Doesn’t someone have to be the prodigal in the family?

To those who require an analysis of these feelings, I say “it is really none of your business.” There are stories and experiences, all capable of forgiveness and forgetfulness, but better left unrehearsed. If there aren’t skeletons in your closet, I’d like to know how you have kept such a clean closet.

To others, who say “forgive and move on,” I say forgiveness has nothing to do with it. If you don’t care for your neighbors, how much time have you spent forgiving and apologizing (for who knows what) and then moving along. I move along quite well without such rituals.

And for those who can’t stand the guilt, then obviously you have to work out whatever needs working out. If it is a miraculous conception or a total deception, please let us know. There may be some hope for us yet!

Feeling Your Best Everyday

From the commercials on television, it would appear that feeling well is instantly available. All it takes is this pain reliever, that shampoo or conditioner, this facial cream or that hair restorer, this exercise program or that diet, this insurance or that, this tax lawyer or that, this automobile or that sleek model, this exercise machine or that, and so it goes! Every actor who appears in any of these “true” ads is always shown with white teeth glistening, smile pasted, happy go lucky demeanor.

While some of the advertised products may contribute to happiness, none of these make for happiness alone. Independent of your attitude about the wholeness of life and the fullness of your life orientation, none of these products is anything more than a box or a bottle on the shelf.

Searches for magic cures, elixirs, gadgets and gimmicks may be tempting, but often lack any ingredient to contribute to overall improvement. That begins with our own choices, disciplines, understanding of our needs, and addressing those needs with more than a self help book or CD.

Take it from one who went through radical surgery for removal of the prostate. My perception was that within a few weeks I would be well recovered. What with all the means for recovery available, I just knew I would be back to my old self in no time.
It is now more than a year later and my body, not to mention my mind, is still adjusting.

The latest result came when my weight gain took a spectacular ride on the up elevator. I thought when I stepped on the scales it would top out at max. Now, I am having to diet, for the first time in my life. No gimmicks, just an understanding, proficient spouse who is planning good, healthy meals and insisting I exercise.

Feeling your best everyday takes work. Maybe there are some Zippity Do Dah days for some, but for most, days are intermixed with various emotions, dynamics, feelings and physical highs and lows.

Addressing those with aplomb, finding a daily rainbow, sharing happiness with whomever you encounter are among the ways one feels one’s best everyday. I find the more I whistle, the happier I am. I know that if I start with an up attitude, my down syndrome will be nudged out. So here we are, another new day in which you can feel your best. How about that? Isn’t that better than searching for something out there that is really in here, inside your heart and spirit and body and soul?

I can’t give you a money back guarantee, excluding shipping and handling, but I can tell you that if you try this for one day, you will get the offer doubled overnight!

Bad Habits of the Aging

Some ask how I come up with the topics that appear here. Some of them come directly from personal experience, observation, interaction, dialogue, and a lifetime of making my own grand mistakes.

Today’s topic is a combination of all of the above. It is a recognition that aging doesn’t mean we stop making poor or bad choices, it just means we may be aware of them more quickly. Aging also requires attempting to overcome them with alacrity, because the longer we practice bad habits the more likely their effect will be seriously negative.

Here are some of the habits and related commentary:

Poor diet: Obesity is one of the most serious of today’s epidemics. Poor diet, not just eating too much, contributes heavily (excuse the pun) to that. Living alone is a frequent excuse for easy and unhealthy dietary practices.

Being Alone: If you are single, too much time spent alone can be a bad habit. Social interaction often leads to a healthier, more productive frame of mind. Endorphins need stimulation.

Watching TV: Keeping the television on for company does not count as social interaction, even if you talk back to the TV.

Too Little Exercise: Not having an exercise regimen of some kind and frequency is one of the easiest bad habits to develop. It is easy to put off, to claim an ache or pain that prevents exercise, blame it on the weather, ad nauseum.

Becoming a Grumbler: Having a negative remark to go with everything seen or read is another big turnoff. Once this habit is in place, it usually done in all settings. Grumblers, by definition, are not pleasant to spend time with.

Drinking Excessively: Like so many habits, drinking is often a crutch. One drink leads to another with the hope that some exhilaration will follow the elixir. Actually, what happens is that the exhilaration most often leads to a deadening of the nerve ends and a stupor (is that from stupid?) takes over.

These are a few of the bad habits of aging to be on the look out for and against. There may have been a way to end that sentence with a preposition, just as there is a way to change our bad habits by being alert to how they damage our lives and living.

My Big Day is Wednesday

Before Branson became BRANSON, we were visiting nearby in Bella Vista, Arkansas. At that time we owned property which we had bought for retirement. (I will warn you about such purchases in a future article.) We had slipped over to Branson on one of those wonderful afternoon outings that was supposed to be perfect for golfing. There was ice and snow. We decided to hazard the trip to ward off boredom. It was a good choice.

Our friends had retired in Iowa. He had owned a Coast to Coast Store in a small Iowa town, had done well and chose to move to Branson, Missouri, on the lake. I remind you this was pre-Opryland style Branson.

The couple, our friends, enjoyed a panoramic view of the lake, lived in a modest, but very nice home, and felt that the weather there, for the most part, our day’s visit notwithstanding, was superior to Iowa winters.

Of course, while there, we fell to talking about their daily routine. I would tell you their name is “Settle.” I think that may tell us a lot.

When I inquired of Don (Mr. Settle), how he spent his days, his reply was classic. This is a man who had managed his own store for years, had been active in the community, was in good health and not ready to “call it a day.”

My question was: “could you give me a description of your week’s activities?” His reply was utterly classic.

“Jerry,” said he,” my week goes like this,” whereupon he launched into a day by day minute description of his time spent, energy used, anticipations expended of a one week period in his idyllic location on the lake in Branson, Missouri.

He said that on “Mondays, I have to rest up from having gone to church on Sunday. Tuesdays are busier because the grocery ads come out and we spend our mornings making up our shopping list. Wednesdays, now that’s the big one. We get up early, get into town, run errands, buy groceries and finish up at Jolly Café for a hamburger. Thursdays is another rest day from our big trip to town. Fridays, well that’s the day before the weekend, so we get all ready for the weekend. Saturdays are spent preparing to go to church on Sunday and Sunday, we go to our church. Then, all of a sudden, why its Monday again.”

I hope Don Settle knows how much fun I've had with his story over the years!

Finding What I Want When I Want It!

From among all the topics available to assist Seniors, how does one go about finding the very thing that may be most useful and helpful in a given situation?

Search engines are the normal means for seeking out the treasure you seek. They are filled with one line hints, topics, links, ideas, and so on for your getting from your need to your desired result.

The best way I have found is to enter one or two words which pertain to my search. For example, Senior Moments is my column, a part of my blog which is related to Senior Citizen Journal. Hints for finding such a blog can begin with a simple “senior living,” or “senior issues” or “senior helps,” or “senior citizen topics,” or “helps for seniors,” or “retirement living” and the list can go on and out into any direction you may want to take it.

Patience, persistence and targeted topics are the keys to finding what may be helpful in your situation. Once found, place your result in “My Favorites,” for easy retrieval. Much of the traffic, that goes to any particular site and develops a loyalty to it, comes about just as the result of folk who look around. Some of it comes from referrals of someone who has found it and believes it may be stimulating to someone they know.
In any event, a site worth its salt will eventually generate traffic worthy of its presence.

It is verboten to do self promotion here. This article attempts to introduce curious seniors to “seek and find.” You may be surprised just how much there is of worth, inspiration, knowledge, free advice, humor, hints, great ideas, short cuts, virtual courses on various subjects, and so on. Seniors today are among a generation that can be free of boredom, can continue to learn, can open up new vistas of opportunity and activity. It is a literal Aladdin’s Lamp, perhaps, unless treated respectfully, a Pandora’s Box. In any event it is here and available now for our use and offers expansion of the mind, inspiration of the spirit, counsel for the body, and social interaction with people all over the world.

Start your engines, you will be surprised at the destinations you will reach!

Emergency Preparedness and Response Planning

In an emergency are you prepared with a response plan?

Emergencies, like accidents, are unpredictable. They slip up on us when we have little awareness of their sneaky ways. Emergencies are the kind of thing that preparation seems almost an oxymoron. However, for seniors it is all the more critical to make ready for the possibility of something going wrong. This isn’t negative thinking, it is preparatory planning.

Let’s test that idea. When traveling by car, do you make preparations making sure your automobile is up for the trip? Do you have the tire pressure checked, make sure the fluids are all at appropriate levels, look at the tire wear to determine necessary replacement, check the trunk for an emergency kit, determine if the spare is usable, take the vehicle to the garage to check out all warning lights, if any are indicating a problem. Do you have a cell phone? Have you considered getting one?

Have you left information with someone about your trip plans and the routes you will be taking? Have you let someone know when your estimated times of arrival will be? What about your return date?

In your home, have you made preparations for its security and safety in your absence? Have you checked all the locks throughout the house; do you have an alarm system; is someone ready to receive emergency calls in your absence; do you have light timers set throughout the house; has someone been designated to keep papers picked up, mail box emptied; have you closed draperies or other window coverings; will someone take care of your lawn or sidewalks and driveways in your absence? Leaving home is more than just loading the car and locking the front door behind you. Have you left numbers so that you can be reached if necessary?

On the trip, do you have numbers on your person of significant persons to be notified in the event of an unexpected emergency? Are there medical instructions, easily located, if needed? Will your partner know what to do if an emergency occurs? Will you?

Have you packed sufficient medications for your use while away? Do you have refill prescriptions, if needed?

Of course, you are most likely more often at home than on the road. Home is, after all, where most accidents occur. Preparing your home and yourself to head off the possibility of a fall, a quick need for EMT services, a plan in the event of smoke or fire
occurrence, an unexpected kitchen surprise, a water break, a bathtub accident, a trip over an intrusive rug, an electric shock, a sudden burn, your list may carry even more possibilities.

Developing a plan for response is essential. If you are alone, what are your options? If you are living with a partner, how do you get their attention? If you live in a large house with a large exterior to care for, what would be your means for getting attention, if you needed it? We haven’t even covered outdoor yard maintenance and all the accidents that lurk in garages, in the use of machinery, etc.

The point is developing a plan. Your situation will have its own peculiar issues to address. The important thing is having a plan and having persons who know you and watch out for you, know your address, phone number, other critical and helpful information in an emergency!

Volunteer Your Way Out of Depression

A recent John Hopkins study gives strong support to volunteering, particularly to those over 70. Such studies are worth considering and taking seriously.

Boredom and sedentary habits are the curse of seniors, particularly those who are retired. Activity requires a persistent willingness to search out meaningful ways to spend one’s days. Persons who live alone are particularly vulnerable. Losing one’s spouse is a sure way to fall into the pit of depression. Having alternative means for exercise, mental stimulation, involvement with other people, keeping up a good diet, getting out of the house, creating methods for interaction even with people you don’t know are all essential agendas for the aging.

Why? For starters, longevity is a very likely result. If you want to live longer find ways to volunteer. Find ways to engage, to develop regular social intercourse with others. It may be working in a volunteer agency, delivering meals on wheels, associating with a library, a botanical garden, a tourist site, a program like the Salvation Army or Goodwill, or Thrift Store, a local hospital or nursing home, a Food Bank or social service agency, a children’s project, a playground monitor, Habitat for Humanity, the Red Cross.

If these are not enough suggestions, search your own area for ways to invest your time, energy and personality in order to extend your life.

Take your time to give your time and more time may be the reward!

Hidden Family Treasures

It is difficult to say from among the number of very special human beings who are a part of my life which is the most important! Aren’t we glad we don’t have to make that choice?

Spouses, children, parents, siblings, extended family, grandchildren, great grandchildren, significant others, etc and on and on, each and all play a special part in our lives. Their particular, special and peculiar contributions are immeasurable. They are treasures, hidden within our hearts, and gifts that unfold over and over in our living.

And the list is not even complete. We are blessed with in-laws and 2nd and 3rd cousins, uncles and nephews and nieces and favorite aunts, grannys only vaguely remembered and grampas who help us connect with the past. Beyond that are those we haven’t even discovered yet. And beyond that are those we haven’t seen in years.

As we age we discover that family has its marvelous hidden secrets and incredible treasures tucked away in the leaves of some favorite book or buried in an antique trunk, or written on the pages of a family Bible. There also may be antiques, paintings, photos, or other mementos with notes attached telling of some great family moment.

There are so many of such mementos scattered around our house that it could be a walking museum or offer chapters of the history of our family and dear ancestors. A wallet, carried in the Civil War, by my great grandfather, a shaving mug owned and well used by my grandfather, knives collected by my father, a charcoal painting of my maternal great grandfather, shotguns belonging to my grandfathers, toys from my maternal grandfather and my favorite great aunt on my spouse’s side, spectacles, change purses, the memorabilia is virtually endless. Valuable? Who knows? Special? Absolutely!

All of this serves as a connection which has brought and gives life meaning. Some of it may be only short term memories, others of it may serve to conjure up affection and tears and lasting treasures of experience that helped make you the person you are. All of it serves as ingredients of your life, its particularity, its uniqueness, its wonder. All of it helps to make up you!

Spend time in reflection now and then over those who have and continue to give you gifts of what helped make you you. They deserve your gratitude and refection. They weren’t wasting time when they offered you a part of them. They were showing you something about life and its wonders. Wonder now how they knew you would find so much in what they were willing to share!

Did You See That Game?

Did you see that game? There were some excellent moments of genuinely professional coaching and play. Except for the commercials, the overall event was stimulating. With all the pre-game hype about the commercials, you would think the game is played for the commercials. And now we find some of the commercials were paid for with bail out money. When does the stench of greed and indifference to the average tax payer finally go away?

Today is Ground Hog day and the shadow has been seen. For those who have had enough winter, brace yourselves for more.

Struggles in the Senate suggest the Bail Out package may run into trouble today.

Forecasts indicate that more job losses are in the wings.

Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?

So with all of that, how do we prepare ourselves for the bad news that just keeps seeping out of the most ordinary events of our lives? How do we cope with the terrible news that floods so many? How do we wake ourselves from this bad dream that keeps repeating itself night after night?

It would be nice if watching a game would make all the other insults of living go away. It would be encouraging if some escapes, such as sports, would serve that purpose for longer than a few hours. Entertainment, no matter its genre, is like a medication for pain, it doesn’t last long.

Wouldn’t it be good if someone would find a permanent cure for bad news?

Some say religion or faith offers such an elixir. Others recommend meditation and exercise. Others look for it in all kinds of distractions.

Whatever the source or course you take, if it works for you, it works! The rest of us who still search may find our solution in the search itself.